Recap: Renate (Austria) wakes up late, discovers the Prince (Switzerland) is looking for her, and her stepmother (Germania) locks her in the attic for stealing her money. Oh yeah, and Britannia Angel pops up out of nowhere. Yay!
High Standards: A Hetalicized Cinderella Story
Chapter Nine: Iggity Bippity Boo
Renate screamed, falling off of the box pile, which tumbled loudly with her. She gracefully recovered, brushing off the dust as she stood up and acted like nothing happened. Britannia Angel covered his ears.
"Stop screaming, for God's sake. You're making my head hurt more than it already does."
He fluttered down, the white wings attached to his back moving daintily as he landed. She could now see just how bloodshot his eyes were.
"There's a question I've been meaning to ask, but since I was in such a rush the other day I never had the chance." Renate began, fixated by the tiny white wings. How could they possibly support a man of his size?
"Oh, um… alright. Go ahead and ask away."
He waved his wand in the air before tapping the open palm of his left hand. With a poof of white smoke, a glass of water and two pills appeared.
"Do you do children's parties?" *
Britannia Angel spat out his water.
"Excuse me?"
"You are excused. What I mean is, have you ever considered doing your magic act thing for children's parties? You would be really good at it, provided you curb the alcohol use, of course."
"Hey, I can bloody well do what I want on Friday nights… or mornings. And why the hell does everyone think I should work at children's parties?"
Without missing a beat, Renate answered.
"The eyebrows. Those things would captivate even the most unruly child."
In the next instant, his face turned beet red, and he rose steadily higher in the air as his wings beat faster.
"Sod off! You can just sod off, for all I care! I'm only trying to do the nice gentlemanly thing of helping you get out of here, but no! Apparently it's more fun to criticize my drinking habits and appearance-"
"Wait a minute," she grabbed Britannia Angel's wrist, pulling him back down to the ground. "There's a way out?"
"Of course there's a way out!" He yanked his arm from her grasp. "I got in, didn't I? And not through the blinking window, either. You've got to be a pixie to fit through that damn thing. No offence." He said to a floor lamp. Great. The craziness carried over to his sober hours.
"So… how do we get out of here?"
"Simple," Britannia Angel huffed, crossing his arms. "I mutter an incantation, wave my magic wand, and the door will open right up."
"Oh, okay. Carry on, then."
Smirking, Britannia Angel dramatically rolled up his sleeves (what little there was to roll up), and raised his wand.
"Iggity bippity boo!"
A cloud of green smoke enveloped Renate, and when it cleared, she had turned into a small blonde boy with bunny ears and a green cloak, with Britannia Angel's epic eyebrows.
"Change me back!" The little boy/animal hybrid shrieked.
"Apologize for insulting me."
"Fine," the adorable little chibi pouted. "I recant what I said earlier."
"I suppose that's good enough," Britannia Angel sighed, waving the wand again. "Boo bippity iggity!"
And thus, Renate was once again in her regular form.
"Thank you. Now can we get out of here?"
He only grinned.
"Oh, sure." He turns to face the door, shouting "Open Sesame!" and clapping his hands. The door slowly creaks open.
"That's all?" Irritated, she stomped over to the door, yanking on the doorknob so it opened wider.
"Nope. For your insolence, I think I'll have to demand a fee."
She turned, hand still on the doorknob, deadpanning.
"How much do you want?"
"What is with your obsession with money? Just get me an invite to the royal wedding."
Renate furrowed her eyebrows in confusion.
"What royal wedding?"
Like a Cheshire cat, he smirked, waving her on.
"Oh, you'll know soon enough. Now get going, there's a Jack Daniel's in the bar down the street with my name on it."
Giving him one last look of exacerbation, she slammed the door, sprinting down the stairs. Britannia Angel glanced at the little purple pixie sitting on the edge of the lampshade, who merely shrugged. He crossed his arms, scowling.
"… Wanker."
Meanwhile, Downstairs
Crash!
"Like, what the hell was that?" Feliks asked, carrying the shoe on a red velvety, over-stuffed pillow. Toris looked up at the ceiling, worried.
"It's probably just the cat," Stepmother said.
Everyone nodded except Maria, who could always recognize the difference between when a cat knocked something over, or when a clumsy person did it. She grinned, knowingly.
"Would it be okay to skip the formalities?" The Grand Duke asked, nervously. "You see, there is a really long message I'm supposed to read to you, but it sort of got eaten by the dogs at the last house, and-"
"Awesome!"
Maria started doing her "Victory of Awesomeness" dance, where she alternated between pumping her fists in the air and spinning around in wild, uninhibited circles.
Stepmother and Louise made eye contact, a nonverbal communication that went something like "Shall I?" "Yeah, go ahead. Please."
Louise quietly approached her sister, and punched her in the stomach. Toris winced. Feliks tried to stifle his giggles (and failed). Stepmother rolled her eyes.
Before Maria could hit the ground, her younger sister easily slung her over her shoulder, and carried her across the room where her limp body was deposited onto the chocolate brown love seat.
"Good. It'll be peaceful for a while." Stepmother monotoned. "Shall we go ahead and begin? None of us will mind if you forgo the message, whatever it was."
"O-oh, okay, then. Er… there are only two maidens in this household, correct?"
Thump. Thump.
"Yes, that is correct." Stepmother scowled. What on earth was that child up to?
The Grand Duke breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
"Oh, thank God. I-I mean good, great!" He laughed awkwardly, and it shifted into a small cough.
"Like, are you okay, Rissy?" Feliks pats him on the back, lip pouting in concern.
"I'm fine, but my name's Toris, not Rissy."
"So how does this work?" Louise asks, eyeing the little brown shoe.
"It's tots easy," Feliks skooches her to a seat not occupied by Maria. "Just sit your booty down, take off your right shoe, and we'll get started."
Louise just stood there, puzzled.
"What is a 'booty'?"
"Girl, just sit your ass down."
*If you recognize where I got this from, you are awesome. If not, no worries. You, too, can be awesome. Go to youtube and find Rowan Atkinson. I want to say the name of the skit was "Amazing Jesus," but I could be wrong. If you find a funny looking dude in a preacher's robes, you've got the right one.
Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or the Disney version of Cinderella, just the charcoal on my hands. Why must ye be so hard to wash off? Darn school and your assigning artwork to be completed over Labor Day….
Well, that was interesting. Feliks is now more of a feisty diva than a valley girl, which I kind of prefer. He makes a lovely compliment to workaholic Toris, who needs someone wacky to teach him to loosen up. Or create more drama in his life, I'm not sure which.
Itabby was raiding the pantry for gormet cat food during this scene, if anyone was wondering. He just seems like the kind of cat that runs and hides when visiters appear, and seeks comfort in food. Sort of like my little Russian blue cat, Misty, only she doesn't eat all that much. When delivery people show up to give me the goodies I buy off Ebay, she darts under the couch. Poor thing.
Thank you for reading, and please feel free to leave a review.
