So firstly, i just have to say a massive THANK YOU to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it helped me hugely in the planning for the rest of the story! i did try to reply to most of them, but if i didnt then thank you:) all i can say is hang in there, and there will be no major character death. that is all.
Disclaimer: Castle is not mine.
He didn't want to be here, he didn't want to hear what the detective had to say, he didn't want it to be true, it couldn't be true.
She couldn't be gone.
Not after all they had been through, not after all they had survived together.
Together.
He should have been with her! He shouldn't have let her go alone! He should have insisted they stay together, they could handle it together, they could handle anything together, drowning, freezing, fighting, they could take it.
Together they could face tigers, battle their nightmares, heal their wounds.
Together they were damn near invincible.
It was when they were apart that they weren't. When they were apart, the daemons were that much harder to fight, the worries and fears they each had were harder to shake. When they were apart they were missing something, they were missing each other.
She shouldn't have been alone, they shouldn't have been apart, but she was and they were and now she was –
She was what?
The detective was looking expectantly at Rick and Alexis, who had closed her eyes and was leaning heavily against her father. He was waiting for Rick to acknowledge him, ask his purpose, he was just the messenger, he was sent simply to pass on the news.
He didn't know how long the detective had been waiting, but Rick knew he would have waited all night for him and Alexis to return to the loft, which meant he had news – bad news – the kind that could not simply be told via a phone call or text message, because that was too impersonal; cold.
He knew what was coming, he knew what this detective was going to say,
"Mr Castle, I'm sorry to have to inform you, but your girlfriend, Detective Katherine Beckett, was killed early this evening, I am very sorry for your loss."
Something like that, something similar. Rick had seen it done many times, had seen Kate do it; give bad news to families, tell them that someone they loved was gone forever, he had watched them cry and shake and refuse to believe it, he thought he had felt their pain, been able to sympathise, but he hadn't, he had never experienced it himself.
But Kate had, she new what it was like to come home and find an NYPD Detective on her doorstep, she had been given the 'sorry for your loss' speech. She knew what it was like.
And by the end of the night, so would he, and his teenage daughter.
He held her tightly in his arms, his baby girl, his whole world. What would this do to her? Her and Kate were close, they had grown ridiculously attached to each other over the past week. Not that he minded.
Sure he was a little jealous at first, they seemed more inclined to spend time with each other than with him, content to share stories and laugh and gang up on him on movie night, but he loved it, he really did.
He had finally done right by his daughter, she now had a mother and role model, and he had his one and done. Kate was the missing piece that their family needed. She was exactly what they were looking for and they weren't even married.
She was pregnant with his child.
They were expanding their family, they were going to grow, Alexis was going to have a sibling, even if it was about ten years too late, Kate was going to be a mother, from the beginning this time, he was going to be a dad again, he was going to get to raise a baby with Kate, share the joys of parenthood with his significant other.
That was what was supposed to happen, that was how it was meant to go.
But there was a detective here, persistently looking at Rick, desperate to pass on his message and carry on with his job. Wanting to give Rick the dumbed-down version of whatever happened, soften the blow and sugar-coat the finer details.
He had seen that done too,
'She bled out immediately, she didn't feel a thing'
or maybe;
'Snapped her neck straight away, she didn't see it coming'
His mind was reeling with the possibilities, his overactive imagination conjuring up all sorts of terrible images. Past crime scenes he'd been too, each time his beautiful Kate's face in place of the victims. Bus and car crashes he's seen on the news, but it was her flawed but nevertheless incredible body being covered by a white sheet, her eyes looking back at him, haunted, empty.
It was killing him.
He could feel his daughter still shaking in his arms, her eyes squeezed shut, trying to stop the tears from falling. She couldn't hide them though, Rick could already see the tear tracks down her cheeks, could already hear her laboured breathing as she tried not to break down.
It broke his heart.
He hated that she had to experience this, that his little girl was being exposed to the harsh reality of the world. It was an eventuality, but one he was perfectly happy to put off until later. He had to be there for her this time, he couldn't shut it out and disconnect, he couldn't do that to her, not again.
If he had learnt anything from his daughter's reaction when Kate finally let him back in, it was that she hated who he was that summer, she resented how closed off he had been, how he appeared to mourn the loss of someone who wasn't dead.
This time he's be there for her. He'd hold her while she cried and he's step up and take care of her like he was supposed to, like he usually did. He would be there for her because she was all he had left in the world now, and he was all she had.
Rick knew he should say something, anything, to the detective, ask his name, why he had come here, where was Kate. He knew he should say something but between the quivering girl in his arms, and the various thoughts and feelings rushing through him, he couldn't make his mouth move, he couldn't bring himself to form the words necessary.
He didn't want to hear it, he didn't want the detective to say the words, make it final, make it definite. He didn't want to know for sure that his Kate was gone, because the presence of a detective at his door and the absence of his beloved, made that clear enough. He didn't want it to be true.
But still, as soon as the Detective confirmed it, it would hit him for sure. Rational thought would be impossible, he had been there before, he had lost her before. He would feel as if it were him who was dead, not she. He knew it was coming but that would not make it any easier to accept.
Finally, after what seemed like hours to the Castles, the detective clears his throat and starts towards them, clearly sensing he must make the first move.
He clears his throat again as he prepares to speak.
She should have seen it coming really, she should have known.
Her life never went this well, never.
When she was nineteen, she had been a happy college student, had an amazing relationship with both parents, was on her way to being somebody; she had been happy.
Then her mom had been murdered, her dad became an alcoholic, and she threw her entire being into solving her moms case, effectively wasting her own life.
Then she became a detective, and she had her boys and she had Castle, and she started to feel better, she smiled more, lived more, laughed more. She was so close to being happy again.
Then Montgomery had been killed, a man who was like a father to her, then she had been shot and nearly killed, and then she had retreated back into herself, pushing everyone who loved her away, pushing Rick away.
But she had recovered, she healed and came back fighting, she was ready to be happy, ready to tell Rick she remembered his confession, that she loved him too, she was ready, she was going to be happy again.
And then he had been shot and nearly killed, and she thought she had lost him before he even really became hers to lose.
But he had lived and they had built a life together, she became a part of his family and she was happy. For the first time in so long, she was truly and blissfully happy. She had Rick, she had Alexis, she had the boys and Lanie, and she had a new baby on the way, Rick's baby.
So really she should have known that something was going to happen, because never in her life had she been allowed to be this happy for long. It was as though the universe had some unwritten law ensuring any happiness she had was short lived.
She left the precinct and hailed a cab, giving the driver the name of the restaurant where she was meeting Rick and Alexis, smiling to herself in the backseat as she rested her hand lovingly on her still-flat stomach.
She shouldn't have been surprised by the white light that blinded her seconds before the car rammed into her cab, the impact causing the entire vehicle to roll.
For a moment, she was suspended, hanging upside down in the cab by her seatbelt. There was a fleeting moment of weightlessness, before she came crashing down. Hard.
And everything went black.
"Just say it, tell me what happened"
"Mr Castle I – "
"Don't Mr Castle me, just say it, tell me, please!"
"I'm sorry, there's been an accident."
So we really didnt get anywhere in this chapter, and im sorry, but a combination of a faulty laptop, little sleep and an addictive book, made it difficult to write. please please PLEASE review:) the next chapter will be up alot sooner hopefully:)
