The Vow

Lily sensed a stirring next to her, drawing her out of her sudden sleep. She slowly opened her eyes and looked a bit hazily next to her on the bed. She did not see Severus.

It was still dark in the Room of Requirement, save for the two candles burning on the book shelf, making it clear to Lily that she had not been asleep for very long. Lily closed her eyes again, blinking back tears, considering the decision that she had made only a few hours ago. It didn't yet seem palpable nor conceivable to her.

She yawned groggily to herself and tossed over. Thinking that she heard movement, she opened her eyes once again, hoping to see Severus.

What she saw made her scream.

Standing above her, wand in hand, his eyes like two black flames, was Severus. His wand was descending upon her and she heard the beginning of an incantation roll off his lips.

In an incredible singular motion, Lily jumped up from the bed and rolled onto the floor, barely missing the flash of light that emerged from his wand. Consumed with his concentration, Severus had clearly not noticed that Lily had awaken, and her leap from the bed startled him.

For a moment neither of them spoke or moved; they stood on opposite sides of the bed, staring at each other. Severus's wand was still in position.

Lily was too terrified to choke back the panic in her voice, and she shrunk down to the floor. "S-severus," she began, her voice shaking uncontrollably, "wh-what are you...what are you d-doing?"

She suddenly became aware of his breathing; it was being released in gasps, as if it was suddenly a tedious, involuntary task. He kept his wand in position and raised his other hand near his face.

"It's okay, Lily," he said, his voice cool and determined. "I promise everything is going to be all right."

Lily felt the tears roll down her cheeks as she slowly stood up again, eyeing his wand.

"W-what were y-you just going to d-do to me?" she stuttered, the room becoming hazy.

"I wasn't going to hurt you," he said simply.

Lily's chest became painfully tight, and breathing was suddenly a chore. Was this happening?

Finally Severus lowered his wand. He seemed to feign gentleness in his movements as he slowly sat down on the bed.

"Come here," he said softly, motioning to her with his hand. "Come back to bed."

The adrenaline poured through her veins and the compulsion struck her like a knife; she began to run towards the door, her heart in her stomach and her mind somewhere unknown.

"Lily, stop!" she heard him yell, and a moment after he declared "Incarcerous!"

Lily felt the heat from the spell penetrate her body, and she immediately fell to the ground, head first; her arms and legs suddenly bound together with ropes.

Lily landed on her stomach, her arms tied behind her back. She thought she tasted blood in the back of her mouth.

She heard Severus bound toward her and she imagined that he was evaluating her every thought. She flinched as his hand touched her back and he turned her over, still on the floor, so that she was facing him.

"I didn't want to have to do that, Lily," he said, almost soothingly, as he scooped her up and carried her back over to the bed. He placed her down gently and sat down next to her, his eyes on the floor, apparently wondering what to do next.

In spite of everything, Lily somehow found the courage to speak; if he was going to kill her, after all, she might as well know why.

"Severus," she murmured, her voice still shaky. "What's going on?"

"Can't let you go," was all that he could muster, his eyes still examining the floor. He began shaking his head melodically.

Lily's insides began to unravel. "What do you mean?" she said, trying to sound collected. "We talked about this last night, you agreed—"

"I didn't agree to anything," he said, finally looking at her. Lily opened her mouth to speak until she noticed the book that was sitting on the bed next to them. Although it was an awkward angle and she could not see everything, she saw the bold title that screamed to her from the top of the page.

Obliviate.

And then it all made sense.

Lily inhaled deeply. "A memory charm," she whispered, almost to herself as much it was to Severus. "That's why you didn't fight about it last night. You were waiting until I went to sleep so that you could do a memory charm, and I would forget about ending things, and forget about you calling me Mudblood."

The harshness of this reality began to set in, and Lily felt her legs tremble. She tried to control her breathing, but the surreality of the situation made it difficult.

This couldn't be happening.

Severus did not speak as he rose from the bed and began to pace, looking slightly mad with his hands rummaging through his hair and his robe flowing behind him.

"I had to Lily," he said, and for the first time it sounded as though Severus was crying. "I can't let you go...not if I am going to protect you."

"Protect me from what?" she pleaded with him, her voice cracking in the middle of a sob. "I don't need you to protect me from anything."

Severus kept shaking his head and pacing. Suddenly his wand assumed the aura of a loaded gun.

"Severus," she said, the words muffled in a cry. "Severus please let me go."

He finally stopped pacing and began to stare at her. She knew what he was doing.

"Don't read my thoughts right now," she said, sounding more like a desperate request than an order. "Tell me what is going on. Please."

Severus looked away and nodded abruptly. He approached the bed again and sat down. Lily flinched as he drew out his wand and muttered an inaudible incantation; and then the ropes were gone.

Her first instinct was to run but she knew better; she had never seen him in such an incoherent state before and she shuddered to think what else he would be capable of in a moment of desperation. Instead she sat up and curled into a ball, moving to the other side of the bed. She could still hear his heavy breathing.

"Lily," he began, his voice simultaneously tired and frantic, "there is something that I need to explain to you."

Lily said nothing but nodded earnestly, urging him to continue.

Severus bit his lip and placed a hand over his face as if it were a mask. He then seemed to summon up the courage that he needed, and he looked straight into Lily's eyes.

"The Dark Lord is building up an army. Soon, he will gain power and there is going to be a war, the magnitude of which the wizarding world has not yet known. And when he does," he seemed to choke a bit on the words, "I want to be able to protect you."

Severus could have just as well waved his wand and chanted Stupefy to Lily, as it would have rendered the same reaction from her. She considered this and replied in subtle disbelief.

"How do you know this?"

"Because I've been recruited," he said quickly, as if the words were painful to speak and he felt the need to quickly rip off a bandage.

Lily scowled and shook her head in disbelief. Clearly he had gone mad.

"That's impossible," she said. "Voldemort? There is no way that he's been here at Hogwarts—"

"No, he hasn't," Severus replied. "I was invited to meet him over Christmas at Malfoy's estate."

Fear grappled with realization instantly spread like a tidal wave through Lily's body.

"You," she stammered, her voice shaking uncontrollable. "Y-you met V-voldemort?"

Severus nodded, his manner suddenly causal and matter-of-fact. "He heard about my talents through Mulciber's father, and he extended an invitation for me to meet him."

Lily was nonplussed. "Your talents?" she mumbled to herself. Then she looked at him. "So those spells that you were inventing—"

"I was practising them with Slughorn, and he does wish for me to sell them to the Ministry...but that is not why I developed them."

Lily just stared.

Suddenly Severus's tone became earnest. "I know what you're thinking, but you need to understand. Amazing things will happen, Lily. The Dark Lord has studied areas of magic that few wizards dare to dream of." His lips suddenly curled into a proud smile. "When I met him, he told me how impressed he was with me; with my capacity for potions and spell writing. He is also the one who encouraged me to develop my Legilimency. He says that he can use me to do great things for him when I finish school and am finally made a Death Eater."

This information seemed to drain all life from Lily's body. She could only look back at him, silently beckoning him to continue. She didn't even flinch when Severus took her hand and kissed it.

"Lily," he began, his voice eerily excited. "Everything will be perfect. I will finally be able to reach my full potential and explore all the magic that I have ever wanted to. And when the war happens, we will be together, and I will protect you."

Lily's need to logically argue this point seemed oddly out of context.

"Protect me?" she muttered, her voice harsh. "Do I not represent the very thing that Voldemort hates so much?"

Severus chuckled to himself in a most haunting way. "I know what you're thinking," he replied, "and the Dark Lord says that he cannot whole-heartedly approve of our love."

Lily's heart sank into the depths of her stomach.

"He knows about me?"

"Of course," Severus replied coolly. "But you have to understand, Lily, he will let me protect you. He protects those who are loyal to him. He knows what it's like to grow up alone, without a real family, and he understands how important you are to me. He will let me keep you."

The words struck Lily with incredible disconcert. "Keep me?"

"He told me so much," Severus continued, unaware of Lily's reaction. "Did you know that he is actually a half-blood? Just like me! He knows what it's like to be under appreciated for your talents and to want to explore this entirely other realm of magic that old stiffs like Dumbledore try to hide from us. Lily," he continued, grasping her hand, "you can come with me. We'll finish up at school, as the Dark Lord thinks that education is crucial in the characterization of new recruits, and then I'll join him. We will live somewhere quiet, away from the battles, and when the war is over we will live the life together that we were always meant to."

Severus's eyes grew wide and confused as Lily began to cry again. Suddenly Dumbledore's warning to her, from what seemed like an eternity ago, rang true and devastating.

The selfish love. The confused, angry, downcast young man. The responsibility that she would bear to compensate for all the love that he had never known before her.

Lily looked at Severus and, for the first time, she truly saw him. Gone was the romantic, intoxicating aura that he had worn around her for so long. She finally saw him as the desperately lonely, jaded and vulnerable person that he was, who had clung to the first bit of love that had ever been given to him.

Perhaps it was pure coincidence that it happened to be her love. Perhaps it wasn't fate at all, as Severus has always so adamantly believed.

Lily suddenly understood that she was his possession, as far as he was concerned. He had clung to her all these years like the lost and neglected little boy that he was. And just as Dumbledore had predicted, here he was, desperately trying not to let go, wanting to take her into his future and keep her all to himself.

Lily took a deep breath. "Severus," she began, her voice cautious and thoughtful. "Severus, think about what you're saying."

"This is all that I have been thinking about for the past few months!" He replied, his voice hauntingly close to ecstatic.

Lily inhaled again, and she considered his dark eyes; eyes that were somehow mortally wounded behind their current guise of enthralment.

"Severus," she began, "I do love you, and I do want to have you in my life, but it can't be like this."

He seemed genuinely confused. "Like what?"

"Don't you understand that your obsession with the Dark Arts is the one thing that has driven us apart this past year?" she shook her head with frustration. "We can be together, but if this is the path that you are choosing, I can't follow you. I won't."

"Lily," he insisted, "I know you are afraid, but you don't have to be. The Dark Lord respects me, he knows how my life has been, he knows how much I have to offer—"

"He's manipulating you," Lily said definitively. "Severus, listen to me," she moved beside him and cupped his face in her hands. "You once said that you loved me more than anything, and I am the only thing in this life that matters to you. Then listen to me. The Dark Lord does not care about you; he doesn't care about anyone but himself."

Severus shook his head vaguely and Lily wrenched his face back so that their eyes bore into each others'.

"Please listen to me," she continued, her voice pleading. "You and I can be together; we can have that life, we can make each other happy. But not if you're a Death Eater." She took a deep breath before uttering the definitive words. "If I am really all that you need, then you need to give this up for me."

Severus did not reply. Still determined, Lily stood up and grabbed Severus's hand.

"Come on," she said. "I know what to do."

"What?" Severus said, his voice sheepish and uneasy.

"We are going to Dumbledore."

Suddenly Severus wrenched his hand back and jumped off the bed, away from Lily.

"Why would I want to go to Dumbledore?"

"Because he can help us," Lily insisted.

"Dumbledore has nothing to do with this," Severus replied, his voice suddenly harsh and cold. "This is about you and me."

"I've already told you," she retorted, "I am not going to stay with you if you become a Death Eater."

"Why not?" he exclaimed, his voice suddenly close to ferocious. "Lily, we will be together, that will be enough! And I can do all the great things that I've always wanted to do," he paused and inhaled deeply. "Don't make me choose."

The magnitude of what she had just learned sunk heavily into her stomach. "Severus," she began, her eyes closed, "it's clear that you've already made your choice."

The words stung Lily as much as they stung Severus. She looked at him with tears in her eyes, but Severus still did not cry. As much as she wanted to go to him, plead with him, touch him, she knew that she couldn't. There was nothing more that she could do.

Finally he spoke. "I will always love you, Lily."

Lily felt an involuntary impulse to reciprocate the sentiment, but somehow she couldn't. As she turned and walked out of the room, away from Severus, she became painfully aware that she wasn't so sure that she knew what love was anymore.

* * *

After about half a minute of silence, Lily looked up from the floor. She was vaguely aware that, somewhere, a clock was ticking. She swallowed hard and looked into the eyes that were examining her carefully.

Dumbledore's eyes.

She had told him everything. Much to her fear, reluctance and embarrassment with the events that had encompassed her life over the past year, she had divulged everything to the Hogwarts Headmaster, who was now thoughtfully stroking his beard as he sat behind his desk, seemingly considering all the details of Lily's story.

Lily inhaled deeply. "I'm so sorry, Headmaster," she said in a tone hardly above a whisper. "I should have listened to you."

Dumbledore replied to this with a surprising smile.

"Why is that, Ms. Evans?"

Lily looked at him, her eyebrows raised. "Because," she began, and then considered the question. "Because things might have turned out differently. If I had talked to Severus about all this stuff sooner, I might have been able to help him."

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully as Lily looked at him, seeking affirmation. He stood up and gingerly made his way around the room, observing the magical oddities that littered his office.

"Tell me, Ms. Evans, is that why you are here? Because you think that I will now be able to save your friend?"

Lily turned in her seat and looked at him with slight astonishment. "Of course that's why I'm here!" she exclaimed, tears welling in her eyes. "It can't be too late for him."

Dumbledore sighed softly and turned to look at Lily.

"My dear," he began, "I am sorry to disappoint you, but there is nothing that I can do."

Lily jumped up involuntarily. "Sir," she began, her eyes pleading with him, "I know that I neglected your advice, and that is my fault; but don't make Severus pay for the mistake that I made. There has to be something that you can do! He is going to make the biggest mistake of his life; you have to stop him!"

Dumbledore considered Lily for a moment, and then slowly returned to his desk.

"Please sit down," he said as he also sat. Lily obeyed, tears streaming down her face.

"I'm afraid that you are very confused about a lot of things right now," he said, his voice gentle and full of empathy. "The warnings that I gave to you earlier this year, they were for you, not for Mr. Snape. Please do not think that I was holding you accountable to ensure that Severus did not take the path that it seems he has, in fact, chosen. Now," he continued, leaning back in his chair, "perhaps it did take a little longer than I had hoped for you to heed my words, but you must understand that you have not failed in the slightest. Yesterday you were given the opportunity to follow Severus down a dark path, and you chose not to."

"Of course I didn't," Lily said automatically, and Dumbledore smiled gently.

"I knew of Mr. Snape's attachment to you, and so I knew that the time would come, after he had made his choice, that he would ask you to do the same. And as it turns out," he leaned in closer, "you have chosen impeccably, Ms. Evans. Not only did you make the right choice for yourself, but you also came here, in spite of everything that you may be embarrassed about and afraid of, in an attempt to help your friend. You have not failed in the slightest; perhaps you took a difficult route, one that will leave you with emotional scars for some time to come, but that route still led you here."

Lily nodded in spite of herself.

"I am afraid, however," Dumbledore continued, "that we will have to leave your friend to make his own choices."

Dumbledore began to stroke his beard again as Lily sat in silence.

"What is it, Ms. Evans?"

She looked at him with bitter determination in her eyes. "Voldemort took my best friend away from me," she began. "I hate him for that. I know, now, the path that I need to follow."

Dumbledore eyed her thoughtfully. "And what path is that, Ms. Evans?"

"I am going to do everything that I can to make sure that, when the time comes, he will be defeated."

Lily suddenly rose from her chair and held out her hand to Dumbledore from across the desk. "I want to make an unbreakable vow to you, right now; I want to vow that I will fight until my death to protect other people; Muggles and wizards alike, from Voldemort's grasp," she paused and inhaled deeply. "Especially the vulnerable, confused ones, like Severus, who Voldemort can easily prey on."

Dumbledore considered Lily for a moment, and then also stood up. He took her hand in his, and smiled knowingly.

"I will take your vow, but there is no wand or incantation required."

Lily questioned him with her eyes.

"My dear," he replied, releasing her hand, "I have an inkling that you couldn't break this vow if you tried."

Lily felt herself beam just a little and, sensing that she had told him everything that she needed to, she turned to leave the office.

"Oh, one more thing, Ms. Evans," Dumbledore called after her. She turned back to him, the door open in front of her.

He smiled. "In spite of everything, I hope you will be able to find some peace for yourself in remembering that it can never truly be too late for anyone."