I'm really, really sorry about the long wait for this chapter. I…fell into a really miserable depression back in November, and stopped really caring about anything. That's all in the past, though, and I will truck towards finishing this baby. Because I really, really want to.
Thanks for your patience with me, everyone. Your reviews and support mean the world to me, and it is because of those things that I pulled it together and picked this baby back up. (In fact, I picked this story to write tonight because of all of you, so…thank you. So much.)
Ed knew that there was only so much more he could get out of the kids that day, and so he made a decision. Taking advantage of the sled he had made the day before, he bundled Mathieu and Cory into it. The two kids were exhausted from all of the walking, and this would save them some of that. It would not save Ed himself, but he was in better shape.
However, it could not last, and they travelled until barely after dark before Ed called a halt. The kids were distressed, and he himself was ready to fall over. Hurriedly transmuting a shelter for them, he hustled the kids inside before taking the supply bag from Aiden and setting to work preparing their supper.
Their meager supplies did not allow for anything grand, but he managed to put together another weak stew using what salted meat they had and the rest of their dried vegetables. It was not going to taste especially good, but it was hot and it would fill the stomach. It had to; it was all they had.
As he was serving the meal, using bowls he had transmuted out of stone, Twilight took off running from the camp. With a cry of alarm, Lilly made as if to run after the dog, only to be forced to stop when Ed grabbed her arm.
"No, Lilly."
"But Twi…!"
"Twilight knows what he's doing," Ed told her, trying for an encouraging smile. "He'll be back."
The little girl did not look totally convinced, but at least she stopped straining against him, prompting the blond to release her. He just hoped his own words were true. If the dog left them, he saw a serious blow to the kids' already-low spirits. Not just that, but Twilight was a source of protection—and, admittedly, he had toyed with the idea of making a harness and getting the dog to pull them. Without Twilight, though…well, even that feeble dream of salvation was gone.
Roy did not feel any real danger, because one, or even several, wolves could be easily dealt with using alchemy. His biggest problem, however, could be if the dogs got involved with fighting, because he would not want to kill them by mistake. They were good animals, all things considered, and Hopper was probably the entire reason that he was still alive in the first place. He owed them…well, at least not killing them. Yeah. He owed them that much.
Squinting, he could just barely make things out as the two sides met. Even straining his eyes as best he could, though the action sent spikes of pain through his skull, it was impossible to tell what was happening. Frowning to himself, the young colonel stepped forward, raising one hand to better shield his eyes as he did so. It did not look like they were fighting, but it was hard to tell, with all of the bounding and leaping that was going on.
He covered maybe a quarter of a kilometre before he was close enough to really see what was going on, and that sent both a stab of irritation and a jolt of relief through him. They were playing, the newcomer lowering its chest to the snow, tail sticking up and wagging energetically. This animal was no wolf; it was another one of the sled dogs.
On the one hand, he would not have to kill it, but on the other…was this to be his life? Playing catch-me-if-you-can with a bunch of dogs until he froze to death or died of malnutrition? He was not sure he liked either of those options.
As he kept walking, Roy could not help chuckling a bit to himself as we watched the animals' antics. The newcomer, a white-and-black dog, would charge through the snow, only to stop dead in a spray of white that showered down over the other two dogs. It would then spin and dash the other way, despite that fact that his two dogs had long since stopped playing. It was an idyllic scene, save the fact that they were all struggling to survive out here.
With a sudden yip, the black dog spun and loped off away from them, Hopper and the other dog quickly following. With a curse, Roy took off after them. As much as he was not sure he wanted to keep playing this game, it still offered the best chance of survival.
Ed was relieved when he saw Twilight lope back into view, the black in the husky's coat standing out starkly against the white of the snow, even in the fading light. A moment later, he noticed further motion streaking over the snow, the shapes quickly transforming into two more canines. So, more of the team had survived. That was a relief.
Wait. Squinting, he realised that there was a third figure; a human figure. All but leaping out of the shelter, he shielded his eyes from the setting sun and strained to make out more than that. Just seconds after he emerged, the figure stopped, clearly staring himself, before taking off at a dead run. Several steps later, the man—for it was a man—stumbled to his face in the snow. Gaping, Ed took off at a trot, hurrying to meet the person, who was struggling back to his feet, halfway.
When he realised it was Roy Mustang, he was running before he knew it, heedless of the icy air burning his lungs. Pulling up before the colonel, the short blond gripped his hands tightly in two fists as he glared up at his commanding officer.
"Colonel Bastard! Where the hell have you be—!" he began, only to find himself cut off sharply as Mustang grabbed him by the shoulders, yanking him into an awkward hug.
Standing stiffly, Ed found himself at war with his emotions. He was genuinely overjoyed to see the man, despite his better sense, and yet he found himself inexplicably angry, too. If Roy had found them one day sooner—or not even gone missing in the first place!—then…then…
Kara would not have died.
So he stood there, body almost feeling numb with relief, yet hot with rage, his face buried in the front of Roy's coat, immobile. He wanted to… He wanted to…
Jerking back, he shoved the older man away from him, eyes burning with unshed tears. "You…you bastard…" he choked out, staring down at the ground.
"Hate me if you want, Fullmetal," A glance up confirmed that Mustang was looking down, away from him, "but I'm glad you're alright."
With that, Ed felt the rage leave him, sinking to his knees in the snow as he feebly sniffed and wiped at his eyes. He was happy to see the colonel, regardless of how hurt and annoyed he also was. This meant an end to his responsibility. Those children…he could trust the colonel to get them all out of this. He did not have to do it all himself anymore.
A moment later, he glanced up as a hand landed on his shoulder, a pair of worried, midnight blue eyes staring down at him as Roy went to one knee in the snow. "Fullmetal?" Mustang paused. "What happened?"
"N-nothing!" he snapped back, sniffling. "We're—we're fine! And we would've gotten ourselves out of this just fine without you!"
Sometimes, Edward really did have to wonder why he always to play the tough guy. Every fibre of his being wanted to lean on the colonel now, metaphorically and maybe a little physically, and yet instead he jolted to his feet, turning and stalking off back towards the shelter. Maybe it was because he had always had to be strong, both for Al and their mother, or maybe it was because he was quick to take the blame and assume responsibility…
Or maybe in this case…it was because he utterly rejected the idea of an older, male role-model.
"Fine, Ed. Have it your way," came the soft words of his superior, Roy rising to his feet and trailing after him.
The walk back to the shelter was a quiet, somber one. The bastard colonel did not press him for information on the time they spent apart, at least. That was worth something, because he did not really feel like going over Kara's passing with Roy. Not after how the jerk had treated him after Nina…
Never mind that Mustang had been right.
Ducking into the shelter ahead of Mustang, he offered as cheerful a grin as he could to the children huddled in the back. Perhaps his running off had scared them, but they quickly forgot their fear when Mustang ducked inside after him. Of course, the truly hard part was yet to come, as the kids began bombarding the colonel for information on their parents.
One look at Mustang, and Ed could easily see the other's discomfort. On another day, he might have felt smug to see the high-and-mighty Mustang flounder. As things were, however, he just found himself feeling tired. It had been a hard day, and he was emotionally drained.
"Listen, you kids get some sleep." That was Mustang, trying futilely to fend off the bombardment of uncomfortable questions. "You've had a long day."
There was some grumbling, but gradually the kids did as they were told, snuggling up together around the still-distraught Cory. Soon, the only two awake were himself and Mustang, and it was obvious from the way those dark eyes bore into him that the colonel knew something.
"Fullmetal."
"Don't start with me," the blond responded, though his voice lacked the energy it should have had. He did not want to go over this again…
"I know what happened to," Roy paused, glancing to the sleeping children, "earlier today. Why didn't you tell me? I—"
"You what? Could've helped? No offence, Colonel, but you weren't exactly there when…when it…"
"No, I wasn't, but I am here now."
"Well, guess what? It's too late now."
"Why are you so mad at me, Ed? I've been looking for you for days, and I finally found you and this is the reception I get? What's going on in that head of yours?"
The blond's eyes turned to stare venom into the packed snow beneath them. After a long while, he shrugged. "I…couldn't save her."
"We can't save everyone, Ed. You know that."
"But…but she was just a kid. I should have protected her better. I could have, I…"
"Don't be selfish, Fullmetal."
Edward's head shot up, his amber eyes flashing. "What the hell's that supposed to mean?"
"It means, stop taking all the blame. If you want to blame somebody, blame the Drachmans. They're the ones who caused all of this—hell, even blame me if you want, because from where I sit, you're a hero."
The words, delivered in that familiar, almost off-handed tone, drew the young alchemist up. A hero? How could anyone call him a hero? Kara was dead, and it was his fau—okay, no. He did have to agree that the Drachmans at least shared the blame, though he was not about to totally acquit himself. She had been alive when she had fallen into his care.
"Get some sleep, Fullmetal."
The change in topics brought a frown to the blond's lips, and he shook his head. "I…can't. I can't sleep."
"Come here."
After a moment's contemplation, Ed scooted across the short distance between them. Once he was in range of the other's arm, Edward then found himself tugged against the colonel's side. "Wha—?" he started weakly.
"Get some rest, Edward. You're not alone anymore. You don't have to do it all alone."
And was that not exactly what he had told himself just a little while before? That, at least, was true. He was not really mad at Roy, anyway, he was just…upset. Today had shown him his own vulnerability, and he did not like that, either. It made him…feel like he needed to defend himself. Was that…okay? He did not even know.
"Fine," he grumbled at last, shoving away and moving towards the kids. "Don't let us get eaten by anything weird." Not that the dogs were not good enough to watch them, or anything. Between Hopper, Dapple, and Twilight, they were well protected. "There's stew in the pot if you want any."
He did not see Roy move over to look, but he did hear the man's grumbled, "If you call that soup," and, had he not been leaning over the sleeping kids, he would have shot back something sharp. As things were, he simply settled himself down. It was probably going to be a long night, anyway.
Roy watched his charge settle down with a sad eye. He was not the best with children, and here he suddenly had a fistful of them, and very little idea how to proceed. To top it off, Edward had been forced to suffer through losing another little girl, and the whole mess was just…
But Ed was alive, as were most of the children, and that counted for something. He had always known the blond was impressive, and over and over again, Edward proved it. What really worried him was the question of how much more the boy could take before it all became too much.
The more he tried to offer support, awkward though he was at it, it seemed the harder Edward pushed him away. If only Hughes were with them, because he always knew what to do when the Elric brothers were involved. This was not Roy's forte.
But he did know how it felt to blame yourself for the death of another person, and that was something Fullmetal did plenty of. He did not know the full story of what had happened, he had known enough not to ask that at least, but the kids had given him the general idea. Kara, little Cory's twin, had died earlier that day, and…and how was this going to go over in the morning? Right now, only pure exhaustion was letting the children sleep, he was sure of that. At some point, they were also going to have to be told the truth about their families… It was a mess he wanted no part of, if he were to be completely honest, but Fullmetal was alive, and so the two of them had to try.
No, he had to try. Edward had done his part, but he was still a kid himself, in the end. He needed a shoulder to lean on, too.
Spooning some of the weak stew into what he assumed was a bowl, he used a quick flash of fire alchemy to heat it, and then settled back to sip the food as he watched the youngsters sleep. He could only hope that things went better the next day…and that Edward could find it in him to relax. The boy was far too tense, and so obviously afraid…
And so, so strong. It was almost hard to watch him force everything down and put on that mask of stubborn indifference. Except it was not even indifference. He was hurting, but Roy did not know how to help him.
Damn, he was bad at this…
So, quick question for you, good readers, in relation to this chapter (or, really, the next one). I'm debating putting in a scene, at some point during the night, where Ed wakes up from a nightmare about Nina, Kara…doesn't really matter, and finally opens up to Roy a bit. I'm reluctant to get too mushy, especially with these two, but Ed's starting to fray a bit, and he needs some…help, for lack of a better word. However, I'm not sure it's needed, because this is Ed. And…Roy. They're both pretty bad at feelings.
So tell me, good readers, yay or nay? Should I trust my gut and leave it out, or go with my inner fangirl, who wants more Papa!Roy moments, and put it in?
