Title: Let the Good Times Roll

Author: Concupid

Pairing: Howard/Vince, Howard/Hitcher, Howard/Old Gregg

Rating: R

Warning: Non-con, violence, angst, discussion of under age sexuality

Summary: Howard needs a new way to deal with the Hitcher, Sally is learning to keep Vince on track.

Disclaimer: All the characters other than Sally were created by the Mighty Boosh and I can't claim to own even Sally. She's her own girl.

Author's note: Hope you all had a wonderful V-day and are ready for some misery!

Howard closed his eyes.

He could hear the Hitcher undo his zipper.

He thought of Vince, his Vince.

"All right, Howard?" Vince's voice was as cheeky as ever as he wrapped his thin arm around Howard's neck.

"You're choking me," Howard whispered.

The Hitcher's laugh cut through Howard's haze.

Vince's arm around his neck, holding him up. Spitting on his hand. Preparing him. Vince's fingers painfully digging inside of him.

"That's right, Howard," Vince's voice sounded a little harsher than usual, "I'm gonna give ya a nice bummin'."

Howard tried to relax his muscles, he just had to get through this.

"Am I hurtin' ya, Howard?" Vince asked, trying to push his cock into Howard, oblivious to Howard's lack of readiness.

"It hurts, please stop," Howard whispered. He could hear harsh laughter in the distance.

"Why?" Vince asked sweetly, "This is what you've wanted to do to me since I was a kid."

"That's not true."

"You had me in your bed when you were twice my size! You made me think I had to do something for you in exchange for being nice to me."

"That's not what happened," he tried shaking his head but he could hardly move, "That's all wrong."

"What's wrong, Howard? You don't want me here?" Vince asked, "You'd rather get bummed by the Hitcher than me?"

Howard let out a whimper of pain.

"How 'bout Tommy? Your old hero Tommy could be here, fucking you. That's all he wanted, an occasional bummin' in exchange for teaching you everything you know. But no, he had to hump your leg like a dog and be grateful for it. Why couldn't you just pretend? Why do you always have to be so selfish?"

"You don't know about Tommy. I never told you any of that. I never told anyone."

Howard opened his eyes. There was no comfort to be found in the recesses of his brain, he was better off in the cave.

Twice he had been taken away from his parents' home and placed with Nan Moon. He knew how to make allies with a crazy person.

"Old Gregg!" It was closer to a whisper than a shout but Gregg responded.

"Yes, Howard?"

"Don't let him do this."

The Hitcher tightened his grip around Howard's throat. Howard went limp and when the Hitcher loosened his grip for a moment, he whimpered, "It should be you, Greg. Not him, just. .." Stars filled his eyes as his head slammed against the cave wall.

"What does Howard mean?"

"'e's tryin' to turn ya against yer old man, Old Gregg," The Hitcher growled as he made another attempt to enter Howard, "Oi. He's tighter than yer ole mum's airhole."

"I should only be with you, Greggory, I'm yours. Right?"

"That's right," Old Gregg said, realization dawning on his face, "Howard belongs to Old Gregg. Let go of my fuzzy man love."

Howard felt a hint of hope, "Save me, Greggory."

"Oh, you crazy bastard! I'm bleeding like a stuck pig."

"Old Gregg will stitch Father up but Father can't touch Howard. Howard is for Old Gregg."

xxxx

Howard's head was in Old Gregg's tutu covered lap, and he was being fed biscuits. He was going to survive a little while longer.

He looked at the Hitcher, lying on a mattress and clutching his stomach wound.

Vince needed to find him soon.

If he's even looking for you.

"Course, I'm lookin' for ya, Howard," Vince murmured into his ear as he stroked Howard's chest.

Howard tensed and whispered, "Vince?"

"Yeah, it's Vince! You forgotten me already? We been friends since we was little."

"Since you were little," Howard corrected, "I was already a man."

"I like it better when we're the same age," Vince purred as he pinched Howard's nipple. Howard could feel the hardness against his cheek and winced.

Vince's hand moved to Howard's hair, "He'll leave you alone for a little while. He loves you. He'll kill you in a heartbeat but he loves you. Eat and get strong. You have to survive. I need time."

"I never wanted to hurt you, Vince," Howard whispered, afraid of missing his chance. Afraid he was running out of time, "and if I did... I'm so sorry. I tried my best to look out for you."

"All that stuff is in your head, Howard. You never done anything to me but be my friend," Vince whispered as his hand slid down over Howard's hardening cock, "Now you need to tell him you're too tired and you want to wait."

"I'm too tired," Howard's voice was still raspy from the near strangling, "Please, give me more time. To convalesce."

Vince's hand returned to his hair.

xxx

Howard was in his Zooniverse jacket, still sporting the stupid mustache that his precious Tommy told him to grow in order to look older. He looked normal except his eyelashes were wet. Howard, standing outside his classroom alongside the headmistress, with wet eyelashes.

Vince turned on his heel and ran. He was slipping in his Chelsea boots and Howard caught him straight away, holding him and saying everything was going to be all right.

xxx

Sally's gun was taken away by Weezy's men as soon as they arrived. Then the were left in the lobby for an hour.

She waved her hand in front of Vince's blank, blue eyes, "Yoo-hoo. Vince. Where'd you go?"

Vince jumped, "Sorry. I was... What did you ask?"

"I asked why you know Bryan Ferry."

"He was a mate of my dad's. We used to go see him all the time. He was supposed to be my guardian if anything happened to my parents..."

"Did something happen to your parents?" Sally asked, gently. Not daring to muss his now styled hair, she stroked his hand.

"Dad had another heart attack when I was fifteen. He was driving at the time. They both died."

Vince let himself be pulled into Sally's arms.

"It was Howard that told me. He let me stay at his flat 'cause I couldn't handle going home that night. That's when I made my second move," Vince suddenly giggled, "Oh, you must think I was a freak!"

Sally refused to be distracted by Vince's charm, "You must have been so upset and scared..."

"I was crying in my room and he come in and sat on my bed, strokin' my hair and bangin' on about philosophy and all the crap he was learnin' from Tommy before Tommy went missin'."

Sally let it go, she would not be distracted, "Did you try to kiss him?"

Vince laughed again, "No, I went right for the meat and two veg, just like the last time. I didn't have the nerve to look at him. Oh, I was a shambles! I just wanted to feel good. I know it sounds horrible..."

"It doesn't, Sweetie," Sally assured him, "I take it Howard didn't take advantage of the situation?"

Vince's laugh was a little drier this time, "None of that for Howard. He just took my hand and held it. I remember he went all red but he didn't run away. I know he wanted to."

"He cared about you, a lot."

Vince tensed in her arms, "He did and I did everything I could to make him hate me."

Sally could have screamed when Weezy chose that moment to let them into his room.