Ok, that's what I came up with in Corsica. I've written this bit on Mum's iPad - so I am not quite sure how many mistakes I made thanks to the crappy keyboard. (If anyone wants to beta me ... ;) )
Here we go.
xxx
For Will, there were to many people crowding the streets and paths. Apart from the higher possibility of bumping into his mother (almost literally) or his cousins, his mind was constantly running through countless scenarios, being overwhelmed with finding the closest exit. His brain encountered and tried to make sense of millions of voices, snippets of conversations, spoken words. He felt a headache coming.
"So, Will. There is a fair coming to Salem in the next couple of weeks. What do you say?"
No. Will wanted to say no. Clearly, easily and a hundred percent.
"Well..."
Inwardly, Will groaned. He did not really want to say that. He really wanted to here himself say 'No!'.
Sonny pleaded with his eyes of milk chocolate.
"Do you have something better to do?"
Although Sonny had phrased his question quite bluntly Will heard no viciousness in his tone but curious interest. For a moment Will contemplated making up an excuse but instead his mouth once more decided to complicate matters through blurting out words.
"I could probably re-arrange my plans."
When Will saw Sonny's wide eyed smile lightening up his whole face and possibly also the café, Will silently thanked no one in particular for his lack of a brain to mouth filter.
Glancing at the old leather watch that had passed on to him from his grandfather Roman, Will calculated that he was just about to run late. Not mind blowing, life changing late but late enough. A tardiness that would have gotten him in trouble back in the army. He increased his pace. Sonny had told him they would meet at the Ferris wheel, as no one could oversee that. Will just hoped Sonny had just chosen it for that exact reason, cause he had no intention of climbing it. Milk chocolate eyes or not.
When he finally saw Sonny, he felt himself being robbed of oxygen. Sonny was wearing a dark brown shirt and relatively tight dark trousers and all in all Will was stunned at this apparent beauty to that he had somehow been oblivious before. For a moment he dwelled in this revelation before reminding himself that he really couldn't afford to think this way. Attachment was cruel and ended almost always in vain. He had had enough lessons of that in his life to validate this point.
"You made it!" Sonny grinned at him as Will leaned over to give Sonny of those hugs, widely accepted throughout the young, male, heterosexual community. one of those handshake hugs that even T would have accepted.
"That still all depends on whether you make me go up on the Ferris wheel or not."
Sonny bumped his shoulder against Will's as they started to make their way through the masses of people.
"Oh right. You were afraid of heights, weren't you?"
Sonny remembered. Will and him had exchanged phone numbers quite some time ago and Will must've mentioned his fear somewhere in those hundreds of senseless texts send back and forth. But back than those fears had just been something to keep the conversation going - he had not really expected Sonny to remember something so insignificant. Conversation with Sonny was easy. There was something about his aura that made Will trust him with those careful constructed words. He knew fairly well that with trusting Sonny with those words he trusted Sonny with parts of himself, parts of his soul. He had begun to let another another's we all those small glimpses of the person underneath all those battle scars of his skin, the aching of his bones and the constant tension of his muscles.
It wasn't one sided either. It was a conversation that had a textbook definition. They threw phrases back and forth like a game of tennis. However, those phrases weren't deep, their words weren't truly meaningful. And maybe Sonny knew that Will wasn't bearing much of his soul, or maybe he didn't. Whatever was true, Sonny didn't show. They made their way through the crowd, walking along the huts, playing the little games and eating more sugary things than Will had had in the last years. Suddenly Sonny stopped at pulled Will back. Quickly following he came to a hold next to the dark haired boy and in front of a hut that held guns and little moving shooting targets. Will felt his breath hitch, his throat closing up. Sonny grabbed on of those guns and pressed another one into Wills hand, before Will could comprehend what had even been going on. Will recognized the gun in his hands as a simple air gun, .25mm Benjamin Williamson 268, shooting pellets.
"Can you shoot?
Will wanted to answer, he really did. And this time he was almost certain that his panic would made sure his brain to mouth filter would work. But before he could form the words, or even open his mouth to answer, Sonny carried on.
When the first shot was fired, Will barely noticed that he had fallen to the ground. His breath was in a hectic pace by now, sweat pearls were running down his forehead, his cheeks and his neck. Pictures flashed in front of his eyes and they were more vivid and red and dark then he had ever scene. A numbness overwhelmed him, he couldn't move, couldn't explain what was happening. Everything hurt. It was as if he had been pulled from his body and stood looking down on it. He felt Sonny looking frantic, whipping his head back and forth, obviously looking for help. Will wanted to say sorry, wanted to apologize but his mouth just formed senseless syllables. Shame and an anxiety came over him, a feeling like he missed a step, like a chair almost tripped but hadn't. He saw his chest pounding, the action was almost mirrored by his heart's racing. Pure terror hit his core and if his legs had worked he would've run as fast as the winds had taken him but instead he looked down on his body and saw himself lying on the ground curled into a ball like a fetus. His hands ran frantically through his sweaty hair, trying so hard to grab something solid to unite his rationality and panic.
After seconds, or minutes, hours, days or decades his tunnel vision cleared. At first the edges became blurred and suddenly everything was clear. Sonny looked at him, and moved his mouth but somehow, although the panic was slowing down the words Sonny spoke made no sense to Will. In a bold move, Will stood up, and with shaking legs he made his way through the crowd that gathered. Without minding he pushed people out of his way and went straight over the street, only to let himself drop down next to a wooden hut, his back sliding down the paneling. With his head in his hands he pulled his knees to his chest and started to calm down. It took another couple of minutes until every notion of panic or terror was gone and Will was ready to face the consequences. When he opened his eyes he saw Sonny looking at him, having himself positioned just across Will, his back leaned against a tent wall. Between their feet stood two paper cups. Will reached out the cup closer to him but Sonny's gentle "Tsk, tsk." kept his fingers from grabbing it.
"You get tea and I get an explanation."
Will thought about everything but in the end shame succeeded. He had been a horrendous date, friend, companion. Maybe he owed Sonny an apology. Scrap that, actually, for Will knew it was true.
Hesitantly he looked at Sonny, cleared his throat and nodded. When his fingers met the warmed paper nearly instantly he let out a breath and met Sonny's glance and almost smiled when he heard the whispered "It's chamomile."
"Do you need to call the paramedic and tell them that everything's fine?"
Will asked instead of diving straight into the so-called 'explanation'. His voice was rough and edgy, as if he had just woken up. The words were low, nearly resembling a whisper but Sonny's facial display kindness showed him, he was being understood.
"I didn't call the paramedics." Sonny cleared his throat, although his voice was impeccable as always. "No one did."
Will was taken aback. His shock must've shown, as Sonny continued.
"It was a simple panic attack. There was a phase in my life where I had gotten them as well. So I just made sure no one would disturb your space, that no one would come too close." His eyes lost the kindness for a moment as it was momentarily replaced with a sadness. "I tried talking you through it, but you were really far gone. You didn't hear a word I said."
Will looked down, feeling disappointed for a second. He would've liked for Sonny to be able to reach through to him. Will shook his head, he was not allowed to think like that.
"Well, I'm glad. That could've gotten awkward."
Sonny said nothing. For a while the two boys just sat across each other, surrounded by silence. Although the silence was just between them, as Will could hear the distant screams of joy from the other guests on this fair.
"Where were you stationed?" Sonny broke the silence and Will choked on his tea. "Don't be like that, Will. Have you actually thought I wouldn't pick up on all your little quirks and not connect them?" Quirks? Will let out a silent laugh. If it only were quirks.
"My last tour was in Afghanistan." His voice lacked emotion.
Sonny nodded.
"When did you come back?"
"Next Saturday it will be 2 months."
Will looked over Sonny's left shoulder. He wouldn't dare to find those brown eyes, wouldn't dare to see sadness or worse, pity. in a moment of bravery, Will took a deep breath and continued, without being asked another question.
"I joined when I was 18. Straight out of high school."
"And the great colleges you were accepted into?"
"I didn't go. Back then, going to the army seemed the right thing to do. People would sometimes compliment me and tell me that the army was somehow, right for me. Bollocks. No good has it brought me."
His voice turned bitter at the end of the sentence. And at the same time Will felt the strange sensation of a weight lifted off him. For the first time ever, he had voiced what he truly thought about the army. Or at least the army in relation to him and to his life.
"What happened?"
Will bit his lip. Talking about how he joined was one thing. But talking about everything that had happened, talking about T? He wasn't sure he could do that. Not even to Sonny.
Will wasn't sure how he ended up in the Kiriakis Mansion, on Sonny's bed to be precise, staring at Sonny getting ready to join him. It wasn't like they had done anything sexual, they simply went home. And for the first time since T, Will didn't even hesitate to refer to another person as 'home'. He knew it was too early to feel like this around Sonny but he couldn't help it. And it was not like it was love yet anyway. Much more, Will slowly realized he had gained a true friend in Sonny.
So Sonny pulled a shirt over his torso and Will didn't look - well he tried not to look too much, before settling in next to Will. Both boys faced the ceiling and somehow this comfort was enough for Will to start finding his voice.
For the first time in what felt like forever, the words just tumbled out of his mouth. He told Sonny about T. About his brother whom he met with 3, just a week into kindergarten and how T was with him through every point of his life. He told Sonny all about T's characteristics, his macho-ness, his thoughtfulness, his ability to crack up about his own jokes - as bad as they were.
Sonny listened, not knowing where the story would lead. This quiet understanding and willingness had Will opening up about his coming out. Knowing that Sonny was gay himself, made this particular topic even more sensitive as it was easier for Sonny to pity him.
For the first time Sonny managed better than any psychiatrist Will had seen previously to let Will speak about this crucial and cruel time in his adolescence. For the first time Will found words to describe T's reaction, the punch, the broken nose. The following lie to his parents that the last football game broke that particular bone. He didn't even play football.
He found the words to talk about his parents how disappointed he was. How he felt unloved and uncared for until EJ, 'only' his stepfather, actually softened the pain in telling him, he still loved Will and nothing had changed. And he found the words to describe the park benches, the showers in high school and the cafeteria that suddenly became his home. He described how he lived on Salem's streets for several days, close to three weeks until he had swallowed his pride, the factors hat he ran out of clothes to wear or that March wasn't a gentle among to be sleeping outside in mind, and had gone to Ms. Stevens for help. He found words to describe the feeling when T forgave him, or Will forgave Sonny, who knew what way it was anyway.
Sonny stayed quiet until Will started to speak of T's unrequited love to Abigail and his subsequent decision to join the army to be noticed by her.
"Stupid decision."
Will stopped talking at looked at Sonny expectantly; knowing by now, that Sonny would explain his words.
"He could've just talked to her. Isn't that what any sensible human being would do? If we all joined the army because we couldn't speak to a girl or boy ... Boy I don't even what to imagine that."
Will chuckled a little.
"My old trainer at boot camp once said people either joining the army because of a stupid whim, or because their family was fucked up."
He hadn't wanted to make it sound like a joke. But as soon as the words had left his lips, Will realized how true the comment was in correlation to him. His trainer meant it ironically, as a joke, something he would saying the rare pause between yells and screams. But for him it was both true. His family was fucked up. And it had been a stupid whim. It really had been.
Before he could stop himself he felt tears falling down onto Sonny's white bedspread. And before Sonny could comment on them Will continued, chasing a feeling he hadn't felt in a very long time. A feeling of freedom.
