Jessi Emerson
Jessi (POV)
APRIL 2013
I watched the mid morning joggers as they trotted passed along the sidewalk by Lake Michigan. The snow was beginning to melt and the air was starting to feel slightly warmer. I matched my pace to Roy Harper's leisurely stroll. Over the past two months I had spent a lot of time with Roy learning about my mother. He only knew some of my mother's personal life, other than that he only knew about her intellectual side.
"I do remember a conversation I had accidentally overheard," He recalled.
"A conversation?" I questioned.
"It was just before she left," He started, "She was out in the hall just outside my office. From what I could tell she was having a very heated conversation with a man-"
"Adam Baylin," I interjected.
"No, I don't…I don't think that was his name," his eyebrows knitted together in confusion, "She kept referring to the other person as Ryan… or was it Brian,"
"Brian Taylor?" I provided.
"I didn't get a look at the man but I'm almost positive his name was Brian," He concluded, taking a seat on a near by bench.
"What were they talking about?" I questioned further, sitting down beside him.
He was silent for a moment his eyes focused on something in the distance. From what I could tell it was a flock of birds flying far across the lake.
"Hmmm," he hummed, "I'm not exactly sure, she kept repeating 'I can't do this,' 'I'm not fit for this,'"
If she was really talking to Taylor I could only imagine what they were discussing. What was it that she couldn't do? Why was she talking with Taylor in the first place?
"Two weeks later she was gone," He added, folding his hands in his lap.
"I think she was talking with my father," I whispered. The words just rolled off of my tongue.
Talking to Roy was almost like talking with Nicole. I felt like I could trust him, with certain things. I hadn't revealed anything about Latnok or Zzyzx or the experiment or even Kyle. However he did know about my search for Sarah's story as well as her relationship with Brian Taylor and Adam Baylin. As far as he was concerned, they were just two of her friends from school at U-dub.
"Brian, he's your father?" He put together.
"Apparently," I muttered.
"He isn't in your life," He recalled from our first conversation and like our first conversation he asked slightly intrusive questions.
I had grown accustom to this however. It wasn't that big of a deal, it was just who he was.
"No, no he's not," I said, focusing my eyes on a boat that was approaching the marina.
"Do you wish that he was?" He asked.
I was quiet as I thought about it for a moment. Part of me had always wished that things had worked out with Taylor, however I knew that the relationship we had was never that of a father-daughter one.
"No," I started, "The relationship my father and I had was anything but loving,"
"I used to always wonder if Sarah had any family," He said, "She never seemed to talk about them,"
"You know Roy," I began, "In the past two months that we've been talking, I don't think you've talked about your family,"
He chuckled "I'll tell you if we can go get some coffee. I'm freezing my butt off,"
He stood and held out his arm, I couldn't help but chuckle as I linked my arm with his.
"I have two daughters," He started as we meandered away from the lakefront, "Kara married a French architect and is currently living in Paris with their two boys. Alice is a nurse at Mass General and married a doctor, they have two boys and a girl,"
"They sound like they're doing well," I noted, "Do you see them often?"
"They both try to come home for the holidays and I try to visit them during the summer," He replied, holding the door to the nearest coffee shop open.
"That's nice," I commented.
"Have you ever been to France?" He asked after we got our drinks and found an empty table.
"Once," I smiled
FLASHBACK: OCTOBER 2009
I watched the countryside of northern France as it passed by the window of the train. The train was a little older so Kyle and I's seats were in a private room of sorts. Kyle had fallen asleep about an hour into the trip; slowly his body slumped closer to me until his head was resting on my shoulder. I couldn't help but smile as I listened to his even breathing.
It had been almost four months since we had left the Tragers. We had been moving from city to city as a way to fly under Latnok's radar. It was a little overcautious considering we were already in Europe, however according to Foss nothing was overcautious when it came to Latnok. Foss had left us a few weeks ago to fly back to Seattle.
I watched Kyle sleep for a while; he looked so peaceful. Over the past few months he had been having a really hard time with his decision to leave the Tragers. Even when he thought he was doing the right thing, he constantly beat himself up for it.
"What time is it?" He mumbled as he began to stir.
"Almost six," I answered.
"They should be coming around with dinner soon," He noted as he straightened up and stretched his back.
"If you're hungry there is an apple from breakfast in my bag," I offered.
He nodded as he stood up and stretched again. As if on cue there was a nock on the door. I watched Kyle as he spoke French with the lady who was going around with the dinner trolley.
"Sandwich?" He offered holding out a premade sandwich that had been wrapped in plastic wrap.
"Thank you," I said taking the food.
He sat down on the bench across from me and ate his sandwich quietly. I could tell that something was on his mind. He was watching the trees pass by the window, chewing absentmindedly. Ever since I had met up with him and Foss in Portland he had been different. He wasn't the same person he had once been. He didn't have that sparkle or glint of life in his eyes anymore. He was just going through the motions of each day with no emotion.
"Kyle?" I spoke first.
He looked up without saying anything.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"I'm fine," He answered, "Why wouldn't I be?"
"No, I mean are you okay?" I tried again.
He was quiet again. I could see everything he didn't say in his eyes. I saw the pain, the sorrow, the loss, the guilt, I saw it all. His emotions were so strong that a small part of me even felt what he felt. I couldn't even imagine the magnitude of what he was feeling.
"Does it get any better?" He finally spoke.
He didn't have to say it. I knew exactly what he was referring to.
"Gradually you think about it less and less," I started, "Eventually you'll come to terms with what you have done,"
"Have you?" He asked.
"I'm still working on that," I whispered.
I saw the contemplation on his face and then for a split second I saw him falter. It was just enough for everything to fall apart. He tried his best to hide the tears by holding his head in his hands and staring at the floor. I rose from my seat and sat down beside him placing a hand on his back. It killed me to see him in this kind of pain. I shifted and wrapped my arms around him.
"It will be okay," I whispered, stroking his hair.
"He was my brother," He murmured into my shoulder.
"I know," I said softly, "I know,"
I held this grown man in my arms as he wept like a child. This was the first time he had broken down since we left. I rubbed small circles on his back trying to clam him. After a while I was just holding him for the sake of it. I wanted to keep him close; it felt good to have him close to me, to feel his heart beat instead of hear it. Eventually he fell back asleep.
END OF FLASHBACK: APRIL 2013
Roy was in the middle of a story about one of his grandchildren. It was nice to have Roy's company. Having someone who knew my mother to help me figure out who she was nice. He may not have known her for long but he knew her personality, he was a pair of fresh eyes in some ways.
"You know," He said, drawing my attention again, "I think I may have an old notebook of your mothers in my office,"
"You do?" I asked, sipping my coffee.
"It's probably not much but-"
"It's something!" I said a little to enthusiastically.
"From what I can tell its just notes on Alzheimer's disease," he said.
"Can I see it?" I asked.
"Of course," He said, "I'll bring it with me tomorrow,"
I smiled, Roy and I had fell into a sort of routine. Every morning we would meet at the lakefront for a morning stroll then get coffee. He taught an afternoon class twice a week, that I would occasionally sit in on. This was the longest I had stayed in one place at a time. I was beginning to get a little agitated, but part of me didn't want to leave Roy. Roy was the closest thing I had to family outside of Kyle and the Tragers.
AN: Hello everyone! I know this chapter is way over due. I've been really busy with family and school. Anyway I hope you like this chapter and I'll try to update very soon! Please feel free to comment.
