Authors Notes:
Disclaimer: I do not own Skins or the characters mentioned in the story.
Rating: I'll go with M (Just incase) for swearing, drug use, some violence.
Pairing: Naomi and Emily.
Genre: A mix between hurt, discomfort and drama and stupidity on Naomi's part.
This is another long chapter but all for good reason. Trust me :)
Thanks again to all that have left a review. I really do appreciate it... more than you will ever know.
The Darkness That Follows
Part IX
I was sitting in the kitchen sipping on a hot cup of coffee. After finally going back to sleep wrapped in Naomi's embrace… I had awoken alone. Naomi had long gone. All she had left me was a simple note resting on the pillow next to me.
Naomi
Slept
Here
xxx
I smiled at the memory of me leaving a similar note the first time I had stayed over at Naomi's when she was running for school president. I was disappointed that she had left me before I had awoken but I also felt hopeful. Hopeful that the conversation we had last night had finally sunk in and she was going to get her self back on the right track. I wasn't too concerned about us getting back together; well I was in a way. I've always been concerned about that, but I just wanted her to be safe and well. That was my first priority. I just pray that my words hadn't fallen on deaf ears as they usually did. I hope that there will be a day that I won't have to constantly worry about her regardless if she's in my life or not because even though apart from last night I hadn't seen her for 2 years, it didn't mean that I wasn't stressing. Wondering where she was? What she was doing? What type of people she was associating with? It has always been there… The sound of the front door separated me from my thoughts. Katie stumbled in off her tits.
"Ems… you shoulda seen… seen the guy I was with last night babe."
"Ahhh Katie, did you forget that I'm gay?"
"You don't have to be straight to appreciate fucking beauty."
(Beauty? What the hell?)
"Fuck sake Katie… how much did you have to drink?"
She just smiled goofily at me.
"Sit down yeah; I'll make you a coffee."
She roughly plonked herself down on a chair at the table as I brushed past her to pop the kettle on.
"What's this you're reading?"
(FUCK.)
"Um nothing… give it…"
She outstretched her arms so she could see it better, her vision obviously not the best.
"Naomi slept here." She read out aloud.
It took her a moment to register what she had said. When she did finally catch on she spun around that fast she almost came off the chair.
"What the fuck Ems? Is that why you left the club early?" She slurred.
"No." I replied.
She squinted at me, analysing and looking me up and down.
"You slept with her." She accused shocked.
"What are you talking about?"
"Don't play dumb with me… I'm older than you. I'm wiser."
(Oh what… by a few fucking minutes.)
"She stayed over, that's all."
"You expect me to believe that?" she paused. "Okay, where did she sleep?"
I didn't reply. I should have. It's not like I had anything to hide. Naomi was a complete gentleman ah I mean gentlewoman. The only thing that we did was talk… and kiss, but it wasn't like 'that'.
"Oh my fucking God… You did shag her. She slept in your bed didn't she?"
"Fucking hell Katie, no we didn't shag and yes she slept in my bed. So what?"
"Don't fucking lie to me… Naomi wouldn't have been able to keep her hands off of you… and you would have let her take it."
(I hate when she's drunk. She turns into a fucking bitch.)
"Fuck you Katie…"
I could have explained how Naomi came to be in the house, but it was over and done with. There was no point bringing it back up. Anyways what was I going to say? Oh Katie by the way, because you forced me to go out last night, I got attacked by a fucking sexual deviant but luckily for me Naomi was nearby... Better to leave it.
"Fine, if you want to waste more of your life on that loser go right ahead."
"Are you fucking right or what? I can't believe you just said that?" I yelled in disbelief.
(Drunk or not drunk.)
"Wait what?" she replied confused.
Her eyes widened as she realised what she had just said.
"Fuck sorry Ems. You know I didn't mean it yeah. I love Naomi, you know that."
She sounded panicked. I didn't answer because my lips were pursed in anger.
"I'm sorry… just I don't want you to get hurt again."
"Just leave it yeah." I sighed not wanting to argue with her.
"Okay, no more outta me." She replied
She motioned with her hand, zipping up her lips and twisting at the end. She looked like a little kid at play school.
"Here, drink this." I said as I placed a mug in front of her.
I returned to my seat with my hand outstretched wanting the note that Naomi had left. Thankfully her bitchiness had left the building and she handed it over straight away. I took a sip of my coffee…
"So was she any good?"
She sure knew how to pick her moments. Fucking hell. I sprayed coffee everywhere gasping for air and almost choking to death.
"Wha… What?" I coughed.
"You heard."
"For the last time, we didn't do anything okay."
"Yeah yeah I get it. Don't kiss and tell."
I rolled my eyes at her. Fuck it. She can believe what she wants. She finished off her coffee and placed the mug in the sink. As she was leaving she stopped for a moment.
"Oh yeah, before I forget… fuck you're not gonna believe this Ems…"
I frowned at her.
"What?"
"This morning, they found this guy at the back of the club…"
"Fucking what?" I shrieked.
"Poor bastard fell or something… hit his head. Blood everywhere they reckon."
I gasped loudly covering my mouth to muffle the sound and hoping that Katie didn't notice the state of shock I was currently in.
"Is… is he alright?" I asked hesitantly.
"Nah, he was cold when they found him. They said he'd been dead all night."
(FUCK SAKE NAOMI. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?)
RING RING, RING RI…
"Emilio man… What's goin' on?"
"Can I ask a favour?"
"Anythin' for you babe, what's the problem?"
"I need you to do something for me… but no questions okay?"
"Yeah o'right red, what is it?"
"I need you to find Naomi for me."
I think Cook was taking a drag on his cigarette when I said that because all I could hear was the sound of him coughing and wheezing.
"Cook?"
"Wah… why?" He asked when he finally got his breath back.
"No questions remember."
"But…"
"Cook please, I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important okay. I just need help finding her."
Silence.
"Please?"
"O'right."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I'll do it."
"Thank you… oh Cook whatever you do, don't let her see you okay, just ring me back and let me know where she is. I'll take it from there yeah?"
"Chillax babe, I know what I'm doin'."
I hung up the phone.
I exited the bedroom and made my way down the stairs, sitting next to Katie who was watching TV. Bloody hell, sometimes it really amazes me just how different we are. The only thing we have in common is that we both came from the same mother… She was watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians and I fucking hated these stupid reality TV shows. There was nothing 'real' about them, its ridiculous. Didn't matter though, it wasn't like I was really watching it anyway. I was too anxious about seeing Naomi. It's been three fucking weeks since she stayed over and do you think she's called or come around to see me? NO she hasn't. Fuck it, that's not even the issue. I needed to speak to her about something else. Something that put a chill up my spine every time I thought about it. The body they found behind the club. It was the same man that had attacked me. I cut out the article that was in the paper with his photo… I had to know if she had anything to do with it. I didn't know why exactly. I hadn't thought that far ahead and I wasn't sure what I would do with the information if it turned out she had 'done something'. I got up from the couch and sat down at the kitchen table. I pulled out the clipping to read it again as if the information printed would change…
A man identified as Nicholas Driver, 26, was found dead on Sunday morning following the grand opening of a new club on Nelson Street. It is believed that the cause of death resulted from a fall and a large amount of blood loss. Police are investigating and nothing will be certain until an autopsy is carried out which is scheduled to be conducted on Tuesday. The police haven't ruled out homicide at this stage. Anyone that may have witnessed or seen Mr. Driver on Saturday night is urged to come forward to help police with they're inquiries.
(Yeah right… I am not going to the police about this. I didn't see him fall… I didn't see anything!)
They didn't mention a knife or any stab wounds. Naomi had a knife pressed up against his neck; wouldn't she have just slit his throat if she was going to do something like that? This clipping was an old one, the autopsy already carried out. Nothing suspicious. I was confused and didn't know what was what. I needed to know… I needed her to tell me.
Grab somebody sexy tell 'em HEY
Give me everything tonight
Give me everything tonight
Give me everything tonight…
I ran back into the lounge room to where I had left my phone.
"Hello?"
"I ah, I found her."
(Thank fuck.)
"Where is she?"
"She's hangin' around Brandon Hill… look Red, maybe I should come wif ya yeah?"
"No it's okay Cook, where is she exactly?"
I heard him let out a small sigh before he spoke.
"York Place. The stairs at the end. Got that Queens Parade sign on the wall…"
"I know it… Thank you so much. I owe you one."
I went to hang up but heard Cook yell out.
"Wait Ems…
"What's wrong?"
"She's not on her own yeah, I think I should come wif ya."
"Whose she with?"
"I don't recognise any of 'em but they look shady ya know?"
"It'll be okay, I have to do this on my own… but thank you."
"O'right, but if you need me, I'll be on standby. I won't be far away."
"Thanks Cook."
I hung up the phone and placed it into my pocket. Katie was staring at me questioningly.
(Fuck, I completely forgot she was even there…)
"Who was that?" she asked.
"Ah just Cook."
"What did he want?"
"Oh nothing important…"
"Fine." She responded.
She folded her arms and went back to watching T.V. She knew I was lying. I mean she did hear part of the conversation. I think she was a little hurt but I didn't have time to explain. Plus I knew if I did she'd either try her best to stop me or insist that she came with me. I'd explain later…
"Listen Katie, I need to go out for a couple of hours… I'll see you later yeah?"
"Whatever."
I looked at her and felt guilty but as I said I didn't have time. I had to get over to Brandon Hill Park as quickly as possible before Naomi moved on to somewhere else. I was lucky Cook was able to find her as fast as he had… I walked into the kitchen and grabbed my keys off of the bench.
"Okay, see ya."
She didn't reply… I closed the front door behind me and made my way towards my destination.
I came to the corner of St. George's Road and York Place. I stopped for a moment looking down the street. I was breathing heavily and felt extremely nervous. I still had no idea how I was going to approach the subject and the street looked awfully isolated. I wasn't afraid of Naomi. I knew she would never hurt me, but the place looked eerie. I could see a small group of people at the end. Naomi was resting up against the fence with a hand in her pocket and smoking a fag. She was constantly looking around her like she was on the look out. To an onlooker she just looked like she was relaxed and having a smoko break… but to me, she looked uneasy. Even from this distance I could tell. I breathed in deeply and started to make my way down the street towards her.
"Hey good lookin'. Fancy a shag?" One of the males in the group blurted out.
(PIG.)
Naomi hadn't seen me and when she heard her 'friend' speak she turned her gaze to the male and followed the direction he was looking in. She looked rather shocked upon seeing me… I had no patience for unruly males or females for that matter, who had no respect so I kindly told him to fuck off. I don't think he appreciated it because he took a step closer to me looking annoyed and possibly embarrassed as his friends laughed.
"Leave her alone." Naomi said as she took a step towards him.
I felt slightly frightened by the expression on her face. She looked so… serious, mean, fucking scary. Her eyes were looking right through him… they were piercing. He didn't notice the look of fury all over her face… he looked rather comfortable. I had the feeling that he and Naomi knew each other rather well.
"Naoms, I spotted her first yeah…"
He stepped closer and tried to claim me as his prize sort of like first in best dressed. He looked down at me with a wink. I immediately looked in Naomi's direction scared and pleading with my eyes for her to help me out of this situation… She was ready to explode.
"How bout we go off somewhere gorgeous?" He said stroking the sides of my arms.
(What the fuck is with people these days? Jesus fucking Christ.)
She grabbed his arm and spun him around stepping in between me and him.
"Josh I said leave her THE FUCK alone…"
"Ohhh I get it… she's one of you're slags yeah? You never had a problem sharing before?"
(Oh no.)
I was holding onto the back of Naomi's jacket when I felt her flinch. I knew what was going to come next. She stepped forward slightly.
"What the fuck did you just say?"
"What? It's true; you always share your…"
I tried to stop her but she was just to strong and quick. I was shocked at how violent Naomi had become. She always had a temper but fucking hell, she was never this short fused. I stood there in shock as she punched him square in the nose and done something like an uppercut straight into his family jewels. He crouched over in agony not sure which blow hurt him more as he alternated between cupping his nose and cupping his balls. She didn't stop there. She started kicking him in his ribs and a few times in the head calling him every name under the sun. The other people she was with had long stopped laughing, stepping backwards looking on in horror. They didn't even try and help this Josh bloke which I thought was strange… They looked terrified.
(Why are they looking at her in that way? What has she been doing to cause people to fear her like that?)
One of the girls had finally snapped out of it.
"Fuck babe stop… He was only joking, you know what his like…"
She turned to face her. She looked possessed.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP."
CRACK
I heard a bone break as she stomped on his body. The shock I was in released its hold over me. I lunged forward wrapping my arms around her from behind dragging her off him. She tried to struggle free, unsatisfied with the damage she had caused.
"NAOMI, FUCKING STOP." I screamed as she continued to go him. "STOP IT."
She spun around to face me and for a minute I thought I was gone but when she saw it was me her facial expression softened. The other friends looked at me in awe, not quite knowing why Naomi didn't knock me out… Well that's the feeling I got anyway. They instantly rushed to the aid of Josh to see if he was okay. He didn't have enough hands to nurse his several injuries. I gently pushed Naomi out of the way and kneeled down to check on him.
"Get THE FUCK away from him." The girl shrieked.
"Don't fucking talk to her like that." Naomi butted in clenching her jaw.
I looked back at Naomi.
"Stop it Naomi… fucking relax okay. Fuck sake."
I turned to face the girl.
"I'm Emily… who are you?" I asked.
"Answer her." Naomi said after she didn't respond.
"Danielle… Danny." She answered.
"Okay Danny… I'm a paramedic. All I want to do is make sure your friend is okay. Will you allow me to do that?"
She was thinking. I'm not sure what about but Naomi wasn't patient enough to wait and see what she would say. She came over grabbing Danny by the scruff of her neck.
"Are you gonna let her do it?"
"Yes okay, YES… fuck Naomi. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
I was losing patients too, but with Naomi. Why was she being so fucking hands on? Jesus.
"Naoms, fuck off over there… please."
I didn't expect her to listen but she did. She actually backed off sitting on the stairs that led to a path into the park and lit a fag. It worried me just how calm she was. Like nothing had happened… Josh was conscious which was a good sign but his nose was definitely broken as well as his arm. I suspected that he might have had a few cracked ribs because he was complaining about his breathing.
"I can't fucking breathe…"
"It's okay. Don't panic… I need you to stay calm. Okay Josh?"
He nodded.
"You just have a few cracked ribs, that's what's causing the pain when you breathe in and out okay… I'm going to call you an ambulance to take you to hospital." I said in my most soothing voice.
I pulled out my phone and went to dial the number but without me realising until the last second Naomi had come up next to me, snatching the phone away.
"No Ems." She said as she placed it into her pocket.
"Naomi… he needs to go to hospital. I can't leave him here like this. What's the matter with you?"
She looked at Danny.
"You call."
Danny froze.
"Bitch… are you listening to me? Pull your fucking phone out and call a fucking ambulance."
I didn't quite understand what was going through Naomi's head at this stage. What difference would it make who called? Danny complied but just before she dialed the emergency number Naomi stopped her.
"You don't tell them anything. You hear me? If anyone asks, some random jumped him and Emily was never here. You got that?"
Danny was clearly scared. She was stuck.
"Do You Understand?" Naomi asked.
She nodded. Naomi looked at the other's.
"That goes for all of you too."
"Ye… yeah sure. No worries Naoms."
Naomi grabbed me by my arm and dragged me up to my feet.
"Come on, let's go."
"I can't just leave him here." I replied as I wiggled my arm from her grip.
She came back over and grabbed me by the wrist.
"The ambos are on they're way, the jacks not far behind… we need to leave."
"Naomi, no."
"Don't argue."
I couldn't even if I wanted too. Her grip was tight and she was determined. I couldn't get free. She dragged me hurriedly back to St. Georges road hailing a taxi and forcing me in.
"Where to?" The driver asked.
"Marriot Hotel." She responded.
"Naomi what the fuck…"
She cut me off.
"Not here." She said looking at me seriously.
About 15 minutes later the taxi pulled over.
"Okay, that comes to…"
"Here. Keep the change." She cut in.
Naomi grabbed my arm again and dragged me out of the taxi. We walked across the road to the entrance of the hotel. She lit a fag and waited for the cab driver to take off.
"Naomi what the hell has gotten…"
She flicked her cigarette and pulled me towards her dragging me yet again as if she was scared I was going to run off or something.
"Fucking stop for a minute… Naomi?" I yelled.
She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to face me.
"We have to keep moving… we're nearly there."
"Where are you taking me?"
"There's a church not far from here…"
"A church. Are you fucking serious?"
"Yes… it's safe."
"Safe?"
"You know what I mean… Can we go now?"
"Fine."
I was so caught up with the events of the day I didn't stop to think about anything. I just did as she asked. She grabbed my wrist again.
"Naoms, it's fine. I can follow you." I said as I looked down at my wrist.
"Ahhh, yeah right. Sorry." She replied immediately removing her iron grip.
She had calmed down a fair bit. The Naomi I was use to slowly coming through and making an appearance. I was thankful that the creature that had taken hold of her back at the park was retreating back into the shadows. She had turned into something I didn't particularly care for… a completely different person. I had seen many sides to Naomi, but never have I seen the side she displayed today. It was fucking terrifying and had unsettled me yet I didn't fear her. I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing all I knew was that I wasn't frightened. We reached the church she was talking about it looked ancient but it was a really beautiful building. I followed her down the side of the church building and she took me to a sort of lane way that was used as a car park. She sat down under the trees on a low blue stone fence hidden from view of the main road lighting up a fag.
"So…" she said smiling as she put the lighter into her jeans pocket.
I looked around. Not a soul in sight.
(How does she know all these fucking places?)
"Can I have one of those?" I asked referring to the smoke.
She smirked at me knowing that I wasn't a smoker but she didn't say anything. She took a drag from hers and passed it over.
"Thanks."
She sparked up another one and turned to me looking serious.
"You know Ems, I got the feeling that you didn't find me by accident… Is there something wrong?"
"No… well yes. Yes there is."
"Are you okay?" she asked panicked standing up immediately.
"Naomi sit down."
She looked at me confused before she took a seat. I couldn't bring myself to ask her about what had happened that night at the club so I reached into my pocket and handed her the newspaper clipping. She frowned at me and took the clip from my hand.
"I get it." She said "You think that I did this? Is that right?"
"Did you?"
She just shook her head in disbelief.
"Naomi did you do it?"
"You know Ems, I'm kind of hurt that you had to even ask me that." She said not looking at me.
"Can you blame me… I mean especially after the way you just behaved… Fuck sake Naomi."
She looked back up to me.
"Emily are you forgetting the way he acted? What he said to you? I fucking warned him to leave you alone."
"I remember… especially what he said to you."
"What?"
"Sharing girls." I spat out, slightly disgusted.
(Emily, stop being so fucking jealous, you ARE not together. Naomi's sex life is none of you're concern.)
Naomi stared at me for a moment thinking really hard about something. I was expecting her to deny it, but she never. I took a deep breathe to try and refocus. I couldn't help that picturing Naomi touching somebody else made me furious, but that isn't the issue here. I would have to keep my feelings and thoughts on that particular matter to myself. Realistically I shouldn't care as much as I did…
"What you did today Naomi, fucking hell… Who the fuck ARE you?"
She just sat there, staring at her feet. She didn't answer me.
"Are you ignoring me?" I asked.
"No…"
"Then why aren't you talking?"
"I panicked, I'm sorry. I just, I got scared." She replied.
"Scared of what exactly?"
No answer.
"Naomi?"
"Fuck sake… Emily you were almost fucking raped three weeks ago, I got scared… I saw your face; you were just as scared as me. Josh is a fucking cunt. He deserved everything he got, MORE even. FUCK HIM…"
I sighed heavily. What she did I didn't agree with, but how could I argue with that… I sat down beside her and grabbed her hand.
"I haven't been able to fucking sleep since that night Ems… Every time I close my eyes I see that, that fucking prick leaning over you…"
I could see it in her eyes that that night had disturbed her.
"It's okay; I understand but Naoms, you can't act like that…" I paused for a moment and decided to ask about something else. "Listen please, I need to know, did you, you know at the club… Did you do it?"
"No… I fucking wanted to though."
"Can you explain how he ended up dead then?"
She didn't answer. She never did. I had to always fucking force it out of her. I released her hand and got up to walk off. Feeling as though her silence was a form of admittance. I didn't know how I felt about the whole thing. I just had to leave.
"Where are you going?" Naomi asked as she reached out and grabbed my hand.
"Home."
"Please don't." She pleaded. "I swear to you Emily, I didn't kill him okay. It was an accident…"
My heart started to race. Was she admitting that she caused his death? That she did kill him but it was by accident? I couldn't handle it. I shook her hand away and hurriedly walked off. Naomi ran after me grabbing me by my shoulders.
"Emily… I didn't do it, he fell after I got him off of you. I wasn't anywhere near him… please believe me."
She was completely and totally panicked. She was still holding on to the clipping that I had cut out of the paper. She shoved it into my right hand.
"Fucking read it Ems, there's no mention of stab wounds is there? It wasn't me."
She looked at me. Her face fell when she saw that my facial expression hadn't softened. Her eyes welled up with tears. She looked down, slumping her shoulders turning away and started her way back towards the church. I was frozen. I was fucking confused about everything. She looked as if she was being truthful but I didn't fucking know…
"NAOMI WAIT." I called out.
She didn't stop so I ran after her pulling on her jacket in an effort to stop her.
"Stop."
Thankfully she did.
"Are you telling me the truth."
"Yes." She replied sulkily. "… but."
"But what?" I asked suspiciously.
"There's more… I'm just; I'm scared you're going to runaway from me."
I stayed silent mainly because I could feel an anxiety attack coming on. I hadn't had one for almost a whole year. I was trying to get my breathing under control.
"When…" She stopped and took a deep breath. "When he fell, I knew he was in trouble… I heard a big crack when his head hit the pavement and I, and I went over to him… I checked his pulse, there wasn't one. Blood was squirting out of his head and I just left him there… I hated him for what he did to you… but I should have called someone, anyone. I'm sorry."
She went to walk off again. What she did wasn't right, but he would have died anyway. A friend of mine had performed the autopsy. He died almost instantly from the head injury. He had fallen the wrong way hitting his temple. Shards of bone were found lodged inside his brain. They had ruled it as an accidental death, but it would have been quite easy to cause that injury on purpose but I believed her. I just needed to hear it for peace of mind. When I looked over Naomi had managed to walk several yards away from me and so the chase was on again.
"I believe you Naoms… Stop, please… I believe you."
"I'm sorry about today too okay. I'm not usually like that. He was touching you; he called you a slag… I snapped. I knew what he was thinking when he was looking at you… I didn't like it. I understand if you want nothing to do with me… I…"
"Shut up Naomi."
She looked at me in utter shock. Frowning in confusion… She was getting worse. It was breaking my heart. I know she felt the need to protect me but fucking hell… She couldn't be like that… she had already been to jail for assault, she'd be looking at doing more time if she got caught. I'm not condoning what she did, but there was no way I was going to be the person who put her back in there.
(Oh I see now.)
"Naomi, why wouldn't you let me call an ambulance?"
"Because… I didn't want you involved in my shit…and the jail thing."
(Thought so… even though it only just occurred to me.)
"You got anymore fags." I asked as I grabbed her sleeve and walked her to a nearby tree, sitting down.
"Yeah…"
She lit a smoke and passed it over to me and lit one for herself. She was shaking slightly. She needed a fix. It was a familiar sight. She looked distressed but she wasn't saying anything… she wasn't trying to make excuses to get away for a moment so she could calm herself. She just sat there in silence avoiding eye contact. I could see she was feeling awkward… I had decided that something needed to be done.
"Naomi."
"Hmmm." She replied looking at the grass.
"I want you to come home with me. Move back in."
(It's the only way I can help her… keep an eye on her. She has become to out of control.)
She looked up with her eyes wide open in shock.
"What?"
"You heard me."
"But Emily… I can't." she replied depressingly.
"Why not?"
She didn't say anything. Instead, she slapped her forearm. I knew what she meant. She was still using.
"We'll sort that out okay, but I don't care. I love you. I want you back home where you belong."
"Do you really wanna go back there Emily? Because I remember the first time round wasn't so pleasant… No I can't do that to you… NO fucking way." She replied shaking her head.
She looked back up staring at me. Looking me right in the eye.
"I refuse to put you through all that again."
She grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently.
"I'm fine yeah." She said with a forced smile.
"Naomi, for once in your life please stop being so fucking stubborn. I know what to expect this time. I'm better equipped."
"I'm still dealing ya know… I'm doing shit that… It's different than before. I'm handling it so don't worry."
(What is she trying to hide?)
"What were you going to say?"
"Nothing… it doesn't matter."
I sighed deeply. I have to get her to see sense. I need her close to me. She'll never get out of this… this fucked up life she's living. She needs someone there to crack the whip. Make sure she's staying on the right track. Keep her motivated.
"I don't care, just come home." I pleaded. "Please."
"I will babe, but not yet." She said as she stroked my cheek upon seeing my disappointment. "Soon, I promise."
I rested my hand on her arm. A tear escaping from the corner of my eye. We both stayed silent for what seemed like hours.
"I can't stand this." I whispered.
She shifted bringing herself closer to me leaning in, kissing my eyelids as fresh tears slowly streamed down my face. She pulled back and gave me a warm loving smile. She leaned in and brushed her lips against mine. I couldn't help but let out a soft moan as she ran her tongue across my bottom lip. I responded immediately my entire body had almost turned to jelly. She pulled back and just stared at me for a second, pulling me closer and wrapping me in her arms. She released me and stood up. I just sat there and looked at her in confusion. She turned and started to walk away.
"You coming?" she asked.
I just stared blankly at her. She came back over and kneeled down beside me.
"Ems, we can't stay here all day. Come on lets go." She said softly.
"Whe… where?" I stammered.
She stood up holding my hand and helped me to my feet. She flashed one of her signature smiles at me as I wiped the silent tears from my eyes, my mascara smudged all over the back of my hand. The temperature had dropped severely and I was slightly shaking from the cold. She took off her leather jacket and draped it around me as she spoke.
"Home."
Katie wasn't too happy about the news. She did care for Naomi but I think deep down she had had enough. After Naomi tried to wean off of her addiction but was unsuccessful, I could hear Katie's muffled cries. It had mentally and physically drained her. It had done the same to me. She tried to hide the fact that she was devastated. She would lock herself in her room, sometimes staying in there for days saying that she had caught a bug and wasn't feeling well. I knew all this was happening but I was in no condition to comfort her even though I wanted to. Both of us walking around like zombies not knowing what to do or what to say. Katie had more strength to pull herself out of it. Her devastation lasting about three weeks immediately after I had kicked Naomi out. One night we had gotten drunk together which wasn't a good idea, especially when your sober self is already emotional. Katie had become upset and slightly abusive saying that I should have never have kicked Naomi out, it wouldn't help her situation, it would just make things more complicated, if anything happens to Naomi it's my fault etc… It didn't sound quite as nice as the way I just put it. She apologised the next day off course saying that she didn't mean it she understands what I'm trying to do and that she doesn't really think that, but I couldn't help but feel guilty about the whole thing, I already felt that way, regretting my actions and by having Katie come out and say it had just made me feel even worse. It had brought on a massive anxiety attack which felt like it had lasted a whole month. I honestly thought that I was dying, crying constantly for hours on end unable to control all the emotions I was feeling. My heart racing a thousand miles an hour causing my chest to tighten making me panic even more as my breathing quickened, becoming shallow and rendering me dizzy as my body wasn't in taking the required amount of oxygen to keep my body functioning normally. I was waiting for my heart to break free from my chest and explode out through my ribcage spraying blood all over my bedroom wall. Waiting for my airways to completely close up as my throat constricted making it difficult to breathe and swallow. I was waiting for all that… but it never happened. I got through it… the anxiety anyway. I had seeked Naomi out not long after I kicked her out once I had gained more control over myself; I mean I didn't want to have an attack while I was out in public. It's one of the most embarrassing things that could ever happen to a person. I had tracked her down… but she was with Lexie. At first I felt that familiar feeling of butterflies in my stomach, but not the good kind. Every muscle in my body had tensed up and I had started to shake slightly. My chest squeezing the air out of my lungs. I had ran all the way home, running inside the house and collapsing at the bottom of stairs, Katie rushing to my aid as I cried my heart out. It had only been a couple of months since we had separated and at the time I thought that she had already moved on. If that was the case, everything that was between us was a huge fucking lie. If she loved me as much as she said she did I mean surely she wouldn't have immediately jumped into bed with that fucking bitch? Naomi had used me, I was convinced of it. She never loved me, maybe cared for me, but the love I had for her was never on the same level. We weren't on the same page, same chapter even… actually not even in the same fucking book. I hated her with a passion for a little while. I believed that she had fucked with my head, manipulated me and made me love her as much as I did. I felt stupid. I felt like the worlds biggest fool. I had given all of myself to her. Mind, body and soul… Of course I know now that I had jumped to conclusions but I was a complete wreck back then. My thinking was confused…
"Emily, fucking hell. Do you know what you're doing?" Katie whispered so Naomi couldn't hear.
Naomi had gone out to the back yard. She sensed that there was an uneasy feeling in the air so she said she'd go outside for a fag.
"Yes." I replied.
Katie just stared at me intensely with her hands on her hips.
"Did she talk you into this?"
"What? No."
She scoffed.
"No, I asked her okay. She didn't want to… I had to practically beg her."
"Why the fuck would you do that? We've tried our fucking best Emily. It's not going to work, I don't know if I can go through all this again."
"Please Katie, do this for me. I love her."
Katie paused for a moment.
"I know you love her Ems, but fuck sake, ya know."
I felt that I wasn't getting anywhere with Katie. I dropped my gaze to the floor disappointed that she wasn't with me on this. Either way, I wasn't going to tell Naomi to leave regardless if Katie liked it or not. I heard her sigh.
"Okay fine."
I snapped my head back up looking at her in disbelief.
"Really?"
"Yes really… but she better be fucking serious this time Ems, I swear… I'm not putting myself through all that again for fucking nothing and neither are you. Understand?"
I nodded smiling in relief. I wrapped her in a hug and squeezed her tightly.
"Thank-you." I whispered into her ear.
I pulled back and kissed her on the cheek.
"Go on then… I just know you're dying to talk to her." She said with a smirk and shoving me towards the back door. "I'm gonna go out for a couple of hours okay, let you guys talk and get sorted."
She looked out the window and shouted out to Naomi.
"NAOMS?... HEY LEZZA."
Naomi looked up with a huge grin on her face.
"I'M GOING OUT. SEE YA LATER YEAH." She yelled out with a wave.
Naomi continued to smile and done a salute in Katie's direction. It wasn't there for long but I saw happiness flash across Katie's face. I think deep down she was just as relieved as I was. I walked outside and joined Naomi. She had taken a seat on one of the outside beach chairs. I sat on the end where her feet were, completely speechless.
"Are you sure about this Ems?"
"Huh?"
"About me staying here, are you sure?"
"Yes of course I'm sure. I wouldn't have asked otherwise… Why?" I started to feel slightly panicked. "Don't you want to?"
She was silent. I stood up quickly at the feeling of my heart sink. She noticed the panicked expression on my face and she leaned forward taking hold of my hand and motioning me to sit between her legs and lay back onto her. She wrapped me into a hug. I still felt tense and she knew, because she used her hand to push gently on my forehead to ease my head down onto her shoulder.
"Naomi you didn't answer my question." I whispered as I finally found my voice.
"Doesn't this answer your question?" She replied as she squeezed me tighter.
"I want you to say it."
"Yes, I want to be here."
There was no pause, no hesitation. Her voice sounded sure. I had no reason to doubt her.
It had been a month since Naomi came back home. Yes we had had a few arguments here and there but nothing to serious and she didn't run off like she usually did. She stayed, listened to what I had to say and most importantly she opened up and told me what she was thinking. We had a little tiff earlier this morning because she had been out from dusk till dawn the night before leaving me at home, ripping my hair out with worry all fucking night, She didn't answer any of her phone calls and refused to tell me what she had been doing when she had finally stumbled in through the front door. This was the first time she didn't open up to me since she had been here. It scared me, but I didn't push the issue like I had always done in the past. I knew better now. I'll give her the space she needs and maybe revisit the conversation in a couple of days when we have both calmed down. Right now I was more concerned about trying to get to sleep. I was so exhausted that I think my body had past the 'sleep will come easy' stage. Naomi wasn't having a hard time sleeping though as I glanced over at her…
CRASH
(What the fuck?)
The sound of glass smashing had made me jump and realising that it sounded like it came from downstairs terrified me.
"Naomi." I said panicked.
She didn't stir. She was still fast asleep.
"Naomi, fuck sake wake up." I said trying to keep my voice low incase someone was in the house. I was shaking her and clinging to her in fear at the same time.
"Mmmm what?" She groaned.
"I think someone is in the house." I said quickly.
"It's probably Katie, go back to sleep." She mumbled.
"Someone smashed the window."
That got her up. She looked at me confused for a moment and when she saw the fear in my eyes, her face completely changed. She had a hard stare and a black shadow swept across her features. It sent a shiver down my spine. We both heard another noise. It sounded like glass falling and I had jumped on top of Naomi in fright wrapping my arms around her neck. She was pushing on my rib cage to try and get me off of her.
"Emily, it's okay. Just relax yeah." She whispered when she finally got free from my death grip.
She flipped the quilt over and swung her legs over the side.
"Stay here."
I just stared at her, the blood completely drained from my face.
"Emily, do not move from this room okay. No matter what."
She went to get up, but I dove over to her side of the bed and grabbed her by her wrist.
"No. Don't go down there. Just call the police." I said panicked.
"It's okay. Everything will be alright. Just don't move from this room. Lock the door after I leave. Don't open it unless I say so." She replied freeing her wrist.
"Naomi don't…"
She leaned in and kissed me.
"I love you." She said with a warm smile as she turned and walked out the room closing the door slowly behind her.
I immediately jumped up off the bed and locked the door and threw on a pair of Naomi's tracksuit pants. I picked up my phone and dialed 999 and hovered my thumb over the call button incase I needed to call in a hurry. I had my ear pressed up against the door trying to hear any sound at all. It was dead silent. I couldn't even hear any noise from Naomi...
"FUCKING CUNT." Naomi yelled.
It was followed by a crash. I instantly opened the door, completely forgetting about my plan of attack and dropped the phone to the floor, running down the stairs. Naomi was in the lounge room on the floor.
"Oh my God… Naomi." I screamed as I threw myself at her sobbing.
"It's okay, I'm okay. I stood on some glass. Fuck… its right in there. I can feel it under the skin."
"Is anyone in the house?" I said in a low voice.
(Idiot, bit late to ask… they would have heard you carrying on.)
"Nah, I checked… probably just some kids. AHHHH FUCK."
"Oh thank God." I replied exhaling and wiping the tears from my face. "Here let me see." I said pointing to her foot.
She was right, it was all the way in there and judging off of the size of the cut, it wasn't exactly a small piece.
"Naoms, ah you're not going to like this but you might need to go into the emergency." I said a little reluctantly.
"No way, you do it." She replied hastily.
"But…"
"I don't care Ems, I'm not going into the hospital. YOU do it."
I let out a deep sigh as I stood up and headed for the kitchen to get the first aid kit. Not the usual kind, me being medically trained I had a few extra accessories. I walked back into the lounge room.
"Where are you?" I yelled out.
"Hang on yeah, gimme a sec."
She sounded like she was upstairs.
(How the fuck did she manage that?)
I decided to pick up all the large pieces of glass and quickly vacuumed the smaller ones while I waited for Naomi.
(That's strange. Ace of Spades?)
I sat down on the couch wondering what the fuck she was doing as I stared at the playing card I had found, but got distracted as I heard her trying to hop down the stairs.
"No wait, stay up there. I'll come up." I said standing and making my way up the staircase, placing the card in my pocket.
I watched as Naomi hopped on one foot into our bedroom and sat down on the edge of the bed. I grabbed the chair that was at the desk and told her to rest her leg on it. I got out everything that I needed and was thankful on closer inspection of her foot that the corner of the glass shard was only just sticking out but it was enough to grab onto without having to dig right in there.
"Babe, this is going to hurt. You know that yeah?" I said to her seriously.
"Yeah I know… come on get on with it." Her eyes glassy and half closed as she slurred her reply.
(So that's what she was doing... Numbing the pain.)
"Okay ready?"
"As ready as I'm ever gonna be." She replied taking in a deep breath clutching at the quilt with both hands.
I grabbed her ankle to keep her still.
"Ahh waitwaitwait." She said urgently.
"I haven't even touched you yet."
She took a deep breath and held it in. She nodded her head as if to say 'Go'. I tried my best to be gentle but quick at the same time. I had forgotten to grab a towel which was stupid really. The glass in her foot was acting like a plug. Keeping the blood in. Once I had removed it, let's just say the carpet was soaked.
"That wasn't so bad."
"I wonder why." I mumbled to myself.
"What?"
"Oh nothing I was just saying that you need a towel."
She didn't say anything. I think she heard me, but I didn't want to get into an argument with her…
"Okay, don't move." I said standing up and exiting the room.
I came back in, kneeled down and cleaned up the wound and sterilized it, placing a gauze and wrapping a bandage around her foot. That's all I could do really. I wanted to put a stitch in it but Naomi refused. She got up off the bed and started walking on it. I just stared at her in disbelief. She should be in some kind of discomfort, but she obviously took REALLY good care of that.
(Stop it Ems, forget it. Don't cause an argument.)
Naomi came back into the room and went down on her hands and knees, scrubbing at the blood stain on the carpet.
"Babe I'll do that." I said reaching out for the cleaning product and scrub brush.
She looked up at me and smirked.
"It's my blood…"
I tried to stop her and insisted she go back to bed and rest her foot.
"Piss off." She said playfully nudging me in the shoulder with hers. "If you really wanna do something how bout you make us a tea yeah?"
"Fine." I sighed pretending to sound annoyed.
I went to get back up but Naomi had grabbed my wrist pulling me back down. I was looking at her confused. She just stared into my eyes for a moment looking very serious.
(What the hell?)
She leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips. She pulled back only a fraction, coming forward again. She nipped my bottom lip and I gasped. She took the opportunity to kiss me open mouthed, slow and tender. She pulled back and continued to scrub for a few moments. I stayed where I was looking a bit like a statue.
"2 sugars for me. Thanks babe."
"Ah, um… yeah sure." I replied stunned blinking a million times.
5 minutes later I was back inside the room. Naomi had finished scrubbing at the stain. She had done a pretty good job to by the way. Blood wasn't the easiest thing to get out but I could hardly see it. She was lying on the bed with both arms under her head with her eyes closed.
"Naoms?"
She didn't answer.
(Is she sleeping?)
I placed the mugs of tea on the bedside table and kneeled on the bed. She jumped in fright obviously not hearing me come in.
"Fucking hell." She said slightly breathless due to a quick surge of adrenalin.
"Sorry." I giggled.
I couldn't keep from smiling. She looked so cute the way she was looking at me. She looked like an innocent child that had been frightened. That's the best way I can describe it… I turned around slightly and grabbed her mug from the table and handed it too her.
"Thanks." She said.
I stayed silent for a moment and watched her take a sip.
"Babe, what are we going to do about the window? I mean we can't sleep while it's like that."
She turned to face me with a small smile. God, I felt like I was hypnotized. Over this last month each and every day MY Naomi was starting to come through. Naturally she was a bit different… her past experiences contributing to that but as a whole the person I had fallen in love with was still there, just under the surface… kind of like the shard of glass that was in her foot. All I had to do now was pull her out… She noticed and I felt like she knew what I was thinking because her smile widened and she threw me a wink. I instantly turned away and felt my cheeks blush. I felt like I was 17 again for a quick moment. I heard her let out a little chuckle.
"Don't worry bout the window… I'll sort that out tomorrow while you're at work. As for right now, you need your sleep. I'll keep watch and make sure some maniac doesn't wander in off the street." She finished off laughing evilly.
I got up off the bed and reached into my bag pulling out my purse.
"Don't even think about it Emily."
I turned to face her frowning questioningly.
"I've got money. It's fine. I'll handle it." She continued.
"But you…"
"No buts… put it back and get your little arse into bed." She said cheekily, wiggling her eyebrows.
(I like her like this. She seems happy and in a good mood. The way it use to be.)
I smiled and dropped my purse not really bothered where it fell and done a 'run and dive' onto the bed. Naomi tried to get out the way but she wasn't quick enough. She paid me back though. She immediately flipped me over onto my back and sat on my legs and tickled me in that sensitive spot just under the ribs.
"Hahahaha, stop… hahaha I can't breathe, fuck stop." I shrieked. "Please ahhh it hurts hahahaha stop."
She continued for a few more moments before actually stopping. She was laughing too.
"You bitch, you know I hate that." I said slapping her playfully on the shoulder trying to catch my breath, still giggling like an idiot.
Actually I was more surprised than anything. I can't believe that she remembered that I hated when she did that… she also knew that I loved it too, but little things like that… how the hell does she remember? My giggling had come to a stop and I started to stare at her intensely. All kinds of emotions and feelings sweeping throughout my entire body. She leant down and started to kiss me. I happily responded. She positioned herself and pushed her thigh upwards which had almost made my eyes roll to the back of my head. I let out an 'mmmm' while are lips were still locked. She pulled back instantly.
"Um… you should get some sleep." Naomi said breaking the awkward silence.
She had that look in her eye and no doubt I did too. I was biting my bottom lip wanting and waiting for her to make the next move even though I knew it was too soon for anything like that. Yes we had shared a kiss here and there but it had never gone on from there. We weren't even officially together. In fact we hadn't even spoken about it. She slept in my bed, we hugged and kissed but it was more out of friendship. Sometimes Naomi would get carried away, her hands wandering all over my body but she would stop herself when it got to hot and heavy. She knew it wasn't the right time. Only once did it go that little bit too far but even I admit that I had lost myself in the moment also. It was like she had absolutely no control over herself, neither did I for that matter, but when she had run her hand down the inside of my jeans and well, you know started doing her thing, when she heard me gasp and moan she stopped straight away. She just propped herself up onto her elbow and looked at me like she had just awoken from a very confusing dream, like she didn't know how her hand had ended up between my thighs. To be honest I didn't want her to stop. I was so worked up I had actually grabbed her wrist as she went to retract her hand to keep it in place… I wrapped my other hand around her neck bringing her down and kissed her passionately. The movement down the front of my jeans had started up again as she groaned into the kiss and responded back whole heartedly rendering me completely breathless forcing me to break away. When I had wrapped both my arms around her and dug my nails into her back she slightly picked up the pace. I started to rock my hips and you could imagine how I was carrying on by this stage. It had been so long since I had been with anyone and the fact that I loved Naomi and was craving for her touch, well I was becoming quite loud. Thank God Katie wasn't home… and the fact that Naomi had a knack for knowing how to please a woman, that didn't hurt either. It was extremely easy to lose all control. I was on fire… All of a sudden she had stopped even when I practically begged her not too. I was telling her it was okay and that I wanted her too do it. I was too far gone for her to just stop. She couldn't possibly leave me like this… She reclaimed her hand and got up onto her knees looking down at me with an expression I had never seen before. I was finding it hard to recapture my breath. She backed away from me her eyes I noticed were several shades darker. She kept repeating 'I'm sorry'. She looked frightened and was unable to hold my gaze. I sat up immediately when she went to get up off the bed and I grabbed her arm forcing her to stay where she was. I kissed her tenderly and in between tried to reassure her that it was okay. It took almost 20 minutes to calm her down and stop her from leaving… she had honestly thought she had taken advantage of me. That it was her fault that things had gotten that far. For a whole week she was awkward and quiet around me, she had even been sleeping on the couch. To say it was a shock would be an understatement. I remembered just looking at her, my mind screaming 'Where's Naomi? What the fuck have you done with her?' She had changed so much. It was like our roles had reversed in a way. Usually it was Naomi wanting it and me saying 'no' because it wasn't the right time… At the time I was annoyed well frustrated really, mainly because she had gotten me so close to release, the feeling of being left that way not being the most pleasant plus it wasn't like I could take care of myself, I was trying to stop Naomi from running away… She was right though. It wasn't right. Not then and not now…
"Emily, are you okay?"
My mind had wandered off for quiet awhile apparently going by the strange way Naomi was looking down at me.
"Huh?"
She moved off of my legs and looked at me full of concern.
"Sorry, I've done it again haven't I?"
She turned away and said 'fuck sake' to herself.
"What?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything… we were just mucking around…I…"
She had gotten of the bed and backed herself up against the wall, forgetting that it was there.
"Naomi… babe relax. What are you talking about?" I said calmly.
"I didn't mean it… fuck… I'm sorry." She replied.
I got up and stood in front of her.
"What are you apologising for?"
"I didn't… I didn't…"
She started to panic and was unable to finish her sentence.
"Naoms, fucking relax please… what's wrong?"
She was starting to worry me by the way she was acting. She hadn't done anything wrong? Well nothing I knew about anyways.
"I…ah, I…"
"Just breathe… and tell me what is wrong? You're scaring me."
She took about 3 long deep breaths before she opened her mouth to speak.
"I should go." She replied.
"No… before I even consider that, you need to tell me what is bothering you."
"I don't want you to think that I'm just trying to get into your pants…"
"But… what? I don't think that Naomi."
"I love you, you're not just anyone to me ya know? But… but I can't control myself around you… I'm sorry. I didn't mean it, I swear. I don't want it to be like this. You're too special. It's just really hard ya know to like keep my hands to myself when I'm around you…"
"Babe…"
She cut me off.
"No listen, I'm too use to getting my own way. Getting what I want. I refuse to let that happen with you… I don't want to fuck this up, fuck us up because I'm selfish…"
(She's acting a little like JJ… kind of locked on Naomi style. I'll have to get her out of it the only way I know how.)
"So what are you saying? You don't want to fuck me? Don't I do it for you anymore?"
"What…what? NO."
She cringed when I said 'fuck'. I knew she absolutely hated me saying that. Years ago we were in the middle of an argument when I had used the word 'fuck', Christ had she blown up. She yelled her explanation saying that she had never just fucked me; you don't fuck someone you love… I didn't quite get where she was coming from at the time, but I started to understand what it meant to her personally. She was saying that although she had slept with other women she had never made love to them. Only 'fucked' them if that makes sense, but don't worry it took a while for me to understand and make the distinction. I mean sex is sex or so I thought, but I think that was due to the fact that Naomi had been the only woman I had been with. When we did officially break up and I had ventured out in an attempt to try and move on, and slept with a few others, I came to understand exactly what she meant. She was right. She had only ever loved me and that's the way I liked it. She had completely ruined me for anyone else… I put my hands on my waist and cocked my eyebrow. I wasn't serious but she needed to shut the fuck up right now. She was ranting and raving.
"No? So you don't want me? That's nice. Thanks Naomi." I replied sarcastically trying my best to look and sound angry.
"NO I DO… I do want you, but the proper way. We need to like start fresh, let me take you out and stuff… ya know, proper."
If this had of been a different situation I would have started crying. In fact a lone tear had escaped and slid down my cheek.
"FUCK… sorry. I'm an idiot yeah, don't listen to me." She continued panicked thinking she had upset me.
"Where are you going?" I shot out quickly as she brushed past me and opened the door.
"Bathroom." She said flatly.
(Great move babe… you stopped her raving on like a lunatic, but ah, now she needs to calm down.)
"Fuck." I mumbled to myself.
I walked to the bathroom and tried the handle. She didn't lock it. I opened it up and she had already done what she set out to do. Although the syringe was still in her arm I could tell by her eyes that the drugs were coursing through her veins. She took the needle out and slowly moved her arm up to place it in the basin.
"I'm sorry." She slurred. "I shouldn't… shouldn't have assumed that you would want me back yeah… I'm a twat."
I walked up to her trying not to look affected and disappointed in seeing her jack up. I kneeled down in front of her and grabbed her hands.
"Naomi?"
(Fuck sake.)
SLAP
I had to because she had nodded off.
"Naomi?"
"Hmmm?"
"I agree with you. You are a twat. But not because of those reasons."
She smiled at me like a baby smiles when somebody makes them happy. It looked so loving and innocent. I know she knew what I meant even if she was off her face.
KNOCK KNOCK
"Delivery for a Miss Emily Fitch."
"I'll be right there." I yelled back.
(A delivery? I'm not expecting anything.)
I ran from the kitchen and checked through the window to make sure it was a delivery man. I opened the door. He was holding some sort of wreath. I signed for it and he passed it to me.
"Sorry for your loss."
(What?)
He turned away and walked back to his van. I watched him drive away completely and totally confused. When he had driven out of sight I closed the door and walked into the lounge room. I looked down at the wreath. It looked expensive. It had red roses and white orchids and a red banner with gold writing across the middle.
With Deepest Sympathy…
R.I.P.
Naomi Campbell
I dropped the wreath as soon as I had read it. I gasped and put my hand to my mouth, shutting my eyes. I instantly felt cold with a shiver hitting my bones. I felt that all too familiar feeling in the pit of my stomach. My anxiety sweeping over me quicker than I had ever experienced before. I was struggling to breathe. This attack I couldn't keep under control. It had come on to fast and too strong… Was this some sort of sick joke? I ran into the kitchen and grabbed my phone from my bag. It took me almost 5 minutes to just simply bring up Naomi's number and press the call button because I was shaking and crying uncontrollably. The call went to voice messages. I hung up and redialed.
"Hey gorgeous, how can I be of service?" she chuckled.
I replied incoherently.
"Emily, what's going on? Are you okay?" she asked panicked.
"Na… Naomi…"
"Fuck what's happened?"
The fear in her voice was evident.
"Emily where are you?"
I heard a woman's voice on the other end although I didn't catch what she had said.
"Fuck off yeah. Can't you see I'm fucking busy." Naomi shot out.
"FUCK YOU NAOMI." The mystery woman screamed back.
That time I heard.
"Emily are you home? Fuck babe, answer me."
"Yeah… yes."
"Don't fucking move yeah... Emily?"
"Yes."
"Don't move… I'm on my way."
She hung up the phone. I was still unable to pull myself together. I was distraught. I couldn't get my breathing under control. The shaking had become considerably worse. All I could do was fall to the floor and raise my knees to my chest. Rocking back and forth was the only thing that gave me some sort of comfort. My chest was tight and causing a great amount of pain. I was thinking, 'this must be what a heart attack feels like' as I sat there like someone who had escaped a mental asylum and didn't get their daily dosage of medication. I'm not sure how long I was there for but Naomi, rushing to my side trying to get me back into the real world, snapped me out of it by taking me out of my thoughts. I immediately wrapped my arms around her causing her to lose balance and fall on top of me. I didn't care. I needed to feel her in my arms. She tried to get out of my crushing hug but she had no hope. I wasn't ready to let her go yet.
"Emily what's wrong?"
I still couldn't talk. I was mentally fucked up at that moment. She wiggled free and grabbed me by my shoulders while she positioned herself on her knees in front of me.
"Did someone hurt you?"
She shook me because I didn't answer. I couldn't.
"If someone's hurt you Emily, I want to know…"
I shook my head to answer no.
"Why are you like this?"
I was still too hysterical to provide an answer so I pointed towards the lounge room where I had dropped the wreath. She obviously had run straight past it without noticing. She didn't even bother closing the front door. She stood up looking at me confused. She turned telling me she'd be right back and walked to the wreath's direction. I saw the blood run from her face as she knelt down and picked it up. She walked back over to me continuing to look at it.
"E… Emily, who gave you… this?" She asked. "Emily it's important. Please, pull yourself together babe. I need to know."
"Deli… delivery man." I replied.
She threw it towards the back door as if it was on fire. Flowers coming loose all over the kitchen. She pulled me up off of the floor and wrapped me in a hug. She swayed from left to right in an effort to comfort me and running her hand up and down my back. It was slowly working.
"I'm sorry, I've ruined your top." I sobbed.
She pulled me back and looked down to where I had rested my head. Make up and tears had stained her white tee.
"I don't care babe. I'm more worried about you right now. Fuck the shirt." She replied kissing my forehead and using her hand to place my head back on her shoulder.
I was feeling a lot calmer. The shaking had gone; my airways had opened back up unrestricted. My chest no longer tight and my heart beat returning to normal. I was still teary eyed, but I was 'better'.
"Come on yeah; forget that… someone's idea of a joke. No big deal." She smiled at me.
It was a big deal. Her eyes looked deathly serious. She was trying to palm it off. It almost caused me to have another panic attack. She saw my face scrunch up as I clutched at my chest as it went to tighten once again.
"Hey, hey don't do that. It's okay… don't get yourself worked up. Look, sit down…" She said as she pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and gently walked me over to it. "I'll make you a tea and don't worry I won't forget the honey." She smirked in an effort to try and cheer me up.
She popped the kettle on and ran up the stairs quickly. She came back down with a handful of tissues and a wet face washer. She handed me the tissues so I could wipe the tears and blow my nose and then she carefully wiped the streaks of mascara away from my face. I couldn't keep my eyes from the wreath. The house was starting to smell like a funeral parlour. I was staring to feel ill.
"Naomi please, get that FUCKING thing out of the house."
"Okay, okay… just relax. I'll get rid of it now and come back and make your tea if you calm down. Deal?"
I nodded in agreement. I was happy with that. She opened the back the door and kicked the wreath into the backyard. She followed it and stomped and jumped on it several times destroying it completely. Every flower crushed. She came back in with a broom and swept the remaining flowers that had detached themselves when she had thrown it. Just by the wreath no longer visible or in tacked made me feel a lot better.
"Okay, now the tea." Naomi said as she closed the back door and walked over to the kettle. She fixed me a tea and herself a coffee. She passed me a mug and grabbed my hand and gently tugged me behind her. I followed her up the stairs and into our bedroom. It had become a safe haven for the both of us when we were having a stressful time. Different reasons of course but we both always locked ourselves in there whether it be by ourselves or together. It just depended on the situation.
"Oh hang on a tic. Forgot something."
She placed her mug on the side table as I sat down on the bed, my emotions under control. If my eyes weren't red and puffy from crying, you would never know that I had been in such an emotional state 15 minutes ago. Not even my own sister could calm me down like this not that that's her fault, it's just I don't know, Naomi was the only one who could… She came back through the door holding a packet of chocolate coated mint biscuits. Biscuits I'd always run to when I felt depressed or upset. Another small detail about me that Naomi remembered without me having to remind her. I took one from the packet and enjoyed the hit of chocolate.
"Better?" Naomi asked.
"Yes, much better… Thank you." I replied.
She smiled warmly at me and raised an eyebrow.
"You ah, gonna share them around?"
I chuckled softly and moved the packet away from her so she couldn't reach while I shook my head making over exaggerated noises as I chewed on the biscuit to show just how nice they were. I completely forgot about the half eaten biscuit in my other hand. She leaned over grabbing my wrist and took a huge bite out of it basically leaving me holding a few crumbs.
"Hey, that's cheating." I said
She moved her tongue over her teeth quickly before she flashed me a smile. A smile that showed teeth covered in chocolate.
"That's gross Naomi."
It was gross but I couldn't help but laugh. She definitely knew how to cheer me up. She could be so cheeky sometimes. Silly too… I passed her the packet after I grabbed myself another biscuit. We sat in a comfortable silence as we munched away on the chocolatey treat… Suddenly and I'm not quite sure why but I remembered about the playing card I had found 2 weeks ago when our window was smashed.
"Naoms, the other week with the window, when I was cleaning the glass, I found this."
I reached into the drawer of the side table and retrieved the card and passed it to her. Her face fell with her dropping the remainder of her biscuit. I didn't know why she reacted that way, but it fucking terrified me seeing that expression on her face. Fear and a knowing look was spread across her features.
"What's wrong? What's it mean?"
"Huh?"
"The card… does it mean something?"
"What? No, it's just ace of spades babe. Must have fallen from the pack?"
"Naomi we don't have a pack of cards." I replied drearily.
"I dunno… it's nothing. It's fine." She replied with a small smile.
She was lying to me obviously not wanting me to worry about something. As if I couldn't tell though. I would make it a point to find out the meaning behind this 'ace of spades' believe me. I think I already knew but until I was sure I wasn't going to push the issue. On the outside she looked fine, but there were certain movements that Naomi made when she was feeling uneasy. She was doing them right now but to be fair it could be just from the whole wreath experience. I mean that would freak anyone out… I grabbed her wrist and kissed the back of her hand.
"What was that for?"
"For you being you." I replied.
"What? A complete and total fuck up?" She said half seriously.
I didn't like that remark.
"NO, for being a caring and loving person. Besides, you're my 'complete and total fuck up' and I love you."
She smirked.
"You feeling alright Ems?" she asked.
"Piss off… fuck Naoms; you sure know how to ruin a moment."
"More like 'fucked it up'" she replied chuckling.
I slapped her playfully at the back of the head.
"I'm being serious."
"I know you are." She replied seriously. "I love you too."
I paused thoughtfully for a moment while I took a sip of my tea.
"Naomi."
"Hmmm."
"You know, I was thinking…"
I stopped for a moment trying to get the words in the right order.
"Yeah?" She asked urging me to continue.
"You know, life's too short… I know you want to wait to ya know, get clean and all that but we're not… not promised tomorrow. I know I want to be with you and I also know that you want to be with me… so what are we doing exactly?"
"Emily you know I want that more than anything, but it's not the right time."
I paused again remembering the woman's voice I heard when I called Naomi earlier.
"Are you seeing someone else, is that why you're reluctant to get back with me?" I asked depressingly.
"What NO? What the hell made you think that?"
"When I called you today, you were with someone."
During this part of the conversation I hadn't been looking at her but I needed to see how she reacted to the questioning. I turned to face her. She looked confused, replaying the events of her day trying to think of who she was with. I decided to help her along.
"She told you too fuck off."
It clicked.
"Her? No way babe." She replied slightly disgusted.
"Well, who was she?"
"No one that you should be worried about that's for sure."
"Well she knew you're name. She must know you pretty well to be on a first name basis." I replied with a hint of sarcasm.
She didn't answer. I started to wonder as always.
"You don't have to lie to me, I'm a big girl. I can handle it."
"No, no it's not that. I was just thinking about something sorry. Listen Ems, that chick you heard, she's a slag…"
"Haven't they all been?" I asked with an eyebrow cocked.
She smirked at me.
"No I mean a slag in the true sense of the word. You know, a prostitute, a lady of the night etc…"
"What the hell are you doing hanging around fucking prostitutes Naomi. Fuck sake."
"Ems chill, I wasn't hanging around her. She saw me and wanted to know if I had…" She trailed off.
"If you had?"
"Any gear." She said looking down at her feet.
I sighed deeply. I wasn't stupid I knew Naomi was still doing all that. I will say though that she had cut down on her usage, but she still had a long way to go.
"So you see Emily, it's not the right time." She continued.
I went to reply but was distracted by the sound of someone knocking on the front door.
"Fuck sake that better not be another fucking delivery." I said annoyed.
"I'll go answer okay. Stay here."
"No I'm coming with you." I replied not taking a no from Naomi as an answer.
"Who is it?" Naomi asked.
They replied but we didn't hear.
She opened the door and asked who they were.
"Hi, we're here for our 5pm appointment."
"What appointment? Who are you?"
"I'm David and this is Carl. We're from Heaven On Earth Bespoke Funeral services." David responded in a soft voice.
Neither I nor Naomi could find the words.
"We're here to help a Miss Emily Fitch organise a funeral for a Miss Naomi Campbell."
"FUCK. OFF." I screamed as I slammed the door shut right in they're face. "Naomi, babe what the fuck is going on?"
She was dazed. She looked catatonic. I nudged her and she looked at me, her face pale.
"What the fuck is going on? And don't you dare tell me nothing." I shrieked.
"Nah Nothing." She stuttered.
I pursed my lips together in anger, fear and fucking panic.
"Fuck you."
I turned and stormed up the stairs slamming the bedroom door behind me. I tried so hard to hold the tears back but I was terrified. I broke down. Naomi wasn't far behind; she entered the room looking at me concerned.
"What the fuck does that card mean Naomi? I want the fucking truth."
She didn't answer me. I don't think she knew what to say. I raised my hands, cupping my face and started sobbing. The thought of death and the events of today unsettling me.
"Emily please don't cry, none of this is real. Someone's just playing a sick game." She said in an attempt to settle me down.
"I'm not stupid; I know YOU know more than you're letting on… Ace of Spades Naomi, what's it fucking mean?"
She came and sat beside me exhaling heavily.
"It means… fuck sake. It means death." She replied.
"How does it mean death?" I spat.
"I dunno, it just does. It's a symbol. Ya know like an hour glass, skull or a scythe…"
"What the fuck is a scythe." I yelled not really caring about the answer. It didn't matter.
"That thing the Grim Reaper carries around."
(Oh.)
"Who's doing this?"
"I don't know Ems."
I scoffed through my sobs. Yeah right, she knew all right there's no denying it.
"Obviously someone wants you…"
I had to stop. My voice had become extremely husky. I cleared my throat before continuing. I was starting to sound like a 13 year old boy whose voice was breaking.
"… wants you dead." I sniffed and wiped the tears from my eyes. "Why?"
She's giving me the silent treatment again.
"Jesus Naomi, this is fucking serious…"
"Emily please understand, I can't tell you. The less you know the better okay."
"What is it? Don't you trust me? Because I've never given you a reason not to trust me, have I Naomi?"
That came out more like an attack. It wasn't meant to come out that way. She looked at me frowning and looking very much offended.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it the way it sounded… I'm terrified Naomi. How do you think all this makes ME feel?"
"I know okay, I know and I'm fucking sorry for getting you mixed up in all this. It's probably best if I leave. Get as far away from you as possible… It's the only way I know you'll be safe." She replied standing up.
I followed suit. There is no way she is leaving.
"No Naomi. FUCKING NO." I shrieked grabbing her arm.
"Ems…"
"I said NO… You're not leaving me here alone wondering. If you leave me now, I'll never forgive you. Do you hear me? NEVER."
I shook her due to her lack of response.
"Naomi?"
"Okay, I won't leave."
I cocked my eyebrow at her.
"I promise." She replied.
There was a time when a promise from Naomi meant fuck all… but I knew I could trust her, since she has been back she hasn't broken one promise she has made. In fact if she thought she would break her word she told me straight. She would tell me that she wasn't going to make certain promises to begin with because she knew she'd struggle to keep them…
"Tell me what to do Naoms, I'll do anything. How can we make this go away?" I said as I motioned her back onto the bed. "Do you owe someone money? I don't care if I have to get a loan from the bank… just tell me what I need to do and I'll do it."
She shook her head.
"It's more complicated than that babe…"
"Whatever it is I'm prepared to do it… do we need to leave Bristol?"
It was hard to offer assistance especially if you have no fucking idea of what's going on exactly. She didn't answer me. Her mind was clearly in overdrive. She was lost in thought.
"Naoms?"
She turned and faced me. Her expression was haunting.
"God I love you… you know that."
I swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of my throat, trying desperately to hold back a fresh stream of tears. Today had been a highly stressful and emotional day for both of us. I wasn't handling it to well. It should have been Naomi that was in the state I was in. The 'death messages' were clearly directed at her even though I was the recipient and I couldn't understand just how well she was taking it all. It made me feel as if she knew that it was coming. Like she was expecting all this to eventually happen.
"I know you do… and I love you too so please tell me what I have to do." I pleaded.
"Nothing Ems, its okay… I'll sort it. Everything will turn out fine." She paused for a moment. "I promise you."
"But the wreath, the…"
She cut me off.
"That's all just a warning. A cruel warning but nothing more…" she replied. "Please don't worry okay; I can't stand it when you're stressing out. Believe me its fine."
She leaned over and kissed my silent tears away and pulled me in for a hug.
"Everything will be okay." She whispered.
TBC…
So there you have it. I hope it wasn't to long for you guys or boring for that matter. Any thoughts or whatever feel free to leave a comment/review. Much appreciated and thanks for reading.
Song lyrics;
Give Me Everything (Tonight) - Pitbull ft. Ne-Yo (Emily's Ringtone)
