Chapter 9 – Conflicted Feelings
It's been a few days since the day I kissed Chinastu. And we haven't seen each other since. Mostly because of her going to school and stuff. Nothing I can do about that.
But…there is a small reason that this separation is happening. Well, I wouldn't call it small. Not in the slightest. Thing is, though…I don't know what else to call it.
You see…ever since that day, I can't stop thinking about Chinastu. Not just with the kiss. But with that story, too. In a way, we relate to each other.
I mean sure, seeing your father kill your mother and then kill himself is way worse than accidentally stabbing your best friend in the eye, making her lose said eye, and then when you realize that you love her, she rejects you. Saying that she's been taken for a while. I get that.
But what I mean is…we both have these inner struggles that we're trying to get rid of. But they never go away. They keep coming back. And no matter how much we try to hide it, they always show up. sooner or later.
Plus, talking with Chinastu really makes me happy. It's like she's the only person that understands my pain. Which is weird because a couple months ago, she absolutely feared me. Hated my guts, even. Granted, I never felt the same way towards her. But now, I can't even get her cute face out of my mind. It's so…
*BUZZ* *BUZZ* *BUZZ*
"*sigh* Really? Who's calling me when I'm trying to set up the chapter?" I asked myself as I picked up my phone and saw who was calling me.
Yui? What does she want?
"Hello?"
"Geez, finally you answered the phone, Kyouko. We've been trying to call you for days."
"I turned the sound off for a reason, you know."
"Come on. Don't tell me you're still mad about what happened the other day."
"I'm not mad. I'm just upset. You guys should've known that I didn't want to set foot in that place ever again. It just triggers bad memories."
"Like we said, we're sorry. But you don't have to ignore us like we're not friends anymore."
"Look, do you want something? I'm not in the mood for this."
"Just come over to my apartment. I've got something to show you."
"No."
"Huh?"
"Look, Yui. I'm done with these surprises. Every single one that got thrown at me has only made my life worse. The rejection, the clubroom being blocked off, my mom going overseas, being held back a year. I'm just done. So unless you tell me what it is, I'm not coming over there. And I mean it, too."
There was nothing but silence on the other end of the line. Then I heard Yui's trademark sigh as she got back on the phone.
"Fine. My cousin Mari is here with me and she wants to see you."
"Mari wants to see me? What for?"
"She just wants to after I brought you up in a conversation. Will you just come over? Please?"
Well…I haven't really seen Mari since that day with the Mirakurun costume. It would be nice to see her again.
"Alright. I'll be there in a few minutes." I said.
"Thanks, Kyouko. And I truly am sorry."
"Yeah. I know."
I hung up the phone and continued to lay on the couch in the living room. The thoughts from before were swarming my mind like a beehive. So now it's going to take me a while before I can get up and go change.
*sigh* It just never ends.
30 minutes later, I finally got off the couch and changed my clothes. I had changed into this white sweater with the word peace written across it in pink. It comes with a black tank that has the right side showing a little. Nothing extreme, though. Along with that was a red & black plaid mini skirt and some old white sneakers I haven't worn in a while.
Also…I was wearing the pink scarf Chinastu gave me around my neck. Not only does it hide my scar really well, but it makes me think of her. Sometimes, a bit too much. But the more I wear it, the more I start to feel better about myself.
After about a 25 minute walk, I reached Yui's apartment complex and eventually knocked on her door. I still couldn't believe I was doing this. It was still kinda odd to me that Mari wanted to see me so badly. We don't really know each other well.
"Oh, good. You're here." Yui said to me as she opened the door.
"Yeah. Here I am."
Although I did have second thoughts.
"Mari's right in here. She's really excited to see you again. I had to calm her down a few times."
"Hey, Yui. Why does Mari want to see me?"
"W-Well, I…"
"Kyouko!" Yui was interrupted by her little cousin Mari, who ran up to me and gave me a hug out of the blue. Her dark-blue uniform-like dress, two cat-clips in her hair, and the seemingly unamused look in her face made here easily recognizable.
"Hey, Mari. Long time, no see."
"Kyouko. Is it true? Is it really true?"
"Uh…what is?"
"That you have a cool-looking scar on your neck."
I then turned to Yui with an angered look on my face.
"Wh-What was I supposed to say? I-I wasn't going to lie to her." She tried defending herself.
I ended up doing a really long agitated sigh as I facepalmed my entire face. Pretty upset that THIS was the reason why Mari wanted to see me.
But then again, she's like the same age as Kaede. And at their age, they get excited about everything.
"Y…Yeah, Mari. I-I do." I said.
"Can I see it? Please, Kyouko?"
*ugh* Really?
"Come on, Kyouko. Just show it to her." Yui said.
"D-Don't encourage her!"
"Kyouko…" Mari looked at me with a sad version of her trademarked unamused look. I tried to ignore it...but ended up failing just seconds into the stare down. And gave in.
"*sigh* Fine. Just let me sit down first and prepare myself."
"Yay." Mari cheered…
…
…I-I think.
Once I sat down at the mini-table and calmed my mind a bit (or at least, tried to), I pulled down the pink scarf from my neck. Revealing the giant scar that takes up nearly half of my neck to my best friend and her 5-year-old cousin.
Still can't believe I'm actually doing this…
"Woah!" Mari said.
"Well, it looks like it's healing." Yui added.
"I guess." I said as I fixed the scarf to hide the scar once more.
"How did you get such a cool scar, Kyouko?" Mari asked.
"Uh…" I didn't know how to explain it. There was no way I was going to tell a 5-year-old that I tried to commit suicide. But then what to tell her instead?
"K-Kyouko's…been feeling really sad recently." Yui said. "The scar just showed up on its own."
"Really? Cause Kaede told me that she got it from stabbing herself with a stick."
"Y-You knew?!"
"Yeah. I knew."
"Then why even ask?!" I shouted with rage.
"I wanted to see if it was true or not. Did I make you angry, Kyouko?"
Yes, I'm angry! I'm pissed off, even!
I wanted to say that. But I couldn't yell at a kid like that. it's just not right.
No matter how much of a smart aleck she and Kaede tend to be at times.
"Well, there. You got to see it. I'm going home."
"Kyouko, wait. Come on. Let's hang out a little." Yui said.
"Why? Aren't you busy?"
"Not right now. And besides…ever since you got out of the hospital, you've been living a hermit in your own home. It's not healthy."
"Well…I-I can't really do anything. Can't go to school. Can't get a job. I'm using the money Mom sends me just to survive. I don't leave my house. Even if I wanted to."
"Well, you went somewhere with Chinastu the other day, right?"
…
…
"Y…Y-Yeah." I said as my face began to turn red.
"Huh? What's with that reaction?"
"N-Nothing! I-It's nothing! Really…it is."
"It doesn't sound like nothing."
"I think it has something to do with that pink-haired she-devil." Mari said.
"M-Mari!"
Ah. I take it that she still hates Chinastu for making Mirakurun look bad. Didn't think she could hold a grudge at her age.
"Well…you aren't wrong, Mari. Well, mostly." I said.
"Huh? So it is related to Chinastu?"
"Yeah. It is. And I guess I have to tell you, huh?"
"It would make the most sense."
"Don't be a smart aleck." I said with an annoyed look.
I then proceeded to tell the Funami girls what happened that day with Chinastu. Well…not everything. I left out the actual story she told me. I don't have any right to tell someone something that personal for someone else. That's just common courtesy.
"So you and Chinastu went to the park near the middle school and talked for a bit. And you found out that she got you that scarf?"
"Yeah, pretty much. We stayed there until I was able to calm down."
"I see."
Well, I went and told them. But I still feel really weird. My blushing hasn't gone down yet. I don't want to tell them. But at this rate, I don't really have a choice, do I?
"You still look rather upset."
"Come on, Kyouko. Tell us so we can make you feel better." Mari added.
I went dead silent for a little while.
"W-Well…y-you see…I…Ch-Chinastu…uh…"
Come on! Just say it and get it over with!
"…W-We kissed."
…
"H-Huh?! What?! You KISSED Chinastu?!" Yui shouted after (what I'm guessing) replaying the last sentence in her head.
"I-It just happened, okay?!"
…
"A-And, uh…I-I really liked it."
"Y-You liked it?!"
"It was my first kiss, too. So sweet and passionate. Her lips were so soft and smooth. It was the best moment of my life."
"Wh…Who are you, and what have you done to Kyouko?"
"H-Hey!" I got insulted.
"A-Anyway…I-Is that the reason you've been avoiding us?"
"*sigh* Y-Yeah. I-It kinda is. Ever since that kiss, I've been having non-stop thoughts about her. And then I start feeling all hot inside and then I get less sleep from it all. I've been saying that it's because of the bad memories. But honestly, it's not just that anymore."
"I see…"
"And worst of all, I don't even know what it is."
"Huh? You mean you haven't figured it out?" Mari asked.
"No. Why do you sound so shocked?"
"Kyouko. It's really obvious what this means."
"You know what it is?" Yui asked.
Mari nodded her head while still having that unamused look on her face.
Then…she turned to me and said this:
"Kyouko. You're in love with Chinastu."
…
"Wh-Wh-What?! I-I-In love?!" I yelled after doing what Yui did not too long ago.
"Hmm…judging by what you just told us, it does make sense." Yui said.
"B-B-But…I-I-I love Akari!" I then went silent while hanging my head down a little. "A-At least…I-I think I do. I'm not even sure anymore, to be honest."
"Well, maybe you just need to talk it out with someone. One who can make you understand a little better."
"Yeah, I guess."
…
…
…
"Welp. I gotta go. Thanks for the chat." I said as I got up and started heading for the door.
"W-Wait, what?! You mean you're not going to talk to me?!" Yui asked.
"You thought it was you? No offense, Yui. But you're really clueless when it comes to love."
"Cl-Clueless?!"
"She's right, cousin." Mari said.
"D-Don't agree with her!"
"Well, I gotta go. It was nice seeing you again, Mari."
"Bye, Kyouko." Mari said with a happy version of her trademarked unamused look.
"W-Wait, hold on! How am I…"
*SLAM*
I closed the door before Yui had a chance to finish her question. Akari, Chinastu, Ayano, and I each made a patch that if ever there was a day that Yui found out about her lack of knowledge on love, we would decide fairly on who would get to explain it to her.
(By the way, NONE of us want to explain it to her.)
Anyway, about these supposed feelings for Chinastu. Yui is right about that part. I do need to talk to someone about this. And I may not like it, but I do know who to talk about it with.
I took out my phone and dialed a number I thought I wouldn't call ever again for the rest of my life.
I can't believe I'm actually doing this…
"Hello? I'd like to make an appointment."
…
"My name?"
…
"K…Kyouko Toshinio."
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Kyouko having feelings for Chinastu? Could that really be true? And who is she willing to talk to about it? keep reading to find out.
So I actually watched Yuru Yuri for the first time in like…4 years or so. I kinda had to in order for me to get a good idea on Mari's character. Who by the way, is FINALLY making an appearance after I said she would a long time ago. In a way, she's a lot like Kaede. I don't remember if the two ever met or not. Didn't watch that much of it.
*SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT* I'm pleased to announce that this story, and Akari's Depression, are now part of a series called "Inner Struggles". A series where a specific character will face a huge and life-altering moment and struggle to cope with it throughout said story. I already planned to have Ayano be the next character to experience this. Her story will come as soon as this one finishes.
That's all I have to say. Thanks for reading. Later.
