Thank you again for the lovely reviews. I am honestly so happy with how much people are enjoying this story.
I want to thank each person who took the time to review, you guys really pushed me to write this chapter as fast as I could.
I love that some of you guys have reread this fic a few times and I love that you guys check it frequently and want me to update, I really do try my best to update quickly! I know I have taken a few more days than last time BUT this chapter is long! I was going to post as two separate chapters but I thought I would treat you guys to a long chapter.
I hope you enjoy :)
Paige's POV
I could feel my pulse in my ears as I walked back into the bar. My heart was beating fast and my mind was hazy. Did that really just happen?
I couldn't believe it. I bit down on my lip and could still taste her there and I knew that this was reality. Her kisses had tasted like the wine she had been drinking, but there was more, an intoxicating sweetness that must have just been her.
I had really just kissed Emily Fields.
I felt like I was in a movie, or in a dream… because this sort of thing didn't happen in real life… especially not in my life.
The bar was loud and busy as I entered and I didn't know what I was doing back in here. All I knew was that I couldn't stay out there with Emily. I couldn't carry on kissing her like that, the most perfect kissing I had ever experienced for her to tell me to stop. I couldn't cope with her pushing me off of her and delivering a string of excuses and regrets… I didn't want to ruin what had just happened. I needed to only remember her mouth on mine and the feeling of pure ecstasy in my body as she was pressed into me.
She kissed me first. I hadn't missed that fact, I had moved closer to her but it had been her that had closed the gap between our faces… it was her who pulled me hungrily in for more.
I couldn't cope with this.
Now that I'd tasted her lips it felt like the ball of desire inside me was hotter than ever, burning inside slowly driving me mad. If her lips tasted that sweet I could only imagine what the rest of her tasted like.
I tried to calm myself down as I reached the table full of my friends, I couldn't turn up looking the way I felt inside; awestruck and completely high on Emily Field's kiss.
"Paige where have you been… Happy freakin' New Year" Shana pulled me into her and gave me a hug, squeezing me a little too tight.
"Happy New Year" I found my voice, trying to be as normal as possible. I could tell Shana was drunk by the way she was rocking back and forth a little.
"I totally just got a New Year's kiss from Lara" She whispered into my ear before she spelt the word 'h-o-t' breathlessly.
I let out a small laugh. Looks like I wasn't the only one getting my New Year's wish.
"Congrats" I teased her, finally feeling my heartbeat returning to normal now I was away from Emily. I tried not to think about what she was doing now, tried not to think about whether or not she had returned to the bar, whether she was in the room right now.
My curiosity got the better of me and I glanced over to her table, seeing that she wasn't there. Instead I saw him talking and laughing with the other people on the table. Part of me was angry and I didn't know why. If anyone should be bad in this situation it was Emily, she was the one who had just kissed someone else when she was in a relationship… and I had encouraged it... but I still found myself getting angry as I watched this guy.
He seemed oblivious to everything. To the fact that Emily wasn't there, to the fact that she had spent the whole night looking like she was about to scream out in frustration. Just looking at her I could tell there was something going on with her that wasn't making her happy… but by the way this guy seemed so relaxed and cheerful I could only guess he couldn't see it.
If Emily was mine I would make sure she never had that look on her face, I would make sure she felt as amazing as she was.
I stopped myself from the ridiculous thoughts. I was being unfair, I should feel sorry for this guy. Yet it was hard for me to feel sorry for someone that had the chance to kiss Emily, the chance to be with her and love her… I struggled to feel sorry for him at all.
"Why are you giving that guy the evil eye?" Shana's drunken voice interrupted my misplaced anger.
"I'm not"
"You totally are"
"Because he looks like a jerk" I answered to make her happy, hopefully she wouldn't notice that it was Emily's boyfriend.
"You know who I think's a jerk?" Shana was smiling at me with what I knew was her drunk smirk.
"Who?"
"You! For not buying me a drink all night when I've bought you like 5 shots" she nudged me in the rips. I felt myself laughing now at her slurring.
"Okay Princess Shana I'll buy you a drink, but if you throw up later I am not cleaning it up" I had to be normal.
I couldn't let myself get swept up in this Emily whirlwind. I couldn't glare at her boyfriend all night. I had to try and ignore that she was still here, I had to keep my cool… I had to concentrate on something other than how much I wanted to pin her against a wall and kiss her all over again.
Emily's POV
I paced up and down outside of the bar trying to clear all the static out of my thoughts. What the hell are you doing Emily? I scolded myself. Why the hell did you enjoy that so fucking much? I let the stress run through my head for a few minutes longer. My breathing was only getting worse and I was worried I was on the edge of a panic attack.
I was a bad person.
I took deep breaths and tried to stop my legs from shaking.
She was so damn casual I replayed the way she had walked away so confidently making me feel like she was in control, she was the wolf and I was god damn bambi… helplessly pathetic and accepting of my fate. I had been hers completely… but I had loved every second of it.
A willing prey.
I knew I had kissed her first and that scared me the most.
I took one final deep breath before I finally ended the internal debate whether I should go back inside or not.
I walked back into the bar and kept my eyes firmly focused in the direction of the table I knew Ben and his friends would be at. Most people were still stood up celebrating the New Year and I noticed Ben walking back to the table with a handful of beer bottles.
I felt dizzy.
"Hey Babe where were you?" He caught my eye and flashed me a smile.
"I just needed some air" I was sure I was giving away panicked signals… I felt like my heart was beating visibly out of my chest and I was convinced the flustered feeling inside me would be showing.
"Well you ditched me for the New Year's kiss so I had to branch out" He laughed nudging his friend once he had put the drinks down.
"It was a man peck" The other guy elaborated and I forced myself to smile. I knew I should speak and say something but I was empty. My body was here in the bar with my boyfriend who I should be wishing a Happy New Year… but my mind was leaning against the building tasting Paige McCullers mouth.
I had to get out of here. "Ben I'm not feeling too good… I think I need to go home" I didn't even have to lie, my head was pounding.
"But babe I just bought more drinks" he looked torn as I was sure the way I was breathing now wasn't normal.
"You stay… have fun… I think I'm just a little dehydrated" He gave me a concerned look.
"You sure?"
"Yes" I managed and he finally nodded.
"Okay, but don't walk home… get a cab okay?" He leant forward and gave me a peck on the cheek. The guilt inside me was almost painful.
"Happy New Year babe"
"Happy New Year" I felt guilty as I spoke the words remembering the way they had sounded in Paige's husky tone.
I turned to leave and could feel her eyes on me as soon as I turned around. She wasn't smiling or grinning at me, she was just looking at me. I met her eyes quickly knowing it was dangerous but not being able to stop myself.
I felt breathless under her gaze.
I was a mess. I looked away as I headed for the door, knowing that there was no going back now.
It was the early hours of the morning before I heard Ben return home. I pulled the covers up to my chin as I heard him in the kitchen. I had spent the last few hours sat at random places in the apartment deciding what I needed to do.
I'd sat on the couch and decided I had to wait for him to come home and tell him tonight, but as the hours passed I found myself in bed; curled up trying not to think about it all.
I couldn't be with him I knew that much was true. I knew the decision was based on more than just the kiss tonight but it had been what had woken me up and made me realise I was being unfair to him.
I tried to tell myself this had nothing to do with Paige but I knew it did. It had to do with the way I felt when I was around her, how she excited me and challenged me… it had everything to do with the way I didn't feel those things with Ben.
It wasn't a decision between the two of them though. Paige wasn't an option… what had happened tonight had been a mistake but it didn't take away from the fact that I had felt what I had. I couldn't carry on with Ben when I knew that he would never be what I wanted.
He wanted a devoted wife and kids and a simple life in Ohio. I knew I wanted kids someday but I knew I didn't want them the way he did.
I didn't know if this made me gay. Honestly, part of me knew it wasn't about that. I had never been someone who got this obsession with labels. I didn't want someone for their gender... I wanted someone because they made me feel alive.
On the surface I seemed innocent, honest and easy… but I knew there was a deeper layer to me. There was something darker lurking beneath the surface that petrified me, it was the part of me that wanted to be selfish, the part of me that craved passion and competition and wanted to break all the rules. The part of me that wanted to travel the world and have sex somewhere I shouldn't… it was the part that needed excitement. And I knew I couldn't find that with him.
I heard him come into the bedroom and I could tell by how much noise he was making that he was drunk. I closed my eyes tighter and tried to make my breathing casual as he slipped into the bed next to me.
I couldn't do this when he was drunk.
"Babe, are you awake?" he whispered into the dark room.
I kept still and pretended I was asleep, hoping he wouldn't try and wake me up. He must have decided he was going to leave me to sleep as after a few moments he stopped wriggling and I heard his soft snores.
I lay awake most of the night running through everything in my brain.
We were meant to be going to his parents tomorrow. I remembered the plans we had made with a jolt of guilt.
I knew this was it now, there was no room for me to chicken out. I couldn't put it off any longer as I couldn't go and visit his parents when I felt like this. I had to do it in the morning.
I'll have to move out the thought was a secondary one but it still worried me. I hoped Hanna would let me stay with her until I sorted things out. I dreaded what she would think. I dreaded what my parents would think. I felt sick when I thought about how disappointed they would be… but I knew this wasn't about them. This was about me and Ben and what was best for us both.
I didn't want to tell him about the kiss with Paige. I couldn't tell him about the kiss or he would think this was purely about that when I knew it was so much more than that, and I knew it would hurt him even more and I didn't want that.
I listened to his breathing and I felt a wave of sadness wash over me. This would be the last time I slept next to him, this would be the last night I would sleep with his familiar and safe body next to me. I cared about him… but it was because I cared about him that I had to break up with him… he deserved more than someone who didn't want him enough.
He deserved someone who felt everything I had felt tonight with Paige when they were with him.
I wasn't sure how I fell asleep or how long I was sleeping for but before I knew it I was opening my eyes to the bright light coming through the gap in the curtains and I was aware Ben wasn't in bed any more.
I sat up reluctantly and I felt like I had a weight pushing me down, the magnitude of what I had to do hitting me.
I walked into the living room not really sure how I had got there. I was dressed now too in an outfit I couldn't remember picking out. Ben was flicking through the TV channels as I entered. He was still wearing his dressing gown and he looked so comfortable and content that I felt sick.
"Morning" He said, looking my way casually.
"Oh, you're dressed. What time is it?" He looked towards the TV as if to check the time. "Maybe I should get ready too… we should probably set off sooner rather than later" I hated how he had no idea that there was a problem between the two of us.
He had no idea that I had slowly been falling apart, he thought everything between us was fine… it made this feel a hundred times crueler.
I hadn't responded to anything he had said, instead I was staring at him with what I knew must have been a panicked expression.
"You okay?" He seemed to notice my face.
"No" my voice was weak. "...I need to talk"
Hanna placed the large mug of hot chocolate down in front of me.
"I gave you some extra marshmallows" she said with a small smile as she took a seat next to me on the couch.
"Thank you" I gave her a soft smile of my own. I was happy she was here for me.
"So am I ever going to find out what happened?" She brought her legs up onto the couch as she blew on her own drink. I could tell she was being cautious not to push me for details, but I knew it must have been killing her to not know anything.
When I had turned up at her door this morning with my suitcase she hadn't asked many questions, she had just let me in and given me a hug when I told her I had ended it with Ben.
It had been hard to tell him I couldn't be with him anymore, it had been hard to watch as he began to comprehend that I didn't want what he wanted… it had been hard to break his heart… but now it was done a part of me felt relieved. I felt more like myself than I had in months, even though it had hurt me to hurt him I felt good that I had finally done it.
"Nothing happened… I just wasn't happy anymore" I said, not quite meeting her eye as I knew I was lying a little. Something had happened… Paige had happened, but I couldn't even begin to tell Hanna about that.
"Why not?"
"I forgot that being in love with someone is meant to be amazing" I said quietly. "I realised I was only with Ben because I had been for so long… I know that sounds so horrible to say but I think I just realised that even though I love him… I was never really in love with him" I wanted to explain that it was so much more than that but I didn't know how to begin putting into words the feelings I had. The confusing feelings of lust and frustration and longing. It was too hard to describe that to Hanna.
"It's not horrible… It's honest" My blond friend touched my arm kindly as if to say 'I understand'.
I gave her an appreciative smile.
"Well you can stay here as long as you want, I know the spare room isn't very big but it's yours for as long as you need it. It'll be nice having you here"
"Thank You Han, really… Thank you" I knew I was lucky to have an amazing best friend like her.
Paige's POV
"Where are you going?" Shana asked as she came out of her room rubbing sleep from her eyes. It was still before 6 but I hadn't been able to sleep this morning.
"For a run" I said as tied the laces of my sneakers.
"You are insane" she shook her head at me. "We have practice later, you'll be exhausted"
"I need to warm myself up" I shrugged my shoulders. "I'll meet you at practice" I flashed her a smile and waved her goodbye before I left the apartment.
Today was the first day back at practice since the New Year and the thought of seeing Emily again was setting my mind into overdrive. I had spent the last few days thinking over what had happened and every time the predicament I was in only got worse.
I wasn't stupid, I knew how things like this normally ended. Bored straight girls testing what they could and couldn't do with a gay girl before they freaked out and stopped. I knew that she was in a relationship and I knew it was absolutely ridiculous for me to be this hung up on her. She was my coach and I shouldn't feel this way… but I was sure that the fact she was so forbidden was only making this whole thing worse. Every day that passed I thought about her more, and every day without seeing her only made me know that when I did I would still feel all those things for her. I was stuck in a cycle of knowing this was wrong... And loving that it was.
She hadn't come to the sports centre at all so I hadn't had a chance to speak to her about what had happened… not that I really knew what I would say.
I pressed play on my iPod, using the songs on my running playlist to set the rhythm for my run. I loved the feeling of my muscles working and I couldn't wait to get back to proper training today. Even with only a few days away from the pool I began to miss it; I couldn't even begin to imagine how Emily must feel not being able to swim anymore.
I took my usual route and was thankful that I was one of the only people crazy enough to go for a run this early, I was never a fan of crowded runs.
I ran for a good half hour, pleased that I could still push myself this far without tumbling over and collapsing. My breathing was heavy but I was enjoying the slight burn in my chest.
I decided to turn around when I realised it was about time I should start heading back to practice. I would just have time to grab some water and cool off before I needed to be at the pool.
I pushed myself on the route back, picking an upbeat song to match my feet hitting the ground.
The parking lot near the pool came into sight after a while and I slowed my pace down ready to come to a stop soon. It was still early so there weren't many cars as I ran around the edge, glancing down quickly to flick the song that was playing over.
I didn't even notice her walk from between the cars before I ran straight into her, stopping as I collided with her clumsily.
"Sorry" I said breathlessly before I had even realised who it was. When I noticed her face I took another deep breath and tried to ignore how my heart was now beating even faster that it had been before. I'd put my arms up in front of me but I let them fall to my sides now. "I didn't see you" I said as I watched her face as she took a step back away from me.
"It's alright" she said in an almost murmur not meeting my eye directly. I found that I had a smile on my face; I had forgotten just how good looking Emily Fields was especially when she looked shy like this. She was wearing her coaching uniform and her hair was tied back in a messy ponytail… it was a surprisingly sexy look.
She turned and walked away from me unexpectedly and I just watched her walk for a moment before I went after her.
I was slightly out of breath from my run and I was sure I looked a sweaty mess right now but I tried not to be self-conscious.
"I'm starting to think you're avoiding me" I said the words as I reached her, aware that the smile was still on my face. It was a permanent feature on my face when I was around this woman.
"I'm not avoiding you" She replied, her eyes only darting to me briefly before she looked ahead of her again. "I'm late for a meeting with Coach Dawson" It was like her whole body was tight and I could see the way her shoulders were tensed as she walked.
"So are we not going to acknowledge what happened the other night?" This caused her to stop walking and she appeared to take a deep breath before she turned to me.
"The other night was a mistake, I'm sorry that I acted inappropriately" She finally met my eyes and I could see from her gaze that she was flustered, she looked away again. Her words were what I had expected but it was still disappointing to hear.
"By kissing me?" She seemed shocked by my bold choice of words and she met my eyes for a brief moment before she looked down again. She opened her mouth to say something else but the sound of footsteps behind us interrupted her. I watched as she glanced over my shoulder, stopping to give me an almost pleading look before she turned around and walked forward again without saying anything else.
I heard the footsteps getting nearer and finally heard Brooke and Shana's familiar voices. I was an idiot to be disappointed… I knew exactly where this was going before it had even began.
But somehow I still couldn't stop myself from wanting more.
Emily's POV
I played with the whistle around my neck aimlessly as I stood on the poolside, tying hard to look anywhere but at Paige and her half nakedness. The universe was cruel for making her look so good in a swimsuit.
I didn't know what I had expected to happen when I had come back to work. I don't know why part of me had expected us to go back to the safe boundaries of lingering looks and subtle flirting… but Paige had to surprise me again. She had addressed the kiss like it wasn't the earth shattering thing I had built up in my mind. She addressed it like it was okay to talk about… she addressed it like there weren't consequences for it.
Maybe there wasn't for her… it wasn't like she would be kicked off the team for something like this. It was me who had things to lose, me who Coach Dawson would be disappointed with if she found out. My career that could be damaged by a scandal like this.
To Paige this was probably just a bit of harmless fun… but to me this was everything.
"Fields are you alright today?" Coach Dawson was saying to me and I only just realised as she spoke that my gaze had found its way over to where Paige was stretching, her lean body bending in the most delicious ways.
I snapped my eyes back to the older woman, trying my best not to look guilty. "I'm fine" I shrugged casually. "Are these the files you wanted me to look at" I changed the subject as I noticed the papers in her hands. I knew I had to get a grip of myself or I might as well kiss any hopes of a career goodbye. Kiss. I really shouldn't be thinking about kissing… not with Page McCullers only a few meters away.
By the time practice was over I had clocked the amount of times Paige had smiled my way and the amount of times I had found myself staring at her and the result was petrifying.
I couldn't go on like this as someone would noticed. The way Paige was so blatant with her flirting wasn't helping and I only worried how long it would be before she told someone about the kiss… I knew I needed to speak to her.
"Paige… can I talk to you for a moment" I caught her near my office as she was about to leave again.
She only nodded and I was thankful I got no flirtatious remark this time. I didn't know if I could cope with that.
"Shall we go inside?" She asked with a small smile as I just lingered near the door unwilling to enter. I knew if we went inside I would be putting myself in that dangerous position again… but standing out here was probably just as dangerous as the hallway was still busy with people and anyone could overhear.
I nodded as I walked in, aware that she was following me.
"So… I'm guessing you've not pulled me in here to talk about my progress" her frustratingly charming tone was back as I watched her tongue wet her bottom lip slightly. I remembered the way it had felt against my own and the memory made it hard to concentrate on what I needed to say.
"I just wanted to say, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about… about what happened the other night" I said the words quickly, knowing that the sooner I stopped speaking to her the sooner I could breathe normally again.
"Emily… I don't know who you think I am… but I'll tell you now I'm not that girl" The casual use of my name and the way she said the words sent a little flutter in my stomach.
"What do you mean?" I met her eyes as I waited for her to elaborate.
"I mean that I don't kiss and tell" She said it so confidently. "You don't have to worry about me telling all your dirty little secrets to coach Dawson" she flashed me a smile and the fluttering returned. "… or your boyfriend" She added with a somewhat reserved nod. "That's your business"
I met her eyes again and I cursed myself for letting her mesmerizing use of eye contact pull me in. I could feel myself melting again with her words and under her gaze… all the ways I was trying to resist her failing miserably.
"I broke up with him" I didn't know why I was telling her that, it was stupid to tell her that but for some reason the words had found their way out of my mouth.
For the first time her expression looked shocked, but it was only for the briefest of moments before she nodded slowly. "Oh" was all she said.
"I don't know why I just told you that" I spoke under my breath, panicking a little.
"Like you don't know why you kissed me?" She raised an eyebrow at me as she spoke and I felt my cheeks turning red.
"You need to stop" I swore it was getting hotter in here.
"Stop what?"
"Talking about the kiss" I said the word under my breath. "Please" I added, knowing from experience she didn't take well to people telling her what to do.
"Was it really that awful for you? I rather enjoyed it" The words were spoken in her usual mocking tone but her eyes were serious and they stared at my own as I felt my cheeks reddening again.
"This needs to stop" I was on the verge of breathlessness but I had to be strong. Even though it didn't feel that way right now I was the adult here. It was my obligation to be responsible… I had to be. "This has nothing to do with whether I enjoyed it or not… this has to do with the fact that I am your coach and I have been reckless to allow any of this to happen"
"That's very profound" she was smiling at me again now and I wished my body didn't react this way to her smile. "I'm not sure exactly what you want me to stop doing"
She knew exactly what I was talking about but was just enjoying having me spell it out. "Flirting" I answered her resentfully.
She seemed amused at my words as she just continued smiling as she did a little shrug "I can't make any promises" I hated how perfect her eyes were.
"Please try"
"If that's what you want?"
It's not what I want at all… I want you to flirt with me and charm me and whisper your cocky remarks into my ear as I kiss you. "It is" I replied coldly.
She gave me a final nod before she turned to leave the room and left me wanting her more than ever.
Paige's POV
"Lexie!" I shouted after the blond girl as she walked away from the reception desk. "What time shall we get to the club tomorrow?" I remembered what I had wanted to ask her.
"About 9" She replied as she made her way back to me. "Our band isn't playing until 10 but it'll probably get pretty busy"
"Okay we'll be there" She smiled at that.
"Did you ever find out anything about your bike?" My bike had been stolen last week while I had been at work. It was really about time the sport centre fitted some better security cameras in their parking lot.
"Nothing" I shrugged. I was angry to say the least, not only because it had been quite expensive but because now I had to walk half way across town to avoid paying loads for a bus or cab. I'd gotten used to it the last few days though and enjoyed the quiet time to clear my head.
"That sucks" she said with a sympathetic frown.
I heard the outside doors open before I looked up to see who was coming in. I was shocked when I saw her here, walking across the entrance hall in her impossibly perfect workout clothes. She hadn't been here since the night we danced together and I had given up any hope that I would see her here again.
It had been a week since she had pulled me into her office and asked me to stop 'flirting' with her and the days since then she had avoided me as well as she could. But she was here now and my heart was as happy to see her as ever.
"And you tried to tell me you don't have the hots for her" Lexie had looked who was grabbing my attention and whispered in my direction with a little laugh.
"Shut up" I whispered back to her with a little smile, only looking away from Emily briefly.
"I'll leave you two alone" she joked back silently and began to walk back towards the gym as Emily finally reached the desk.
"Hey" I said trying my hardest to remain casual when in fact the sight of her in her workout clothes was doing all the wrong things inside me.
"Hi" she said, in the forced emotionless tone she liked to use frequently. I didn't know if she thought she was being successful in hiding the true anxious undertones but I couldn't help but find it endearing as hell.
"I didn't think I was going to see you here again" I tried to make conversation without flirting with her but it was harder than I thought.
"I've just come for the dance class" She said, not meeting my eye.
"Of course" I said with a smile, reaching for the sign in sheet and passing it her way.
"I'm glad you're back"
"Paige…" she breathed out almost silently before she met my gaze.
I held my hands up playfully in defence. "I was just saying it would be a shame if you couldn't dance anymore… I'm not flirting" I contradicted my words by the way I looked at her as I spoke, I knew it was a look I only reserved for her.
She didn't say anything as she wrote her name and pushed the sheet back to me.
"You know this doesn't have to be weird… you can still talk to me?" I spoke the words with a kind smile, hoping she would see that even though I did fancy her and even though we had kissed… I still enjoyed just talking to her.
I watched her breathe out before she met my eyes, an emotion I couldn't quite work out was held in them. "I can't" she said. "I'm sorry" and with that she headed up the stairs to the dance class and I was left spending the rest of the shift knowing Emily was somewhere above me dancing in that glorious way she did but I was unable to watch.
Frustrating.
Emily's POV
I knew I was probably stupid for coming back to dance classes here, but I had told myself that I couldn't change everything I liked doing simply because of Paige. It looked worse if I avoided her and I knew I had to get used to seeing her more.
I just always forgot how overpowering my feelings were whenever I saw her. I always forgot how much I wanted to kiss her whenever she spoke. That was why I had opted for speaking to her as little as possible, I felt a little rude but it was what I had to do.
I had missed dance class, it was the only time where I could truly relax and let go of all the feelings inside of me and just enjoy myself. I still had so many thoughts about Ben and what I had done to him and the stress of telling my parents… that I really needed this time to relax.
When the class had finished I tried to walk out of the building with a group of other people so I wouldn't have to see Paige alone again. As I walked past the desk she was talking to the annoyingly muscley blond girl again anyway so we only shared a second of awkward eye contact before I was out of the building.
I got in my car and began to drive the new route home back to Hanna's house. I enjoyed staying with her even though sometimes I craved for my own space. She was my best friend and great company but she could sometimes be very intense.
I took the unfamiliar road back across town that my GPS system told me to, flicking my windscreen wipers on as it began to rain lightly. I was driving for a few minutes when I heard the sound and I felt the car drop on one side. Brilliant. I thought as I recognised the feeling of a flat tire.
I pulled over onto the side of the road, cursing myself for not bringing my phone with me. Ever since I had been robbed the other month I had been reluctant to bring my things with me if I wasn't going to need them. I hadn't planned for this.
I got out of the car and looked at the offending tire, not really sure what had caused the puncture. It wasn't quite dark yet but I knew it wouldn't be long until there was little light and the rain looked like it was only going to get heavier.
I sighed as I reached into the trunk and found the supply of emergency tools I had never had to use. I really had no idea what I was doing and I wished I had actually paid attention when my father had shown me how to this.
The road wasn't very busy but I hoped someone passing by would stop to help. A few cars passed me but none of them stopped. Thank you very much I thought to myself bitterly as they passed.
I was only a few minutes' walk away from the sport centre and I knew I could walk back there and get some help. Use their phone to call someone… or Paige. The idea was one I needed to avoid.
I stood by the car for a few minutes waiting for another passer by I could flag over for help. No one passed by.
Right. I thought finally after waiting long enough as I picked up the wrench. Stop being such a girl I told myself as I bent down and looked at the tire. I knew I had to loosen the bolts holding the wheel in place.
It was raining heavier now and I cursed myself for being so slow at this. I had the jack too but I had no idea when and how I was meant to use it. I began trying to loosen the nuts but it was harder than it looked.
"Need some help?" I heard her voice before I heard her footsteps. The rain in my ears and the distraction of trying to loosen the unmovable bolts must have distracted me.
"Paige" I was startled by her appearance near my car. "What are you doing here?" The universe was playing with me.
"I was walking home… but now I'm enjoying watching you struggling with that" She flashed me a playful grin and I felt myself become flustered.
"I'm not struggling… it's just tough" I defended myself, turning back to what I was doing. I couldn't accept her help… I was trying to avoid accepting anything from her.
"You do know you're trying to turn that the wrong way?" she had moved in closer and it was clear from the expression on her face she was enjoying the show in front of her.
I didn't reply to her, only changed the way I was pushing down on the wrench. She bent down so she was level with me and reached to take it out of my hand. "Let me help" She said it softly this time and something about her new position next to me set my heart beating fast and I almost had to stop myself from falling into her.
I stood up quickly and fumbled with the tool in my hand. "It's fine, honestly"
"So that's why you're still stood out here in the rain and not driving again by now?" She was so smug. It was captivating to watch her smile.
She looked like she wasn't taking no for an answer as she reached again for the wrench and this time I let her take it from me. She began to pull off the jacket she was wearing and I gave her a curious look. "It's raining" I said with an eyebrow raised.
"I'm not getting car dirt on my jacket… it's new" She walked closer to me and held the jacket out, I took it awkwardly and held onto it as she nodded slightly. It was slightly warm and I hated the fact that I enjoyed the feeling of it on my bare arms.
She bent down without any more words and I watched as she loosened the wheel nuts effortlessly. This girl was ridiculous.
She grabbed the jack and put it next to the wheel, twisting it so the car raised up. The way she did this I was sure she had done it plenty of times before.
She stood up and I watched as she pulled the spare tire out of the trunk letting it drop to the floor as she took the flat one off and replaced it with the new one. She moved quickly and I found myself enjoying the fact that I could just watch her for once without worrying about her watching me. The rain was getting heavier now and I watched the way it hit her back as she bent down, making her baggy t-shirt cling to her skin. I felt the rain dampening my hair and I wiped a strand of wet hair out of my eyes as I watched her work. For some reason I didn't care that much that it was raining so hard as I held on tighter to the jacket in my arms, the soft fabric keeping me warm.
She didn't speak as she tightened the bolts back up, the muscles in her arms flexing as she did. There was something so attractive about watching her like this, so concentrated and competent as she worked.
She picked up the flat tire and put it in the trunk before she jacked the car back down and put all the tools back where I had got them from.
"There you go" She smiled my way as she wiped her hands on her jeans. "That wasn't so hard letting me help you was it?" She smiled as she reached for the jacket she had asked me to hold for her.
I gave it her back reluctantly, instantly missing the feel of it. I imagined what it would be like to have her arms wrapped around me instead. I shivered involuntarily.
"Thank you" I found my words even though my heart was beating so much faster than it should be.
"My pleasure" she was giving me that look again, the one that made my palms sweat and my knees weak and made me want to kiss every part of her. I felt the rain drip down the back of my neck as I looked down.
"Why do you always look away?" She had taken a step closer to me when I looked up and I didn't know how to respond to her words.
"I don't…" I breathed heavily as she gave me the look again. "You make me nervous" the voice wasn't the one I knew, but the inner Emily who was struggling to get out and be heard.
Paige's POV
"You make me nervous" she said. You make me nervous I thought, but I wasn't about to admit that.
"You don't need to be nervous" I said as I watched her again, aware of how heavy her breathing was.
"Don't I?" She replied in an almost amused panic. She pushed her damp hair back with her fingers and I watched the way it fell by her shoulders.
I shook my head at her question. "I'm not gonna bite" I said it jokingly but she seemed to breathe even heavier at my words. My stomach fluttered at the thought of doing just that, kissing her and biting her lightly… my own breathing was getting heavier at the thought. "Unless you want me to" I flashed her a flirtatious smile.
"This is ridiculous… I need to go… I can't…" She was mumbling again and I hated the way it felt when she pulled herself out of these moments. I wanted her so much and I could tell she wanted it too, it was frustrating how she seemed to be fighting it so hard.
I reached forward and grabbed her arm as she began to turn away. "Wait" I said trying to make her not run away. "I'm sorry"
"No" She looked down at my hand that was gripping on lightly to her skin. "I asked you to stop, please" She moved backwards and reached for the handle of the door.
"Don't make it seem like it's just me" I spoke, aware how heavy the rain was pouring down now. It was making my hair hang in front of my face and I pushed it back so I could see her.
"I didn't want any of this, it needs to stop" She was saying defensive words but her tone was so different; weak and unconvincing.
"Then why did you kiss me like that the other night?" I let the words hang in the air and when she didn't reply I continued. "And why do you look at me like you do… don't tell me it's all in my head"
"I apologised about the kiss… I don't know what else you want me to say…"
"The truth" I replied to her question.
"I can't…" She was stuttering on her words and I knew I wouldn't get what I wanted to hear from her.
"You know what I think?" I didn't wait for her answer. "I think you're scared. I think you're scared because you feel the same thing I feel whenever I'm with you."
She took a long deep breath. "Fine… you want the truth?" She surprised me with her words. "Of course I'm scared. I'm scared because I'm attracted to you alright? I'm so annoyingly attracted to you and that is not okay." She breathed heavily and met my eye. There was fear and anger there but something else; desire.
I'm attracted to you. It made my heart skip a beat. For once I had no words to say.
"And I'm scared because you make me act in a way I've never acted before… my whole life has changed since I met you and I have no idea why. None of this makes sense to me, I feel so utterly out of control and it is petrifying so I'm sorry that I'm not okay with telling you the truth, because the truth scares me more than anything else in the world" When she finished I realised I had been holding my breath the whole time. I couldn't quite believe I was hearing what she was saying and I knew I should find some words to say. It was my fault she felt this way yet I didn't feel guilty, all I felt was relief that she wasn't denying it anymore.
I opened my mouth to speak but she interrupted me again. "I need to go" It almost looked like she regretted her words, maybe it was because I hadn't said anything in response for so long. "Thank you for changing my tire" Her breathing was heavy again and I let my eyes linger on hers as I tried to think of something to say in response to what she had just told me.
She got in the car before my brain kicked in though, I reached after her saying her name but the car door shut in my face and all I could do was stand in the rain as I heard the engine turn on.
I could feel my heart beating in my chest as the car pulled away and I watched her drive slowly down the road. I cursed internally at myself for not having something better to say to her, for allowing her to drive away.
I watched the car for another moment before I saw the brake lights illuminate and the car stopped at the side of the road again. She didn't get out as I watched the car so I walked forward down the tarmac to where she was pulled up.
I reached the window of the driver's side and it was rolled down, I could see her facing the front with both hands gripping her steering wheel. "Get in" She said it in a low voice and I knew there was not a single part of me that would be able to ignore her request.
I walked around the front of the car, finally realising how wet I was from the rain. I reached the passenger door and pulled it open quickly still having no idea what was going on. I didn't know what had happened to me. For some reason hearing her admit her attraction to me had knocked me off, it had thrown my mind and body into a frenzy and it was all I could do to carry on breathing normally.
I sat down in the seat next to her and closed the door, feeling the warmth from the car heaters instantly. Emily was still staring forward and it was silent in the car apart from our breathing… I knew I had to speak.
"Emily…" I began but her movement stopped any further words from coming out of my mouth. Before I could articulate what was happening her lips were on mine.
I didn't have chance to catch my breath but I didn't care as I kissed her back eagerly. Breathing didn't matter when I had her lips on mine. I felt her hands grip around the back of my neck and she pulled me towards her to deepen the kiss.
I felt like I was walking on air again as my tongue moved with hers. It was a clumsy kiss but it was perfect. She was kissing me in the way she had been looking at me before, anxiously, fearfully but passionately. I moved my hands to her face, guiding the kiss as we moved together.
We settled into a steady rhythm finally and it seemed she knew just the right pressure to put into the kiss, she would be hard and then soft and leave me wanting more and more of her wonderful mouth. I was aware of how her mouth tasted and I relished in the unique flavour, it was intoxicating as our kiss continued.
"What the hell am I doing?" Her words were mumbled into my mouth but she showed no signs of stopping kissing me. I pulled her bottom lip into my mouth before I replied.
"Kissing me" I was breathless.
"Exactly" she breathed into my mouth before we deepened the kiss again. I felt her hands fumbling to unfasten her seatbelt so she could shift her body closer to mine. I helped her move it out the way and let my hands roam further down her body until they rested on her hips.
I had dreamed about his far too many times but it was still better than I could ever imagine. I kissed her lips smoothly, pulling back slightly so I could move my mouth down her jaw. I wasn't being slow and I wasn't being restrained, I was chaotic and passionate but I couldn't help it.
Her skin was so soft as I moved my mouth lower and found her neck. She arched her head backwards as I kissed her there. She breathed out heavily as I touched the skin with my tongue, a sensual moan escaped her mouth and I made a note that it was the single most erotic sound I had ever heard.
I could feel her hands burying themselves in my hair as she pressed me into her, all I could taste was her skin and all I could smell was her perfume... it was a memorising mix.
A loud knock on the window pulled us apart brutally. It was only when my eyes were open again and I wasn't lost in kissing her that I noticed the blue flashing lights. Emily looked flustered and red faced as she flattered her hair down and pressed the button to bring the window down.
The police officer had a small smile on his face as he took in the sight of the two of us. "Good evening ladies" he said, only looking at Emily.
"Officer" The embarrassment was evident in Emily's voice.
"You know you can't pull over here… I'm going to have to ask you to find somewhere else to stop" He almost seemed amused. What a jackass… he had to interrupt when I had my lips on Emily Field's perfect neck.
"I'm sorry… I had a flat tire and…" Emily was trying to explain but she was only making it worse. I interrupted.
"We're sorry… we're leaving" he looked at me for the first time and nodded.
"Very well… well enjoy the rest of your evening ladies" He looked back at Emily and winked, if he didn't have the gun on his belt and the ability to arrest me I probably would have punched him in the face.
He began walking away and Emily put the window back up, her breathing still heavy as she hurried to fasten her seat belt, turn the engine back on and set off driving as fast as she could.
I watched her as she drove, her lip between her teeth as her expression was set in one of sheer humiliation.
I let out a little laugh as I watched her, not sure I had ever seen someone that made me want to laugh at them, comfort them and kiss them all at the same time.
"What?" She breathed out looking at me out of the corner of her eye.
I laughed a bit louder when I just took in what had happened.
"It's not funny!" she looked at me out of the corner of her eye and I could see a small smile working its way onto her lips.
"It is" I laughed out and I finally got a laugh out of her and she let herself smile. I watched her as she laughed and I felt a warmness inside of me, I watched the way she focused back on the road after she had stopped laughing and how her hands were still gripping onto the steering wheel tightly.
I didn't know what made me do it but I reached forward carefully and reached for one of her hands. She cooperated easily and let her hand leave the wheel as I covered it with my own. She took her eyes off the road for a second to look at the hand I was holding before she met my eyes, a slightly nervous look there. I gave her what I hoped was a reassuring smile before her gaze returned to the road in front.
We didn't speak for a moment as I ran a thumb over her knuckles, I felt her body shiver.
"You're making it hard for me to concentrate on the road" she said in a quiet laugh, the nerves still laced in her tone.
"I'm sorry" I didn't take my hand off hers and stroked the skin again.
"You need to take a left here" I spoke, still not looking at the road. "That is if you're not going to make me walk home in the rain"
She glanced at me quickly and gave me a little smile. I guess I was getting a ride home.
As she took the turning she had to use both hands and I reluctantly let go of her warm hand.
I didn't take it again as we continued driving along the road. It wasn't that far back to campus to where I lived and I suddenly wished I lived miles away so I could spend more time in this moment just looking at her as she drove.
"I never realised this scared you so much" I broke the silence and I watched as she took a breath.
"Does it not scare you?" I thought about her question for a moment and realised that it did. But it was the good kind of scary, the sort of fear you have when you go on a rollercoaster, the sort that fills you up with excitement and makes your heart race.
"I guess it does" I admitted and this seemed to please her. "But I find it more exhilarating than anything"
"I find it both in equal measure" she glanced at me again and I was happy to see a small cautious smile on her lips.
"This is crazy" she was looking back at the road now and it almost seemed like she was speaking to herself. "I really don't know what I'm doing"
"Enjoying yourself" I answered for her with a grin. "Well at least I hope so"
She didn't say anything back just gave me another side smile. I took that as a yes.
"Right here" She gave me a confused look when she didn't understand what I was saying. "The next road on the right" I elaborated as she took the road. I knew she would be familiar with this road now as we were now nearly back. After a moment my apartment block came into view.
"This is me" I said pointing to the building ahead.
She nodded and pulled up on the road even though we were still a bit away from the building.
She pulled the handbrake on and she seemed unable to look me in the eye again. I considered reaching for her hand but settled on running a finger over her wrist to get her to look at me.
"Have lunch with me tomorrow?" I asked her before she gave me a reason for her to disappear again.
"Paige…" she began in that usual pessimist tone.
"Before you say no… hear me out" I flashed her a smile and I saw her weaken a little under it.
"Okay" She did that delicious half smile again.
"It doesn't have to mean anything… just lunch" I began slowly, hoping what I was about to say would convince her to give me a chance. "And you can trust me… I know how worried you are about this… I won't tell anyone." I watched her expression. "I know a place we can go where we won't see anyone we know"
She seemed to weigh it up in her mind, her eyes floating over my face as she did. "If I say no you're not going to stop asking me are you?"
I laughed a little. "Probably not" I grinned back at her. She bit her lip as she thought again.
"It's probably a really bad idea" She had moved closer to me now and I felt myself nodding as her head moved closer.
"Probably" I said, moving my own head to close the gap further.
I watched as she moved her eyes over my face, finally landing on my lips as she spoke. "I'll pick you up at 12"
I smiled at her response and closed the small gap between our faces, kissing her much more gently than last time. The kiss was soft and slow but I still couldn't quite believe touching another person's lips could feel this great.
She pulled back quicker than I would have liked and I spotted the nervous look in her eye again, but this time the nerves seemed to be directed at our surroundings and that we weren't exactly in the most secluded area.
I didn't say anything about it I just nodded with a small smile and unfastened my seat belt.
"Good night Emily" I so wanted to stay here with her, I wanted to drive somewhere far away and kiss her all night. I wanted everything but I knew that wasn't the way things worked. This was new, this was scary… I couldn't rush this right now.
"Good night" She replied and I gave her one more smile before I got out of the car and watched as she drove away.
"Wow" I said the word out loud to myself as I stood and watched her disappear around the bend in the road, my heart still beating fast under my shirt.
If this is a dream... I hope I don't wake up any time soon.
Thanks for reading. Like I said... a very long and eventful chapter ;) Please review!
