Disclaimer: From now on, there may not be one every chapter, but I DON'T own it, okay? Thanks. Don't sue.
The songs for this chapter are My Immortal and Bring Me To Life by Evanescence, listen to both! They can be found here if the DOT is replaced by . http://wwwDOTyoutubeDOTcom/watch?v=idd_92ajjwY&feature=channel and http://wwwDOTyoutubeDOTcom/watch?v=K3ORuIBjjBU&feature=channel Listen to BOTH!
This chapter is dedicated to ~wondering-wandering at deviantart, where I now also have an account. Look at my profile for details and read the author's notes at the end as well!
Chapter Eight - Recovery (partial)
It is a night of muffled sighs, averted glances and muttered words. Zuko looks up from his food, meets Katara's eyes and looks down again, wondering once more why Katara has brought dinner to his room. It is true that he is still slightly weak and it will not do for him to be recognized, yet he expects her to go to her own room and eat there. She has never shown any inclination to spend time with him, and from what he remembers of the previous night (which is not much) she has already repaid the life debt she owed him. Do they even have such customs in the water tribes?
She has not said a word to him throughout the course of the evening. All she does is stare into the distance. Her plate lies untouched in front of her, full of food. Perhaps she feels obligated to him to spend time with him. The worst part is that she doesn't even display that anger with him that she did at the Western Air Temple. The incident during the comet seems to have taken that anger away and turned it into something worse. She seemed to have forgiven him after he took Azula's lightning for her, and she healed him. But after that...when they made their way to the palace, and what happened to Aang there seems to have affected her powerfully.
Was she in love with Aang? Zuko wonders. She never displayed anything above her normal affection to others to him, yet it was obvious from the monk's blushes and a whispered confidence to Zuko one day during training the Dragon Dance that Aang certainly had had strong feelings for Katara. Zuko had found the monk's obvious infatuation sweet (but you would have to torture him to make him admit it) and had always expected that Aang and Katara would have some kind of relationship after the comet, when Aang had defeated Ozai. It was stupid, really how he had always assumed somewhere in his mind that Aang would defeat Ozai, that everything would be okay. Real life teaches you a lot of things.
He tries to snap himself out of his train of thought. He's been along this path many times and knows that it brings him nothing but sadness. Any more of that and he'll be as depressed as...Katara. He suddenly realizes that Katara is truly seriously depressed. This is not the kind of sadness that passes, but rather the kind that he has seen so often in the Fire Nation. The kind that is hidden behind doors, and that people give up on. The kind where the people who have it are left with no future but quack treatments and their own sorrows.
They had all laughed (although he had done it secretly for fear of her) at her portrayal in the awful Ember Island play. She had vehemently denied that she depended on hope as much as the play showed her as doing. Yet everyone else knew it to be true. And when her hope was taken away this was her reaction. Aang didn't want this to happen to her. Hadn't. Hadn't wanted this. It was hard to think of Aang in the past tense, like trying to reconcile fluffy rabbit-puppies with grown saber-toothed moose lions. He had been the kind of person - energetic, lively - who one always assumes will live forever.
Katara sighs once more, as if reading Zuko's thoughts. He looks up, and this time when she meets his gaze she is the first to look away. Zuko knows it is time to make her get past the day of the comet. It is unhealthy to live in the past, and no one who cares for her wanted this fate for Katara. Aang would not have, Sokka and Suki certainly don't, and behind all her contempt, Toph still cares for Katara and hates to see her that way.
These thoughts give him the courage he desperately needs. She looks up again, finds him still staring at him, and snaps, "What?" Absurdly, this anger gives him hope. It shows that somewhere, there is still a bit of Katara left. His instincts tell him that he should run and hide somewhere, preferably where there's no water she can attack him with, and an image of a smaller version of him cowering under the table while Katara wanders around (water whips at the ready) flashes into his head. Still, he perseveres. There's really no way to ease the topic into conversation.
Not that there is much conversation. "I think Aang..." his voice seems to dry up as he sees her expression. There is no anger there, no sadness either, just a horrible practiced blank emptiness that reminds him of a bottomless pit. He would honestly prefer the crying Katara on the boat the other day, at least she seemed human. Katara has had to deal with more loss than the average person, yet she got past it. Didn't she?
"What do you think about Aang, Zuko?" she says in that hollow, empty voice he so hates. Irrationally, the anger creeping in her voice in the next words comforts him, although the words don't. "What do you think about Aang, considering you practically killed him?" she shouts.
Her anger overwhelms her and she rises from the table with a bang as she knocks over her chair. Gathering all the water on the table with a sweep of her hand, she forms it into a thousand deadly icicles and aims them all at Zuko, her movements stiff and jerky with anger and lack of practice. Instinctively, Zuko's firebending protects him. He creates a shield of fire around him, and pushes it slightly outwards, dispelling it immediately once the ice melts and the water splashes onto the floor.
"FIGHT ME!" shouts Katara. "I knew it! You betrayed us then and you betrayed me now. How DARE you talk about Aang as if he was your friend? You're just like that dirty, disgusting, LOW pirate." Zuko pushes down his anger practicedly as he jumps around the room to avoid her continuous attacks, sometimes dissipating them with small fire blasts.
"KATARA," he yells over her. Momentarily, she stops her tirade and he jumps at the opportunity. "Please, just listen. I know you've closed yourself off from the world. Whatever happened to Aang you clearly blame on me, so the only thing you seem to feel now is anger and hate. But I'm glad you're angry. Before, you've only felt resignation, despair, sadness and loss. You couldn't be motivated enough to feel anger - you were too closed off for passion, which is required for anger. At least you feel something now!"
"I FEEL SOMETHING?" comes her enraged shout. Each of her next words is accompanied by an attack of some kind, ranging from water whips to ice daggers. "You're glad I feel something? Well, that just makes me so happy. Is that enough passion for you? I know you just did all this anyway for your stupid FIRE LORD throne. It makes you happy, doesn't it, for people to bow and scrape to you just like your father. Daddy's little boy..."
"SHUT UP!" he roars, and miraculously, she is silenced. Her arms drop in disbelief at her sides. "You think I'm anything like my father, maybe I should just, oh I don't know, GIVE YOU A SCAR to prove it." He advances towards her throughout his speech, as she stands frozen and a hand comes up to her mouth, which forms a perfect O of surprise. He is too angry to even care. A flame forms in one of his hands as the other points to his scar. "That's right, my 'daddy' is so perfect and loves me so much that he gave me a scar to prove it. And being Fire Lord is a HARD job!"
She has been moving away from him as he advances and the flame in his hand slowly dies as they stare at each other with changed perspectives. Katara's back leans on the wall as she slowly slides to a sitting position, with a vulnerable look on her face. He storms over to the table, grabs her untouched plate and comes back to sit opposite her. They sit cross-legged on the floor, and he balances the bowl on his legs, takes the chopsticks and slowly begins to feed her the noodles.
The rest of the evening is spent pretending. He pretends not to notice the tears rolling down her face, she pretends not to notice his, she pretends not to notice his free hand covering hers, he pretends that he doesn't know she has intertwined their fingers and they both pretend that the other's touch does not comfort them.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I has TONS of new fanart! This chapter is also dedicated to all the wonderful people over at dA who did it for me. Go to my profile to see it, it really helps you see how I visualized the story. Here are more hints on what happened to Aang. There's MOAR Zutara too, but they're not in love or like yet. Trust me. He's just helping her get over what happened to Aang, and she's just beginning to truly trust him.
Read and review, peeps! The person who gives me a believable reason as to why Hakoda didn't go looking for Katara himself since Sokka's busy (and not just because of his grandchild, I think that wouldn't be enough to stop Hakoda when he was worried about Katara) will get three points! 25 points = 1 oneshot for you.
Anonymous reviews are enabled if you don't have an FF account. My 100th reviewer will also get a oneshot/ drabble of their choice.
