Chas held her son and let him cry his heart out. She wanted so badly to take all his hurt away but she knew that was impossible. Anything now was going to be too little, too late. So she just held him and hoped he would be comforted by that.
Eventually he pulled away from her and self consciously wiped at his eyes. He looked at her and she felt like he was searching for something, she made sure to keep her face still, not wanting him to misread anything he might see there. She gave him a small smile and wiped some of his tears away.
"Why didn't you tell me?" she couldn't help asking and he shrugged his shoulders slightly.
"I don't know, I mean after that first time things went back to normal. Even better than that really. He was so nice to me" she clenched her jaw when he said that. "It was like we were some kind of team. He said it was me and him against the world and that he was the only one who really loved me and I believed him. We never mentioned it and I started to think maybe it hadn't happened, that it was just a bad dream, At least until it happened again" he admitted.
"What happened?" Chas asked.
"You were right" Chas. "Everything changed when Sandra came along and they had Liv" she remembered when she'd said that to him about the baby, it had been spiteful and mean and she was ashamed of herself. "I just wanted him to notice me, to pay attention. So I started playing up, hanging around with the wrong kids, skipping school and it caused loads of arguments between them. Sandra said she'd had enough, that he needed to sort me out. He told her he would get me back in line, she wasn't to know" he defended his step mother.
"Why didn't you tell her, or anyone after that?" Chas couldn't help asking.
"Because he said no-one would believe, that everyone knew how naughty I was and how much I lied"his breath hitched on the words. "He told me that if I did it would happen again" Chas curled her fingers into her palm and dug her nails in to stop herself reacting as Aaron carried on. "But he said that if I was good then it wouldn't, and I tried". He was looking at her as if he felt he needed to prove himself, like he still thought he was that naughty little boy and that he had brought everything on himself. "I really tried but you can't be good forever" he broke down crying again at that admission.
"Nothing else happened for a couple of years" he said but all she heard when he said that was that it must have happened again. "But it wasn't the same anymore, I sometimes felt like he hated me, I'd see the way he looked at me some times, when I did something wrong and I was so scared he was going to do it again. I'd lie awake all night, just listening for the sound of footsteps on the landing outside or the door creaking open". He must have been terrified, living constantly on edge.
"I tried really hard to make him love me, I just wanted him to be my dad you know?" he looked at her for understanding, he still looked so young, so insecure. It was as if telling about all those years ago made him feel like that little boy all over again.
"I know sweetie" she said stoking his face again "and I'm so sorry that he made you feel that way".
"When I was twelve I got in this stupid fight with Sandra, she was trying to stop me going out with my mates. I was calling her all sorts. I broke my sister's favourite doll and that night" he shook his head, unwilling to say anymore. "I should have been able to stop him", the self loathing in his voice was difficult to hear.
"You were just a kid" it was Cain who spoke, his anger obvious but Aaron just shook his head and kept his eyes down.
"I couldn't talk about it, I just felt dirty and ashamed. I went proper off the rails after that. I gave up trying to be good, what was the point, I'm just bad news. I promised myself I wouldn't let it happen again though. I kept my distance, kept an eye out for the signs that he was coming for me again, managed to keep away from him, until the last time".
"The last time?" Chas was holding Aaron's hand, rubbing circles on the back of it and he seemed mesmerized by the movement.
"The night I hit Sandra" Chas remembered that night. She hadn't been around for it but she had dealt with the aftermath, it was what had led to him coming to live with her again, after his dad refused to have him back. Just before Christmas she had gotten the phone call from the police station about him. He'd gotten into a bit of bother, some drugs had been involved but luckily in the end everything had worked out, her family had been able to protect him. Or at least that's what she had thought, now she knew they had all let him down, they'd hadn't protected him when it really mattered, hadn't even known he needed them till it was too late.
"What happened that night?".
"Sandra caught me stealing some booze. I begged her not to tell my dad, but she said she had too. That I'd brought it all on myself and that he was the only one who could handle me. I was so scared, I hid in my room, hoping she'd change her mind but when he got home from work, she told him. He didn't even wait till she'd gone to bed like the other times he came straight up to my room. I saw the look in his eyes and I knew what was coming and it was like I was frozen. He came at me and he threw me down on the bed, started trying to... I fought back though and I managed to knee him in the balls and push him away" she felt a little thrill of satisfaction that he'd managed to hurt him, at least once.
"I don't what would have happened then but LIv started shouting for her mum, we must have woken her up and he backed off then when he heard Sandra coming up the stairs. I went to the bathroom to sort myself out but he followed me in there, he said that I shouldn't think I'd gotten away with it, that he still needed to punish me. I was so scared, I shouted at him that he couldn't do that to me anymore, I pushed past him but Sandra was standing outside the door and I couldn't get away, I felt so trapped and I just lashed out. I didn't mean to hit her I swear" he sobbed. "But the way he looked at me after I did, I knew I couldn't stay there. So I ran".
"But when I came to get you, you didn't want to stay with me you wanted to go back, you begged him to let you" Chas couldn't help wondering out loud.
"Because I thought once he calmed things could go back to normal. I didn't think he would kick me out, I thought he loved me, in spite of everything. Maybe even because of it, I kept his secret for him" she didn't think her heart could break anymore. She wanted him to stop speaking now, because everything time he did it just got worse.
"Oh god what have I done?" he cried out, going to stand up.
"What do you mean?" she kept hold of his hand, stopped him from moving away.
"I shouldn't have said anything. He's going to find out I told" he was panicking now, his eyes darting around the room, as if only just realizing how many people were here, had heard him speak. "He's going to be so angry".
"Don't you worry about him" Cain stepped forward, his jaw tightly clenched.
"But what if he..." Chas could feel him shaking.
"I said don't worry about him" Cain was firm and Chas was a little scared by the look in his eye.
"Aaron look at me" Chas ducked her head down trying to catch his eye. He brought his head up but he still kept his eyes fixed on something just to the right of her face, he couldn't look her directly in the eye. "You have nothing to be afraid of" he gave a little snort of disbelief at that. "I promise you he can't hurt you anymore."
"You can't promise that" she could feel him trembling still.
"Yes I can, and I do. You're safe" he sagged in her arms, allowed her to draw him in as he rested his weary head on her shoulder once more.
She was lost in the moment, lost in her son and his pain. She didn't notice the door to the cottage opening, nor did she notice the three men leaving.
Marlon felt out of his depth. He'd never heard anything so terrible in his life.
When Chas had called them all to the Barton's last night he had never expected to hear what he did. He had felt shocked to his core that something like that could have happened to someone in their family. I mean it wasn't like he didn't know this sort of thing went on but it was always to other people, removed from his reality. He felt like everything had been tipped on it's head. Judging by everyone else's reactions he knew he wasn't the only one feeling that way. Lisa and Debbie had cried, Eli had punched a wall, Sammy had looked confused and sad, Shadrach had poured himself a drink from John's liquor cabinet without even asking, and Zak had taken his hat off and rubbed his head over and over again until Marlon had been convinced that his hair was going to start falling out.
When the questions and outrage and tears had finally died down they had started the search. Everyone doing their part, all desperate to find Aaron and bring him home. A fruitless night spent scouring woods and outbuildings had yielded nothing and left them feeling even more useless than before. Marlon had left them to it mid morning. He hadn't wanted to leave them but Chas had insisted that he go into work, that he couldn't let Diane down at such short notice. One less person wasn't going to make much difference at that point anyway, they were all starting to lose hope that they might find him at all.
So he'd gone to work, although it had been a terrible idea. Tiredness and worry had made him a liability in the kitchen, only the lack of people ordering food had saved him from causing himself an injury or setting the kitchen on fire. He'd felt terrible for leaving the rest of them, felt like he'd abandoned Aaron. So it felt so good when he'd been the one who ended up finding him. Well Edna technically, but still he'd played a part. He felt like he'd helped slightly, although not enough to appease the guilt that was eating away at him.
But because of that he'd ended up here, stood in Edna's front room and listening to his sort of nephew bare his 'd listened to how he'd been hurt physically and mentally, because from the sound of it Gordon had manipulated his son into thinking that he was to blame, that there was something wrong with him.
Marlon had always thought Aaron was a bit of a thug, quick to anger and rarely happy. A moody little sod would be how he best described him. But even so he'd seen glimpses of something more, something sweeter. Had seen how much he cared for people, no matter how much he tried to hide it sometimes. He'd seen it in the way he was with Belle, sweet and caring when he could have just easily ignored her. He'd seen it in the looks he would give his mum, or even Paddy when he didn't think they were looking, like he couldn't believe he had them in his life.
For him to still be capable of loving others even though he thought he wasn't deserving of it himself was amazing. Truth be told he was a little in awe of him.
Watching Chas trying to console her son and knowing her heart was broken too was horrible. It was almost a relief when Cain opened the door behind him and gestured to him and Paddy to follow him out.
Being outside was strange. When they'd been inside it had felt like time had stopped, that that the world must have stopped spinning. But looking around he could see that he was wrong. Life carried on, people doing the same things they did everyday, oblivious to the storm at their centre. He envied them their ignorance.
"Paddy I need your car keys and I need you to stay here, watch Aaron and Chas for me" Cain said once the door was firmly shut behind them.
"Of course" the vet said fishing his car keys out of his pocket and handing them over. "But why, where are you going?" he asked nervously a second later.
Cain didn't answer just looked at him for a couple of seconds before turning around and walking over to the car.
Marlon shot Paddy a look, surprised that he didn't say anything else. But he saw the same hard look on his face that he'd seen on Cain's and that he was certain matched his own. Cain opened the door and got in. He put the key in the ignition and started the car before rolling the window down and looking at Marlon.
"You coming?" he said simply.
Marlon didn't answer, but he also didn't hesitate before he walked around to the passenger side and got in. As Cain put his foot down Marlon watched Paddy in his side mirror, the other man's face grim as he watched them drive away.
