A/N: Hey guys! This is a long chapter for you. I had not planned to make it so long and detail. It turned out that way because I didn't want to separate the chapters just to post it the next week. I've started chapter 10 already and can't wait to get more into the story. I'm really getting to know the characters and it's turning out really fun to write. My thoughts on the finale, well, you will hear it all if you follow me at SnowbarryTalk on twitter. Can't believe the account has hit over 1,000 followers, what?! Thank you so much for all the support you guys. This fandom is growing and will grow stronger until our ship becomes canon. I would love it if more of us came out of hiding and be more vocal, I'd love to know who you all are. Thank you for reading, more Snowbarry as promised. Let me know what you think of this story? What do you feel like is going to happen? I'd really love feedback! Bye all! :)
Some days had gone by and before Caitlin knew it, Friday came around. She didn't know what to expect, she hoped it was good news, she needed some in her life now. She was beyond nervous thinking this might be her first day, she knew she wasn't hired yet but Barry hadn't said the typical lines people who don't hire do.
She had gone to her favorite donuts shop and bought a flavored coffee, she was going to need it for today. She can't afford to be tired if this was potentially her first day. Barry was clear on her coming by but he never said she got the job. Or maybe it did work in her favor, Caitlin couldn't tell.
She pulled to the same spot she parked into last time. Getting out of the car she could hear commotion coming from inside. It started like running, screaming followed by crying thereafter. Caitlin bit her lip wondering if she should proceed, maybe she wasn't cut out for this, maybe it wasn't the best time for her come by. Barry did same be here at eight sharp, she checked her phone, glancing at the early time staring back at her. She could always just ask Barry if it indeed was a proper time to be there.
But would he want that? Would this be a test for her? She shook her head, wondering why she was being so silly about this. Of course she should be here, she needed the money and she wasn't having any other opportunities.
"Get a grip." She whispered to herself, walking the rest of the way to the front door.
The noise had died down slightly, it sounded like Barry was speaking over Maggie who was crying. She couldn't imagine why or what caused it, was it right that she know personal matters like these?
Before she could think about how to answer she raised her hand to knock and pulled it back swiftly. After a few moments the door opened slowly, almost ominously.
Caitlin almost spoke but the person standing in front of her wasn't Barry, it was Adele, wearing a tired expression, if Caitlin didn't know any better, annoyed as well. Adele skimmed her slightly; almost studying her like a boarding school teacher would a pupil. Caitlin felt vulnerable suddenly. She stood up straight, putting on a genuine smile despite Adele's nearly judge worthy face staring her way.
"Good morning, nice to see you again Adele, is Barry available?"
Adele sighed heavily, "It's probably best to leave; I don't think Barry can possibly do anything right now. I'll tell him you came by." Adele stepped back to close the door before Caitlin could respond.
Her mouth stood agape open and she was wondering what just happened now. She was early. She could have sworn she heard Barry in the background right behind the door. There was an argument, something Caitlin was used to hearing between her parents. Before she was triggered back to those memories she turned on her heel and walked back to her car.
She stopped for moment and thought, why was she allowing herself to be treated this way? Even if she respected Adele and Barry, she deserved a fair chance. Something told Caitlin that Adele may be calling the shots in the house. Maybe it was how she looked, it rubbed Adele the wrong way, and maybe she wasn't what they really wanted. Maybe Adele was the one to tell her that Barry thought twice about considering her.
So many maybes and no real answers. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes, ready to leave for good if that was the case.
"Caitlin wait!" Barry called behind her, she could hear steps and she turned around only to have Barry stand mere inches from her.
She shook her head, thinking maybe this really was a bad idea and Barry was going to say the words himself.
"Look, I'm sorry, I don't know what Adele said to you but I want you to stay. It's just, right now—it's chaotic, even I don't know how to deal with my daughter right now. I said I wanted to do this and I will. I promise. Maggie's just a little, emotional right now. I think it's best, right now, I think it's best we don't do anything until she calms down."
Caitlin licked her lips softly, finding her voice, "How is she? I didn't mean to come at a bad time."
Barry sighed, "You didn't. No one could have predicted this would happen. I just wish, ugh, to be honest, I really do wish I had a break from everything. Like I just want to time out myself. Maggie didn't sleep last night and stuff happened, then the drama earlier and now here we are. We're putting her to sleep right now, her grandmother went to go help, and usually that works. If not, then I give up. I'm really sorry if you have to see this Caitlin. I understand if you want to leave, I wouldn't blame you."
She touched the back of her neck, unsure of what to say. She looked at Barry, unable to look at away at the exasperated stance he held. He really did look like he wanted to leave. But she couldn't, no matter how easy he was making it for her. She could walk away, find a job with better pay and less stress, most importantly, she'd do it on her own terms. But she found her feet planted on the ground, not moving, wanting to stay, not only because she cared about his situation, but because Barry asked her to.
His eyes were now pleading. Going over the pros and cons in her head she came to a decision.
"What do you need me to do?"
Barry gave a relieved smile, almost approaching her for a hug but held back. "Thank you, I can't say this enough. I'll make this up to you, I promise." He paused for a second, to look back at his home. "I think she may be calming down."
Caitlin stepped forward only for Barry to awkwardly step back. She thought she was walking to the door but Barry wasn't moving, instead he looked like he was thinking of something. She opened her mouth to something but he stepped closer, stopping her.
"What if we just, go somewhere?" Barry blurted out, the slight perspiration hitting his temples; he looked like he meant it.
Caitlin went wide-eyed. "Oh, what about Maggie? Doesn't she need you?"
Barry sighed slowly, coming to only one answer. "What I need right now, is solace. I just need it, for right now. I feel like my head is just not on straight. Caitlin, I'm sorry if all of this is scaring you away. But this is what I need, it won't be for long. I will go tell Adele to watch her in the meantime. Maggie is just—she needs to calm down, and so do I. Will you come with me?"
She pursed her lips, uncertain of what she was agreeing to but she took a chance on his whim, blinking slowly.
"Where are we going?" She asked, softly.
"Wait here, I need to go tell her," Barry spoke, rushing out to the front door and walking back inside.
She heard loud whispering and then Barry opening the door, walking back to where she was still standing. "OK, let's go."
He held out his hand, it was a small but nice gesture, Caitlin took his hand in hers and they walked to the open garage where Barry's SVU was parked. She could tell he didn't have many passengers, the backseat of his car had papers and files spread all over, even some near the back window. He looked like he was working out of his car; Caitlin twitched her mouth as she watched Barry ravenously clear room in the front passenger's seat for her.
"Are you OK?"
Barry stopped briefly to look up and shot her a small smile, "I'm fine, are you? Sorry about the mess, I don't get a lot of people going in and out of this car, it's mainly just me. You can take a seat if you want."
Caitlin stepped inside to sit down and Barry quickly did the same, pulling out of the driveway in a near rush.
She watched him ravenously drive away from the neighborhood and onto another residential road. She didn't know if she should stay quiet or say something, in that moment, she kept quiet, until Barry honked his horn at the other drivers. His clear road rage showing, she was wondering if agreeing to come with him was a good idea or not. She should have said no, it would have been better maybe to look for a better job, possibly.
For all Caitlin knew, Barry was just blowing off steam and wasting her time. But that wasn't the truth, was it? She sighed silently, looking between him and the road. She was about to say something after Barry went to switch on the radio.
"Are you alright?"
Barry's attention flickered from Caitlin and back to the road. He hated when people asked if he was alright, it just led to him getting even more emotional and that was the last thing he wanted. He looked at Caitlin briefly before pulling over to a random side curb and turned off the radio.
When he parked and shut off the ignition he took in a deep breath, knowing it was now or never. Caitlin stayed surprisingly calm and quiet, something he found shocking. Most people would flee the scene without a word.
"I apologize; none of this is what you deserve. I can't say I'm sorry enough for putting you through this. I know I said I wanted to finish our interview but I just don't think I could do it right now..."
Caitlin bit her lip; she shook her head as Barry gave a solemn look, feeling guilt, shame and embarrassment all in one.
She asked what she had been thinking of since she arrived. "Do you want me to go?"
Barry's eyes when from sad to worried in mere seconds. "No, oh my gosh no, I-I want you to stay. I'm just, I'm not at my best today, with the drama and everything, it's taking its toll on my sanity. I just want it all to end. I want some peace. And I feel really bad about what Adele said to you, it wasn't her place, she doesn't make my decisions for me. I just want you to know that. I don't want you to go..."
Caitlin sensed he was in a sensitive area so she nodded and thought of a suggestion, but she wanted to leave it up to him.
"What would you like to do?" She asked him quietly as she hid her shaking hands.
Barry threw his hands up in exasperation. "Nothing, I just want to do nothing. For once, I want the world to stop wanting me around, I guess, well OK, have you been to the peer?"
"Yes, actually, it's nice." Caitlin said, watching him compose himself back to normal.
Barry nodded and stared forward, a proud smile spread across his face. "It is, I haven't gone there and really enjoyed it in years. What do you think? You want to?"
Caitlin smiled softly, part of her feeling for Barry in that moment. "I'd love to."
"Great, hey," Barry turned to her for a second to study her face, "thank you, for not leaving."
"You're welcome." She said, getting nervous under his stare, Barry finally pulled away and drove the way to the peer.
The ride was silent, it was a good thing the peer was so close, or the silence would have continued and made things slightly awkward for them.
Barry parked in the usual lot and realized the peer was almost empty. It was like they had the entire dock to themselves. Barry truly craved his solitude but he didn't want Caitlin to leave. They sat for a few moments before Barry spoke gently.
"Would you like to see the view?"
She nodded, feeling oddly vulnerable under his gaze. "Yes."
Walking side by side but not too close they slowly made their way toward end of the docks where the benches stood. Caitlin drank in the morning ocean mist. Feeling the salty spray over her face, normally she'd pull her hair back so it wouldn't look like she was caught in a wind tunnel, but she didn't care how she looked.
Barry smiled at her as they reached the end, moving to the benches, both pausing before turning to each other.
"Would you like to sit?"
"If you will, I will." She shrugged with slight smile.
"You don't have to—I mean you could just stand. Whatever you want."
Caitlin blushed, Barry was obviously flustered and he was struggling with all the thoughts in his head. She made a move to sit and he followed after her, leaning back as he placed both feet onto the bottom railing. Caitlin mirrored his motion and they both took in the ocean scenery as well as the sounds and smells of aquatic life.
Barry sighed heavily; he could probably predict what Caitlin was thinking. Maybe she was being nice and humoring him, but he was apprehensive to let her go easily. He needed someone badly and nobody he saw fit what he had in mind for the job. Her lack of experience had slightly made him concerned. But he did need someone calm and collected; someone who can handle stress as it comes and offer support and logic in any situation.
He had the feeling he can give her a chance. Her hair blew carelessly in her face but she didn't mind. Normally girls would constantly touch it but not her. Maybe that was how things are going to be if he did hire her, she wouldn't be like everyone else who had let him down. He really wanted to offer her the chance to help them out. Barry was growing needy; he wasn't going to take just anyone.
He had noticed Caitlin barely said anything since they sat down. Maybe she was waiting for him to say something first. He cleared his throat and craned his neck to face her.
"I'm glad you didn't leave, I guess I assumed anyone else would just walk away during all this drama. Trust me, I didn't want this to happen today, I'm still relieved you stayed. I may have some questions for you if you don't mind."
"Of course."
As Caitlin turned to give him her full attention there was a loud group coming into their direction. Thankfully there were other benches among the other docks and Caitlin gestured silently to the other dock, waiting for Barry to respond. He nodded and they stood up, walking to the other seat area where it was more quiet and peaceful. The sun was just peeking out through the clouds and Caitlin squinted at the sight.
"You know what? Screw it. I'm not going to make it weird between us."
Caitlin immediately looked at him through her squinting. "Between us."
"No, I mean, I'm not going to make it really formal. I want you to be comfortable. Are you?"
To be honest she wanted to answer "no" but she omitted to say that. The way Barry was looking at her was a make or break. It was the same look her supervisor used to give her at Turner Inc. when they asked her if she was "feeling OK." Caitlin knew she couldn't be completely honest so it was a no brainer.
"Yes, ask me anything you want." She said, mentally cringing at how nearly cartoonish she sounded but it earned a small smile from Barry so she'll take it either way.
"Great, so, are you, alright, sorry to start with this, but are you in a long term relationship with anyone?"
Caitlin's surprised face couldn't be any more shocked that he asked that. As handsome as Barry was, she needed to say something.
"Can I ask what the relevance of that question is?"
Barry pulled the same face, except he realized what he asked and almost face-palmed himself.
"Oh, just wondering if you're going to be committing to this job if it's given to you. I'd had caretakers that would only come once a week and leave to go out with their boyfriends. In my opinion people are free to do whatever they want. It's just…I need to know if you can be available when we need you? The ad I posted said this."
Caitlin felt like she was put on the spot. She didn't know whether to seem frustrated and flat out insulted because someone else pointed out the dangers out being single. So what? Now she wasn't allowed to date anyone is she wanted? What exactly was Barry's angle here?
"I guess I still don't understand what my personal and private business has to do with me being a caretaker? Am I supposed to? Are you saying I'm not allowed to have someone in my life if I wanted just to, I guess, be at your beck and call?"
Barry straightened out his body and looked at her sharply, wondering what was going on suddenly. "What? No, that is not what I was wondering. All I said was that we needed someone who is more available. We had someone who was reliable in the beginning, but it didn't stay that way, she chose to neglect our family. Caitlin, I'm sorry, look," Caitlin's stern face turned anywhere but him right now, "I'm not saying you have to do anything."
Caitlin threw him an exhausted look, "That is what you are saying, you just won't say it. That's what you mean, god, what does my personal life have to do with any of this?"
"Nothing, what I mean is we want you to be reliable, that is all. We want to trust you. Maybe using that wasn't the best example. I shouldn't have asked that and I'm sorry. This is just not my day to do anything right."
Caitlin watched Barry as he confessed and felt sorry for him. He looked like a lone stormy cloud was over his head and nothing was going to make it go away. Caitlin thought about what Anya said, she trusted her more than anything. She wasn't so sure about Barry. Maybe this was not the best day for him. He could have cancelled but he didn't. He could have said he didn't want to see her due to the drama earlier but he still went through with their meeting. Barry really needed someone, she could see that and Caitlin truly needed something to get by. Bills were the main word swirling around her mind and rent, she couldn't be late on that again.
Biting her lip, she frowned before placing her hand over his to settle him down. He had and she started speaking again.
"Let's start over then; maybe we should go somewhere a little more quiet. To be honest this is where I come sometimes when I want to be alone. We can go somewhere and sit down; it doesn't have to be like this. Do you want to still do this? We don't have to finish today, what would you like to do?"
It was interesting how she was standing her ground but also leaving the decision up to him. Barry really did not want her to leave. But he realized in order to get her to stay, he would need to learn to control his emotions and keep things strictly professional. This was a business decision, not a personal one, he'd had to let go of his insecurities if he was going to trust her into his home.
"I'd like to continue talking; we can carry this on over coffee."
"OK, let's go. Wait, is this OK with Adele? What about Maggie?"
Barry was reminded of the stress and bit his lip, sighing, he'd have to face it when he got back. "I'll call her now and tell her I'll be coming back maybe for dinner time. I just need my time away from all this. You can clearly see I'm not even thinking straight, I'm sorry to pull you into to all this. You've been so patient and understanding. That's actually what we need right now."
Barry led the way as Caitlin followed closely behind. She thought over what he said, he didn't continue or wait for a reply, he ended it there. Maybe he was done talking about this morning, Caitlin figured he wanted some time to himself but if he didn't want to do an interview, why did he still need her around?
"Thank you," She said, Barry stared back at her, giving her a chance to walk by him and continue, "I mean, for giving me a chance. I don't know what you're going to tell me, but I am happy you called me back."
Caitlin smiled as it reached her eyes; there was twinkle at the corners that made Barry's stare linger to the point of getting lost. He smiled back and nodded, realizing he was at the entrance of the café.
"This is the place actually, are you hungry?" He gestured.
"Actually, yes, I could eat something."
"Great, it's my treat." Barry said as they walked into the warm, cozy cafe and took the corner booth in the back to sit down.
Caitlin looked around the cafe, observing the almost empty business. The one she normally went to was noisy and packed; this one had a library atmosphere. The dimly lit fireplace stuck out near their table. You had the feeling people whispered their orders and conversations; even the food prepared was likely made soundlessly.
"This is nice; I wasn't expecting this be so quiet, especially on the coast."
Barry nodded in agreement. "Yeah, I think I've only been here once, I believe it was for work reasons and I remember I didn't eat that day. I think I stayed here for hours. It's one of those places that feel like home."
Caitlin shrugged but affirmed her shoulders. "Not many out here in Los Angeles. Reminds me of back home, in Georgia."
The waitress introduced herself and brought over the menus suddenly. Caitlin just ordered a tea and a small appetizer. Barry ordered the same thing he had when he came. Black coffee and a cinnamon crumb muffin.
When the waitress left Barry took a sip of his water, watching Caitlin fold her restaurant napkin in her lap.
"You know it's already folded right?"
After a few seconds Caitlin looked up, blushing, "Oh, yeah, I just felt like doing that. The napkin never stays on sometimes."
He beamed a smile, lifting his head up in amusement. "If you need a second one, we can ask her for another."
"No worries, one will do." She said, almost like Mary Poppins, nodding stiffly.
"Hah, if I can get Maggie to use a napkin properly like there, I'd be father of the year."
Caitlin shared a small look with him and took a sip of the newly brought drinks the waitress brought over.
"I think you just happen to make it fun maybe. I don't know, my dad, he and were really close. He'd this thing with the napkin, and it was kind of strange, but really funny. He was so attentive, always made sure I had everything, probably spoiled me, but, I guess that's not unique, is it?"
"Yeah, well, I think I should ease up some days on splurging my daughter. I guess I'm making up for the distance my dad left. We were actually really close too, since he got remarried, his life stopped being about his first family. Sorry, I didn't mean to do that."
"It's OK; it's still a part of who you are."
Barry thought about what she said. "I guess. You and your dad were really close? Are you close with him now?"
Caitlin paused for a moment. Her hesitation was a ritual when it came to anyone asking about her father. She stared into the sincerity if Barry's eyes and relented.
"I wish, if I knew what was going on in his life I'd have to hear it from a third party. We did use to be extremely close, best friends I guess. He was tough too, even when I was young, taught me lessons I would use later in my life. His hero was John Wayne so he would quote him a lot and relate his words to practically anything. I got used to hearing "As Old Man Duke used to say..." growing up."
"Did you have a favorite quote?"
Caitlin tapped her chin, trying to remember off the top of her head. "Gosh there were many. Oh yeah, this one was: "Tomorrow hopes we have learned something from yesterday." Something like that. It is really simple but I like it a lot. He never sugar coated."
Barry smiled as the waitress brought over their food. She asked them if there was anything else and when they replied no she had gone to bring over the check. She smiled warmly and turned the other direction. They both started to eat when Barry thought of what she said.
"I think that line applies to everyone, no matter what age. Lord knows we all make mistakes, whither we learn from the choices we make are up to us."
Caitlin took a few bites of her meal and pushed it aside. "Yeah, I suppose. Maybe the older you get, the harder the challenges are."
Barry stayed silent at that sentence, just slowly nodding while he ate his muffin. "You don't have to tell me."
He kicked himself for blurting that out loud, it was meant to stay in his thoughts. He rubbed the back of his neck and pushed the remainder of his food aside. He watched Caitlin stare off at something and looked in her direction, it was an older couple, sitting closer together, instead of across from each other. They couldn't be more than in their late sixties early seventies. He stared back at Caitlin's face, just watching them.
"Caitlin?"
"Hmm? Oh, yes, well, life is hard for everyone."
Barry wiped his hands and gestured to where she was staring, "Doesn't look like it is for them."
Caitlin almost rolled her eyes but thought it wasn't polite seeing as she was still being interviewed.
"I don't know them, they look like nice people."
"More than that, they look like they've been through a lot to get to where they are together." Caitlin squinted and smirked as Barry continued. "Have you ever looked at anyone and realized there was a story behind how they are just by looking at them, even if you don't know them?"
"I suppose so, maybe, I sometimes sketch people and think that."
He smiled, "Do you really do that? What goes through your mind?"
Caitlin blushed, wondering where all these personal questions were coming from. She rarely talked about her drawings, to be fair, not many people know she still did them.
"I feel inspired, the drawing just finishes itself. There's nothing to describe it."
Barry's stare lingered on for a moment, he was just watching her, and aware she was there as he learned about her. He noticed she blinked slowly when she grew shy, when he asked her about drawing. He knew that look all too well, it was a while since anyone cared about asking about his passions.
She must be talented, he had to know something. "Well if all this works out, would you want show me your drawings?"
Caitlin hesitated before answering, thankfully the waitress came with their check and Caitlin reached for her wallet but Barry held his hand up and waved her off.
"Let me, this one is my treat." He said softly.
Caitlin slightly smiled and placed her wallet back. Truth be told even something like this would set her back money she doesn't have. She felt funny letting him pay but relieved knowing she was going to save the remainder of what she had left.
"Thank you, I appreciate it."
Barry had to remind himself in that second this wasn't a date, they weren't even friends and they barely knew each other. This was an interview, a business meeting. Caitlin was potentially going to be working for him and he had to be professional about his decisions. That included what he said and how he acted.
After Barry dropped a tip he asked Caitlin if she was ready to leave. She nodded and they walked out of the café side by side approaching the opposite end of the empty docks. They stopped at the same time, not planning to move, Caitlin let her eyes flicker around the scenery once more, Barry stared in her direction, following her eyes until he caught her looking at him and smiled.
"I'm sorry; every time I come here I get distracted by how peaceful it is. I haven't actually been here with anyone, you're the first."
Barry smiled and blushed as he heard her say that. "I can see why. It's the place to come alone or with someone, both feelings are the best."
He hadn't realized he was talking about his emotions now, shaking his head he watched her close her eyes then open them as the sunlight peeked through the forecast, illuminating her features, making her face brighter if possible. Barry was transfixed, he didn't expect to keep staring at her, but here he was, just being there, and he'd never seen anyone more luminous before.
Barry took a moment to gather his attention back to reality. "We should I don't know, maybe if you want to, head back. I'd love it if you came to stay for an early dinner."
Caitlin's brows raised, her mouth formed an "O" shape, "Oh, umm, will that be alright? For Adele, I mean, I don't want to intrude if she doesn't want me there."
"Don't worry, I'm sure it would be fine. I want you to come, maybe we can talk more, get to know each other. What do you say?"
Caitlin barely took a second to think, she didn't want to leave so soon either, "Yes, I will come back. My car is there anyway, so either way, I have to."
Barry laughed, "I realize that. You can get to know the family better when we're all sitting down. I don't always do this, the family sit down part. Some days I'm working until passed dinner time. I'm trying to be home for Maggie though, she needs me there."
She shared a look with him, watching his eyes follow her face, it felt like he was looking at every piece of her or maybe that was just in her mind, something she'd want to be true but is more of an exaggeration.
"I understand, thank you for this again."
"Sure thing, let's go, Maggie's probably woken up, wondering where I am and I don't want to leave her hanging for too long." Barry said sheepishly as Caitlin nodded and they walked back toward the semi-full parking lot where Barry's SUV was.
When they got in the car Caitlin remained quiet as Barry revved up the engine, getting ready to drive back. She gazed at him as his face held a mix of emotions. She didn't know if he felt worried, stressed, relieved or a combination of it all.
"You know," Barry started, pulling her away from her staring, "this was exactly what I needed. If I didn't leave I don't know how I would have handled this morning. So thanks."
"You're welcome."
Barry switched on the radio to soft music because he felt like he was going to talk up a storm. He had to have said thank you or apologized around five times or more at this point. He was going to have to keep himself in check from now on if he was going to work with Caitlin Snow. Sighing to himself, he felt her eyes on him and turned briefly only to find her staring at the window. He shook his head, smirking.
