Man, I need to get my act together. I'm becoming lazy with the updates again. Ugh, okay… must keep it together until the Seto torture with Joey part.
Anyway, welcome back to another chapter of Kiddy Degrade. This took a while to write but for the record ((It's a little extra long too)), but I think it's the funniest yet. Thanks to reviewers for keeping me going and making me feel special ((n00bs on Gaia can't do that))! Also, I'd give away free stuff again, but the shipping truck is taking a while to get here so umm… Lollipop?
Yu-Gi-Oh is not © to me. Get it straight, people!
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Chapter 9 - UNICORN MAN
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Being who he was Tristan couldn't stand to see a little girl sob and whimper. He looked around to see if she had any parents or older siblings nearby that could comfort her. However, the section of the mall they were in was dead empty without a single person in sight. With this in mind he decided to take this situation into his hands and find what was wrong with her.
"Hey," he called softly walking over to her. She shakily looked up from her kitty plushie to see the owner of the voice.
"Huh?"
"What are you doing here all alone?" Tristan asked bending over slightly.
"I-I w-was separated from my m-mommy," she whimpered.
"Then why didn't you ask for help? I'm sure one of the mall security guards would help you find your mommy," he told her.
"All th-the security-ty guards are busy."
"And what are they busy with?"
"S-something about coffee and donuts," she recalled. A sweat drop rolled down the back of Tristan's head. He just had to wonder with the waitress and now security guards, what kind of people this mall hired. It was either that or overall humanity had sunk a few notches. Well, he wasn't about to let that hurt this helpless, naïve little girl.
"Hey, don't cry. I'll help you find your parents," Tristan declared. The little girl pulled down her tear covered plushie toy and looked up at him with hope.
"R-really?" she sobbed.
"Yeah," Tristan said cheerfully. She sniffed once more than smiled.
"O-okay."
"What does your mommy look like?"
"Well… She's tall, she's a grown up, and she's a lady," the girl described. There was a moment of silence. "And… we have the same skin tone!"
"Uh… Right…" Tristan said, baffled at her "detailed" profile.
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Meanwhile, on the other side of the mall Seto was leaned up against a trashcan, cross-armed, and waiting for Tea to exit the shoe store.
The recent events were jumbled in his mind. How low did that stone sink him? First, he had to stand on a chair to get his coffee (which was a waste of time in the end), then Tea forcefully dragged him to this mall against his will, and now at the mall he had to defend himself from getting mauled… by an eight-year-old! And that was only a small sample of the torture and humiliation. Truthfully, this transformation had trashed his superior identity! He shouldn't have to climb for his coffee, he shouldn't have to go wherever somebody else wants him to, he shouldn't have to fight an eight-year-old for a pair of formal shoes! Thanks to that rock, it seemed he was no longer duelist champion and ruthless CEO, Mr. Kaiba. He was now just a an annoying little twerp with cranky disposition.
Nevertheless, Seto still turned his back to all of this. He wasn't going to let this idiotic five-year-old body drive him insane, oh no. He was going to get back into his real body, back into to his real life, and make the ones responsible for his personal humiliation pay.
Seto soon spotted Tea walking out of the store holding a plastic Priceless store bag. The sharp points and edges that carved into it's plastic revealed to him that it no doubt held a shoebox. He calmly waited as Tea approached him in a rather stiff manner. The expression on her face was none too friendly either.
"Hm. About time," he said letting his arms drop to his sides as he headed to her, "Now, let me see what rubbish you decided to get."
"I can't believe you, Kaiba," Tea hissed at him, "That little girl only wanted those formal shoes because her little brother need them for a wedding."
"That girl you saw was a stupid naïve little brat who happened to get in my way."
"That is not the point, Kaiba!"
"Look, I don't know what your view point is with you and your 'friendship' speeches," Seto replied, "But do I look like I care about what my opponent needs? If I want something, I'm going to get it. Opponents are just a pitiful obstacle standing in the way of my desires. As a matter of fact, I can hardly believe I wasted my time on that stupid kid. She was small game and I would've gotten what I wanted easily. That was… until you showed up…"
"Aww… Did I ruin your little 'game' when I came in? Well, maybe that's because you can't treat everyone like dirt, Kaiba!"
"They only bring it upon themselves, Gardner. When people aren't strong enough to get what they want, they deserve to be treated like so. Now, are you going to stand there and lecture me to death or are you going to hand over those shoes?"
Tea was disgusted at his perspective and reluctant to do as he wanted, but she gave in and dropped the bag…out of his reach. Seto sighed but ended up walking over and snatching it up. He carried it in the direction of the nearest bench.
"That kid transformation didn't change you one bit," Tea said with scorn, "I thought maybe being a little kid's body would give you a new perspective on things. Boy, was I wrong."
Seto ignored her remark to crawl onto the bench. However, he didn't take much time making himself comfortable before mocking what she had said.
"Heh… Did I hear that correctly? You actually believed I would turn into a simpering sweetness twit all of sudden just because I was 'magically' turned into a kid?"
Tea clenched her teeth staring at his disdainful smirk and mocking eyes.
"Oh please," he ended. Seto then, without another thought, tore through the plastic bag and cardboard box to his shoes. He held up the shoes by their laces with a somewhat disappointed look. There wasn't anything kiddy about the shoes except maybe the slightly bold colors, but they were low middleclass sneakers. After losing the formal shoes to a child, that fact left him a little bit sore. Still, Seto didn't make much of fuss about one unlucky draw. He let the black oversized formal shoes swallowing his feet slide off and put the new shoes on. After replacing his footwear he slid off the bench to test them out. Surprisingly, despite the rubber soles and non-formal appearance, they were the perfect size and actually did feel quite comfortable. "Hmph, I was hoping for something less…common, but I guess these will have to do."
"Geez, you say it as though it was an offering."
"And it wasn't?"
Tea gave him a nasty look then shook her head.
"Ugh… Let's get this shopping over with so we can get back home and do whatever we please. I don't know how much more I can take of you."
"Wow, you finally came up with a 'decent' idea."
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Tristan was now starting to regret being so caring. Once the little girl he chose to help got over her tears she was unbelievably chatty…a regular motor mouth.
"When I was six, my mommy gave me a hamster but it died, so my mommy got me a gerbil. Did you know an average hamster's life span is three years? Neither did I. A big dog told me," she rambled as she skipped next to him.
"Uhh…"
"Speaking of dogs, Mr. Snuggles hates dogs because they try to eat him but I know that not all dogs are bad. This one time I met a dog that licked my face and played with me. I think people are the same way too!"
Tristan tried to hide his discontent as best as he could but it was getting harder and harder to maintain his act. This little girl was starting to make him wish she came with an on/off switch. 'Okay, just stay cool. I only have to find her mother and I'll be done.'
"-he may be selfish and uncaring, but I think he only needs a time out. Besides, I'm sure he's having a lot of fun right now. Oh, and there was another grown up person I met who was a jerk. He was mean. He took Mr. Snuggles away!"
Tristan eventually decided he had to do something, quick. This girl was like motorboat malfunction royal. Her endless talk was slowly sapping away his good day.
"A nice lady helped me. Oh and this one time my mom met a salesperson but he was actually a shark! My mother would have been eaten if she bought one of his cars. And then-"
"Hey, little girl?" Tristan asked, interrupting her chatter.
"Yes?" she said in a cheerful tone.
"We're did you last see you're mom, again?"
"In Spheres!"
"Okay! Just double checking," Tristan said. The girl had finally gave up on chattering and he sighed out of relief. That was better… until…
"By the way, mister," the little girl chirped.
"Huh?"
"Why is you're hair pointy?"
"Er… Well… That's because…"
"Are you a unicorn?"
"No, I just-"
"Unicorn man!"
"Whoa, I am not a-"
"Unicorn man! Unicorn man!" the girl chanted.
"You haven't by chance eaten anything lately containing the word 'sugar,' have you?"
"Hey, miss lady miss!" the little girl called to a nearby shopper, "I'm walking with a unicorn!" She then turned to another nearby shopper and repeated, "I'm walking with a unicorn!"
It was official, Tristan was going to lose his sanity soon if he didn't get the child to shut up.
"Little girl?" the pointy haired teenager said tapping her on the shoulder.
"Yes, Mr. Unicorn?"
"Sorry, but I am not…"
"A unicorn?"
"Exactly. I understand you could get it mixed up but…" Tristan stopped. He was now looking down at a little girl with giant tears welling up in her eyes.
"Y-You're not a unicorn?"
Tristan gulped. This wasn't the result he wanted. He had to think of something quick before he was labeled as a jerk to people around him. Fortunately, he was able to think of the thing just in time. He bent over and pulled her close to whisper in her ear.
"Yes, I am a unicorn, but I cannot reveal my identity," Tristan whispered.
"Huh? Why?" the child asked.
"Because the evil aliens from the planet… uhh…." Tristan continued, pausing to search for a believable name, "Sportingtons are trying to find me so they can steal my magic."
"Really?"
"Yes" The dark haired grade school student stood there, quiet, at this new bit of information. However, after registering the information that she was 'trusted' with…
"WAAAHHH! I AM SO SORRY MR. UNICORN! I revealed your identity! I am a bad girl! I deserve no desert for a week! WAAAAAHHHH!" she blurted out so loud almost the entire mall could hear.
Tristan was going to collapse. He really hated being such a nice guy at times.
"What have we done Mr. Snuggles?" she screamed.
Speaking of nice guys…
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"Here," Seto said as he uncaringly shoved a combination of shirts and pants into Tea's stomach, "I'm getting these."
"What now? Feel you're too good to even try on clothes before you buy them?" she asked angrily as she took the clothes from him.
"You said you wanted to hurry this up and that's what I plan to do," Seto replied going through another rack of shirts. Tea took a deep breath trying to shake off her frustration. Indeed, it was taking her time to relax over Seto's little fight back at the shoe shop, and more of his rotten attitude was hardly helping.
As Seto flipped through the hangers Tea looked down at the four outfits that were shoved into her. All of them had bland colors and were barely flashy. Of course, that was the way Seto wanted them to be. Anything flashy in his size would most likely either contain a picture of Robot Hero or have a teddy bear on it. While examining them, Tea took a curious look at the price tags and at the sight her heart nearly froze.
"Kaiba! These shirts are over $70 (Sorry, don't know what that is in Yen) each!" Tea squeaked.
"And there's a problem?" Seto asked looking over his shoulder at Tea.
"I can't afford that!"
"… Oh, that's right. Sorry, I forgot you lived in poverty."
"I do not live in poverty! I may not be as rich as you but I'm not poor either! Ever heard of middle class!"
"Is there a difference?" Seto asked in a bored tone of voice, going back to his search.
"Ugh. I am not getting the clothes, Kaiba!" Tea shouted. Seto stopped his search once again and turned around to give Tea an unconcerned look.
"Fine… If it's that a big of deal, I'll write you a check to make up for it when we get back to your house and I can access to my wallet."
"What? Is that your solution?" Tea hissed.
"Do you have a better idea?" Seto asked. Tea trembled with fury but kept to herself. The truth was she did have a better idea, but she knew Kaiba would only mock her for it. In the end, she let her rage take over.
"Fine… Just keep you're dirty money," she said in a low disgusted voice.
"Hmph, suit yourself." With that, Seto calmly went back to his rummaging. Tea let out a furious sigh. She decided to look away from Seto for the time being to get him off her mind. The unlucky teenager viewed the other shoppers in the department. Unlike her they seemed like they were having the time of their lives. Of course, Tea would have joined them too if she didn't have chibi 'Mr. Heartless' to watch. She looked down at the fancy carpeted floor in gloom. Oh where were her friends at a time like this?
Seto was thankful that much of the clothes before him didn't have bold colors or stupid cartoons on them. Still, he was left unimpressed by the store's selection. Then again, he was the kind that preferred personal tailoring over store brand. Even though he didn't speak of it, he enjoyed clothes that not only made him look superior, but eccentric. Like there was much of that there.
Suddenly, he spotted an interesting long-sleeved shirt hanging on a wall display. "Hm?" He walked up to it to take a better look. The sharp colors of white, black, and silver were embedded in a unique, but not complex design. The best part was it seemed to be the prefect size for him. Seto intrigued by the top, stretched a hand out to take it off its rack but than a recurring problem harassed him once more… his short stature. "Damn it!" he swore as his fingertips brushed the bottom of its fabric.
Tea wasn't paying attention to the little problem Seto encountered. She was much too focused on other parts of the store to clear her mind. Many of the other displays she could see from her point were covered in fabulous clothes ranging in mini-skirts to sweaters. Before Tea knew it, temptation was nagging her by the bottom of her shirt. There were so many beautiful things she was interested in trying on. She looked back at Seto who was now standing in front of the wall display apparently still looking for some more clothes and ignoring her. That confirmed it. Tea simply needed a break from him, to relax and do what she wanted to do. At least it would be better than standing there like she was some faithful servant to him. Plus, he could handle himself for a few minutes without requiring her help, right? So while the little CEO wasn't looking, she left him to see the store's wide variety of clothing.
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"Okay, according to the map Spheres should be right… here," Tristan said placing a finger on the small yellow square in the corner of the bulletin, "And we are right here so we're almost there."
"YAY!" the little girl squealed, hopping up and down excitedly. Tristan smiled. He was almost as excited as her, but not for the same reasons. It was looking forward to finally getting the girl off his shoulders (not literally) so he could go home and take a break.
"Okay, I have a feeling we're going to find your mother soon. Let's go," Tristan said. He started walking in the direction of Spheres only to realize the little girl wasn't following him. He looked over his shoulder to see the lost little girl standing there with her eyes glued on a soda machine. "O-o-o-oh no."
"WE WANT SODA!" she screamed referring to herself and Mr. Snuggles.
"Err… Don't you think we should try to find your mom first?"
"But me and Mr. Snuggles want soda!"
"Come on, I'll promise to tell your mom to get you soda when we find her."
"But we want it now!" the little girl cried. Tears started to well up in her eyes, yet again.
'Oh man, not this again…' Tristan mentally groaned. The girl was starting to whimper and was squeezing her plush kitty tight. Once again, Tristan was a slave for the puppy dog eyes. "Okay, okay," Tristan said giving in, "but don't tell your mother." She sniffed a little bit and looked up to him.
"O-Okay," she replied. The teenager dug through his pocket and pulled out a crisp dollar bill (still don't know what that is in Yen). He fed the bill into the machine and pressed a button. Seconds later a bottle of fresh fizzy Mr. Fizzle dropped down.
"Here," Tristan said handing it to the little girl. Her eyes started to well up again. "Huh? What's the matter?"
"Th-this is Mr. Fizzle. I wanted Cuco Cola!"
"Come on, just try it. I guarantee you'll love it," Tristan reassured.
"But I'm allergic to Mr. Fizzle!"
"Oh… Heh… Oops…" Tristan humbly said. The girl was about to burst into tears and Tristan knew he couldn't stand it. He took out another dollar bill and fed it into the machine. "Don't cry. It's okay, I'll get you a Cuco Cola." And once again a bottle fell down and he gave it to the little girl.
"There…" The little girl quietly stared at the bottle for a second before she resumed her sobbing.
"W-What? What now? I got the right soda, didn't I?" Tristan asked nervously.
"But this is DIET Cuco Cola!" she cried. Tristan simply stood there twitching before he did the classic anime collapse and twitched even the more.
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The lack of height was nothing a couple of nearby boxes couldn't solve. It didn't take Seto long to get the shirt into his hands. Now that he had gotten his prize he decided that he chose enough clothes to last him. Truthfully, Tea was only wasting her money by getting him these clothes. As soon as he returned to the house, Seto knew he was going find out that wretched gem's puzzle. He would be back at his full state soon, and no later. Besides, he would rather eat a bucket full of insects than spend another night in Tea's house and in this puny body.
He turned around to set up their departure when to his surprise, he found that Tea was no longer in sight. He started searching around the children section for her, in case she decided to play another one of her kiddy jokes. Yet, in the end, it was clear Tea had disappeared. Seto felt his blood temperature rise. He definitely didn't like this sudden ditching and sneered, "Gardner, where are you?" To no surprise, his call was not answered. He waited for a second to inspect his surroundings. She didn't seem to be hiding anywhere. "This better not be another one of your kiddy jokes," he growled and elevated his search beyond the children's section.
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Tea, on the other hand was having a blast. After dropping Seto's chosen clothes on a nearby sweater rack, it was girl time! She dug right through the display of miniskirts and tops that hung before her. The girl experimented and toyed with all sorts of styles and outfits there was to choose from. Some of the styles she chose matched her perfectly, some of the styles looked terrible, and some were so-so. Before she knew it Tea had completely forgotten about Seto and her troubles to let the fun take her away.
"Excuse me," Tea called to nearby employee organizing the shirts.
"How may I help you?" she asked.
"Do you have this in my size?" Tea continued, holding up a beautifully decorated miniskirt.
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Seto's first target was the women's section, of course. He knew very well that Tea could have strayed off to do her own shopping. When he reached the section though, he froze in his tracks. There were the tons of displays covered with light baby colors, fancy girlish designs, and fake crystals. At this, Seto started to rethink how much he needed Tea right now. I mean, this was the 'girls' section after all. Even though there was probably not a soul in the store besides Tea who recognized him that didn't change the fact he was still a boy. Age didn't matter in stuff like this. The factor of not finding Tea in the girls' section and going in for nothing definitely wasn't in his interest. Even worse would be the factor of Tea finding him searching around the girls' section.
And thinking of this, it didn't take him long to decide. Without hesitation he moved on and away from the girls' section to search other parts of the store first. However, as cruel irony would have it, Tea had only been feet away from Seto going through one of the sleeveless top displays. Also as more cruel irony would have it, just after Seto left to search the rest of the store, Tea had realized she had spent a minute too long enjoying herself.
"Oh no, I forgot about Kaiba!" she yelled to herself. She hung the shirt back on the display and shot out of the girls' section to check on Seto. She had remained a bit furious at Seto from his attitude, but she knew he was her responsibility, like it or not. It was her job to make sure he was safe.
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The store itself was amazingly extensive and filled with clothes, furniture, and other junk. With all this, it could easily be called a maze. However, for our cute little CEO, the store posed no threat to navigate even though he couldn't see over the top of anything. As a matter of fact, he had way more problems with the people who worked there. Thus, he had another reason for hating his new body.
Back and forth, he paced and searched among the racks and shelves for Tea. Still there was no sign of her…anywhere. It was only a matter of time before his unsupervised quest attracted the attention of a young employee with long wavy brown hair and earrings. She watched him for a few minutes in curiosity before she becoming worried.
"Little boy?" she called, but due to the fact Seto had not gotten used to being called by little boy, he did not catch on to her immediately. "Little boy?" she repeated. Seto turned this time realizing the fact that he was the only little boy around at the moment.
"What?" he said disdainfully.
"What do you think you're doing?" the employee asked.
"I'm searching for somebody," Seto briefly replied. His feet then started to carry him off again to check another part of the store. Nevertheless, the worker didn't let him leave so fast.
"Oh, you poor thing. Are you lost?" she asked kneeling to his eye level after blocking his way. Seto glared at her but kept his cursing to himself.
"No, I'm just searching for a teenage girl with short brown hair and wearing the smallest miniskirt in the world," he abruptly replied . What displeased Seto more was that his comment fell on half-deaf ears. He hated not being shown the respect that was his due.
"JAMIE!" the Sphere's worker shouted.
"What?" a voice came from the other side of a pant rack.
"There's a cute lost little one searching for his mommy."
"Excuse me?" Seto growled, "I am not-" Sadly, he was sharply interrupted by the awe of the employee's friend. She had long blond hair, green eyes, and was equally decorated with jewelry.
"Aww… Poor thing…" she cooed.
"I saw him pacing up and down the aisles trying to find his mommy," Seto's finder continued.
"Are you deaf? I told you-" Seto started once more only to be interrupted yet again.
"Oh, he's so small. How old do you think he is?"
"Hmm… I think he's about three."
"What?"
"There, there," the employee called Jamie cooed as she pulled Seto into her chest for a hug, "It's okay." Seto was tolerant of this for a second, but it was only a second. He hated being touched by anybody that wasn't his little brother. From that you could guess, he didn't take this hug so kindly. Especially, when the person hugging him believed he was a scared little tot. "We'll find your mother!"
"Do I look like a stuffed animal to you? Don't touch me!" Seto shouted fiercely, pushing himself away from her. There was little resistance to deal with as the lady immediately released him in shock.
"Oh my, I'm sorry," she apologized, "I scared you didn't I." Seto felt his body begin to shiver out of fury. This girl wasn't getting the picture. Still, rather than dealing further with this pair of idiots, he began to walk off again without saying a single word. Then, for a second time that day, he was stopped. "Wait, little boy!"
'Oh god…' Seto thought still suppressing his rage at the entire situation.
"I'm sorry for scaring you. Don't go off on your own. You might get lost," she said cheerfully.
"Don't worry, we'll help you find your mommy," her friend concluded.
"You're not getting the point are you? The person I'm looking for is not my mommy and I can handle myself just fine!" Seto snapped.
"Aww… Isn't that so adorable? He's trying to act all grown up," Jamie cooed. An anime blood vessel showed up on Seto's head. What was wrong with these people? Couldn't they tell an insult from a cry for help?
"You know what? Now that I think about it, he looks like that that rich guy… What was his name again? It started with a K," the oblivious friend asked. Seto tensed up fearing the girls had just recognized him.
"Kaiba?" the other employee asked.
"No, that wasn't it… OH, now I remember! He looks like Kaname, that hansom pop singer!"
"Oh yeah!" she chirped. Seto was about to collapse. He never paid any attention to music or any media besides gaming. Yet, he already knew he looked nothing like Kaname, whoever the heck he was. While the two clueless ladies babbled on about how great Kaname was, Seto made his getaway. He was almost at the end of the section when the employees realized he had disappeared. Seeing him at the edge of their department, the brown haired one called, "Little boy, where are you going? Come back!"
"Like I'm going to do that?" Seto asked, as his attention remained focused in front of him. Not a minute after he said that, he could here footsteps coming up behind him. They were coming after him. As much as he hated running from stupid situations like this, he did not want to be the teddy bear for a couple of cooing imbeciles. In simple terms… he bolted.
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And that wraps it up! Thanks for reading! Also, I hope to work on Going Crazy ((The Mutt, the Neko, and the Richboy)). I already have about half of the first chapter done. I'm also hoping to update Squirrel Stole My Checkbook. I got most of its new chapter done. : 3 I don't know whether this would be overkill for somebody like me, but I'm planning writing a new fanfiction called "Pi Are Round."
Anyway, curious question, does anybody know where Seto got those cool moves in the Noa's Virtual Arc? A joke has sprung among my friends and me about him being a secret agent. Still, that would be awesome if he actually was indeed a secret agent. Poor Seto, though. In my fanfiction he'd have to save the world as a 5-year-old.
Okay, next chapter…
Yay! It's Pacman! Only Yu-Gi-Oh style with Seto and the two stupid girls!
Plus, more Tristen torture.
