Cursed to Relive
Chapter 9
Hogwarts
Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling, nor do I own the Harry Potter Series.
"Be careful, Lily. Don't get too far ahead of us!" called out the worried voice of Marigold Evans as Lily went charging into King's Cross Station. It was promptly ignored by the eleven-year-old girl in her eagerness to reach the Hogwarts Express. That McGonagall lady had told her about the train during her visit, and she was excited to see it. Would it be like a normal train, yellow with maroon livery and shiny as a tomato? Or would it be strange, with a zebra-crossing patterns and streaks of orange splattered all over it? Ooh, she could hardly wait!
To Lily Evans, it seemed as if finally her day had come, her day to shine brightly. Sure, she hadn't had much in the way of friends--'Muggle friends' she reminded herself--but Hogwarts was a new opportunity to rise out of the muck and ashes. She could make tons of new friends, magical ones at that, and she would be the best new student that they had ever seen. Her parents would be so proud of her.
A grin alighting her face, she hurtled toward where the barrier between platforms nine and ten was located. She couldn't wait to arrive, meet other kids who were just like her; they would be so impressed with her and how much she was like them...although she was a bit nervous with how she had only had a few months to get used to the idea... 'Stop worrying about that, Lily.' the small girl scolded herself. 'You worked hard, and you're really ready for it! They'll all love you once they get used to you.'
Seeing the barrier, Lily remembered the instructions Professor McGonagall had given her for getting onto Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. Grabbing her trunk, she took a deep breath and started to run as quickly as she could at the barrier, closing her eyes and trying to ignore the fear of crashing into the awfully solid-appearing metal barrier.
"Wait, Lily, STOP!" came her mother's shout from behind her, causing Lily to skid to a halt mere inches in front of the barrier.
"Wha... What is it, mom?" asked Lily, frazzled. The barrier looked really solid from this close.
"Don't you want to say goodbye to your father and I?" asked Marigold, a small frown on her face as she stood there, Richard huffing and puffing beside her. Chasing his daughters around had grown a bit difficult for the man over the past couple years, and this was no exception. "I mean, this is the last moment we can talk privately..."
Lily nodded quickly, feeling quite guilty. She hadn't meant to imply that she wanted to leave without saying goodbye. "Sorry, Mum, Dad. I was just so eager..."
Richard gave Lily a worried look, then asked in a quiet voice, "Lily, I know that it's for the best that you are among others of your kind, but I hope that you don't forget your family. Are you alright with not seeing us until at least Christmas? If you aren't, we can head home right now... Are you feeling alright now?"
As her father looked at her with great concern, mixed with that small amount of fear that never seemed to go away, Lily felt a image flash through her mind: her sis-no, Petunia, saying goodbye as demanded by Marigold, perfectly polite but with no emotion in her voice.
"Good-bye, Lily Evans. I hope that you enjoy your time at Hogwarts. Make sure you aren't sent home."
Smiling, Lily shook her head as she said in a winsome tone of voice, "Don't worry, Dad, I'm sure everything will be fine. I'll miss you a bit, but I'll be good."
"Personally, I wouldn't mind if you stayed there all the time..."
"I'll always be good..."
'Huh, not really what I thought it would be. Guess there aren't any devil portals like Petunia said after all...'
Surprisingly, in spite of the fact that Platform nine-and-three-quarters was a platform leading to a magical school, it wasn't that much different from a normal train platform. Sure, many of the people there were clearly dressed in non-Muggle clothing (and poorly at that), but they all seemed to be talking about the same sort of things that she remembered her parents conversing with her sister about when she went into that boarding school of hers.
Still, it was incredible to Lily Evans...but it was rather lonely, as her parents hadn't been able to follow her onto the platform, and she had yet to make any new friends. Watching all of her fellow students getting on the train, most chattering away with some sort of friend or relative, Lily felt very lonely indeed. Still she remained upbeat. '...and I'd best get on with making friends I think. I'll start with...that one!'
Pasting a warm smile on her face, Lily walked over to a solitary girl who was heaving her trunk onto the train with a loud grunting noise, having apparently packed too much. She was somewhat short, even for their age, had long locks of somewhat-unruly brown hair and wore a pretty pale-blue sundress. Her face was one that looked as if it should have been a warm one, but that was belied by her cold brown eyes and the determined set to her jaw. In Lily's opinion, the girl seemed as if she were prepared to go to war rather than school.
Still, Lily felt that talking to her might be worth a shot. As such, she piped up, saying, "Hello, my name is Lily Evans. Pleased to meet you!"
Unfortunately, this caused the girl to jump almost a foot in the air, as Lily had said this from almost right behind her. Turning and staring right at Lily, the girl bit out, "Don't sneak up on me like that again; I nearly cracked my head on the ceiling when you did that...Lily was it?"
"Yeah, it's Lily, and I'm sorry about that. I'm just really excited about Hogwarts is all; I didn't mean to frighten you like that." said Lily apologetically, ducking her head in contrition. The girl still seemed a bit wary of her though, something Lily could hardly blame her for. Trying to find some way to lighten the mood, Lily's eyes fell upon the girl's luggage. "Err...need a hand with your trunk?"
Luckily, this seemed to be just the thing to say, as the suspicion fled from the brunette's face, and she slowly nodded. "Right, that'd be a big help...just don't do that again, alright?" At Lily's quick nod, the girl offered her hand and said with a smirk, "I'm Mary MacDonald by the way, nice to meet you."
Lily accepted the hand and gave it a firm shake. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mary. Now how about we get this trunk put away?"
"Sure."
Working together it was much easier to move Mary's trunk, so the two girls soon made their way to a half-filled compartment, currently occupied by two dark-haired boys of about their ages. Both boys were dressed in expensive-but-poorly-put-together Muggle clothing, one wearing glasses as well. Neither seemed to care that they had entered, although the one with glasses gave them a quick look before returning to staring out the window.
Lily gave each of them a speculative look before returning her attention to Mary, who had already shoved her trunk into an overhead compartment and was now slouching in her seat. "So...I'm from Little Whinging and have an older sister, Petunia. I like to play with dolls and I've been studying really hard so that I'm ready for classes here. How about you?"
Mary raised her eyebrows, but shrugged as she said, "Well, I'm from London, outskirts, and I'm an only child. I studied a bit, but the books were pretty dull considering they were about Magic. My parents were pretty strict though in making sure I worked hard on it. Wish it was more...practical though. I may be a Muggleborn, but that doesn't mean that all magic is interesting magic."
"Muggleborn? What's that?" responded Lily, confused.
The boy with glasses interrupted, rolling his eyes as he did so. "That means that both your parents were Muggles, in case it isn't obvious. I'm James Potter by the way."
"Thanks, I'm Lily Evans. It's nice to meet you too." Lily said with a nod and a forced, bright smile. "Is it a bad thing, to be a Muggleborn?"
James shrugged, a mischievous smirk on his face. "Only among certain people, mostly Slytherins. Smart people know that it means nothing, but stupid people...eh, who cares about them?"
Lily forced a smile, but looked away quickly, fear starting to pulse through her. What if her being a Muggleborn made her just like she had been before Hogwarts? What if she was still a freak, even here?
"Severus, I made sure that you have plenty of books of your actual level. Just make sure that you charm them to seem like something else, 'Hogwarts: A History' perhaps. Also be sure not to tell anyone your secret," said Eileen with a small smile, shrinking a small pile of books until they could fit comfortably into an area not much bigger than a wallet.
"Mother, there is no need to worry. I know how to hide things from silly children just fine." replied Severus exaperatedly, shaking his head with a sigh
"Still Severus, you can't be too careful..." said Eileen quietly, her gaze falling on the battered trunk that her son was busily packing. "I don't want anything to happen to you, so don't be foolish."
"Stop being silly, Mother." said Severus in an annoyed growl. "I will be perfectly fine. I have plenty of experience in such things."
As Severus carefully packed his trunk, warding it as securely as he could in case people tried to mess with it, his mother did her best to assist him. Although he hated the imposition on his personal independence, one of many Eileen had tried to bother him with since the two of them had moved out, he didn't quite have the resolve to force her out of his room, at least not right then.
"I don't know whether or not that's true, but just be careful, Severus."
"Very well."
Severus sat quietly in the compartment he was using, ignoring the chatter of the children around him as he ruminated over what his mother had said before they left for King's Cross. He had little else to do, as he had already stowed his trunk, and he had no desire to draw annoying attention to himself by reading the books his mother had packed...especially since he couldn't make use of the spells found in them anyway.
Although it had been more than a year since she had started acting this way, Severus still hated seeing the woman fuss over him so. Even though Eileen knew he was a ruddy adult, she persisted in treating him like the child he 'was' in form. Also, the fact that she shared one of his two deepest secrets--his sort-of-reincarnation--made him uncomfortable. It had been necessary to tell her, but it didn't mean that he had to like it.
'Besides, I've spent years deceiving the Dark Lord and every member of both the Order of the Phoenix and the Death Eaters; in comparison to that, keeping such an outlandish secret from my fellow classmates should be quite easy, not that I'm going to be any less careful than I normally would...' mused Severus to himself, carefully keeping his face expressionless and doing his best to avoid notice.
Luckily, that didn't seem to be a major concern. Two of his three seatmates, both girls (one older and one Severus' age), were busily conversing about 'how excited they were', so he hoped that that would keep them from bothering him. Meanwhile, the other boy was furtively watching the younger girl, to which she seemed blissfully oblivious. He remembered them all vaguely, but it had been so long since he had been a student that he couldn't remember much apart from the main players, such as Lily, the Marauders...and his former Slytherin friends. Frankly, he hoped that he could avoid all of them throughout his time at Hogwarts, as it would make things so much...simpler.
However, much to his annoyance, his introspection was interrupted by the older girl tapping him on the knee and asking in a cheerful tone, "So, who are you, Stony-Face? You haven't said one word the whole time, so how's it going?"
Severus allowed his eyes to narrow into one of his most devastating glares, relishing how the girl backed quickly away from him while he said in a frigid tone, "What's up is that I have no interest in talking to you. Leave me alone."
An awkward silence fell upon the compartment, and after giving another glare to his compartment-mates, Severus was about to return to his contemplative brooding when the other girl spoke up. "You know, that wasn't very nice of you. She was just trying to talk to you. No need to be a prat."
Severus let his gaze fall upon the younger of the two girls, a tallish blonde with a bit of a pug nose. Wearing a blue blouse and nice trousers, Severus was fairly certain that she had some Muggle heritage, since her dress wasn't an embarrassment to behold. After a few moments of thought, debating whether it was worth a response or not, Severus mentally shrugged and replied, "I'm not interested in talking to her, that's all. It's not like we're friends or want to be friends, so why bother being polite?"
The girl seemed to think it over for a moment, then grinned. "And, hypothetically speaking, if I wanted to be friends with you, what would you say?"
Severus shook his head to mask an amused smirk. Still, he kept his amusement out of his voice as he replied simply, "Then I would politely point out that I am not someone you would want to be your friend, and I'm still not interested in talking right now, so please leave me alone."
His words had the hoped-for effect; the girls merely looked at him with expressions of pity and irritation and resumed their own courses, unaffected by his ambivalence. They left Severus well alone, just as much as Severus desired.
Lily sighed in relief as she made her way to the entrance hall; James had been very nice to her, but she was still far too worried about what she had learned about Muggleborns. She had spent the past two years shut in her house because of her strangeness, especially after she had nearly killed Petunia. She did not want to have that happen again, so how was she going to make sure it didn't?
Meanwhile, Mary was looking at her in confusion, but she didn't say anything. Lily couldn't explain her worries to the girl, since the other girl was just too confident and proud for Lily to admit her fears to her, even if they had just become friends. Even if she could admit them to her, how would Mary understand?
She looked around, wondering if there were Muggleborns other than Mary and herself and if she could spot them. She'd like to have another fellow Muggleborn as a friend, if she could. But who was Muggleborn and who wasn't? The girl with the bird on her shoulder? No, probably not; she seemed to be talking to the bird and feeding it bits of pumpkin pasty like she'd tamed it magically. What about the red-faced boy who was talking in the loud voice, saying 'blimey!' this and 'blow me!' that? When she heard him utter a stream of even more profane things, however, and saw how everyone nudged away from him, she knew she didn't want to be his friend. She wanted to be the friend of someone everyone liked. She wanted to belong.
And from the looks of it, she didn't seem to belong. Everyone, it seemed to her, had gone off with their friends. Even Mary had been dragged off by the second dark-haired boy on the train by this point, leaving her alone.
She was beginning to feel rather out of sorts when her eyes suddenly widened: that over there, that was the profile of that boy she'd met at the supermarket! Severus Snape! She'd recognize that raggamuffin stock of black hair and his pretentiously arched nose anywhere. It never really occurred to her to question WHY he was there. She supposed, if it could happen to her, why, of course it could happen to him! And it was most marvelous that it had happened, especially considering how nasty their parents mutually were, keeping them in the house all the time and not allowing friends to come over...
Severus was gone in a moment as the mass of squirming prepubescent bodies around her shuffled, but Lily felt immediately happier to know that he'd be around. Diving under smelly armpits and nervous chatter, she flung herself after him, desperate to say hello after so long. She'd forgotten that they really hadn't had much interaction before in her gladness to see him again.
He stopped at the fringe of the commotion, aloof even in such a variety of company, and this gave Lily the perfect edge. It seemed like he was her kindred spirit--alone
"Hello!" she greeted warmly as she escaped from the hubbub, and was thrilled when he noticed her.
"Well," he replied gruffly, his eyes regarding her with what resembled suspicion, "this is a surprise."
"A good one, I hope," she replied, and approached him without pause. "I'm Lily, remember?" she prompted, "and you're Severus."
"I know that," he said, sounding a little irritated, but she could detect a faint note of pleasure nonetheless. However, he soon turned his gaze to the floor, no longer looking at her. "I'm just surprised..." He trailed off, shaking his head.
"So you're a wizard, right?" she continued, trying to make conversation. It was harder than she'd imagined, if only because she'd planned conversations with him for at home, never conceiving that he might ever show up there, at Hogwarts! "I'm a witch, you know," she added when he didn't answer, starting to feel nervous due to his lack of response. "I'm just so happy to be here. So happy. Say," she pressed, trying to steal his attention away from the floor where it had fallen, "what do you think of my hair-ribbon?"
"It's white," Severus replied with an odd tone as he returned to his gaze to her, looking at it skeptically. "Silk, I suspect?"
"Not just plain old Muggle silk," Lily said, proud as a puppy who'd trashed the lawn with holes and ended up with her bone, "it's African Anzazzi silk."
"You mean Anazi, probably," Severus corrected, sounding amused at her enthusiasm. He had the faintest of smiles on his stoic face.
"That's what I said!" Lily replied quietly, with some embarrassment.
"I'm well acquainted with it," Severus continued, smoothing over her mistake without comment. "Excellent for cosmetic potions, particularly creams for the skin." He squinted at her, eyes glancing up and down her face. "Not that you need any," he added, ducking his head even as she started to blush from the compliment.
"Oh!" Lily put one hand over the pretty thing as if to shield it playfully. "Don't chop this up and add it to a potion, please! I mean, if it were just any old ribbon--if it was of just plain old Azazzazi--it'd be right as rain to experiment with it."
"I'd have no need for it," Severus said with a shrug, "commercial hair-ribbons dilute the properties of the silk and pollute the substance with other properties."
Lily was impressed. "You talk like you're from a book," she expressed with awe.
Severus shrugged again--a gesture Lily took to be a favorite of his-- even as a very slight pink tinge was forming on his cheeks. "So, what's special about your ribbon, anyway?"
"It's magical!" she said, excited to display her new acquisition and thrilled at how he was now watching her closely. "I got it in the...the Alley place when my parents took me. When I get sorted, it'll magically change color for whatever house I get sorted to when I say a certain charm and tap it with my wand!"
"That's...a clever little toy," Severus said in a guarded tone, his eyes looking at her strangely.
Lily started wondering why he wasn't as ecstatic to see her as she was to see him. Maybe he didn't want to see her. Maybe...maybe he'd noticed the flowers dancing on her shirt that day and had been freaked out and told his mum he didn't want to see her, and maybe...oh, maybe he didn't like her because she was a Muggleborn. However, she didn't have time to say anything else, for soon Professor McGonagall spoke in her usual clipped tones, "Line up, single file, alphabetical order. Quickly if you please; we're running a little late. No time for the song I'm afraid."
With nothing to say, Lily quickly took her place near the front of the line, disappointed that Severus Snape was condemned to the back of the line. Still, she hadn't time to think about this for more than a fleeting moment, as they were swiftly ushered into the Great Hall. It proved to be well deserving of the name, possessing four gigantic wooden tables capable of seeting hundreds of students between them, overlooked by the Teacher's table which rested atop a short flight of stone steps. And the ceiling! Lily couldn't help but stare at awe at how the rain fell from the sky from overhead, something would have made her believe they were outdoors if it weren't for the complete lack of water. It was just like Hogwarts: A History said it would be!
However, that feeling of excitement faded as swiftly as a rain puddle in a hot summer's day when she saw how everyone seated in the hall was staring at them, observing them, judging them. Although it was warm inside the old castle, Lily couldn't help but feel a definite chill as she watched all of the older boys and girls gazing at them like she imagined a wolf would a young doe. She was starting to feel very nervous indeed.
Luckily, she didn't have much time to dwell on her fears, as Professor McGonagall soon called out, "Evans, Lily!"
Swallowing, Lily walked over to the stool, on which was placed a single, ancient hat...
"SLYTHERIN!"
Severus felt his jaw drop in complete and utter amazement, something that hadn't occurred in decades, when he heard the Sorting Hat cry out Lily's house. For a moment, he felt sure that he just had to be dreaming, for although he had always known that Lily would have made a good Slytherin...she was the quintessential Gryffindor at heart. 'So how can this be...? Why have things changed?'
Then rational thought left Severus completely, as he realized just what this would mean for him. It meant that when he was sorted into Slytherin, like last time, he would be stuck spending seven years with Lily and his former Slytherin friends in the same house as him! He knew all too well he wouldn't be able to resist trying to befriend her, fool that he was, and then things would occur just the same way as before. It would be like last time, only worse as this time he would have to watch Lily abandon him again from the very same Common Room.
Even worse, he would have to be among the same people he had befriended, only to later betray; while changing sides had proven long ago to be the right thing to do, it didn't mean that Severus had never felt remorse or regret when he sold his former friends out to Dumbledore. Being there with them again would be a torment beyond words, as these were people who had befriended him when he was at his worst, even if it was to make him join an evil man's twisted dreams. Mulciber, Avery, Nott...they had once been his friends, his only friends after Lily had left him. There had to be something he could do to escape this horror before it consumed him, something!
"Snape, Severus!" shouted Professor McGonagall, causing Severus' eyes to widen; he had forgotten that he still had to be sorted, too engrossed in his thoughts to pay attention to the names she was calling out.
Stumbling slightly, Severus walked towards the Sorting Hat in a daze. Putting the aged hat onto his head, Severus could only stare at the Slytherin table in horror before the sight was obscured by the hat's brim. Immediately, it began to speak, "Hmm, interesting, very interesting...another strange one, eh? This could be a hard decision, yes indeed... There's plenty of courage there...when it comes to physical danger at least, a clever mind as well. But there's cunning...a great deal of cunning and cleverness! Not much ambition in there, although you once possessed it in abundance. You would do very well in Slytherin though..." The Sorting hat then paused, seeming to consider, luckily not speaking loud enough for anyone to hear. "However-"
Severus' eyes then popped open as a thought came to him, so obvious in retrospect that he could cry. He didn't have to be a Slytherin this time around! Hoping mightily that Dumbledore had been correct when he implied that he would have been better off in another house, he pleaded with the hat, mentally falling onto his knees as he begged, 'Don't put me in Slytherin, please! Anywhere but there!'
"Eh? You don't want to go to Slytherin? That's a shame; you probably would have done pretty well there." said the hat with what sounded like a mental shrug. "It doesn't matter much though, as with your incredible loyalty and willingness for hard work, the house I will put you into is..."
'Loyalty? Hard work?' Severus thought to himself with a sudden feeling of apprehension. 'That cannot be. Those are the qualities of...'
"HUFFLEPUFF!"
Author's Note: I'll bet that Severus' house was a bit of a shock for you, but we felt after a great deal of thought that Severus would probably still prefer to stay as far away from Lily as possible and except for maybe Slytherin, Hufflepuff's probably the closest house to him after his death--he may be smart, but he isn't interested in theoretical knowledge like a Ravenclaw, while he still has absolutely no respect for Gryffindor.
That, and who has ever seen a Huffly-puffly Sevvikins? (Joking aside, I honestly think that, except for maybe Slytherin, it's the most likely house for him post-Death if he turned out like my Severus.)
As for Lily's placement...you're free to speculate.
A lot of people have been asking how various fics are going/when I will be updating, so here is a list of fics and progress:
Cursed to Relive Chapter 9: Surprisingly it's done!
Cursed to Relive Chapter 10: Not started yet.
Letters From The Dark Chapter 5: 5% done
Law of Unintended Consequences Chapter 57: 80% Done
Ex Intempestivo Pax Chapter 14: At one point I was planning on discontinuing it, but you guys showed so much support that I'm looking through it again.
What If? Missing Moments and Studying Sunspots: Whenever I come up with an interesting idea, I'll write it.
This was Betaed by the Anachronistic Anglophile--Enemy of all 'What's up's' everywhere.
