Chapter 8: "a poker game fit for literal kings"

brought to you by:

[12:49] deathbringer333: ill probably be on my working on my story some more

need to make that poker game gone wrong

*sighs* oh the wonders of a trustly kog maw gatling gun

[12:50] WeAreWalrus: Poker game gone wrong? Scratch that.

brought to you in part also:

VIktory Robotic Uprising Systems: an enterprise set on world domination- I mean peaceful robots for everyday use!

also brought entirely by the works of Riot Games, because anyone who honestly for a second believed I work for Riot and/or made any part of League of Legends are on some crazy drugs... where can I get some of those! jk jk drugs are bad and I'd have a heart attack lol

...

ok fine to the actual story fuck you guys :P jk


As Malzahar made his way to the main meeting lobby 3B: Piltover halls he caught a glimmer of two bickering assassins as they ripped their room apart for a very important package they had just received and lost. Malzahar being involved in its disappearance quickly opted to take the much longer route to lobby 3B as to not get his throat ripped out; this in turn lead him to pass by the Ionian halls just as Shen locked up his room on his way to the very same poker game. (first annual) The Head Representative Poker Club game was a monthly poker get together held in one of the 11 out of 12 available lobby rooms (demacia, noxus, piltover, bandle city, bilgewater, Freljord, Ionia, Zaun, + shadow isle, Icathia = void territory, a lobby for others, and the Grand hall which is not available for use), the club houses all forms of poker but the most popular is Texas hold'em (I could do something fancy here and pretend Valoran came up with the same thing somehow and named it something else or even the same thing but we all know that's a lot of bullshit for one chapter).

"Ah Prophet it is how do I say... Enlightening to meet your presence of the hour, I sense in the balance that you and I will be on the same course shortly... speaker of end days" Shen stated in a monotone pattern as always, Malzahar couldn't ever understand if he was poking at a dislike for himself or for respect from the ninja.

"As too far well Eye of Twilight, Then I can greet on the mark... you are to be at our Poker game?" Malzahar shrugging aside some minor confusion replied in a similar tone.

"Ah... then this is not our fate to which we will cross just yet, I am on my way to displace a new plan by my former brother in armor zed... I have sensed he has formulated a plot for this evening-" Shen started to inform as Malzahar chuckled abruptly

"Zed is going to be at the poker game as well Shen... so I probably can guess what he is plotting in that case" Malzahar interrupted

"oh... well on this I can sense the wills edging me to your gathering Prophet, just one problem in this case... I have no idea how to play poker" Shen said with what normally would have been awkward confusion and shyness.

"you could just not actually play if it would be too much of a hassle to learn, but other wise its simple enough gambling" Malzahar replied with a soft chuckle as he teleported a book titled: Twisted Fates guide to everything gambling Vol. 13 Texas Hold'em Poker before tossing it to Shen as they walked to the lobby.

As they got to the lobby they were greeted by a wide host of other card game enthusiasts including but not limited to: J4, Swain, TF, Graves, GP, Teemo, Shyvana, Darius, Garen, Zed, Thresh, Caitlyn, Vi, Jayce, Tryndamere, Sejuani, Kayle, Morgana, and Malphite. This rag tag group were conversing and doing normal party stuff when Malzahar showed up, in which everyone greeting him and Shen with varying kindness.


now before I continue here I should probably say that about 65% of these characters don't actually sound like they would play poker, I am specifically trying to break character here ok? good now back to my soon to be bad puns...


with the arrival of Malzahar the poker games could begin, the group split up into five different games of four based on game limits and styles throughout the night:

Vi vs Caitlyn vs Jayce vs Malphite = table Boom headshot

Darius vs Garen vs Tryndamere vs Sejuani = table Spin2Win

J4 vs Swain vs TF vs Graves = table Fates Gamble

Malzahar vs Teemo vs GP vs Shyvana = table Scurvy Scoundrel

Zed vs Shen vs Kayle vs Morgana = table Night and Day

Grand Summoner Badger took the role as the official judge and/or adviser

At the stroke of midnight the games began with a fiery draw, Shyvana taking pot lead for round one on table Scurvy Scoundrel while table Boom headshot found themselves at a draw due to a royal flush being in the river, table Fates Gamble landed a heavy lead to TF - earning him some angry stares from his opponents. Table Night and Day took a slow start to explain all the rules for Shen while table Spin2Win immediately turned into a four way fist fight to Badgers Grief. After a short while of chaos Malphite flipped the table and left while hollering that the cards where just not Rock Solid enough, leaving behind a very damaged deck.

"Great! now our deck is ruined by the monolith of fat hands!-" Caitlyn tossed her hands up in the air with annoyance.

"Cupcake that's not very a little much for him... it... Malphite! and the Insult is unneeded here" Vi retorted with mild surprise to Caitlyn's reaction.

"Ladies please theirs enough of me to go around!-" Jayce piped in before being sucker punched in his groin "OOOooooOOOoOoch- my boys... that was unneeded Vi"

"Shut it Jayce" Caitlyn and Vi said in unison before turning their attention to table Fates Gamble

"Haha! another pot for Fates Moonshine deposit-" TF chucked as he collected his winnings for round four in a row.

"If I'll be a hot blooded rattle snake on a Texas BBQ for Chipmunks! You couldn't have had a AA (double ace), everyone had one ace themselves- you - you - dirty lying-Shit faced-dirt breathing-ketchup stained-leather skinned-cheater!" Graves stood up and trained his trusty shotgun on TF as the cheater Used his famous destiny to escape with the cash causing Graves to angrily chase after him down the hall shooting anything not moving.

"Holy Demacia! how could this scoundrel cheat us like this!" J4 commanded with his typical tone as everyone gave him a look like he was delusional for asking such a question "oh yeah... its TF nevermind fellow Poker fans resume your games in the name of everything Demacia!" earning a surprised and alert Garen to pipe up his salute to his nation:


quick message from me... am I in any trouble for spoofing the National anthem like this O_o ... shit


"HAIL DEMACIA! I WILL SING THY ANTHEM IN HONOR TO MY PRINCE!" Garen crossed his heart and summoned a Demacian flag from his anus before singing his anthem to everyone's continued grief:

Oh, say can you DEMACIATE by the DEMACIAN early light
What so DEMACIANLY we DEMACIA'D at the twilight's last DEMACIA?
Whose broad DEMACIA and bright DEMACIAN-MOMMY'S thru the DEMACIA'SIS fight,
O'er the DEMACIA we watched were so DEMACIANLY streaming?
And the DEMAICA GOLD glare, the ALL THAT IS DEMACIA bursting in air,
Gave proof through the DEMCAIA that our PRINCE was still there.
Oh, say does that PRINCE yet CHARM
O'er the land of the DEMACIA and the home of the UN-NOXIAN-

"Shut your uneducated mouth swine! I shall hail the great glory of my emperor Swain!" Darius yelled out to Garen and the fellow poker fans of the room as he took the flat face of his ax and swung Garen into J4's arms.

Oh, say can you NOXUS by the NOXIAN early light
What so NOXUSLY we NOXUS'D at the twilight's last NOXUS?
Whose broad NOXUS and bright NOXUS-MOMMY'S thru the NOXUS'SIS fight,
O'er the NOXUS we watched were so NOXUS streaming?
And the NOXUS BLACK glare, the ALL THAT IS NOXUS bursting in air,
Gave proof through the NOXUS that our EMPEROR was still there.
Oh, say does that PRINCE yet CHARM
O'er the land of the NOXUS and the home of the UN-DEMACIAN-

"is that actually your anthem swain?" Kayle asked as everyone just stared in pain as Darius continued the rest of his song before splitting a table in half with Teemos head.

"no... our anthem is a little more- high class then the Demacian fecal matter that is their anthem" Swain replied staring daggers into J4


yup I am probably in deep shit here... I mean I'm a patriotic american! don't hunt me down Y~Y


"Look here your Over sized pigeon lover-" J4 started as Swain threw a crow at him and morphed into his bird form.

"Suck my 7 inch crow cock-" Swain yelled as he hurled crow after crow at J4 before being hushed by GP

"Lassies shut your piping scallywagers you swashbuckler baboons!"

"did he say what I think he said to them cupcake?" Vi asked caitlyn while she now sat in a reclining chair with popcorn

"yes- wait where did you get the chair and popcorn?" Caitlyn asked arms crossed

"I may have ran over to Ziggs room and 'borrowed it for a moment. hear take a seat cupcake ;D" Vi flirted to Caitlyn who just accepted it and laid herself across Vi's lap before stealing some popcorn for herself.

"oh cupcake I didn't mean use me as your seat but if that's what you wanted all along ;D" Vi flirted again to a blushing Caitlyn

Teemo opting to not take part in any of this planted a live mushroom and camo'd next to the action, resulting in Morgana to have mushroom goo all over her dress.

"Fucking dammit now my dress is stained!" Morgana said with rising furry as Kayle giggled at her

"not like you looked good before anyways" Morgana turned to Kayle and tackled her before trying to rip her eyes out, at that moment Ziggs burst into the room with crazy laughter.

"who took my chair! *hee haa hee* never mind bombs will fix everything!" Ziggs yelled at the group before unleashing all lobby hell, with that massive explosion of explosives everyone opted to just fight it out. Tryndamere and Sejuani bashing their weapons into each others face immediately, Caitlyn clinging to Vi for dear life earning her a chuckle from Vi, Zed and Shen looked in the direction of the commotion to some confusion.

"should we do something about that?" Zed asked as he dealt round 7 to Shen

"I sense only balance over their... so this card game will be more important, I must say I like this game" Shen replied as he won the round

"that's nice... we're still enemies though by the way" Zed said calmly as he placed his bets

J4 and Swain proceeded to bitch slap each other, Garen and Darius began to spin like tops, Jayce got up from the floor in time for Malzahar to land another nut shot for no real reason other then it was funny, and Shyvana decided she wanted to break some skulls as well so she changed into her dragon form, roared at the group, then jumped into the comical pile of angry fighting.


-meanwhile-

"good job Kog'maw! your acid is very effective against these chaps-" Cho'gath said as he sat the two angry assassins down on the picnic blanket and offered them sandwiches before hearing a rather loud roar by a dragon of interest.

"-MY LOVE NEEDS ME! Koggy I put you in charge of these two while I am away" Cho'gath said as he started to lumber in the direction of the sound, as he walked he stuffed as many sandwiches into his mouth as for him to grow to epic sizes.

"... Talon?" Kat Whispered to Talon who was tied up to her back as Koggy stared at the two of them blankly

"yes?" Talon asked back

"should we be concerned about Kog'maw?" Kat asked

"well he doesn't seem to bad right?" Talon said with a grin as Koggy changed facial impressions

"KOGGY THINK DAGGERS MAKE KOGGY A BLOW-FISH" Kat and Talon cried for help as Kog'maw tried to eat them whole


Back at the lobby everyone was in chaos still, Malzahar made his way over to the chair to hide with Vi and Caitlyn only to fine them making out like they are gonna die while Badger filmed the whole scene.

"Vi?- oh stop that you two we have pressing matters here!" Malzahar said as he pulled the two apart

"*clears throat and straightens self out* uh yes... you are right" Caitlyn said while blushing heavily, Vi did the same

"now if this ensures this building will collapse! we have to stop their fighting somehow before its too late-" Malzahar acclaimed before turning around to find the ceiling being ripped off, Cho'gath had grown to the size of the 3 floor building.

"RAWRRR Don't worry Shyvana I have come to save you!" Cho'gath screeched as he removed the roof and gently picked up the by comparison tiny Shyvana to hold safely in his arms as he scolded the hooligans.

"now stop this fighting! your going to bring the building down at this rate" Cho'gath scolded as he used his free appendages to separate everyone "and stop acting like barbarians... unless you are actually a barbarian!" Cho'gath got a annoyed look from Tryndamere and Sejuani before he corrected his comment, providing them to continue to bash in each others faces.

"thank you Cho'gath, I think I can say this is over so everyone go home, maybe take an angry shit for all I care! Cho'gath if you could drop me off In my room please" Malzahar spoke to everyone before having Cho lift him up with Shyvana back to the Icathia dorms.

"nice to meet you formally Shyvana" Malzahar shook Shyvana's now dragon paw before stepping down to his balcony from Cho's arm and waving them off, now home he went to the kitchen to make some hot coco after a long day or insane people/trees/hamsters/angels/jesters/elemental/and fish. At his counter as he heated his coco before being ready to go watch some Noxus shore reruns he was greeted by an unwelcome guest.

"welcome home Prophet, I've been awaiting your return" said a voice hidden to the shadows before Malzahar to turn to see who his guest was he was knocked out by a sphere of energy to the back, leaving nothing but his un-swirled hot coco in the microwave and a single slipper in front of his counter...


muahahahahahahaa cliff hangers,

yes yes ik "oh now u decide to put actual plots to the comedy people too? is this gonna turn into a drama!? do I like green eggs and ham?!" the answers to these questions will all be answered in the following chapter which is going to spot light Cho'gath and Shyvana! :3

shout out to the first fanfic I ever read on here (now deleted) by (now not active and deleted account last i heard) which was about Cho'gath and Shyvana, been a very long time sadly :/

also very long and challenging chapter, I haven't played poker in fucking ages XD I probably should have taken to a black jack set up instead like a special author had mentioned but meh... had half of this done when we talked about that lol

-hunter