Love; Lost and Found
A Young Americans- story
By: jakeline
Summary: Jake/Jacqueline never told Hamilton her secret. Now they meet again 10 years later. How will Jacqueline tell Hamilton that Jake never really existed and that she was the boy he fell in love with?
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the plot form 'Young Americans', but this story is mine.
Chapter 9: Good Things Come to Those Who Wait
As Jacqueline opened her inbox the next morning she found a mail from Hamilton. She rubbed her eyes in disbelief. She stared at the screen, not sure whether she should open it or not. It was a reply to the mail she had sent him.
She was still sitting in the same position with her coffee mug half way to her mouth when Bella came in ten minutes later.
"Jackie?" Bella asked when she saw her friend's motionless staring.
"Huh?" Jacqueline looked up, a bit startled.
"Good morning," Bella said.
"Yes, morning," Jacqueline replied with her gaze back at the screen. "What do you reckon?" She turned the laptop so that Bella could see the screen.
"Eh, ok?" Bella said slowly. "So Hamilton finally answered your mail?"
"Yeah, just a week late… "
"Well then, open it!" Bella commanded.
"Do I really want to see what's inside?"
"It looks like some attachment in any case. Don't you want to see your pictures?"
"Yes, but what if he has written something nasty? Like 'I really, really hate you I do not want to see you ever again!' Do I really want to read that?" Jacqueline looked up at Bella. "You read it!"
"No, it's your mail, I can't read it," Bella said.
"Please?" Jacqueline looked at her with pleading eyes. "I'll read it if it's not a hate-letter, promise."
Bella sighed: "Fine," and took the laptop and sat down with it on her knee. She clicked the email open and read its content.
"Well?" Jacqueline demanded when she saw that Bella was finished.
"Read it yourself," Bella said and handed the laptop back to her.
"Do I want to read it?" Jacqueline looked anxiously at Bella, who smiled reassuringly.
"Yes, you want to read it." Jacqueline looked at the screen and braced herself for what she was about to read.
To: Jacqueline
From: Hamilton
Subject: Re: Re: the photo shoot
Hey, Jacqueline,
Sorry for the late reply, it's been some hectic days. I enclose a few pics for you; the rest will be forwarded to your agent. Need I say that I am very pleased with how they turned out?
About me coming to New York, well I am here… But due to recent unfolding of secrets I am sure you understand when I say that I need some time. I'll just see you at the reunion. OK? I'm not angry, just a bit frustrated and confused. Why didn't you tell me?
//Hamilton.
Jacqueline sighed: "See, he doesn't want to see me!" She clicked on the attachment to download the pictures. Then she realized what he had written. "But, wait, I'm not going to the reunion!" Jacqueline looked over at a giggling Bella with large questioning eyes. "What?"
"I might have sent in the rsvp-slip saying that you were going," Bella said with an apologetically look on her face.
"You did WHAT?!" Jacqueline looked dumbfounded.
"I'm sorry, but, you don't have to go," Bella said, looking really sorry about what she had done.
"Bella, what the hell were you thinking?! How did you think I would manage that? I'm invited as Jake Pratt, not Jacqueline!" Jacqueline's face turned red with frustration. What the hell had Bella been thinking?
"I just thought you needed a push."
"I said I didn't need your help! I was just going to forget the whole Hamilton-thing and go on with my life," Jacqueline said with raised voice. "You had no right!" She looked angrily over at Bella.
"Jackie, it's not a big deal!" Bella tried to calm her down.
"But now I have to go, Hamilton wants to meet me there, although I'm not the one who attended Rawley. I cannot dress up as Jake again; my body kinda blossomed after high school you know!" Jacqueline looked down at her chest. "It's not like I can hide these anymore." She gestured towards her breasts. "God, Bella!" Her eyes filled up with tears of frustration.
"I'm sorry," Bella whispered.
"I have to get out of here. I feel like I can't breathe!" Jacqueline went for the door and hopped into a pair of sneakers, took her jacket and left the flat. Her sight was blurred with tears. She was really upset with the decision Hamilton had made, though she had told herself that he didn't want to see her after the secret was out, there had always been a faint glimmer of hope down deep inside of her. A faint hope of him understanding her choice. But now she didn't know what to think. He wanted to meet her at the reunion, among his family and friends. How would she manage that? She had less than two weeks to figure something out.
Jacqueline hurried down the side walk without seeing where she was going. Suddenly she bumped into someone and nearly fell over, but a strong arm caught her before she hit the ground. A familiar scent found her nostrils. Hamilton.
-xXx-
She looked like she had just woken up after a long night's sleep. Tear filled hazel eyes blinked up at him and met his piercing blue. A pang of guilt rushed through his body; she must have seen his email by now. His arm was still around her tiny waist. It was torture being so close to her and not kiss her. Her scent nearly drove him crazy.
"Hamilton," she breathed with a hand on his chest. He was sure she could feel his heart beat rapidly beneath the shirt he was wearing. He couldn't find anything to say. As soon as she had regained her balance he let go of her waist as if she was burning hot. His body sent him mixed signals. He both wanted to stay close to her and just get the hell away from her. Now was not the time to begin a conversation about the past.
"I'm sorry," was all he found to say. She looked into his eyes, as if searching for something. "I can't do this." Her eyes narrowed. He backed away from her; he had to get away before he did something they'd both regret. He turned away from her and tried not to look back. She had looked so vulnerable, pale and even fragile. Hamilton had to restrain himself not to rush back and scoop her in his arms and never let her go again.
-xXx-
Jacqueline turned back home in a complete daze. The way he had been looking at her. Pain and sorrow had shot out of his radiant blue eyes. His scent still lingered in the air around her. The feeling of his arm around her waist. She had felt so safe in his arms. Just to be near him made her body burn with desire. She hoped he would listen to what she had to say at the reunion. Hopefully he would forgive her then. He looked so hurt and confused. Adorable. She wanted to run after him and just hold him forever. Tell him that everything would be alright. Tell him that she loved him like a mad woman. But she had to play along with his rules now. He had asked to see her at the reunion and that was what she'd do. No matter what.
-xXx-
"Do you know where Bella is staying?" Hamilton asked as he came back to the hotel.
"A couple of blocks from here," Will answered without looking up from his laptop. "Why?"
"I seem to run into Jacqueline a lot," Hamilton answered with a frown.
"And?" Will looked up at him.
"I'm not ready to face her. I told her we could meet at the reunion in the email I sent her."
"You emailed her?" Will looked surprised.
"Yeah, yesterday after you went to bed. I realized it would seem rather inconsiderate not to send the pictures she had been asking for."
"True, but I didn't think you wanted anything to do with her."
"I may be angry with her, but I'm not a jerk," Hamilton replied with a hint of a smile playing on his lips.
"When are you going to tell me what happened between you two?" Will asked urgently.
"It's not that much to tell really. I said some ill-chosen words after confessing I loved him. I was just so confused about my feelings towards him. Afraid of what others, you lot, would think about us being gay," Hamilton said with sadness in his voice.
"Do you really think we would have cared?" Will asked.
"Yeah, I thought so then, now I know you wouldn't but everything just felt wrong. I hurt his feelings; I told him I loved him against my will. I didn't want to be gay. And then he said he was straight. That's why he, I mean she, didn't tell me. I blew it. If I had just…" Hamilton sighed. "I convinced her to spend the night with me, 'no touching,' she demanded and we fell asleep next to each other. Next morning when I woke up she was gone," Hamilton finished with another deep sigh. The meeting with Jacqueline a few moments earlier had shocked him quite a bit. Feelings he thought he could never feel towards her had risen again. Hamilton looked down at his hands.
"You still care for her." It was not a question it was a statement. Hamilton looked up, feeling his cheeks turning red.
"No," he exclaimed at first, but then realized the truth. It dawned on him like lighting from a clear sky. "I think I do," he confessed. "But how can I trust her? Everything from our past was a lie!"
"Bella says she has always been the same, maybe you just need to talk to each other…"
Hamilton cut him off: "No! Not yet. I will see her at the reunion."
"And you are sure she will come?"
"Yes," Hamilton said resolutely. "If she cares about what we had she will be there."
-xXx-
Kate Fleming waited for Finn by the docks after crew practice. It had been some time since they had spoken to each other.
"Mrs. Fleming?" Finn looked at her with quizzically dark blue eyes. "I haven't seen you in these parts in a while." He smiled. Kate tossed her blond locks and felt the familiar tension in her stomach. He still made her feel like a teenager though she had been married for 30 years. Finn's hair was turning gray and he had lately let his beard grow.
"Yeah, well, there's something I have to talk to you about. Something no one else must know."
"Walk with me and I might tell you who the father of cubism is," he said with a joking tone in his voice. She smiled. It was an old joke they had shared since high school. "So what's on your mind?" He asked as they were in a safe distance from curious ears.
"You know the reunion for class of 2000 is coming up?" She heard how distressed she sounded and breathed deeply as to calm herself down.
"Yeah, Hamilton's year, right? Is he coming home soon?"
"Yes, I think he will arrive next weekend." Kate smiled when she thought of her greatest accomplishment. "Well, ok here's the deal. Remember Jake Pratt?"
"Yeah, dark, small, good student, straight A's if I remember correctly?" Finn said.
"Yes, that's the one. There's something I never told anyone." Kate looked up at Finn. "I don't know what to do anymore. I haven't even told my husband."
"Really?" Finn looked surprised.
"Yeah, well I promised not to tell. Jake is a girl," she blurted out, just to have it over with.
"Come again?" Finn stopped abruptly in a step.
"Jake Pratt is a girl, has always been. She played up a sweet little charade in high school, fooling us all, including Hamilton." Kate sighed. There it was said.
"That explains a few things," Finns said thoughtfully.
"And now, she's coming to the reunion."
"So?"
"I don't want to put Hamilton through that. I was the one who helped him last time she disappeared. He was heartbroken. I don't really know what happened. Jake told me that she was coming clean to Hamilton, but something went wrong. I never had the heart to ask Hamilton about it. Imagine what finding out that she is a girl would do to him!"
"Don't you think that's his choice?" Finn asked.
"Not if I can't help it!" Kate said heatedly.
"So, what are you going to do? Ban Jake from the reunion? You can't do that."
"I know that, I just talk to Hamilton when he gets here."
"Kate, there's nothing you can do. You must let him make his own mistakes. He's not 15 anymore." Finn put a hand on her arm. "It's going to be fine. Don't worry."
"Let them figure things out themselves?" Kate looked at him. "I should think not!"
"Kate, you can tell Hamilton if you like, but you cannot forbid Jake from coming here. You must let Hamilton live his own life."
"You're not helping," she said in a sort of singsong voice. This was not the response she had been expecting. How could he be so forgiving?
"It's in the past, Kate. I'm sure Jake has a good reason for coming here. If not to set things straight. You too have made some mistakes in your time, Kate. Did anyone ban you from anything?"
"This is not the same! She fooled the whole school, you, me, my husband! It was fraud. A crime," Kate was nearly screaming with agitation.
"And you and me in the boat house?" Finn asked meaningly.
"You and I in the boat house," she corrected without thinking.
"So, you DO remember. You are not flawless, my dear Kate. Leave Hamilton to discover his own true path in the world. You cannot protect him forever." Finn looked at his watch. "Got to go." He waved good bye and left Kate alone on the lawn. She was frustrated with Finn not taking her side, but deep down she knew he was right. She couldn't protect Hamilton anymore. The fact that Jacqueline was coming to reunion might be a good thing after all. Then Hamilton would find out himself of what sort of person Jake really was. When he found out the truth he wouldn't forgive Jacqueline, Kate thought with a sly smile. Good riddance.
-TBC-
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