"Everything okay, Rach?" Daddy, Hiram ask when I come back into the room after taking a phone call from Santana.
"It's fine." I dismiss his concern. "San and Matt are just running late. So…let's just get started without them."
"Yes. Let's." Quinn pipes up.
My dad's host a family dinner once a month. Quinn is basically my sister so she's always in attendance. And if she's dating anyone serious she'll bring them along. When Santana and I got serious, Matt started coming to dinners as well. My dad's love Santana and Matt like their own children as well. I've always looked forward to family dinners but now that we have Ava, it just makes it that more special. I don't know why I think that. I just do. I love watching my dad's frit over her and I don't know…it just feels complete.
Santana never missed a family dinner since she has attended the first one. And she doesn't today. But Santana and Matt do come in thirty minutes late. Everyone else is either finishing off their seconds or has moved on to desert when San and Matt settle in at the table. They easily join into the conversations going on around the table and dinner goes on as if they've been here the whole time.
"Mind if I join you?" Matt puts out his cigarette when he sees me in the doorway. He's a gentleman like that. He knows I can't stand cigarette smoke.
"What's up lady?" Matt grins and pulls me into a quick hug.
"Just needed some fresh air."
Matt lets out a chuckle and I turn questioning eyes onto him. "In other words you needed to get away from Santana." He laughs.
I shrug. "Aren't you pose to be her best friend?" I tease.
"No doubt that I am." Matt nods. "She knows she's in deep shit with you."He shrugs. "Tonight though wasn't Santana's fault. We had to fire Jackson tonight. Dude was just doing crazy shit today. I think he's on some steroids…" Matt rambles. "Anyway we had to change the codes and stuff before we left. It really was a last minute thing that needed to be done."
I nod. Jackson is…or was a trainer at the gym. He had only been there for about three months. I meet him once and though something was off about him. I knew he wouldn't last because Santana always complained about him.
"So how's Emily?" Emily is the latest lady in Matt's life right now.
"Amazing." He grins.
Matt and I spend another five minutes on the back porch talking about Emily before we go back inside.
My dad, Leroy and Quinn are arguing over what movie we should watch when we get into the living room. Santana is playing peek-a-boo with Ava and my daddy is just sitting back watching everyone.
"Who is that, huh? Who is that?" Santana stands Ava up in her lap, facing towards me. "Is that mommy?" She coos. "Huh, is that your mommy?"
Ava giggles at Santana's voice and reaches for me. "Come here baby." I take Ava from Santana after I sit next to her.
"We are not watching Frozen." Quinn cries.
Despite Quinn's protest we end up watching frozen and she loves it.
000000000000000000
"Would you like to build a snow man…" Apparently Santana loves it too. I just wish she knew more words to the song.
"Babe, please give it a rest."I say as I join her in bed.
"Believe me, I'm trying." Santana laughs. "Damn song is stuck in my head."
"So Jackson?"
"Huh," Santana says distractedly. "Oh yeah. Kid is a douche. I think he's on something."
"So who's taking over his classes?" Her silence gives me the answer. "Really San?" I huff.
"It's just the Monday classes. Matt is covering the other ones."
"No."
"Rachel."
"No." I shake my head.
"I already have to be at the gym on Mondays anyways and it's only for a couple of weeks. Until we hire someone else or change the schedules around."
"I don't care." I get up from the bed and start pacing. "You already have a heavy work load. And if you go to the gym earlier, who's going to watch Ava?"
"I um…I already asked your dads if they could keep her a little longer. Until you get off of work." Santana hesitantly tell me.
"You did what?!" I raise my voice a little. Enough to show how pissed off I am but not enough to carry into Ava's room.
"Look…"
"No." I cut her off. "I…you…" I'm so pissed I can barely talk. "You didn't even talk to me about it. Any of it."
"What was there to talk about?" Santana gets out of bed. "Your dads are fine with it."
"You're never home." I cry out.
"What are you talking about? It's just a few hours."
I nod. "Yeah…a few more hours at the gym and a few more hours at the hospital…"
"I'm just trying to provide for us."
I roll my eyes.
That's another thing we've been arguing about. During that morning when we talked for a little, Santana told me she wanted to provide for us. She wanted me to be able to quit my job and be a stay at home mom. She says after are savings gets back into a real good place, she wants me to quit. The gym is doing well and she makes enough money to support us.
Before all are problems, before her mom died, we use to talk about me being a stay at home mom all the time. But a lot has changed since then. I enjoy working and Santana and I are not in a good position in our relationship to be making such rash decisions.
"Do you even be at the gym?"
Santana narrows her eyes. "What?"
"You heard me." I grit out. "You don't like to be home. Maybe you've found someone…"
"Shut the fuck up." Santana snares. "Don't even finish that fucking sentence."
"You're cheating on me, aren't you?" I whisper out anyway.
"You sound stupid." Santana shakes her head. "You know I'm not cheating on you."
"I probably look stupid too." I nod. "I bet your little girlfriend is just laughing at me." I keep going. "Look at Rachel, at home playing the goodwife and listening to all of Santana's lies."I mock.
Santana rolls her eyes. "I think you've lost your mind." Santana doesn't even try to argue with me.
I wipe at my eyes. "Wow." I say to myself. "I need some fresh air." I go to our closet and put on some sweatpants before grabbing my phone and heading to the door.
"Rachel." I raise my hand.
"I need sometime alone."I peek into Ava's room before going downstairs and out onto the back porch.
"What's wrong?" Quinn answers after the second ring. I don't know why she thinks something's wrong.
"I accused Santana of cheating." Is my response. "I just kept going on about how she's not really going to the gym or work but instead she's sleeping with someone else."
"Come on Rach." Quinn says. "Do you really think she's cheating on you?"
"No but…"
"But what?" Quinn says. "You called and woke me up so you better talk."
"I really hate her right now." I cry to my best friend. "Everything is just so…I don't know. And I don't know what to do."
"Maybe..."I jump when I hear the door open. I tell Quinn I'll call her back before turning to face Santana.
"I told you I needed to be alone."
"Yeah…well." Santana shrugs. "Come back inside."
"I don't want to."
"It's cold out there."
I continue to stand there.
I hear the door close but I don't turn around.
"Maybe I should…" I feel Santana standing behind me. She's standing right over my shoulder. "I just think that…"
I turn my head to the side but don't make eye contact. "You what? Maybe what, Santana?"
"I think I should go stay with Matt for a few days or something." She finally whispers after minutes of silence.
"What?" My chest feels like it's going to cave in.
"Things are just blah with us right now."
"What? Stop." I turn around to face her. "What are you…"
"We just…"
"No." I shake my head frantically. "I'm sorry, okay. I know you are not cheating. I just said that to piss you off."
"I know, Rachel." Santana sighs. "I know you, okay. It's not…"
"Then what, Santana! We are married. You're my wife. Arguments happen."'
Santana shakes her head. "Stop shaking your head. Stop." I shove her in the shoulder. "We have a kid together." I cry. "I'm your wife. You can't leave me."
"I'm not leaving you."Santana grabs my hands when I try to shove her again.
"You're not leaving this house."
"Rachel listen…"
"You can stay in the guest room if you have to."
"The guest room isn't working anymore."
"What does that mean?" I try to break free of her hold on my hands. "Let go! I don't want you touching me right now." She lets go and I take a step back. "What does that mean, Santana?"
"We just need sometime apart." Santana shrugs. "I'm not…" For the first time since she came out here, I see her wet face. Santana's usually the solid one when we argue. She rarely cries doing our little petty arguments. I on the other hand cry no matter what. "I'm still working on things, you know? And it's not fair to you or Ava…"
"We can…"
"I love you." Santana grabs me by the shoulders and hold on until I stop moving. "I love you so fucking much. It's you and Ava. That's it." She pauses to wipe at her eyes, putting her arms right back around me. "But I'm real messed up right now and I need to focus on getting better. I need to get myself better before I can truly be what you need. What you deserve. I'll still come around the house and we can work Ava and everything else out…but if I stay and we keep arguing I'm afraid of what it will do to us. I'm still very much in love with you and our baby." She pauses to kiss my nose. "I'm not leaving you. Ever."
"Promise?"
"Promise"
TBC
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