chapter 9
There had been a lot of commotion at the office all day, first Michael used a word he didn't understand and basically said he was going to deflower Phyllis before her wedding, and then there was going to be a bachelor and bachelorette party at the office. When there was finally a lull in the action, Jim went in the break room to buy a drink, he was yawning a lot, all morning from the five intense nights of couple's therapy.
"Hey! Everything okay?" Jim turned around and Pam stood there, smiling at him.
"Oh, yeah." Jim couldn't let himself get too comfortable with her, while he would always love the idea of her, she had turned him down and now his obsession with her was hurting Karen, who he truly cared about and he wanted to make things work with her. "Why?"
"Well, you seem a little tired."
"Yeah, well, I guess there's been a couple of late nights. Karen and I have been up talking."
"You should get more sleep." Jim thought she seemed slightly awkward or uncomfortable with the situation, he couldn't think about though.
"Yeah, I know I should." He nodded and took a drink.
"Never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep."
"No, I'm sure you're right." Jim thought she was definitely being awkward now.
"When I get eight hours compared to like, six hours, it's like, big difference."
"Really?" Her awkwardness was starting to make him feel uncomfortable, and he worked with Michael.
" Oh, yeah. You've got to get your REM cycle going with the whole sleeping better than not."
"Good advice, Beesly." He had to get out of there, he couldn't let her get in his head again.
"Thanks."
"See you out there?"
"Yeah. Don't fall asleep at your desk!" Jim got out of the break room and went to Karen's desk and kissed her on the cheek, she had hugged him earlier, the cat was already out of the bag, why not make her feel better, he couldn't keep hurting her.
That night, as they hung around Karen's place, they discussed the wedding the next day and how crazy they thought Michael and Dwight would be. Karen smiled at him a lot, he felt better about them, about himself and his treatment of her, he was damaged goods still, he thought, but he thought he was falling in love with her, it wasn't like with Pam, but he was different now, he heart had been stomped on, so he was weary of falling too fast, too hard.
Karen fell asleep nuzzled on his chest as the watched a movie, he smiled every time she would sigh contentedly in her sleep. He caressed her back, he looked at her and marveled at how beautiful she was, and even though he had managed to fuck up so many things in their relationship thus far, she was falling in love with him. He smiled to himself again and thought of things he could do to make her happy, she deserved it.
The next day, Phyllis's wedding did not disappoint. Michael had made an ass of himself, like a thousand times, Jim convinced Dwight to look for real life wedding crashers, and Karen looked amazing, she kept smiling up at him, happy to be with him. Jim did talk with Pam, he told her she should dance so he could see the famous Beesly dance moves, he hated himself for feeling attracted to her again, he wondered if or when he would ever not feel that. He danced with Karen and enjoyed her company, trying to keep Pam out of his thoughts and make Karen feel important, and that's when he saw it, Pam and Roy, leaving hand in hand, together. He didn't know why, but that did it, that was the breaking point for him, how could he ever consider Pam when she couldn't stay away from someone who truly didn't even understand her, he was honestly thankful, his torment could be over.
Towards the end of the reception, Karen got up and sang "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic," with the band, Jim was impressed and turned on, she was attractive, intelligent, and talented, she was also with him, he smiled and took a deep breath, he was happy, he just needed to not fuck it up, that was his new mantra, don't fuck it up.
When he and Karen got in the car, she started kissing him, then stopped and whispered, "drive over where the lights don't shine on anything and let's have a little fun." She smile seductively at him and he could feel an instant erection straining against his suit pants.
Jim took the car over to the darkened area, at first they just made out, then Karen reached down and hit the lever for Jim's seat to scoot back as far as possible, she quickly undid his pants and stroked his hardened length a few times before smiling and as he watched, she pulled down her underwear and tossed it in the back seat, she pulled up her dress and climbed on Jim, she started kissing him again and then ground him before guiding him in to her sex. Jim was beyond aroused, he was trying to think of anything to not come too soon, he pulled down the top of her dress and her bra and took her breasts in his mouth, she continued to grind back and forth with him inside of her, Karen soon bucked her hips in a big motion and hit her head on the ceiling of the car, they laughed as she kept moving on Jim before came and shouted, "fuck, sweetie, so good, shit, sweetie."
Karen smiled at him, "sweetie?"
Jim blushed, "sorry, stupid?"
She kissed him, "in public, I hate that kind of stuff, but just you and me, it's a big turn on, I don't like letting others in on my private life a lot.
Jim nodded, "copy that."
The next week and half, Jim felt himself truly starting to fall for Karen, he had continued to distance himself from Pam since he saw her with Roy, he thought a few times she looked sad or upset, but he couldn't deal with being just another girlfriend to her, and he had Karen. Since the wedding, they had spent almost every moment together, though he warned her that spring training was starting and he would need some breaks to watch the Phillies. He had only had a few semi-long term relationships, so he had been used to long breaks in between sex, but since being with her, and especially the past week and half, it had been a lot, he was surprised the office didn't yell at him for smiling too much or that his dick hadn't emailed him about overtime payments.
When Pam announced her art show, Jim had to distance himself, he had always been a big cheerleader for her skills and her art, but he was with Karen and Pam had chosen Roy, again, he had to be the one to do it now. That same day, when they discovered a bat in the office and Dwight went all Dwight on the situation, Karen was more than game to help Jim convince Dwight that Jim had been bitten by the bat and was turning into a vampire. It was the most fun he'd had at work with anyone other than Pam, and that meant a lot to him.
That night, as Jim made her come for the second time, she kissed him and then looked shy, "Jim, I love you. I know you may never get there, but I am, so yeah."
Jim kissed her passionately, then pressed his forehead against hers, "sweetie, I'm falling in love with you, I don't know that I have a healthy idea of what this love shit really means, but yeah, I'm falling in love with you, so don't feel bad, you're only a little ahead of me." Karen smiled and embraced him harder, Jim's heart was full, he needed this, this was his future, she loved him, she was amazing, and she was there, with him.
Jim and Michael were invited to cocktails at the CFO David Wallace's house, Jim immediately asked Karen to go with him, she smiled and kissed him tenderly as she said yes, him taking her to something like this was huge, especially for him. When they were at the cocktail party, Karen floored Jim when she a played a classic prank on him.
She had told him on about ten different occasions that different male attendees might act awkward around her because they had a history, a sexual history. Jim had not cared for the first two, then it seemed crazy, and she wasn't a big pranker, so he fell for it, and then when she claimed she and David Wallace had a fling, he almost lost it before she started laughing and he realized he'd been had. As he congratulated her, she then played him again telling him he was her first, which he fell for before she laughed again. As Jim shot hoops with David Wallace, he realized how great this woman he was still falling in love with was.
After work on the following Monday, Jim was trying to convince Karen that he didn't want to see a movie and she saw through his crap and knew he just wanted to watch the Phillies game, they were laughing and about to leave when Roy entered the office, he looked crazed, he looked at Pam and then Jim, he yelled, "Hey, Halpert!" Jim didn't know what was up, but he knew it wasn't good, but he barely had time to think as the Neanderthal rushed him, Jim had the presence of mind to push Karen out of harm's way when Roy went down in a bundle of shouts and tears and turned and saw Dwight blinking through the tears of pepper spray he had just unleashed on Roy.
"Sweetie, I swear, I'm fine, are you okay?" Jim had already told her at least ten times he was fine as they ate dinner at his place.
"I'm fine, I mean, it's sort of weird, but you and I have obviously worked through that history."
Jim laughed, "if you want to talk, we'll talk, I'm in this, I promise."
Karen held his hand and squeezed it, "I love you."
Jim gulped, "I love you." He'd said it, did he mean it? He thought he did, he still felt confusion with the whole Pam thing deep down, but Karen was his future, so he'd said it.
Karen stood up and embraced him tightly, "I know that's not easy for you, and that's why it means so much to me." She smiled, "you know how you told me about that catholic school girl fantasy you had as teenager because of the school next to yours, well…I sort of got a little outfit, let's go to my place and you can tell me how naughty I've been." Jim stood up so quickly he knocked his knee on the table and almost knocked some plates off the table.
The rest of the week was crazy, Pam had avoided him, which he got, and it made his life easier, but Friday, when the craziness was already intense with Michael in women's clothing and making less than Jim made, Pam apologized to him.
"Sorry I almost got you killed." He couldn't let this affect him, he had to remember why he almost got killed, she got back together with dipshit.
"Yeah. That was nuts." He wanted to yell at her and ask her what she was thinking, but this wasn't his problem, they were friends, friends who were drifting apart.
"He could have broken your nose or something." She seemed pained by it all, he didn't care about himself, he care that she could be so stupid to stay with him for so long, be so miserable and then go back to him.
"Crazy." He knows she's hurting and he is blowing her off and not taking this as serious as she would like but he can't help it, what about his pain, then he pictures Karen and it strengthens his resolve.
"It's just so stupid. I mean, getting back with Roy and everything. I mean, what I was thinking, right?" He knows Pam, really well, this is Pam hurting, this is Pam pleading, old Jim would have eaten this up and been her comfort, but old Jim's heart was ripped out and then she, not Jim, but she Pam, chose to get back with Roy. This wasn't his job anymore, to be her friend, to ease her conscience and listen to her problems with her jackass of a boyfriend or whatever they were or would be.
"No, I mean, you guys really seem to have a strong connection." He knew the words would sting her, but he was beyond truly caring, he had been forced to move on.
"Not anymore. It's completely over now." He could feel her pain, he knew she was on the brink of tears, but he put it out of his mind and focused on his life now, his relationship with Karen.
"We'll see. I'm sure you guys will find your way back to one another someday." Jim hated himself for that one, that was cold, but it also felt good for all the wrong reasons.
"Jim. I am really sorry." If he didn't get out of there soon he would be hugging her and screw up with Karen, again.
"Oh, yeah. Don't worry about it." He left the break room and wanted to slap himself, who had he become, he felt so conflicted, every time he thought he was breaking away from her hold, something happened, but this time, he hurt for knowing he hurt her. He walked over to Karen's desk and they talked about Pam's apology, when Pam came back, he knew she'd been crying, he took a deep breath and forced the guilt out of his mind, he'd handed her his heart and she said no.
