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Loneliness
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An endless amount of dead blood, torn flesh, broken bones and mangled bodies filled the medical tent. Tsunade's stories of the many horrors of war could have never prepared her for this. She lost count of the number of times she wanted to throw up. This was honestly too much for her to handle. But she had a duty to fulfill; to save as many lives as she could. She couldn't stop, she had to press forward.
Sakura cursed under her breath numerous times. She was well aware that she couldn't save everyone, but experiencing that overwhelming uselessness of your skills when your patient's life slip through your fingers was enough to drive her insane. It took nearly all of her mental fortitude not to break down.
She had to persevere. She had to keep pushing through.
But in the back of her mind, his face kept popping up. What if his body was the next to enter through the tent? What if she let his life slip through because there was simply nothing she could do for him?
"Wait, what is that?" She heard a voice cry outside of the tent.
"Has the Yellow flash returned?"
"Isn't that…Naruto?" Neji asked, poking his head out of the tent. Sakura didn't wait. In a broken sprint she rushed past the Hyuga clan genius, laying her eyes on the most peculiar sight. A boy coated in yellow flaming chakra fighting off the oncoming swarms of enemy ninja and clones.
Had he done it? Had he mastered the nine-tails?
He began fighting off the hordes of enemy clones and ninjas but even with his new power, the sheer number of enemies only seemed to grow. He blew most of them away by spinning around with his elongated chakra arms. In that short moment, he caught a hold of the longing gaze that Sakura gave him.
He paused, only for a short moment, locking his gaze with hers. He raised an eyebrow as Sakura's expression grew more and more horrified. It took him a few seconds but he finally understood when Sakura cried out his name but it was too late. A long blade pierced through the boy's torso with ease, followed by several others as the ninjas ganged him.
Rather than cry out in pain, Naruto grinned smugly as he raised his arm to the air, creating a giant spiraling shuriken with a Rasengan as the center piece holding everything together.
Wind Release: True Rasenshuriken!
Sakura's eyes widened as Naruto threw the attack…to his feet. "NARUTO!"
Sakura couldn't breathe. She couldn't move even if she wanted too. Not even the sheer force of wind from his attack was enough to launch her backwards. When the attack cleared, everyone who was caught in the blast range fell lifelessly to the floor…including him. She could only watch in horror as the one bright star in her life…disappeared. She was lost; too lost in her own sub-consciousness that she failed to notice the swarm of ninjas that appeared out of the forest that rushed for her.
Without any warning, the men found a particular glow coming from above. That's when she noticed a flaming boy appearing over them with a spiraling sphere of blue chakra (the size of a house) that whipped and bent the air around it. There was no time to dodge, no time for anything.
Big Ball Rasengan!
Sakura's shoulders sagged as she collapsed on the ground. It was only a clone. Naruto's alive. It was only a clone. She repeated to herself, hoping that the uncontrollable shivering would come to an end. She heard the screams from Neji and the other medical ninja to get inside but she found it hard to focus on anything. She was exhausted, drained and on her final spurt of chakra. It was hard to stay awake.
How many days had it been since she last fell asleep? She didn't know.
Dazed and weakened greatly, Sakura knew she was moments away from passing out. That last bit of excitement had drained her dry. Before she fell into unconsciousness, Sakura took one final look into the distance to find a tall dark haired swordsman walking towards the area. His eyes were a darkened shade…of blood red.
A grin that resembled a tiger finding its next prey crawled up the man's face as he slowly trotted to the battlefield. The man's eyes glowed brightly and pink kunoichi suddenly found that her body refused to respond. She was unable to move or even think for that matter.
Was this a Genjutsu?
In the next moment there was nothing but black, an endless void of nothingness. Until…out of the blue, a pair of dark red eyes appeared and Sakura was engulfed in a raging torrent of pain.
She opened her eyes with a scream, hurriedly covering her mouth letting out a strained muffled scream. She was so close to the edge of the bed that when she tried to move, she fell onto the floor with a crash, yanking half the sheets with her.
Another dream...
She sighed heavily, wiping the sweat and tears from her face.
How many times was she forced to experience that memory? How long had it been since that day? She honestly didn't know. The days just seemed to fly by without her. But really and truly, it didn't matter. The pain that filled her heart was still an everlasting flame that burned away her heart, numbing her emotions.
Sakura wasn't sure how long she sat there on the bed, completely wide awake. Her sense of time, normally very keen, was completely skewed. It felt as though it had been days since that last time she last sleep. That was probable.
She closed her eyes tightly. The tremors in her body had finally subsided, the shock of what had happened slowly draining away like sand slipping through her fingers, leaving a torrent of furious emotions in its wake. She felt horrible, dirty, violated. She was afraid and she was angry.
She had been helpless, and that was probably the worst thing of all. She hated feeling helpless. It had always been the most horrible part of her time in the war. She could handle battling rogue ninjas, traveling through deadly environments, killing ferocious animals. She could brave temples and tombs and freezing snow, but it had always terrified her the most when she was helpless to act. Being disabled or completely stopped, being forced to watch her friends get hurt, or getting hurt herself, and being powerless to do anything about it but wait-that had been the worst.
That day had been just like that, only a hundred times worse.
She lazily got into her usual pink outfit, collected her medical supplies and made sure that she was prepared for a full day of exercise and training. This was a difficult feat for the young medic since her body seemed to reject her. She barely had any feeling in her hands and her body felt heavy. Moving around was becoming a more of a hassle than she thought.
Still, she had things to do and a unresponsive body was the least of her concerns.
She moved to her balcony ledge, scanning around the village in hopes that no one was awake. Most people would be asleep at 1 a.m. anyway.
She didn't leave through the front door, knowing full well that her parents would easily catch her in her daring escape (from reality). She climbed out of her balcony, and took to the roofs.
Sakura felt a little better being out of the house in the fresh morning air, being away from the place where she had been confined. She was used to picking her way through the roofs; it was familiar, and she had no trouble slinking through the darkness and shadows, finding the paths that would keep them hidden from prying eyes.
She made it to her destination without running into anyone or anything. Still, her heart was racing and her palms were sweaty when her vision cleared and she found herself standing on the outskirts of team seven's old training ground. She held her breath and stared at the grounds for a moment, half-afraid that someone from Konoha would appear, but nothing happened. Taking a deep breath, she turned and strode toward the three wooden posts.
"What are you doing?"
Sakura's head whipped around, with high hopes about the voice behind, but once she did she immediately felt regret. The blonde behind her could have been categorized as her 'best friend'.
"It's none of your business. Just leave me alone."
"Sakura you know I can't do that."
"Is it because Shisho ordered you to keep an eye on me?"
"I'm your friend! I'm worried about you!" The blonde argued.
"I'm perfectly fine!" The blonde cringed. That came out harsher than Sakura had anticipated but she went on, "I don't need a babysitter."
That outburst showed that Sakura was still human; that she could still feel.
In the back of her mind, Ino wondered if her friend had been replaced by a puppet of some sort because Sakura hadn't been the same ever since then.
Sakura stood completely still like she had been completely stopped. She couldn't believe what had happened. Not only did she fall under her previous team member's Genjutsu but she had been forcibly removed from the war and only just woke up minutes ago.
"I know that you've just come from the hospital, but as a returning solider of the Fourth Shinobi War and as a member of Team 7 I believe that it is your right to know this." Tsunade watched her apprentice very carefully. She wasn't exactly in the right mental state for this news but knowing her she wouldn't leave without it.
"The S ranked criminals; Kabuto Yakushi and the Masked Man had been defeated by the combined efforts of Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha ultimately ending the Fourth Shinobi War." Tsunade noticed the bewilderment on Sakura's face. It killed her to speak of what followed.
"However, that makeshift team shortly fell apart and the two began a disastrous battle that lasted for days on end. Naruto was offered aid, but he wished to 'handle the sin of his best friend' on his own. In the end, after all was said and done, the survivor of the battle remains undecided."
"After the battle ceased…" Tsunade paused. "Neither Naruto's nor Sasuke's bodies were found in the aftermath. They were both marked as M.I.A (Missing in Action). However, this was found at the battle site."
Tsunade pushed Naruto's decimated and scorched headband forward. Tsunade waited patiently for some kind of reaction from the girl; a twitch, a tear – anything! But Sakura didn't move an inch. Tsunade watched Sakura closely but it was difficult to read her expression since her bangs were covering her darkened face.
"Shisho," Sakura spoke up after a long silence "Do you believe that they are gone?"
"Unfortunately, I was on the other end of the forest fighting my own life or death battle. I was completely unaware that the two even met. Had I known…I would…"
"Do you believe that they are gone?" Sakura asked again.
"The soldiers that witnessed their battle spoke of it with such distain and great fear. They said that no one could have survived Jutsu of the magnitude and power."
"Tsunade-shisho, do you believe they are dead?" Sakura asked more forcefully.
"Sakura!" Shizune need she couldn't understand how Sakura must have been feeling, but it was still no reason to shout at Tsunade.
"I apologize for my disrespectful tone."
"To answer your question; I don't know what to believe anymore. Blood, flesh, clothing; all of it was found at the battle site."
Sakura slowly let her master's words sink in for a moment before she responded. "I see. If that is all, I will be taking my leave now." The young kunoichi stated without a hint of distress in her voice.
"Oh, uh, yes. That will be all." Tsunade couldn't believe her own eyes. Sakura bowed deeply before she turned away.
"Sakura…" Shizune cried out, her eyes drowning in her own tears.
"Hai?" Rather than turn, Sakura notched her head in the assistant's direction.
"Shizune. Stop." Tsunade ordered.
"But-!"
"Shizune!" That's when Shizune noticed the tears that were pulling at the Hokage's eyes. Shizune silently withdrew and Sakura left without another word.
Ever since that day, Sakura looked like she had been stripped of all emotion. She never smiled nor did her face reflect the deep sadness that plagued her heart. Those once bright emerald eyes were dead and gone; replaced with dulled pupils that failed to see any light.
The flowery blonde wasn't the only one who was distressed about her mental state. The entire village was deeply worried about the once bubbly hospital nurse, but what could they say that hadn't already been said? What could they have done to ease and mend her shattered heart?
The war was finally over and peace had finally returned to the Shinobi world but there was still unrest within the villages. There were heavy losses from each village with the casualties ranging at an all time high. Even the Hokage was gravely injured during the war which lead to civil unrest within the leaf village about whether she would live through her wounds or not. Tsunade managed to pull through - for now - but how much longer could she last?
There was even talk in the village council about replacing her again but she quickly shut them up when she stormed into the council room - almost bleeding half to death. All the while, Tsunade's main concern wasn't her own wounds nor the council. Her village would bounce back to its former glory with time; however, her main concern did lie with her apprentice who was slowly but surely killing herself.
Sakura began to work her fingers to the bone; healing and nursing the mortally wounded soldiers from the war back to health. At first there was no problem since everyone knew she needed something to take her mind off her pain, but as time progress it seemed like more of an escape from reality. The worse part of it all was the fact that they couldn't stop her. It was her own way of grieving.
She was left alone to deal with her emotions but even that plan fell flat on her face when she began to use soldier pills when her body couldn't keep up with the days on end without sleep. Even those began to fail her when the days of fatigue began to set in. She was eventually forced to take some time off, but even then she refused to stay away from the hospital since there were people who needed her.
While that was true, she was slowly working herself to death. Tsunade was forced to take drastic action.
She was placed under house arrest but even so she disregarded her orders and came out on mornings to train. Even now Sakura was supposed to be home. She wouldn't stop even for a second.
Without a word Sakura continued on with her training, her friend watching closely from behind. She was always like this. Running off alone and working alone. She never once joined the group, saying that she didn't have time for them anymore. She was devoting her entire existance to her training and her work.
It was beginning to scare her.
"Sakura why are you doing this to yourself. This isn't you."
"This is the new me. I can't afford to stay the same anymore." Sakura replied in a monotone fashion. "The people of Konoha need strong shinobi who can protect them."
Ino didn't want to do this. It was only going to make things worse. "He wouldn't want this…"
Sakura shortly cringed, but continued her combat regime. "He isn't here."
"What do you think he'll say when he comes back to you like that?" Ino shouted.
"…he isn't coming back."
"He's always come back to you hasn't he? Even on the verge of death he always comes back!" Ino paused, calming herself down. "Why are you saying that like he's dead?"
"Because he said it himself the night before he left!" Ino's froze.
"…I'm going to become stronger. I'm not going to be the useless one waiting on the sidelines for help anymore. I won't rely on others to make me stronger either. Shisho refused to train me further but that's fine with me. It's something I have to do on my own. I'll trudge through the gates of hell with my own to hands. If you can't understand that, then you're just in my way."
"Sakura…"
Sakura immediately halted in her tracks, slowly turning to her friend with genuine curiosity in her dulled eyes. "What is…this?"
"I'm so sorry, but it was for your own good." Ino apologized.
Sakura quickly brought her hand to her neck where Ino just stuck a syringe and pluck it out. She turned to her friend to find that she wasn't alone. Everyone else was there. "Why…?"
"If you continue on like this you're literally going to work yourself into your grave." Shikamaru sighed.
"And we don't w-want to l-lose anymore f-friends." Hinata's eyes seemed red. Had she been crying?
"Just get some rest. We can converse about this later." Sai added.
Before long, Sakura lost consciousness.
As Ino tucked her heart broken friend back into her bed her eyes caught a glimpse of something amazingly rare. Sakura hadn't shed a single tear since Naruto and Sasuke were reported as missing; though most thought that they were both dead. Sakura could repress and ignore her emotions as much as she wanted but she could never lie to herself and her feelings. While she slept the tears she held onto so strongly would uncontrollably pour out.
Ino was well aware of her parent's nocturnal torment. One day they sat down and told her that every night, they would pull at their hairs, being unable to ease their daughter's pain. They were forced to listen to her muffle sobs without any hope of helping what they treasured most.
Sakura was more honest about her emotions than she let on. There were even days she'd use her spare apartment key and let herself into Naruto's home. More than once did Ino find Sakura, huddled in the in the apartment she shared with him. More than once did she find Sakura idly staring at the old Team Seven photo.
Shortly after she had woken up, Sakura even asked if any of this was real. She wondered if this was all some sick Sharigan induced Genjutsu. The Young Uchiha was the last thing she saw after all.
But she couldn't blame the tormented kunoichi for thinking that. If Shikamaru or Choji were gone under a similar situation she'd probably be the same. As a friend it was Ino duty to set her friend straight.
"Sakura…this isn't a Genjutsu."
Ino truly believed that it was her fault the way she was. She took the last piece of Sakura's mentally from under her. And for that, she would be eternally sorry.
It was Ino's turn to watch over Sakura tonight. With the amount Ino placed in the Syringe, added to Sakura's 86 hrs of sleep deprivation, she figured the salmon haired girl wouldn't wake up for another five days. Hopefully.
She spread out her makeshift futon over Sakura's bedroom floor and rested her back against the wall. Ino tugged her thin blanket more firmly around her shoulders, her eyes roving over to the flickering television screen. She didn't know what show was on. She couldn't focus on anything in the physical world for long so she found herself staring into space constantly.
Why am I even thinking about this? He'll be fine. He always is. He will come right through that door with the biggest grin on his face asking for bowl of ramen and wondering about the worried why Sakura looks so worn out.
She looked to the digital clock again which blinked 2:40 a.m.
Naruto…please come home…she needs you more than ever…
