It was not a good day. A repeated kidnapping and argumentative morning later, speaking with Tony Stark in the corridors of his tower was not the way Loki wanted to spend the rest of his rather unsatisfactory day. It was an Odinsend (though he loathed the phrase) that Stark's focus was already divided between energy readings from the night before and walking.

"Look, fella, I'd love to tell you all about my breakfast the other day, but I'm really busy right now," Stark said without warning.

"Clearly." Because waiting at the entrance carrying nothing and talking to no one screamed "busy", he thought.

"Alright, if you must know, Pepper came in to tell me about a meeting and asked if I'd eaten already, so I told her the potatoes should've been—"

"If I tell you about last night, will you cease?"

"So... how far did you get with her? Come on, I've heard it all before and done most of it, too." Understanding these Midgardian euphemisms was going faster each time, but it did not make dealing with them any easier. "Huh, you got color-changing makeup on or something? Didn't think you Asgardians were that way inclined. You should use more flattering colors—"

"Energy. Readings. There was a time dilation, was there not? Unless you have misunderstood, then there was some kind of local distortion that affected even your rudimentary clocks. I alone cannot cause anything on that scale, so I suggest you look for the source before it happens again. And I swear to whatever god or gods you might believe in that I will strangle you with your intestines if I ever hear about your toast, potatoes, or your Pepper from this moment on."

"You have a very good memory for someone claiming to be bored by my breakfast. Seriously, though. Thanks for the info. Maybe I don't need to experiment on you now. Probably." As he walked away, Stark added, "Bit high-strung though. You still need to release some tension after being at her place, ah? You ever want to come down to the lab, we got an empty seat just for you, babe." The winking afterward was entirely unnecessary.

Loki would have to examine Stark's data later if he could not hide himself from that creature by typical means. Relying on humans was starting to become a habit, one he would break when this Kybant business was over. A flash of pain seared across his scalp. When this was over, he thought with considerable force, he would sleep until Ragnarök to rid himself of these headaches.

Were he in a better mood, perhaps he might have barked orders normally to the agent at the counter rather than with even more elaborate insults than usual. The 'quivering, mealy-mouthed ape' decided not to fetch Director Fury as requested but instead came back with security guards. After one of them put a hand on his shoulder, Loki crushed it. Of the various agents and Stark employees, someone had the sense to alert S.H.I.E.L.D. security. They arrived, headed by Fury.

"Is there a reason you're damaging my employees?"

"Your employees would know not to touch me. These are Stark's ill-trained knaves."

Fury surveyed the room. "Well, this is good. I wanted to see you anyway. I don't know why you didn't ask to see me—"

"I did. That wretch decided to try his luck."

Fury sighed and signalled to the agents behind him, who started towards the injured man curled up on the floor. Then he took Loki up to the same room they'd had many of their meetings in. This time, Agent Hill was absent. The thought of Romanoff (also thankfully absent) only irritated him further.

"Last night," Fury said.

"Natasha did not tell you?" Loki taunted.

"No, she did not. If you're going to play these games, you can play them alone in your cell."

"Oh, I'd love to." These humans were rubbing off on him; it was disgusting.

Fury seemed to share the opinion, judging by the look on his face. "I'm not your psychiatrist and I don't care if you're alright. My condition stands that you will be sedated to the point of drooling if you keep this shit up. Do you have any information about last night or not?"

"The Kybant are real, very real. Twice last night one of them managed to..." he struggled with the words, "take me. I don't know where but neither time was for long."

"Wait, one of them just took you? One of them, these obviously non-humans, wandered into a packed building and took an entire person for less than a second only to what, disappear without a trace?"

"Yes," he hissed with a sneer.

Fury laughed. "Why not just keep you the first time? I guess they couldn't put up with you, either."

Loki waited until he was finished and spoke more forcefully, "Stark mentioned experimenting on me. By the laws of your world, I politely decline."

"By those same laws, you're a war criminal."

"Were that your only concern, I am sure any punishment you devise would go some way to making my requests more tolerable."

"A beating from Natasha isn't enough?"

"No. Enjoyable, though."

"How insane are you already that you think I want to know that?"

"Considering what you do, I should be exactly as insane as you think."

"I am not in the mood for your shit today."

"Nor I you. Your investigative powers fail to impress me. As someone who has willingly come forward with information about a new threat, am I not entitled to some protection? Or if this is the best your organization is capable of, it is inadequate and I shall leave your planet to your laudable defence."

"I do hate to waste your precious time, Loki, but what do you expect me to do? You've given us nothing to work with. We have a basic physical description, and a few fairy tales. Now, they can kidnap demigods in the blink of an eye. I'd get my people on it, except that none of them are quite right for the job. There's Thor, but I bring him in and you'll run home crying to your mama."

"Watch your tongue, human. If what goes on even in your own building is a mystery to you, then I don't know why I am still here."

"Funnily enough, our tapes from last night were unreadable. You wouldn't have had anything to do with that, right?"

"I came to speak with Thor, but did nothing to your recordings. I suggest you fix your security problems before I return." He stood up in a smooth motion.

"Or you'll do what, exactly?"

"I won't." With that, Loki turned and left the room. He heard muffled speech from further along the corridor and walked towards it. The realization that one of them was Natasha did nothing for his temper.

"See you, Will. And thanks for the other night." He could almost hear the smile in her voice. They were behind a corner in a waiting area. A door clicked shut nearby. After a short pause, she continued, "About before, I think I might be attracted to him."

"To be honest, he is hot. I'd do him so hard..." Maria agreed. Loki wanted to hear no more of this conversation so stepped out in full view of both women. They were smiling when they turned, but Maria grimaced and Natasha rolled her eyes when they saw him. "Oh, we thought you were Will."

"Ah yes, 'Will the attractive one'. Sorry to disappoint."

"Will doesn't disappoint, does he, Natasha?" Maria glanced at her with a sly grin, ignoring Loki. "Dress-down Friday with him is always fun and your unhealthy fascination with his admittedly fine ass is also amusing."

Natasha scoffed, "Like you don't stare at Clint's? You know it's not nice to objectify men..." followed by a burst of insane feminine cackling from both, he observed indignantly. Despite himself, Loki was becoming interested in this. "Nope, and Tony really needs his glowing chest to see what he's doing. Doesn't he, Maria?" Natasha flashed an unreadable expression quickly enough that Loki almost missed it.

Maria tilted her head for a second and said, "Yeah, smells like foreplay in here so I'm going to go." She waved her hand in faux-wafting before turning on her heel and leaving.

A moment later, Loki asked, "...Is your friend typical of Earth's culture?"