*A/N: Thanks everyone for your reviews/votes. So far we have 2 for Leyton and 4 for Breyton. There's still a few more chapters to go before we get all "couple-y" so let me know what you want!*
Chapter 9(Peyton)
Wake Up Call
How much time has passed? A day? A minute? A lifetime? How long have I been here? Trapped in the guilt and pain of my own actions. The dark angel version of me won't leave me alone. All there is here is the two of us, darkness, and regret.
"Peyton….Peyton! Are you listening?"
I raised my weary head to look at her, "For the love of God, please leave me alone, I can't take anymore. Please." I knew my eyes shone with tears but her's were as hard as stone.
She gave me that sardonic look I know so well, "God? You think God listens to you? You're a nothing, insignificant, horrible, ugly, druggie!"
I buried my head in my hands, trying desperately to hold on to the last grips of my sanity. She'd made me remember all of it. My mom's death, my betrayal of Brooke, the way I'd pushed Lucas away at first, the way I'd shut my dad out….On and on and on. It seemed that my list of sins was a never-ending one. Maybe I was in hell. It certainly seemed like it.
Then she strode over to me and pushed me down hard. I gave a small yelp of pain. My back scratched against the rough dirt underneath me. She leaned over me and leered in my face. She was my mirror image but I've never seen a mirror show such a different picture. If I looked anything like her in real life, no wonder I was down here.
Her green eyes shone with frenzied hatred and I almost wilted under their glare. Her perfect lips opened and dripped words filled with venom, "Liar, betrayer, thief…murderer"
Unable to take it anymore, I snapped, "Damn it! Leave me alone!" I gripped her shoulders hard and shoved back. She fell back and I was on her in an instant. I straddled her waist and tried to hold her down with my weight. She tried to push me off but I only pushed her down into the dirt further.
Her hands reached up and tangled in my hair. She gave a hard yank that brought tears to my eyes but I brought one vengeful fist smashing into her horrible face. She gave a shriek and her skinny fingers wrapped around one of my wrists. Her fingers felt like they were burning my skin but I didn't give in to the pain. I lifted the other arm up and brought another fist rocketing into her pretty little nose.
Crunch! I felt blood wetting my knuckles but I didn't stop. With each hit I screamed.
Thump. "Leave!"
Whack. "Me!"
Thud. "Alone!"
Over and over I brought my fist crashing down. Gasping for breath I finally stopped hitting her but I didn't want to look down. She'd stopped struggling a few minutes ago. I didn't want to see what I'd actually done. I crawled off her limp body, scooted across the dirt, and turned my back to her. I pulled my knees up to my chest, wincing at the pain in my knuckles. Humming a tune my mom always used to sing to me I began rocking back and forth, trying to block out every true thing that evil version of me had said.
"Peyton?"
I cringed inwardly, please I can't take anymore.
"Peyton? It's ok."
That voice, I knew that voice.
A soft smell reached my nose. It smelled like lavender and Pantene shampoo. Her sweet voice rang out again, "Peyton. She's gone now. I'm here."
I turned around, fearing another trick from my tormentor.
There she was. Shining, in this dark place. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. She was so beautiful. She was perfect
"Mom?"
Her lips arched into a smile and her eyes sparkled with unshed tears, "Yeah, its me."
I leapt off the ground and into her arms, "I've missed you so much!"
Her warms arms wrapped around me and held me tight, "I've missed you too, baby."
I couldn't keep my eyes from shedding even more tears. I never thought I'd be here again, wrapped in her arms. In an instant she was able to make everything ok again.
She held me like that for what seemed like an eternity but it still wasn't long enough, eventually she let me go and held me back so she could get a look at me.
"Peyton, what have you been doing to yourself?"
I couldn't help myself from blubbering out my whole story. How much I'd withdrawn since she died, Brooke, Lucas, drugs, hating everything, missing her. My mom stood there and listened to me the way that only she could…well, her and Brooke.
When I finally finished talking I didn't want to meet her eyes. How could you not judge me after hearing all that? However, when I did finally get the courage to look up, she wasn't judging me, not at all. The only thing I saw in her eyes was love.
"Peyton, it wasn't your fault. My death. I need you to stop blaming and punishing yourself for something that was out of your hands. I don't want you to live your life, covered in guilt. It's killing you. I also need you to forgive me; I didn't want to leave you. You were only nine years old. I wanted nothing more but to stay. So forgive me for not being there as you grew up, but more importantly forgive yourself. You're seventeen and I think its time for you to learn that there's more to life than the inevitability of death…you've got the surviving part down, I need you to focus on the living."
I sank down to my knees on the cold, dirt floor. She was right, just like always. I'd been so focused on my own grief that I hadn't given myself a chance to actually be who my mom had taught me to be. I wanted to throw myself into my mom's arms and tell her to take me with her. Brooke. Despite the pull of being with my mom, I didn't want to leave her. She was practically my family since I'd broken down the relationship with my dad. She was the only person who'd never given up on me. It stung to just leave her behind. I couldn't leave her I realized with a sinking feeling. Even if I was with my mom, a part of me would always be worried about Brooke and how she was coping now that I was gone. Plus, I'd made a promise to always be there for her. All the shitty things I'd done in my life, I didn't want to back out on that one thing.
I looked up at her, "Mom, isn't it too late? I think I want to go back, try again. But I'm already dead."
She smiled down at me, "I love you so much, Peyton. And it's never too late for love."
Suddenly everything around me started blurring and it felt like something was pulling on my chest. My mom started fading away but so did the darkness.
"No!" I screamed, "Mom! I love you!"
