A/N: Do I still have readers? Haha maybe not, I guess. ^^ After this chapter will be a 3-part Author's Note (consisting of explanation of terms, review replies, and author's rants). If I have any grammatical errors, I'm sorry. English is my second language. However, I'm editing and proofreading the chapters as much as I can (I'm going through chapter 4 as you're all reading this). ^^ And, I don't profit from this story. :D Those with asterisks (*) are scientific terms which may be ignored so you can read the chapter without a bother. However, they will be explained in the first part of the long Author's Note. ^^
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Review
"I can't believe it, Naru!" I pulled my arm from his grasp and ran my hands through my hair in disbelief. The great bewilderment and anguish were filling me up entirely. The...wickedness and cruelty were too much.
Naru gripped my hands gently away from my hair, squeezed them together―a soothing gesture―and led me to look at him quizzically.
"Tell me, Mai."
"Naru..." I started and gulped. "Fumenmoku killed Midoriko!"
End of Review
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DAY 2; 10:10 pm
"Fumenmoku killed Midoriko..." I repeated softly. "Midoriko was killed because she won in their contest..."
Naru let go of my hands carefully―as though it was going to break if abruptly released.
The spread rolls of dusty canvas (used as duvets) lay on the floor, as well as other rolls of canvas left un-rolled to become pillows and two more sprawled as sleeping mats. My sooty duvet had slipped off and clung to my feet right then. Whilst, my body seemed to have rolled off from my sleeping mat―during sleep―to the cold and hard stone floor. On the other hand, Naru's duvet was folded beside his sleeping mat on the floor near the fireplace; it looked like he didn't go to sleep yet with how un-lain his sleeping space was.
A sweet smell pervaded the tower, but I didn't delve on what it was. Naru must have been doing something before I woke up, but...I was so preoccupied with my haunting dream at the moment to even be curious about it.
I could see the firelight shine upon the glass surface of a lantern that's on top of the highest lacquered wooden nesting table; its flickering light reflected the coagulated particles upon the lantern's surface and illuminated a spider's web and the soot collected with time.
The artistry of the tower Naru and I resided and the castle in general mirrored the traits of the people who had lived in it. It exuded creativity, elegance, and (in Fumenmoku's surprising act of murder) cunningness. I was utterly deceived, and likewise, other people might have been too. The whiteness of the marble that the castle's mostly made up of concealed the darkness from the hearts of those who previously inhabited it.
Who...would have thought that...the dark side of a person will appear...prominent in someone who's been meekly loving and...forgiving...?
I shuddered. How people readily changed their personality from one to another...Or has Fumenmoku always been like that? Has she...just kept it all inside...? Her anger? Her jealousy for Midoriko for being able to have the freedom she really wants? And when...Midoriko won as a dollmaker...she felt slighted...She, Fumenmoku, who has been working so hard to become a dollmaker...was just beaten in a supposedly petty match...To have everything taken...her dignity, pride, and love...Midoriko felt like that too before she won but... Fumenmoku was different. All the pressure was on her...And just when she was about to break free...
She lost...and then she snapped.
I realized then...that the world wasn't cruel because it was made cruel. It's we, humans, who made it cruel. We were the ones who became cruel to others and sometimes to ourselves. What happened to Midoriko and Fumenmoku...was all due to the cruelty instigated around and between them.
"It's so sad..." I muttered desolately.
Silent and contemplative as ever, Naru sat beside me. Despite my astonishment at the new dream, I could not help but be transfixed by him; his thoughtful look had that effect on me all the time. Then, I snapped to reality and recalled what I had forgotten hours ago. I knew it's far-fetched from my recent dream and the case, but I couldn't help thinking...
It's...hard to be with Naru nowadays.
Somehow, I didn't know what to do anymore. Just as Fumenmoku's feelings were complicated, my feelings for Naru were the same. I love Naru but I'm going out with someone else. Others can say that I am cheating my heart...again. But, that was only half-true. Or rather, partly true. Because I do like the person I'm going out with, and it's a mutual feeling.
No, not like. Not just like, actually. I have fallen...for someone else besides Naru.
That's why...it couldn't be called cheating at all. I'm...simply moving forward...with somebody else.
Yes, that's right. I assured myself. And that person makes me happy. And that person says I make him happy too. What pains me when I'm with Naru is that there is the continuous expectation of reciprocation. That there is still an inkling of hope and attachment to him. But I'm slowly breaking free from that. Gradually, I am loving my boyfriend more and more. And I don't want to lose him because he's become precious to me. And since he's not here with me, I'm probably just transferring my longing for him to Naru (especially with the narcissist's current proximity). I'm misplacing my feelings for my boyfriend to Naru...
I'm such a terrible girlfriend.
I sighed and averted my eyes from Naru's form.
My boyfriend, he...makes me feel such happiness I'd never felt when I'd fallen for Naru. Being with Naru is...painful. But being with my boyfriend...I don't feel any pain, just happiness. Knowing such, I couldn't help but wonder; what if my love for Naru was an illusion after all? Must love be hurtful in order to be deemed true? If a love isn't hurtful, it's fake? There shouldn't be such standards to love, right?
I reminisced the memories I had with my boyfriend for almost two months now. I miss him...He's probably worried that I didn't call him for two days now too...
I shook my head and thought about Fumenmoku again. I needed to focus on the job for now. Honestly, how my mind would shift...I sighed.
If I can shift my thoughts, how about the attitude? Everything changes, right?
I wished Fumenmoku was able to move on too, though. That she...did not let her hidden dark feelings consume her. Envy. Betrayal. Annihilation...The process of becoming evil could be a very easy feat for anyone deeply-seated with animosity all their life.
How...Fumenmoku could suddenly shift into someone...is beyond me just as how I can't be as cold and cruel...I'm...not so fearful as she can...I thought she's fair and just...That she'll sacrifice her happiness for her sister's...Or if not...she would have a rematch and improve her skills instead of doing something underhanded...That's just―
I halted my thoughts and rewinded. If I were in her shoes...will I even be able to double take like this? Will I still be able to give time for thinking rather than doing? Will I not also be immersed in my emotions as I have always been?
I bit my lip. I was not different from Fumenmoku at all. Given the situation, I might become just as ruthless as she was.
I gazed back to Naru and saw him doing the same. Our eyes met, and I held the contact taciturnly for a while. It seemed like he had worked up the gears of his mind and made a conclusion or speculation in silence. Just when Naru's lips were forming a sound, though, I felt it: an electric shock originating from my brain and branching out to every inch of my body. I doubled over with a loud gasp; my hands went to my head as though I just collided a wall with it.
And then nothing. Like sparks igniting and suddenly fizzing out before evanescing. Extinguished.
I could not feel Naru's hand on my arm. Nor did I even notice him holding it in the first place.
I could not feel the supposedly cold hard floor.
I could feel nothing at all.
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"Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time."
~Jorge Luis Borges~
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DAY 2; 10:21-11:29 pm
"Naru, I can't feel anything!" I exclaimed, anxious and shocked.
"Mai, look at me," Naru advised calmly but I couldn't comply.
Panic swallowed every nook and cranny of my mind. I assayed to feel Naru's hand which previously held my arm.
And yet, still nothing.
"Naru, I can't feel your hand," I hollered in horror. "I can't feel anything!"
Everything else was thrown into oblivion except the fear that crawled to my veins and bones.
Naru, astonishingly, cupped my cheeks with his hands and swiveled my face to look at him vis-a-vis.
I blushed at his proximity. He cupped my cheeks in a way that made my mouth pucker up like fish―a very embarrassing sight.
If it was another situation, Naru would have smirked at the silly face he'd created through squinching my cheeks. But, the situation was dire and not humorous. So thankfully, while penetrating me with his sky-like eyes, he uttered, "Calm down, Mai. It'll be alright."
He looked tired and uncertain and...afraid?
And when Naru's afraid, let's just say I wouldn't be any less.
It wasn't alright at all. My brain nagged me with skepticism.
"Hwaw?" I asked nervously. I meant 'How?' but my then fish-like mouth couldn't say the word properly.
Becoming cognizant, Naru released my cheeks gently and sighed. "This is the first time you've used your PK-LT, and insofar, you've been utilizing it consecutively. If coherent to the facts, the side effect for its usage―your loss of sense of touch―will be temporary for now."
"PK-LT? And w-what do you mean 'for now'?"
"Psychokinesis on Living Targets," he elaborated.
I gaped at him. "That's what I have...?"
He nodded.
I nictitated; his words were spinning in my head before being absorbed.
"So...I'll...be alright later?"
Naru inclined his head, and I soughed in half-relief.
However, Naru frowned and glared at me. "But only for now, Mai. Hence, you cannot, should not, and must not use your power from this moment on. PK-LT is a rare kind and the most dangerous of all. Frequent use of it has been recorded to result in total senselessness―permanent loss of the five senses―and the inability to breathe."
Panic settled again.
"N-Naru, what if I won't get it back? What if―what if my sense of touch will never―?" I stammered, unnerved by the reality.
"It'll be alright," he assured. "Those who lost their senses permanently were the ones who've been using it for many years. Still, it doesn't mean you can use it nonchalantly, Mai. So, do not be reckless, and keep it in mind."
I jounced my head earnestly and suspired. What in the world have I done? To have a power...yet unable to help Naru...how can circumstances be this cruel?
I bit my lip.
Is it really hopeless?
Will I really recover my sense of touch if I don't use my power anymore?
Although, it's not like I could control my power right then. It's...still unstable...
Naru straightened up, and I gazed up to him in wonder. He maintained his calm, and I wished I could be infected with his tranquility.
"W-where are you going?" I queried.
I...somehow needed him beside me. I needed his assurance. I...wanted so much to depend on him at the moment of my vulnerability.
I know I'm becoming a more terrible girlfriend for being like this...But...
Is it wrong to gain comfort from someone else besides my boyfriend?
He lifted a corner of his mouth after checking his wristwatch, and I couldn't stop flushing scarlet.
I forgot my supposedly recent predicament almost instantly.
Naru could be irresistibly cute without him knowing.
And...he's the greatest distraction and diversion I'd ever had.
Honestly.
Dang.
"Now that you're awake, you can eat a cow," he smirked.
I blinked at him absentmindedly. "What?"
His eyes darted to the fireplace, and my orbs followed suit. Hanging by the fireplace crane was a pitch-black Dutch oven.
And I finally realized what the sweet smell was.
Eyes widening, I spluttered sheepishly, "You killed a cow?"
Naru eyed me with great fascination. "It's swan potato soup, Mai."
I gaped at him. Wha━―!
"Swan what?" I stared at him; my jaw slacked.
"Potatoes, Mai," he neared the fireplace and pivoted the crane away from the fire. With some folded canvas, he took the Dutch oven by its handle from where it perched on the fireplace crane. Holding the probably hot pot carefully, Naru came nigh the wooden nesting tables, and I noticed fruits on it.
"Naru, how did you―where did you―?" I stammered, flummoxed.
"While you were asleep, fireflies led me to a forsaken-looking greenhouse," he shrugged as he sat across me after lodging the pot between us on the floor.
A greenhouse? Fireflies led━―?
"How can there be a greenhouse underground...? And for plants to survive...?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "And you're joking about the fireflies, right?"
He smiled slyly. "I'm not."
I pouted but didn't retort. Indeed, he looked like he's telling the truth.
Or else, where did he get the food, right? It couldn't have come out of nowhere!
He took the lid of the pot, and my stomach confirmed its health by grumbling. The smell was so...mouth-watering. But, I couldn't feel the hotness of the soup emanating from the pot.
Naru gave me a spoon, and he scooped the soup with a silver ladle to comely ceramic bowls he found God-knows-where.
Now, my thoughts were readily diverted. It was probably Naru's plan too because...I had to admit that he knew me so well enough to know that if he wouldn't distract me, I'd be incessantly obsessed with my current loss of touch.
How can he be so nice? How can he...make me...just so sad and happy?
"I never thought you can cook," I quipped, amazed. "I guess it's a lucky thing."
Food is a really great diversion at this moment...
"I do it if necessary," he replied as-a-matter-of-factly.
"When you're blackmailed?" I teased.
He fleered. "When I'm paid."
I jaw-dropped. "That's sly and stingy!"
He quirked his eyebrow as he held my supposed share of soup in midair, half-way towards me.
I turned strawberry-ish, sighed, and pouted. "Alright, alright. I'll pay you when we get out of here."
He lifted a corner of his mouth, and I underwent heart failure again.
"No need," he leered as he handed the soup-filled bowl to me. "Treat this as extra service."
I became as red as the sliced onions in my soup. Averting my eyes, I slurred, "Jerrrrkk."
His talent of throwing back my own words didn't fade away.
I blew on the soup even if I could not feel its heat and took a careful sip. A mixture of sweet, salty, spicy, and peppery taste bombarded me. Potatoes, carrots, and onions were softened satisfactorily so that their natural flavors harmonized.
Thank Kami that I didn't lose my sense of taste too...
"This is delicious," I gushed. "Where did you get salt and pepper for this? Did you get the carrots and onions from the greenhouse too?"
Naru just inclined his head. "I found some salt in the cupboard and picked peppercorns and the rest in the greenhouse."
I stared at Naru's hands. He noticeably washed them but they were still slightly soiled. For the pepper to look so fine in the soup...he must have ground them very hard...He peeled and sliced the vegetables very well too...
He...handpicked the vegetables, fruits, and peppercorns...?
It's unfair.
Just when I'm supposedly falling out of love of him...he does something so...undeniably sweet and boom; I've fallen in again.
Deeper.
Dang.
"The greenhouse is in one of those two tunnels? It's quite fortunate for us..." I ran my tongue on the roof of my mouth; I was trying to feel anything. It did not seem to be even touching...
It somehow felt strange knowing the soup is hot yet tasting it as not. Although, it seemed like I didn't burn my tongue.
Naru bobbed his head. "It is fortunate that some plants survived throughout the years that it has probably been neglected. The ventilation is good, and the automated sprinkling system still works. The plants get satisfactory sunlight by the looks of it, and there seems to be no pests."
"Nature has its own way of surviving, I suppose," I agreed, shrugging.
I must admit; I didn't have an inkling to rove the greenhouse though. I somehow wanted to get out of the tower as soon as possible.
Anxiety still knotted my mind and stomach, but my great hunger must be prioritized to at least ease the gnawing awareness of unfeeling. Eating Naru's soup did wonders to my mind, gratefully. The twists and knots were loosening up gradually.
I guess, food is one of the best tranquilizers out there.
Slowly but surely, Naru and I ate in silence. I tried not to think of anything while I ate―none of the dream and the 'temporary' loss of sense of touch. Truthfully, I was just tired of thinking at the moment; I, unlike Naru, lacked the endurance to think after all. My experiences with the consecutive dreams and when I woke up were too taxing to remember and mull over. So, I decided to focus on my food rather than on anything else that's bothering me.
Although I had a lot of servings of Naru's soup, he wasn't complaining despite the countless times I made him scoop me more of it.
He'd probably figured I would have the appetite of a pig.
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When we finished eating the soup, I offered to wash the dishes using some toothpaste Naru found in the bathroom and a strip of canvas. He'd chosen some goji berries to chew on while he waited until the washed bowls and spoons were ready for him to wipe dry.
I didn't want to think of how I couldn't feel anything at all even after my stomach had been filled―although my stomach and sense of touch were scarcely connected or whatever―so I racked my brain for any conversation starters, then, since consuming my meal entirely had made me want to focus on something at last. I recalled one and got on with it.
"Fumenmoku..." I began blabbing, and Naru arched his eyebrow at me. "It was unexpected that she killed Midoriko...Although, I think it could be because of the pressure―since she revealed in my dream that her father was very strict in her training―and she just, you know, snapped and disp-disp―what was that condition Hoshimasa-sensei from our previous case had again?"
"Displacement," Naru supplied.
"Yeah, that..." I ranted on. "She...displaced her anger to Midoriko or something...by killing her...But still... for her to change in such a short amount of time...I can't understand how...I mean, I dreamt of her, and I'm always in her shoes, and...well, she treasures Midoriko so much. I heard her thoughts and felt her feelings, and yet for her to kill Midoriko...It just doesn't make any sense, Naru."
Naru gazed at the fireplace pensively while popping a goji berry in his mouth―a very once-in-a-blue-moon view―before responding.
"People aren't either black or white, Mai," Naru said. "Everyone is in shades of gray. In Wakkako-san's case though, sudden murder shows a sign of her growing mental dysfunction."
Muddled, I ogled at him. "What do you mean?"
Turning the faucet off, I handed the bowls and spoons to him.
"Wakkako-san died in an asylum in Germany," he disclosed as he wiped the bowls and spoons with a clean table napkin I didn't know where he'd acquired.
My eyes expanded and mouth hung agape. "She went insane?"
"Psychologically impaired," Naru corrected and added, "Madoka sent me her research recently. Wakkako-san was brought to an asylum in Germany after arriving there for a few months. She was diagnosed with, what we call in modern terms, Dissociative Identity Disorder."
"Diss―what?" I scrunched my eyebrows.
"It's commonly called Multiple Personality Disorder," he explained, and I gasped as the term dawned upon me; I had seen enough movies with characters having such a condition. "The belief in the existence of this disorder has been shaky nowadays because of possible confabulations and deceptions. If Wakkako-san was simply pretending, though, it would be unreasonable."
My mind was epically run down with all the information. But, I did grasp the gist.
"If...she wasn't just pretending to be insane...what do you think is the cause then? For her to kill Midoriko and for her split in personality?"
"The etiology or cause of disorder is most likely psychogenic," Naru speculated. "As you aforementioned, the pressure may have contributed to the murder. Wakkako-san was a very skilled and famous dollmaker. The continuous and growing expectation might have concocted not only mental pressure but also emotional stress. Losing to her sister in a match where she seemingly has the upper hand might have―paired with her father's ridicule and extreme verbal abuse for her defeat―induced trauma. Trauma has often been linked to the splitting of personalities; thereby, as in your terms, Mai, Wakkako-san snapped."
I nictated; my mind was weaving everything in place.
Pressure...stress...ridicule...defeat...trauma. It's like an unstoppable chain of unfortunate events.
To have a life like that...
Feelings of sorrow engulfed me. For siblings to be torn apart like that...for their lives to botch up because of such...It's so disheartening.
How...can people change so much?
My eyes landed on the painting above the fireplace, and I queried quietly, "What happened to Kou-san?"
"He returned to Japan after Wakkako-san was brought to the asylum. He became a vagabond artist ever since. Nothing was known of how he died, but his body was buried properly somewhere in Kyushu."
"I see..." I watched Naru blankly as he returned the spoons and bowls in their designated places.
It's like...everything had fallen apart.
If Midoriko is the one responsible for all the killings...what will she even get from it? Is she...doing some kind of eternal displacement?
I sighed. Thinking about complicated and distressing things taxed my mind abruptly.
And the awareness that I still did not regain my sense of touch after almost an hour...
I sighed again.
What if it won't come back anymore...?
"Mai," Naru called, and I perked up at him.
"Hmm?" I asked.
"Tea," Naru ordered as he took a wrapped teabag from his black notebook.
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MAI DREAMS
She looked at me quizzically as I entered her room. To my misfortune, she's not a rotting cadaver as I'd expected to see.
"Who are you?" she asked, baffled at my appearance, when I sat down on a chintz chair beside her sea glass-colored patchwork bed.
I could not help but smile.
Still, the gods have blessed me after all.
She smiled back hesitantly and then, as though a thought struck her, eagerly and pleadingly gazed at me. "Do you know me? Who am I to you? Please...tell me! I...can't remember anything."
Finally...Finally...
"I am Fumenmoku Wakkako, your younger sister. You are Midoriko Wakkako."
She blinked at me and then muttered as she absorbed our names. "Fumenmoku...Midoriko...? What...happened to me?"
She wrinkled her eyebrows in curiosity just as she did before I pushed her over the cliff.
"You fell over a cliff." I feigned worry and relief. "It was fortunate you're still alive...! I could have died if you were truly gone...!"
All my life, I had pretended to be a do-gooder, an enduring person.
But I'm tired of that crappy pretense.
She looked conflicted after hearing what I said. She was naturally feeling awkward at my concern because she couldn't remember me...and therefore could not remember me trying to kill her...nor how she should feel for her 'beloved' sister's fake anxiety.
"That's―I'm glad to be alive. I...I wish I can remember you..." she stammered morosely and was nonplussed on how to act.
I beamed sadly and squeezed her hands with my own before waving it in miserable helplessness. "I wish the accident didn't take our memories too. What have we done to deserve this?"
I wish you died instead.
If it was possible to order her to stop breathing, I would have done so from the start. But I couldn't because...
Stupid affinity.
A knock interrupted our reunion, and I excused myself as the doctor came in. By the sounds of sobbing coming from outside through the opened door, the doctor must have already told father and mother about Midoriko's condition.
"Good job," I murmured as I passed by the doctor.
I could feel him stare at my back in wonder as I scrammed.
He'll never know. He'll never know.
"Moku-chan." Mother gripped my hands gently when I materialized before her and father. She cried her heart out. "The doctor...The doctor said her amnesia is permanent!"
"Mika, calm yourself down," Father admonished, trying to shush mother. "Midoriko isn't dead."
"But, dear―"
"What is most grievous isn't her memory loss but her incapacitation for dollmaking," Father told us firmly. "Her dollmaking technique was a priceless discovery in the world of artisans. Such achievement, if shown to the world, would have generations to praise our clan."
"By Kami-sama, why are you thinking like that?" mother uttered in disbelief.
Father just glared at her blankly, but his eyes were watery―a very unlikely sight.
So, he can grieve for his daughter's 'incapacitation'? How shocking.
"You will tell no one about this," Father said darkly to me. "Even Mochiyuma-dono."
I nodded.
"What are we going to do now?" mother continued to sob.
I shrugged. "We should hide her."
Mother ogled at me in disbelief too. "Moku-chan, what are you saying?"
I softened my eyes in feigned sadness and anguish. "I don't want anyone to see Midoriko like this, mother. I can't bear the thought of anyone pitying her or anything! I don't want her to get hurt again!"
"Where should we hide her?" father questioned.
I was smiling inwardly.
"Dear, why are you―?" Mother was addled.
"Where, Fumenmoku?" Father's tone increased.
I would have smirked, but I didn't.
Father's reputation is very important to him. I knew that so well that's why he's so easy to manipulate.
"In my work tower, father, where nobody knows except the three of us right now."
Father just nodded his head, and I strode off, leaving him to soothe mother.
The trumpets signaling my victory were reverberating in me. It was all going as I'd planned, a very huge turn from my defeat days ago...
FLASHBACK
"Why, Father? Why do you say that I lose?"
As emotionless as ever, father stared at me. "You know very well what went wrong, Fumenmoku."
"I do not. So, tell me, Father!" I said desperately.
He glared at me furiously and roared, "I am revolted at you, Fumenmoku! The daughter I trained very well lost to her sister who have had no training whatsoever from me! You deserve your defeat. I had expected that you will find your individual creativity and use your originality, but you failed me."
"Father, what are―"
"I have already taught you before, Fumenmoku, that two aesthetics exist!" he thundered. "Mirror and prism. I have reiterated a lot of times that you should not become a mirror of other people! And yet, you copied from other dollmakers! Fumenmoku, you did not make your own technique as I'd expected from you! You did the most disgraceful and heinous thing in the world of artisans!"
Flabbergasted, I stared at him. He found out...Knowing the truth, I was frozen. I knew that I could never please him...
"From now on, you are not permitted to go outside the work tower," he said. "You will be locked up as punishment for this grave sin you've committed."
"That's―" I tried to appease.
"My decision is final." He glowered at me.
END OF FLASHBACK
I leered.
Father did not suspect me at all after Midoriko's 'accident.' After all, I had my alibi at the time...
And a good double.
Dolls can be very handy.
"Moku," a familiar voice called, and I saw Kou approaching.
The smile inside me faded.
Kou heard about what happened in my battle with Midoriko, and I'd blurted unintentionally that we made him the prize. He hadn't spoken to me since―a greater reason why Midoriko should die in the first place.
Kou halted before me, but I evaded him. He held my arm to stop me from walking away.
"Moku, I..."
Hurt, I gazed at him. Guiltily, he released my arm carefully. He struggled for words, but his regret was heartfelt.
"I...I just want to say sorry about the other day. I...I understand now...how you have to settle it with Midoriko...And for that to happen to her...I feel bad because...what if it was you? What if I'd continued to be stubborn and just...broke off things so easily? But even so, for this to happen to Midoriko...I...I don't want to leave you alone. I still want to be with you, Moku! I still want to be beside you in good or bad times. I still want you to be my wife forever."
"Kou..." A genuine tear escaped from my eye, and, truly happy, I hugged him.
Kou is the only person who can shatter my facade and understand me fully.
To reconcile with him...
The gods were really showering me with blessings.
Everything was falling into place, so perfectly favorable to me.
END OF MAI'S DREAM
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OMNISCIENT
DAY 3; 12:00 am
The narcissist sat on the sooty canvas in front of the fireplace. After picking up a piece of wood he'd retrieved from the humongous heap beside the fireplace, he pitched it to the flames.
Mai lay on a spread canvas behind him and fell asleep again after making him tea and washing her still-wet clothes. Her exhaustion and slumber were probably the result of empowering and healing him.
And her loss of touch.
The narcissist was guilty, but he tried not to.
Yet Mai just kept on...risking her life for him.
She will wake up tomorrow.
The narcissist frowned.
Once they get out of there, he thought of checking something about the sisters. It was all too suspicious. He needed to command Madoka to check for Fumenmoku Wakakko's mental status reports too. Although he's still not convinced that a ghost was behind all the murders, there's too much...mystery and loose ends in the previous family's history.
However...
Those weren't the things that bother the narcissist, actually. Truthfully, he's troubled about Mai's loss of sense of touch in her early use of PK-LT. He might have deceived Mai into thinking that she'd recover, but honestly, he wasn't sure himself. For Mai to have the loss of a sense already when she hadn't used PK-LT for many years yet proved that the effects had caught on with her earlier than on other agents.
And such condition was very dangerous indeed.
Mai moaned, and Naru whirled his head towards her sleeping form. Her mouth opened, and he suspired as he presumed that she would be calling his name again even in sleep.
However...
"...Gene..." she whispered.
Naru eyed her in perplexity.
It's not that the sound was peculiar for her to emit. It's not that she didn't say Gene's name before. It's just that a part of him was somewhat irked that she's dreaming of her older brother and not him━―in a sense.
Naru narrowed his eyes. What is that lunatic doing again?
Mai rolled to her side, facing Naru and the fireplace. Just then, as though in slow motion (or at least that's what it appeared to Naru's view), Mai moved up her right leg and folded it up―as though lunging sideways while lying asleep.
And the dirty canvas━―which consisted her duvet━―slipped off on the other side, behind her.
And the hem of his shirt, which he made her wear, has hiked up far ahead on her thighs that...
Naru gulped.
And then frowned.
Why am I gulping?
Thinking about how ridiculous his body reaction was, he furrowed his brows. Unnoticeably and fortunately, the narcissist didn't have the worst series of hiccups again.
Naru extended a hand to grab Mai's fallen duvet and arched his arms over her thighs to obtain it. Mai moaned again and mumbled, "I...can't help Naru anymore."
Naru froze; the canvas hovered in midair above Mai's legs. He then ogled at Mai.
Can't help me...? How can she think of that even in a dream?
Mai moaned again, and Naru snapped back to reality. He didn't notice that the duvet slid off his hand as he was tugged out of his reverie. He fumbled, for the first time, for the canvas-turned-duvet behind Mai.
But, it seems like the night was against him when Mai rolled again, now facing the ceiling. And, Naru's hands grasped Mai's bare soft skinny-but-firm creamy thigh instead of the rough dirty duvet.
Oh, he didn't hiccup dreadfully as he usually would have.
Buuuut, the narcissist froze so bad as though he really turned to stone this time and blanched as though every hemoglobin* was squeezed out of him. Naru's eyes widened, heartbeat quickened, sweat dropped from his temples, mouth parched, and hands became clammy.
An increase in my adrenaline* and norepinephrine*...?
Little did he know, the chemical components of his body were just starting their chain of reactions.
A strange elation swept inside of Naru, and he was astounded as he felt like every nerve smoldered while he continued grasping Mai's thigh unintentionally. Hastily, he pulled his hands abruptly from Mai's body as if she was the one burning instead of him.
And he stared at Mai in unusual shock because, inwardly, he discovered that he wanted to touch her.
He yearned for her...proximity.
And when he was grasping her (groping, actually; but the narcissistic side of him and his bloody ego were in such denial of quite a perverse term), the euphoria induced was...overwhelming.
An increase in dopamine* too...?
He moved away from Mai and stood up briskly.
The biochemical reactions inside of him and the effects it brought to his body and mind were...maddening. He...had never experienced something like that before. Naru realized that he was still staring at the sleeping Mai, so he resolved to go to the bathroom to wash his face and awaken his senses━―just to revert to his usual indifferent, confident, and un-bothered state.
But when he went out of the bathroom and tried sleeping on the s-shaped sofa, away from Mai, he couldn't seem to sleep.
He just kept on recalling Mai's...Naru blanched and ran his hands through his hair.
Did I just think of that? Those impure━―?
Then it struck him.
He couldn't sleep due to...
"Decrease in serotonin*..." he murmured hypothetically and involuntarily stared at Mai's sleeping face.
The remembrance of his realization before about Mai's importance in his life and that moment's biochemical reactions finally made him aware of their interrelation in his smart brain. The scientist side of him knew theories so well, and his current experience just proved one of the most astonishing propositions.
Attraction...
Stages cleared.
Times leapt.
Light bulbs went on.
Trumpets were blown.
Synapses* were finally made.
So...
What's Mai to him exactly?
...
Well, he finally figured that out.
Consequently, he really wouldn't be able to sleep with the discovery.
XDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~
MAI DREAMS
I was back in the tower Naru and I stayed for the night.
Only there was no Naru.
Only there was no firelight or illumination of any kind.
The hidden tower was very dark. Although before long, there came a glow, on and off ceaselessly for a few minutes and darting from here to there of the cylindrical room. Soon, it was like the room flickered in view with glowing, fleeting, and moving lights I soon recognized as fireflies.
Next, all the fireflies surrounded the pixelated-like painting on the top of the fireplace, traced the lines on its frames, and made it look as if Christmas lights beleaguered it.
"Mai," Gene's voice resonated the room, and I whirled around to face him.
"Gene..." I murmured softly and then, crestfallen, said, "I...can't help Naru anymore..."
Gene stared at me and said in assurance, "But, you can try to control your powers, Mai."
I shook my head. "Gene...in the material world, I lost my sense of touch because of consequent use."
Genes worried face looked at me sincerely. "Mai...that's━―"
"Naru said what I have is PK-LT," I interrupted and elucidated, "That our energy is the same, but the effects of usage are different...That my PK is rare, and that frequent use has been concluded to result to total senselessness insofar..."
Gene looked at me with incomprehensible emotion. "I'm... Sorry to hear that, Mai...If I━―"
"It's not your fault, Gene." I shook my head and lifted a corner of my mouth. "I...was curious, thrilled, and reckless too. I couldn't control myself unconsciously...and my powers have always been effective when I'm unconscious. Rarely can I will it consciously...and now...I have just endangered myself because of that."
Gene's eyes softened. He jounced his head. "PK...is a very dangerous ability. It requires the extension of oneself, Mai. And being the agent━―the one who extends energy and soul━―strains and expends your physical boundaries."
"It's...frustrating," I admitted desolately. "I wish I could help Naru when he's using his powers like you can..."
Gene just smiled. "It couldn't be helped. Noll...has purely positive ki and so do you, Mai."
"Positive...?" I tilted my head in confusion.
"It's how Noll and I describe our ki," Gene explicated. "Positive ki is hot, fiery blue-green energy. Negative ki is cold, mist-like energy."
I blinked. "Is that why I can't amplify Naru's power? That's why my power repels his?"
"Yes and no," Gene replied. "Yes, you can't amplify Noll's power because you both have the same kind of energy. A PK's ki has an electrical property, so true to Coulomb's law, opposite energies attract, Mai. But, in order to amplify Naru's PK, you need not only have a positive ki but also a negative one."
My eyes widened. "T-then, you have both?"
Gene nodded. "I act as a neutralizer to Noll in a way."
"I see..."
"Mai," Gene's voice echoed, and I turned to him curiously.
But it wasn't him.
"Mai, wake up," the voice reflected everywhere, and the ground shook.
I almost lost my balance, but Gene steadied me.
Gene grinned and mouthed to me, "It's the idiot scientist."
I couldn't help but giggle.
Creating and enveloping us in a glowing cyclone, the fireflies soon danced around us. They looked beautiful at that instance...until one zoomed by the side of my skirt, and I heard an unmistakable sound of ripping fabrics.
Gene saw it too, and he instantaneously embraced me, bent over me, and covered me with his black blazer to protect me from the soon swift slashing attacks of the fireflies.
"Gene!" I gasped as I saw the cuts across his face, arms, and his blazer.
Still, Gene━―even in spiritual pain━―smiled the smile that Naru shows so rarely.
"I think you should wake up, Mai."
END OF MAI'S DREAMS
XDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~
DAY 3; 6:25-6:48 am
"...i,wake up," I heard Naru's voice once more.
I woke up with a startling jolt.
"Gene!" I exclaimed, bolting upright.
I rubbed my eyes, swished my head around, and spotted Naru.
"Mai━―"
"Naru! Gene's in trouble!" I cut him off, grasping his arm.
He stared at me and narrowed his━―now noticeably red━―eyes pensively. "Calm down. Tell me clearly what happened, Mai."
I inhaled and then all the words flew out of my mouth unstoppably━―from Fumenmoku's victory to Gene's shielding from the lashing fireflies.
"Gene protected me in his expense, Naru!" I said desperately. "Gene━―"
"It's just a dream, Mai," Naru intercepted tranquilly.
He looked like he didn't sleep with how reddish his eyes were.
"That's━―!" How can he act so calm?
"It's just a dream. Gene will be alright."
I stared at him doubtfully. "How can you be so━―?"
"He's dead, Mai," he pointed out crossly, half grunting and growling.
I glared at the iciness of his voice, but he just soughed and peered at me as though exhausted at arguing. It was then that I realized that it's hard for him to say what he just uttered...even if he might deny it.
I'm the one who's actually harsh...!
Apologetic, I started, "Sor━―"
"It doesn't matter," he interrupted and then soughed again before looking away. "You're safe, and that's what Gene wants too. If he didn't protect you, you would have ended up like those dead servants in this castle."
"W-what?" I gaped at him and blanched.
"The dead servants, those who didn't end up missing, dreamt of fireflies attacking them. Their bodies were cut by an invisible force during their sleep as according to their roommates. They were also heard shouting about removing the fireflies on their bodies because it was slashing their skins and suffocating them. They weren't able to get out of the nightmare, and the slashes went on incessantly and deeper until they died of hemorrhage and or, to some, acute heart attack."
I stared at him in horror as what he said dawned on me.
I nearly died because of fireflies in my dreams?
"T-those fireflies then━―?" I gasped. "Naru, the greenhouse━!"
Naru shrugged and then lifted a corner of his mouth slightly. "Those fireflies didn't attack me, Mai. Fireflies don't attack people in reality. But, in a dream, anything can happen."
Naru suddenly examined me all over, making me blush and forget my musings.
The way he ogled at me was like━―!
Dang, dang, dang, dang, dang!
"W-wha━―?" I blurted nervously, detracted.
"It seems like you don't have any wounds," he observed and remarked, "That lady killer did a good job at protecting you, then."
I might have reddened. "Y-yeah."
But...is it really alright not to worry about Gene?
Even if he's dead...he was still hurt because of me.
I'm so sorry, Gene...to have you involved with all of this!
I looked at my hands, palms down on the ground.
In dreadful addition, I still hadn't regained my sense of touch.
Losing my sense of touch...I couldn't help but feel sad about it. It might be temporary, but...I felt as if I was alone without it. Just touching things or anyone and not feeling their warmth or coldness just...made me feel as though I was isolated from everything.
As though...I don't exist anymore...
Like...the world had become untouchable and unfeeling.
I shook my head from such dreary thoughts. I knew I shouldn't think of pessimistic stuff but the reality must not be avoided too. I was worried and sad, and...lying to myself would be fooling myself.
Somehow, from my sudden loss of touch to another near-death experience (if not for Gene's chivalry), problems and worries just kept on accumulating.
I suspired. Why must unfortunate events arise one after another?
There was silence before I recalled something. I turned to Naru who sat beside me, staring at the fire.
"That dream━―why did you tell me about it only now? I asked before about what your stares meant after you all listened to Masako's experience. Yet, you didn't say anything, and just shooed me away." I pouted and loured. "To think it's something important...!"
"I didn't want to trigger your unconscious." Naru loured too.
"Wha━―? Trigger my unconscious? What do you mean?" I goggled at him.
"The brain has a complex mechanism, Mai," Naru elucidated. "If I told you about the fireflies, it would be supplying your unconscious with mental images that may replay in your dreams and conjure the same effects as those servants. You're at the acme of using your dreams as a means of information gathering. But, you're still merely allowing the dreams to come to you. Since it's like that, the sensitivity of your unconscious is high too."
I was utterly confused. "What are you pointing out?"
Naru sighed. "You might be controlled, Mai. Just like those dead servants who dreamt of the same thing, your dreams might be manipulated by someone. At least, that's what Lin and I have speculated even if it sounds ludicrous. Those life-size dolls might be manipulated by the same person too. That's why, telling you about the dream might endanger your life."
Probably turning scarlet, I stared at him. He was...protecting me too?
"Bu-but what about the others? They've heard about the dream, right? You and Lin too! Shouldn't you all━―?"
Naru smirked. "We don't have dreams like yours, and we can protect ourselves unlike you."
I flushed angrily and gritted out, "Well, sorry if I can't protect myself!"
Naru sighed and then straightened up. "Enough about that. Before you cried out Gene's name, I was going to say that I found a way out."
Attention diverted, my eyes widened. "Wha━―where?"
Naru looked up at the ceiling, and I followed his sight. I noticed that the multi-platform ladder was moved.
"We'll be using the ladder," Naru said, confirming my thoughts. "Your clothes have dried. We'll eat first before going up."
I bobbed in agreement. Then, recalling one of my recent dreams once more, I perked up at Naru.
"Naru, about Fumenmoku having Multiple Personality Disorder...what if she really was pretending? When...I was her...I found out that she's been acting as a good daughter all the time. It's vexing, but...I could really hear and feel the difference of her personality so strongly. She couldn't just shift her personality so readily, right?"
"It could be that she was pretending," Naru assented. "It's not unheard of that people who are in a pinch━―in a heinous crime trial, for example━―will plead for insanity to save their skins from further judgment and suspicion of intentional harm. It's undeniable, too, that everyone can act insane if their life depended on it. But, pretense can only go so far in the short run. And, pretense usually becomes real in the long run."
Becoming cognizant, I blinked at him.
"You mean, she might have actually━―I mean, later on, she━―?"
Naru inclined his head, and I bit my lip.
So...everything backfired for her...in the end?
But...does Midoriko know about it?
Does she think it was still unjustifiable?
But then...if she didn't die from the fall instigated by Fumenmoku...
Then...how did she die...?
Did someone kill her...or...
I ran a hand through my hair. Thinking really tires me out.
But, how karma works...it's really shocking.
I needed to do something else. I counted the days we're in the castle and realized how much I'd been left out of the investigation.
And I haven't slept in the princess-y room!
My thoughts could really shift quickly.
So...why not a personality?
I looked up at the ceiling, our way out. My stomach was growling again as though I didn't eat last night.
And I still couldn't feel anything.
Our conversation ended, so we both diverted our attention to our current situation. Sighing, I got up, stretched my body, and arranged the pieces of canvas I used for sleeping. Naru added wood to the fire and reheated what was left of the potato soup last night━―not that there's a lot (it seems like we're going to make a feast of the fruits Naru had gathered).
I decided to change back into my dried clothes later, so, instead, I cleansed and sliced the fruits and then took out the bowls, spoons, and forks to place them on the wooden nesting tables.
Another silly thought came to me when Naru and I started eating our breakfast. The...arrangement of our roles while in the tower was just too...familial.
I blushed and bonked my head.
What were you thinking, Mai? Erase, erase, erase!
You have a boyfriend, you know!
Naru looked at me in fascination, but I just tried to shirk him and thought of making a different conversation shortly.
"When I was asleep most of yesterday and the night before...did you guys find anything? In the tower, I mean...ah! Is Rika-chan alright?"
"The girl's fine. The others checked the five towers after you fell down over the stairs but found nothing satisfactory. I'd ordered Yasuhara and Takigawa-san to finish your job while you're unconscious for the second time."
"Oh..." I scratched my head apologetically. "Sorry for being MIA..."
Naru just sighed. "It's nothing new."
I gawked at him and then shot, "I don't fall down the stairs frequently, you know!"
He fleered. "Yes, you don't. But you always find wherever to trip on even if it's rarely over the stairs."
I blushed and stubbornly denied. "I do not! And it's that four-legged coat rack that makes me trip on your office floor all the time...!"
Naru lifted a corner of his mouth. "You just go into a daze every time you come into my office."
"Wha━―I do not!" I contravened and spluttered, reddening.
This conceited jerk!
A smirk plastered to his face, he shrugged and looked away before murmuring, "Although, the dazing you is━―for a lack of better word━―cute, Mai."
Blushing so red as though lava will come out of my mouth soon, I goggled at him.
How can he do this? How can he...be so sweet right now?
How? Why? What the heck?
I whirled my head away too, abruptly, and cleared my throat. "R-right...and you just learned that right now? You can be slow, huh."
Naru fleered. "I'm still faster than you, though."
I pouted. "Whatever."
I'd really become good at faking things. If I weren't faking indifference, I would have already rolled on the floor in happiness at what he recently uttered.
But I have a boyfriend...I...shouldn't be happy about what Naru said.
I can't help but wonder...What...would be Naru's reaction if he learns about my boyfriend? He'll probably be just indifferent, right?
It's not like I should expect him to feel betrayed or anything.
After all, what Naru and I have is mere friendship. He wouldn't feel wronged just because I have a boyfriend.
And it's not that I wanted Naru to be jealous that's why I started dating someone.
I don't undergo relationships with such superficial motives.
Besides I...am not reserved for Naru.
Just because I still love Naru doesn't mean I can't go out with someone I like. But, I have to say that sometimes Naru...can say words and act as though he really cares...
And...
He said I'm cute...!
I couldn't help giggling inwardly.
Although, that sounded so wrong to my conscientious mind.
XDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~
7:18-7:25 am
After we ate, I went to the bathroom to change into my dried clothes and clean myself a little.
The bathroom was quite bright. Almost everything was white━: the tub, sink, shower curtains, cabinets, tiled floor, ceramic chamberpots, and even the slab of marble on the floor which concealed the garderobe. Lacquered solid brass fixtures like faucets, shower, curtain hooks, and toilet paper holders made the room gleam even more.
Looking for things I might use, I pried on the cabinet above the sink. There were shampoo and body wash bottles, unused soaps, and toothpastes. Some expired medicines also lined a shelf along with isopropyl alchohol and a bag of cottons. In the cabinet under the sink, I found some white powder (that smelled unmistakably of alum), some rags, and unused towels.
I couldn't help but frown.
Although I had the liberty to use all them, I couldn't seem to bring myself to. First and foremost, I didn't have a change of underwear with me, and there's no washing machine and dryer, so I definitely couldn't take a bath. Second, the shampoo and body wash bottles smelled...manly. Not that I was picky, but smelling like someone who used to live there just felt so...wrong. I mean, some ghost of the past might just attack me; what if I'd trigger something? Third and last, it's weird. To bathe in a tower that's been uninhabited for decades or something just crept me out. It's like I was invading some forbidden land, and everything in it screamed 'GET OUT.' So, I definitely couldn't use the things so freely...
Sighing and deciding, I got a seemingly clean chamberpot and washed it to get rid of dust and germs with the overused toothpaste and a seemingly clean towel. Then, I scooped up with my hands some of the powdered alum and mixed it with water in the chamberpot. I then undressed, leaving just my underwear, dipped another clean towel in the mixture, and started cleansing myself.
I didn't really mind the minimal cleansing I could do at that moment. Besides, alum was quite a sufficient cleaner; my mother had once told me that it has antibacterial properties, and when I was struggling to pay for my rent years ago, I'd used alum as mouthwash, house cleaner, and soap.
Not only did it help me pay my rent; it also helped me have a good meal everyday.
How nostalgic...those days.
Still, when we got out of there, I was planning to have a very long and replenishing bath. And apply shampoo. And use a fragrant soap.
After all, I did not take a bath yesterday.
I didn't really like the quiet permeating in the bathroom and outside━; the narcissist was really sullen. So, I sang in whispers to myself, "I stink~I stink~I really really stiiiink~"
I must repeat; I did not, after all, take a bath yesterday.
The indescribable smell of alum was nice.
I looked at my right elbow as I started to do alum wonders on it and then blinked.
A fresh thin gash was there.
I gasped as I became aware of what it meant.
The dream became reality indeed...
But...
That wasn't what bothered me.
No...
What bothered me was that...
I couldn't feel any pain.
Too.
XDXDXD~nya~
7:46-8:17 am
After putting back the rolls of canvas on their previous stations, cleaning up the scraps of our food by throwing them to the fire, lighting up the lantern━―which we took from the table━―by igniting paintbrush bristles, and tossing a chamberpot full of water on the fire, Naru and I went up the already situated multi-platform ladder.
"Does it lead to a room?" I asked hopefully. I still wore Naru's shirt over me with the excuse that my body might become cold even if I couldn't feel anything.
If I showed the gash to Naru, I didn't know what he might say. But, I didn't want him to be bothered by it.
Naru shrugged. I couldn't see his face since he's ahead of me.
"I did not inspect where it leads."
I gaped at him for a moment but then grabbed his arm and turned him around.
"You can't be serious!"
Naru glared. "Do you think I have the idiocy to leave you in an underground tower and wander so carelessly? I only left you once because Lin's shikis were there. But, when I found the way out, Lin's shikis weren't there, so naturally, I couldn't leave you unprotected."
I might have flushed at how...caring he seemed to have thought of not leaving because he's...sort of worried about me...Although, it's implied, or I was just probably overanalyzing...
Dang this...worrywart side of him!
"I...guess, you're right." I smiled sheepishly.
He loured and just ascended wordlessly. I followed him without a word too, and we reached the utmost platform in good speed (it's a very long way up though and quite tiring).
Naru gave me the lantern and then arranged some crates, which were already there on the platform, above the painted full moon of the ceiling. He climbed up the crates━―which resulted to him crouching over, below the very near ceiling━―and extended his arms overhead to push the painted full moon on the ceiling upwards. The roundness of the moon sank upwards━―if that even makes sense━―like pressing a keyboard. Naru lodged the moon-painted trapdoor aside devil-knows-where and then straightened, his waist and upper parts disappearing above wherever. Naru sank back later, crouching and the rest of him appearing, and then ordered to me, "Give me the lantern. Follow me closely, Mai."
I nodded obediently. I mounted the crates too, crouched, and handed him the lantern. He went up first and then helped me up after lodging the lantern aside.
We scrutinized the place after dusting ourselves off, and I couldn't help but gasp.
A winding and zigzagging hallway of mirrors greeted us eerily. I shuddered at the sight of me and Naru, reflected endlessly in different angles.
But that wasn't the scariest thing out there.
No.
The scariest thing was the bloodstained mutilated life-size doll parts lining up both sides of the hallway of mirrors; the inhuman appendages were reflected with Naru and I.
I was about to scream, but I bit my lip hastily and clung to Naru...
Until I tasted blood on my lips.
XDXDXD~nya~
"S-sorry for being such a scaredy cat." I might have blushed inopportunely.
Naru just smirked. "I'm used to it."
As a matter of fact, I'd become quite bold at the scariest of circumstance; I held Naru's left hand firmly and pleaded that he would never let me go after seeing the doll parts for the first time. We then traipsed straight ahead, truly unknowledgeable of where we're going but still moving on without stopping.
It's like we're in the 'Haunted House' in my school's cultural festival event again. But this time, we're in the real thing.
I didn't dare look at the lined up doll parts again because when I did a few minutes before, I saw a very-out-of-place red-eyed teddy bear. And, I was very certain that when we passed by, its head turned toward us as I peeked from the corner of my eyes.
I. Must. Be. Getting. So. PARANOID!
But then, WHO WOULDN'T?
I'm surrounded by bloody human-like doll parts, for Kami's freaking sake!
Naru was quite nice about it and didn't tease me about my boldness━―another addition to his charming points.
Naru stopped. I tensed and glimpsed up at him. "What's...?"
"It's a dead end."
I gawked at him and then swished my head ahead.
Indeed, only a floor-length mirror stood before us.
"W-what are we going to do now?" I asked timorously.
I clearly didn't want to swivel back and embark another freaking doll-infested way.
Naru squeezed my hand and gazed at me solemnly. "It'll be alright. We'll get out of here."
Really, he's being so nice...
I somehow wanted to hug him for it. But I didn't, of course.
Helplessly doubtful, I bit my lip. Naru glowered at the mirror before us, and it was then that I realized that he was actually thinking hard about something.
"Um...Naru...?"
He gave me the lantern again.
"Stand back, Mai."
Speechless and agape, I reluctantly did.
And then, I was in for a great shock; Naru single-handedly punched the mirror's surface very hard.
XDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~
I didn't know how much power Naru gave to the punch, nor did I know how great Naru's potential as a boxer would be. All I knew was that his effort wasn't futile; the mirror cracked under his knuckles and fell into pieces on the ground.
There was nothing but black at the back of the mirror though...
But is that fabric?
Naru victoriously puffed out some arrogant air through his nose while massaging his knuckles━; it's reddish and must have been hurting, but he wasn't complaining. "I guessed as much."
Not only his eyes but his knuckles have also turned scarlet now...!
"A-are you alright?" I questioned, worried.
He shrugged and lifted a corner of his mouth again. "I'll be fine. On the other hand, this castle has quite a playful nature."
We fixed our sight ahead of us. Soon enough, I came nigh, caressed the black thing beyond the broken mirror, and confirmed its fabric consistency.
"Naru!" I drew my breath, and he bobbed his head.
"It's probably some tapestry or curtain of sorts," he surmised. "It might lead us to a familiar room."
At his nod, I pushed the fabric aside and lit the dark place beyond with the lantern.
A well-kempt Westernized room greeted our sight.
Grinning jubilantly in relief, I yipped, "Naru, it's probably one of the 4th or 5th floor rooms!"
Both of us kicked off the rest of the mirror in our way and slipped into the room beyond. The fabric which we held aside was actually a sable tapestry, embroidered with a huge red spider lily design━―so scary in the dim light.
"What era is this, and in what country?" I quizzed.
"Victorian," Naru responded as he went across the room and turned on a lamp and then the great chandelier on the ceiling. "England."
I nictated and somehow felt awed.
The room was beautiful and well...girly. There were frills here and there, floral prints on walls (along with my princess-y room, it's probably one of the few which didn't leave the marble walls untouched) and couches, pastel colors contrasted very well with darker ones, carvings of creatures and flowers in every woodwork, and lots of crystallic stuff that made me afraid to touch even anything. Only the ebony tapestry, where we snuck in, was quite out-of-place.
It all looked so elegant that I felt unworthy to even peregrinate its stylish carpeted floor.
Despite the undeniable beauty of the room, though, I wanted to get out of it instantly. It was, after all, connected to the hallway of terrifying things.
I would have gladly run away from the room immediately, but Naru stalled me.
"We should mark and memorize this place. We'll explore the hallway and the greenhouse again when the others have arrived. The other end of the former may lead somewhere else that'll be helpful to the case."
Just his way of being considerate...
I suspired, and agog, I tilted my head. "By marking, you mean...?"
Naru fished out some strips from his black notebook's hidden pockets━―it's amazing how many things he might have hidden there━―and showed me shiny papers with prints...
I goggled at him. "Are those stickers? Seriously? And isn't that a chibi version of me on the designs?"
Naru shrugged and then leered. "It's Madoka's doing. She got puny versions of me too, but I can't afford to give images of me anywhere or make use of them."
I frowned and scowled. "Oh really? Just admit that you want to torment me with it."
Naru elevated a corner of his mouth. "You're really learning."
Dang. That. Ethereal. Cocky. Smile.
Knowing that he had stickers of little me though, instead of Lin-san's or anyone else, just made me so elated.
What a conflicted girl I am.
Shunting my head and probably turning crimson, I cleared my throat and uttered flatly, "Whatever. But, wouldn't that be called vandalism?"
"It's easy to take off, so it doesn't destroy anything," he answered as he got one sticker of little me; the stickers had me in chibi poses and expressions━; there's the tripping me, tea-sipping me, hands-on-hips me, blushing (what the heck?) me, fiery me, dazzled me (eyes with diamonds...Madoka, really!), and a lot more.
I didn't know if I should be angry or not, but I decided to take one strip of chibi-me stickers and began marking wherever I felt like. After all, it could be really helpful to the case. But, I made sure to mark places that couldn't be seen immediately since I didn't want my shiny chibi faces to be so evident like that.
When we finally ran out of chibi-me stickers (to which I was thankful), Naru and I retreated from the room finally. The lack of stickers, though, did not stop Naru from marking the door with a tacky blank note.
We ambled the nearest staircase, and we later descried that the room we slipped out from was actually on the seventh floor.
I breathed and felt allayed to be outside of the tower. Being underground or whatever just felt so...suffocating as though any time I'd be caved in or something.
"I guess we really should double check the blueprints," I told Naru.
As we reached the second floor, Naru and I concurred to shower and don clean clothes before going to the base. However, what I didn't know was that he's going to wait for me inside my room.
Most likely erubescent, I queried, "W-why are you━-?"
"From now on, no one will go off anywhere alone," he explicated. "I've already instructed the others to share rooms the day before yesterday. You'll be moving to Hara-san and Matsuzaki-san's room tonight."
I pouted. "Just when I thought I could finally sleep in a beautiful room..."
The narcissist just cheekily shirked my comment. "Go and do what you must. I'll wait here."
I sighed. Although it's precautionary measure...still...
I peered at my designated room sadly yet was soon mesmerized.
The room was very sparkly. It was like I was under the sea. Some part of the walls were imbued with what I found out as an enormous replica of the woodblock-printed 'The Great Wave Off Kanagawa' by the famous Edo artist Hokusai━; I'd had field trips to the National Museum enough to not forget it. On another part of the walls was a painting of the sea world: its fauna, flora, and under-the-sea land formations. The entire room was partitioned with shell bead curtains. The tapestries depicted seahorses with merfolks on them. The lamps, couches, tables, china cabinets, wardrobes, chairs, chandeliers, and pillows had dolphin, mermaid, and starfish details on them. The ceiling was a glittering turquoise hue as well as the tiled floor. All in all, the most sea-enchanting was the wide aquamarine-colored and sea shell-shaped marble bed with spring green sheets and cyan pillows. It had a marvelous huge shimmering lavender jellyfish as a canopy, the tasseled and ruffled tentacles cascading around the bed.
I heaved a sough. Such beauty just exuded tranquility I would not experience again.
As Naru sat on a white knotted chair, I pouted and approached my trolley bag in defeat. It was only when I was about to take out my underwear that I remembered Naru's presence and that I. Could. Not. Give. Him. The. Luxury. Of. Seeing. My. Underwear!
He arched an eyebrow when I looked over at him; I might have even been reddening involuntarily.
Why must it be like this?
After some quick thinking, I zipped shut my trolley bag and started to drag it towards the bathroom. Naru just smirked and said nothing━―which was maddening of him!━―but I held my chin up. When I was finally safe in the bathroom, I heaved another sigh.
I knew I should stop overreacting, but...it's just embarrassing. I mean, he's not my girl friend or my boyfriend━―not that I show my boyfriend or anyone my underwear!━―but he's just...!
I soughed.
These days, I'd been feeling so...wary of Naru. No...for months actually, I'd been...trying not to get too close to him.
Because I have a boyfriend.
Because I'm a frog of the ocean, after all.
And I'm...actually more happy with someone else.
Is it wrong to think that I deserve someone better, someone who makes me happy, and someone who makes me feel free?
I looked at myself on the mirror.
"I'm not cheating on anyone," I told myself resolutely.
XDXDXDXD~nya~
10:01-10:39 am
Naru and I went to the base after taking turns on waiting upon each other━―no, I didn't see a shirtless Naru, but he got out in a black bathrobe and took his clothes (I didn't see his boxers or any underwear I could tease him about!) to the bathroom with smirks sent my way!
As we sojourned at the base, Naru called the others to check on them and inspected the blueprints. He also called Madoka and ordered her to do things regarding with the case. While I made tea, Tenura-san intruded upon us and gushed his delight at seeing us. He'd thought we were abducted by the same person who kidnapped the servants. Kirio-kun and Rika-chan also greeted and inquired upon us before going to their late breakfast.
While we ate some late morning snacks, the others arrived almost simultaneously. The first were Ayako and Lin-san. For the first time, Lin-san looked slightly haggard and quite worried.
And━―I must admit━―quite very handsome.
It seemed like Lin-san forgot to comb his long fringe over the side of his face and left it disheveled along with the rest at the back of his head. He looked more...outgoing with such a punk and youthful look.
When he saw us, he immediately asked Naru, "Are you alright?"
I gaped at him and looked at Ayako in surprise. Ayako just shrugged and said, "His sort of 'Master' told him that there's a murderer in this castle―a human at that."
"Master...?" I blinked and gawked.
Murderer?
"His teacher or something," Ayako explicated and added to me, "Are you feeling alright? You seem flushed. Anyway, we weren't able to come back yesterday because the rain flooded the road ahead of us. So, we stayed at a temple last night."
I nodded, still addled.
Naru just squinted his eyes at Lin-san and finally spoke, "Of course I am. Tell me what you found out."
Lin-san soughed in relief and gazed at Naru in his usual emotionless expression, now business-like.
But his hair somehow made him look...not so serious.
"It's not the Er Gui or hungry ghost as I'd thought. Master Xiezhou said that what's happening with the dolls is like a Japanese equivalent of Zhi Ren."
"Zhi Ren?" Naru elevated his eyebrow.
I tilted my head. A Chinese...?
"In Chinese folklore, Zhi Ren are paper-made dolls offered to the dead as servants. These dolls can move to do their dead master's bidding."
"That indeed makes sense," Ayako nodded.
"Instead of paper-made dolls, life-size dolls―ceramic or wooden―with souls were probably offered or most reasonably forced to do a ghost's bidding," Lin-san speculated. "Master Xiezhou said that the ghost controlling those souls in dolls might be possessing someone in this castle in order to make those dolls and kill those servants and detectives who went missing and didn't die in their sleep."
"For what purpose?" Naru questioned, louring.
"Revenge is the only plausible reason I can think of at the moment," Lin-san riposted.
There was quiescence.
Then...something struck me━―an idea I'd never thought of before.
What if━―?
Without thinking, I blurted out, "What if it's not revenge?"
I astonished even myself. Well, it's just me and Ayako though.
Ayako frowned. "Mai, that's ri━―"
"I dreamt a lot of things about this place," I intercepted, "and the dreams I had are too intriguing that they're unlikely to be useless bits of information."
Waiting for a signal to start my disclosure, I eyed Naru meaningfully.
He just shrugged.
I told Lin-san and Ayako the same things I had told Naru. By then, Ayako's facial expression went from skeptical to analytical. Lin-san's face remained stagnantly expressionless but pensive. Naru appeared quite busy with whatever he had in his black notebook to even care to notice the things around him.
"Two sisters..." Ayako murmured. "Fumenmoku isn't the one who made those dolls? But, why do you think it might not be because of revenge?"
I shrugged and probably blushed before scratching my head sheepishly. "Haha I-I don't know either. It's...just a feeling I guess haha...I-I mean...not to be rude Lin-san, but I just think revenge is so...overused━―ah!"
Eyes scrunched shut, I bowed immediately to Lin-san. "Sorry for being rude!"
"You weren't being so, Taniyama-san," Lin-san spoke in his deep voice. "You do have a point, and I believe it is essential that we look at other possible reasons for this case. You have not done anything wrong."
"T-thanks..." I said coyly, and Lin-san just nodded.
"Naru," Lin-san called. "What do you think of Taniyama-san's speculation?"
Naru glanced up from his black notebook and quoth, "It is possible. Her idea supports the fact that the culprit behind all of this makes no selective attention to someone with certain qualities. The variety of the victims makes the thought of having an overlapping similarity among them quite a meaningless one. Hence, the targets are not the semblance of Midoriko Wakkako-san's sister. And, connecting Lin's theory, Midoriko Wakkako or somebody else might be manipulating those dolls, mechanically or not. Although, I still find it ridiculous for a ghost to control something without possession."
I nictated at Naru. "Ghosts can move things though...Why not people controlling people? Or ghosts, rather?"
Naru shrugged and frowned. "There's no solid scientific and empirical proof that someone has the ability to control people's minds and bodies, even ghosts for that matter. Invading and controlling someone is possible if it's possession. But if it's not the latter, it's a debatable notion. Humans and ghosts have a strong will, and controlling anyone at a distance sounds creative but impossible. However, with the pace of our investigation, we should be open for such probabilities right now; scientific facts have a nature of being debunked everyday."
"I see..." I furrowed my brows.
Those dolls acted so...human and they can be fast...To be controlled through a device seems impossible...
"The reason for the murders...How about...it's some sort of sacrifice?" Ayako suggested. "If the victims have no similarity, then the random murders might be some sort of game too or something. We might be dealing with a living madman or a twisted ghost."
We all thought about it and found it sensible somehow.
It couldn't be Fumenmoku...? If she died in Germany... she can't possibly haunt a faraway place?
"A sacrifice or a psychopathic satisfaction may be good reasons," Naru conceded, and Ayako smiled in triumph.
I didn't really know what else to say since my head had decided to spin around. But the feeling of not being certain about something was really troublesome for all of us. We still didn't know what we're up against. We're merely gathering information and speculating.
And it's already our third day.
How are we going to solve this case?
What if...this case isn't really for us but for detectives?
Before, while we waited for the others, Naru had filled me in about his interviews with the male servants and other findings. Insofar, I hadn't heard that there are ghostly (as in wholly human-form ghosts) apparitions in the castle. No poltergeist phenomena too.
A ghost or not a ghost?
The lack of answers was frying my brain!
"Have you called the others?" Lin-san queried and Naru inclined his head.
"Takigawa-san and Hara-san had the same circumstances as yours," Naru informed, "but I couldn't reach Yasuhara and Brown-san."
I bit my lip. Yasuhara and John should be okay...I hope...
Lin-san just nodded back and said, "I'll go check the videos recorded last night. You and Taniyama-san haven't checked them, I suppose?"
Naru shrugged. "Do what you want."
Lin-san headed to the shelves of monitors while Ayako served a cup of tea for herself. Bou-san, Masako, Yasuhara, and John arrived then━―Lin-san had already fixed his hair, as though instantly.
Bou-san hugged me as soon as he spotted me and gushed, "I missed you, jou-chan! Naru-bou didn't take advantage of you, did he?"
He sent a piercing glare at Naru, who just fleered. Gratefully, Ayako bonked the monk on the head. "You're the one harassing her, you monk!"
"Guh! I'm not, obaa-san!" Bou-san defended and Ayako fumed, soon chasing him with Naru's clipboard.
Naru glowered at their wake but soon suspired. I couldn't help beaming then.
It's gladdening that everyone's back.
Yasuhara tapped me on the shoulder, and John addressed me. Masako just snubbed me as always and resumed her adherence to Naru. Subsequently, since Bou-san was busy running away from Ayako and Masako was preoccupied with seeking Naru's attention, Naru instructed Yasuhara and John to firstly divulge what they'd discovered at the village they went into.
Yasuhara and John ogled obliquely at each other quite meaningfully before shrugging simultaneously.
They somehow looked suspicious...I squinted my eyes at them.
"Well...yesterday was quite so-so for us..." Yasuhara started, and all those who were in motion stopped to listen eagerly.
FLASHBACK
DAY 2; 11:55 am
Finally here...
Yasuhara sighed heavily, a slightly panting John and a hopping little girl beside him at the top of the long staircase to the Shinto shrine.
The little girl made some guttural sounds again, ushering them to follow her. Soundlessly, the duo let the girl lead them to a house behind the shrine.
The shrine was deserted, a peculiar instance. Usually, mikos would be seen sweeping off leaves or guarding the charm store.
They proceeded to the backyard where the shoji backdoor of what they assumed as the miko's residence was open. The little girl hopped on the back porch and skidded to the open room. Yasuhara motioned to follow but John curtailed him.
"We should wait here, Osamu-san," John suggested and Yasuhara nodded.
It was good that John was able to halt him; Yasuhara's curiosity could somehow make him reckless at times. So, patiently, they waited outside yet still tried to listen to whatever conversation they might catch inside.
"You're back, Yuna," a woman's voice, motherly mellifluous, uttered from the room. They couldn't see the speaker's face but the duo could make out a red and white robe resembling that of a miko's wardrobe.
No one spoke. Even breaths were stilled as the incomprehensible guttural sounds of the little girl permeated the air.
"I see..." The woman's voice pierced the quiescence lightly. There was a pause and then, "Visitors of Yuna, you may come in."
Yasuhara and John glanced sideways at each other, blinking. The desire to come in was evident in their faces and so they eagerly and briefly nodded at each other before simultaneously entering the backdoor.
But, before they could see the face of the miko, their necks were pricked.
And they were knocked out senseless.
END OF FLASHBACK
XDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~
10:40 am
Yasuhara was going to continue his story when a heavy knock on the base's door was heard.
"Come in," Naru commanded to the interceptor.
Tenura-san, then, stuck his head in the base. "Um...Is Taniyama-san here?"
I blinked in wonder and shrugged innocently at the questioning stares of the rest. Sighing and curious, I approached Tenura-san.
"What is it, Tenura-san?"
Tenura-san looked at me for a moment and then gazed behind him, "She's here, young master."
I nictitated. Who's━―?
"I'll take it from here, then, Tenura-san," I heard a familiar voice say. "Thank you."
Tenura-san stepped aside and bowed to someone behind the opened door.
Then, a fair-haired young man strode in the base and my eyes expanded in bewilderment.
Fireflies perched on my stomach and resided there.
"Claude..." I breathed, blushing and flummoxed.
XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~thetruerivalcomes!
"Two aesthetics exist: the passive aesthetics of mirrors and the active aesthetics of prisms. Guided by the former, art turns into a copy of the environment's objectivity or the individual's psychic history. Guided by the latter, art is redeemed, makes the world into its instrument, and forges―beyond spatial and temporal visions―a personal vision.
~Jorge Luis Borges~
XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD~nya~
GO TO PART 3 of this IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHO CLAUDE IS! XD
I. EXPLANATION OF TERMS
Displacement=as in Reminiscence, 'the expression of an unwanted feeling or thought redirected from a more threatening, powerful person to a weaker one.' It's like when you're supposed to be angry with your parents, you get angry with your sibling instead.
Miko/s=shrine priestess
Loss of sense of touch=isn't something to be downplayed. It might seem too mild to be worried about but it's not. When you lose your sense of touch, you lose the ability to feel or tell the temperature, pain, and movement. Some might allow themselves to be vulnerable to things because they can't feel them. It's uber dangerous! T_T
Dissociative Identity Disorder=also known as Multiple Personality Disorder is a disorder wherein a person is characterized by different and maybe contrasting personalities every now and then, usually in random intervals. Trauma, mostly in early childhood, has been said to largely cause this disorder. It has been currently taken out of the DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual for Mental Disorders) for the reasons which Naru explained, though. It's still quite a controversial disorder at the present.
Adrenaline, norepinephrine, dopamine and serotonin=are neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters are chemical messages released by a neuron's (brain cell's) synapses (connections made by neurons in order to send and receive messages from one another). Now, the amazing thing is that these four neurotransmitters have some interesting functions when a person is attracted (the so-called 2nd stage of love in the Theory of Chemical Basis of Love by Helen Fisher) to someone.
Intriguing and amazing, right? How so? Well first, adrenaline is responsible for stress (i.e. anger or fear etc.―in Naru's case, it's a response of intense attraction XD) responses such as increase in heart rate or sweating. It's the most known of the four. Along with adrenaline, norepinephrine is responsible for attention and has been said to be responsible also for printing memories in the amygdala (the seat of agression, fear, and emotional memory) of the brain. So yeah, those legs of Mai? Naru is sure to never forget them muahaha Anyway, dopamine is responsible for pleasure and desire. So the elation Naru felt is a result of the increase in it. Serotonin, lastly, is responsible for sleep and mood. Its decrease has a part in obsession and insomnia; so when Naru couldn't sleep and he kept on remembering Mai's bare legs (but of course, that's not the only thing he remembers, alright?―the narcissist is still quite innocent), it's actually the culprit.
So yeah, when Naru was blabbing about those things, he was actually noting the reasons for what's causing his 'sensations' *ahem* and since his mind works fast, putting all those in equation, he already has the idea. FINALLY. So Naru is finally graduating from his density *ahem* soon enough━―it's long overdue anyway.
Hemoglobin=responsible for the reddish color of blood. Without it...well, we'll look worse than vamps.
Chibi=small
II. REVIEW REPLIES
This will comprise of replies for reviews in Chapters 7 and 8;
FUnhause64: Thank you for reading, reviewing, and waiting^^ I hope you enjoyed this new chap hehe XD
Eltria Aradia: Thank you very much!
Ariana Taniyama: Hell yeah! Finally! XD And yes, Naru farting was a really funny one. I can't stop laughing at that scene over and over again (to think I'm the one who wrote and thought of it lol). I'm quite a random person and I have to admit that my mind can be very twisted with the humor that springs up to me lol XD Thank you for reading and reviewing ^^
smilingspaz: Thank you ^^ and yes, I'm very happy for Naru too :) His density is gradually decreasing ^^
ccssy -little wolf-: Thank you very much ^^
Ja ne, Kat: As before, thank you again for the corrections. :) The John-Yasu pairing is quite a new one to me too. o.O Haha ^^ When I decided to pair them up for field work, I decided to do things differently, that's why. Their pairing is quite intriguing, though. *grins wickedly*
Emina105: Thank you ^^ I hope you enjoyed this new chapter too :) Many exciting events will be going on soon.*winks*
Krissy2lip: Indeed, Mai has become indecisive again. Mai tends to be doubtful of herself and then goes into a whirlwind of contradictory thoughts. She's one very conflicted girl. :) It makes her exciting to write, though, since bringing development to her weakness will become more fruitful and enlightening. I'm sorry if I made her annoying. T_T I'm grateful to you for reading and reviewing every chapter, though. ^^
bsmastersmith: Aww :) Thank you very much! I hope you enjoyed this chap. ^^
xSapphirexRosesxFanx: Yup, she has a boyfriend and he finally arrived in this chapter (another start of mayhem). Claude's timing is very crucial too since only now did Naru start to make his move and then when he realizes that Mai's taken...Ahh the events it brings to mind muahaha*winks* But of course, Naru's pride won't ever waver. His comeback will be the most exciting and fun to write. XD muahaha
thearistocrat: Thank you very much.^^ I'm very glad you've enjoyed this story :) I hope you're delighted in reading this chapter too. :D
theunnamed:Yes, I'm surprised myself! O.o XD Well, truthfully, I'm such a random person so when something comes to mind, I literally spring it to life with words hehe ^^ Anyway, yeah, finally an intimate NaruXMai moment. But, yeah, an internal conflict too. T_T
EmeraldStar-goddess: I'm so sorry that soon became months after :( but I'm really glad that you're anticipating for this chapter. Thank you.^^
Music-Lover2011: LOL AT MURDER! XDTruthfully, I do feel sad for doing this Mai-has-a-bf thing too. I know that this turn will disappoint a lot of people, especially me. But, to be honest, I'm quite tired of making Mai do the pursuing all the time. She's human, not a saint. :) Although Mai resolved in Reminiscence that she'll continue loving Naru, she can't just live her whole life chasing him. She has limitations too so yeah ^^ And yeah, I laughed on the fart thing too. Like OMG this is wicked!
A Random Fan: Who's Mai's boyfriend? Now you know! XD Thank you very much for your patience to read this story! ^^ And LOL I understand the feeling. T_T I want Mai to be with Naru too buuuuuttt *pouts* I don't want it to be anticlimactic or anything =.= And Naru must learn how hurtful true regret feels; I'm such a sadist! :O Sorry T_T
Beautiful Maiden: I'm touched at your reviews. ^^ Thank you very much. And yes, Mai's imminent death is near. Everything will make sense eventually :D
izhra: Thank you very much! XD And, Mai's boyfriend arrives in this chap! Surprised? What's Naru's reaction? ^^ It'll be in next chapter. Sorry for another wait T_T
To those who reviewed very long ago, I'll send you pms with gratitude ^^
III. RANTS
o.O Yeah, I know: the lame drama I wickedly spin and weave. Yeah, I know again; I bloody make ways for it to happen. You must all hate me now for it. T_T Sorry!
^^ Anyway, you all must be curious about this 'newcomer.' Well, since it might have sparked already in some of you, Claude isn't really a newcomer. He's actually introduced specifically in Reminiscence chapter 8. Yes, that disagreeable you-won't-know-how-to-handle type of guy. He was very irritating in Reminiscence, the bastard, but...well there's more than the surface to that. ^^ I'm not defending him or anything. Just saying :3
How Mai and Claude came to be? What did the others find out in the villages? WHAT are they really up against? You'll find out next chapter! ^^
And so we have come to the third day of investigation ^^ Claude has arrived and Mai, for sure, has an imminent confrontation. The shock, the envy, and the angst in all of this...what do you think will Naru do? Will he 'steal' Mai or will the stubborn Mai emerge strongly?
How was this chapter? You may share your thoughts. ^^
Next chapter will be entitled "Ambivalent."
XD See you next chapter hehe ü
P.S. Wow o.O this was the longest A/N ever! Sorry!
