The next morning, Chris heaved a sigh as Coulson brought out the clipboard.
"Let me guess," he said. "You want me to do my run in fifteen minutes today. And you want Bucky to try and kill me again."
"If I tried to kill you, you would be dead," Bucky said as he shoved a spoonful of oatmeal in his mouth.
Chris eyed the food longingly. He was already hungry, but Coulson always forced him to go running before breakfast. Extra motivation to get back quicker, he supposed. But he was also sure he'd be able to run better if he wasn't focused on his damn stomach.
"No," Coulson said. "We're going to do something a little different today. By now, you should have a good grasp of the basics of combat. Learning any more at this point is counterproductive."
Which was probably the polite way of telling him he would never be able to learn anything more advanced. It was fine. Chris was inclined to agree with him.
"So we're going to take a day off from your physical training and work on some of Captain America's other duties. The Captain is overdue for a statement to the press."
"What?" Chris spluttered. "No. No, no, no. Absolutely not. I'm not ready for this. The second I open my mouth, everyone's going to know I'm not Steve and it's going to be a massive shitshow."
Coulson delicately massaged his temples. "You're an actor, yes? I'm sure you can put on a good front for at least an hour."
"An hour? Hell no. I'm sure I can pull off a food words about how the Avengers are working great as a team, keeping everybody safe, and blah blah all that bullshit. But an hour? What the hell am I supposed to talk about? I don't know what you guys have been up to."
"We'll give you a briefing before you go. And the rest of the team will be there to back you up."
Clint groaned. "Are you kidding me? I hate these things."
"You're a team," Coulson said firmly. "And that means not leaving Chris to fend for himself."
"Ugh, fine," Clint said. "Steve's going to owe me big time when he gets back. Lucky bastard. Wherever he is, I'm sure he's not sitting through a press conference."
"And after the press conference, Captain Rogers is scheduled to make an appearance at a children's hospital."
Chris perked up. "Oh, I love seeing the kids. I've gone on visits in character back in my world. It should be pretty much the same thing. Kids believe superheroes are real, and in your world they are. And really, all kids want is to see you care, that you're taking time to show up and listen and interact with them."
"Good," Coulson said. "If you're good at interacting with children and enjoy doing so, it'll help reassure the public that Captain America is still here." He made a note on his clipboard. "We'll have to schedule more of these visits if you're still with us in the next month."
God, Chris hoped not. For everybody's sake.
Coulson spent the morning giving him a briefing of what to expect during the press conference. Luckily, it was done over breakfast so Chris sipped his green smoothie and took notes while Coulson went over every battle the Avengers had gone through since the events of the movie. It was surprising how far ahead their world was from his. Back in the real world, they were in the middle of filming. But the Avengers had already beaten Ultron, had time to work things out and come back as a team, and then take on six different city-destroying monsters. The most recent of them was some space slug called Slorgath, that had created the giant crater in the middle of the city.
"You know the Captain well enough by now to know how he'd feel on the issues," Coulson said. "But if you do get stuck, Mr. Stark will be happy to jump in and hijack the question. He always is." He shot Tony a disapproving look.
Chris sighed. "This is going to be so awkward."
"Great," Tony said. "Just like normal. Cap has never really been comfortable in front of the press. He likes press conferences a little better than charity fundraisers, but still."
"Charity fundraisers?" Chris said weakly. What other horrors did he have to look forward to?
Tony clapped him on the back. "No pressure, Chris Cap. Let's do this."
The press conference was scheduled for right after lunch, which was unfortunate because Chris felt like throwing up.
The room itself was pretty enormous. It could easily hold five hundred people. And from the rows and rows of chairs set up, it looked like the room was going to be at capacity. In the very front of the room was a simple table that Coulson directed them to. Chris was seated towards the far end, with Thor on his right, in case he tried to bolt, he supposed. The rest of the team was seated to his left.
As more and more reporters filed in, Chris started to really feel the weight of responsibility on his shoulders. If he fucked this up, everybody would know.
Tony opened the press conference with, "Well, l don't know about you, but I'm hungry and the sooner you ask your questions, the sooner we get out of here."
Chris gave him a stunned look. That seemed unspeakably rude and unprofessional. But who was he kidding? That was Tony Stark's defining character.
Several hands went up at once.
Chris's heart sank. So many questions. They'd be here for awhile.
"You," Tony said, pointing to a reporter in the far back. "The one with the glasses and the weird hat."
The reporter cleared his throat. "This is a question for Captain Rogers. What are you doing to track down Slorgath and what are you doing to make sure he doesn't get away again next time?"
"That's a very good question," Chris said.
Too bad he didn't know the answer.
Tony tugged his microphone closer. "Oh, come on. Why don't you guys ever ask me these kinds of questions? You know Cap's just going to tell you Bruce and I created an program to track down Slorgath and his slug buddies that'll ping as soon as the beasts get within 10 miles of the city."
Tony seemed really proud of this algorithm of his. Something something about alien space armor, slime, unique radioactive signature. From what Chris could comprehend, it was something like in the first Avengers movie, where they had a program to track the Tesseract's energy signature. And that seemed like a really helpful tool for the team, which was probably all the public really needed to know. But Tony was still talking, getting really involved in all the technical specs. This was the point that Steve would try to reel him in, Chris realized.
Chris took a deep breath and reached for his own mic. "Look, yeah, Stark's doing a great job with the technical stuff. And the rest of us are training hard, going over the footage from last time and talking about where we can improve. It's a team effort. And the next time Slorgath shows up, we'll be ready for him." He took a deep breath. "Er, next question?"
Thank god the next question wasn't directed his way. He took a moment to glance down the line at the team, feeling relief in Natasha's nod, Tony's grin and Clint's subtle thumb's up.
Maybe this wasn't as hard as he thought.
The press conference lasted for almost two hours. But by the end of it, Chris felt like he had really hit his stride. He was actually answering questions reporters put to him, using what he knew about Steve's character and the way he was known for motivational speeches to reassure everyone that the Avengers were ready to take on whatever threat came their way.
Nobody seemed to suspect that he was an impostor.
Once Coulson finally ushered the reporters out of the building, the whole team started cheering.
"Well done, my friend," Thor said. "You are not the Captain, but you do an excellent imitation. I see why you were chosen to portray him in the movies."
Chris beamed. Maybe he wasn't as bad at this as he thought.
"Well done, Chris," Coulson said. "We have a few hours for the team scheduled at the children's hospital and then you're free for the rest of the evening."
Holy shit, that sounded fantastic. A nice relaxing evening after the long week of training. There were probably so many amazing fun activities in the Tower. But Chris would just be happy eating dinner without trying to pass out on the plate.
Coulson dropped the team off in front of the hospital. But as soon as Clint reached for the door, a wave of billowing green smoke sent everyone coughing and taking a step back.
"Well, well, well," purred a familiar British voice. "What do we have here?"
"That's just Tom Hiddleston, right?" Chris said uneasily.
Natasha stepped in front of him, knives drawn. "Nope."
Well, they were probably fucked. From the way Loki was portrayed in the movies, they'd probably need the entire team to take him down. But at this point, the only thing Chris could really do was stay out of the way and try not to get himself killed.
Loki stepped through the mist, clad in full armor, golden horns and all. He grinned widely. "Hello, Avengers. How charming to see you all again. It's been far too long since our last skirmish."
"Not long enough," Clint muttered.
Loki's smile widened as his eyes flicked over the group. "I see not all the Avengers are here today. Imagine that."
Steve frowned as he surveyed the team. As far as he knew, everybody was there. Unless maybe Rhodey was an official part of the team now?
"Yes," Loki said with obvious delight. "Your Captain appears to be missing. And a stranger has taken his place."
How on earth did Loki know that?
"Surprised?" Loki said. "I'm the one who summoned him."
"I knew it," Tony said triumphantly. "I fucking knew it. Didn't I tell you guys it had to be Loki?"
"Come forward, Captain," Loki said, crooking a finger. "The time to claim your place at my side has now come."
"There's no way in hell you're taking him," Clint growled. "He's staying with us."
"He's with me," Loki said serenely. "I summoned forth a dark Captain from one of the many universes. He will break your team from within, destroy your Captain's good reputation, and assist me in finally wiping out you meddlesome heroes for good."
"Uh, there's been some mistake," Chris said. "I'm just an actor."
"What?" Loki snarled. "An actor?"
Chris nodded. "You must have gotten the wrong universe. I don't have any dark powers."
"Miserable human," Loki growled. He thrust out a hand.
Chris saw a flash of green light and then everything went dark.
