September 18 – Eiri Yuki's hotel room, Bonn Germany

"I can't take this anymore!" Shuichi said in an unusually subdued, defeated voice. "It's obvious that you don't love me, and I'm tired of being a nuisance to you." He picked up his bags and turned to leave. "I'll collect the rest of my things later."

Yuki watched him walk out the door in a horrified silence. Don't leave me! I love you! He just couldn't bring himself to say those words aloud, and now Shuichi was gone. All of the pain he'd experienced up until now seemed pale in comparison to the agony he felt as he watched the most important person in his life walk away…

Yuki awoke with a start. His heart was beating wildly and he had tears in his eyes. Why did I have to fall in love with him? He got up and lit himself a cigarette in frustration. The pain he had felt in his dream was still aching in his heart. I need to go back home.

September 19 – Dr. Schlucter's office, Bonn Germany

"Since I've finished writing my novel, I'll be leaving for Japan on Monday." Yuki announced. He knew he was ready to go home, but he was still uneasy about ending his sessions with Dr. Schlucter.

"Eiri, I knew you would be leaving soon. You've been away from home for six months now. However, due to the severity of the trauma you've experienced and the length of time you've suppressed it, it is my professional opinion that you continue your sessions in Japan." She handed him a business card. "This is Dr. Kinjo. He is a brilliant young psychiatrist and one of my protégés. I think you will be able to converse with him as easily as you have with me. I could have my secretary set you up an appointment with him if it is acceptable."

"That's not necessary. I'll make an appointment after I've settled back into my apartment."

"There is one question I would like to ask you before you leave."

Yuki looked at her curiously. "Sure, what is it?"

"How have you been able to write such popular romance novels when you've spent most of your life avoiding love?"

"I've had many superficial relationships. Most of the material for my novels have come from them."

She smiled at him slyly. "I've bought and read every one of your novels. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that you were the most romantic man in the world."

He shifted uneasily in his chair. "It's what the fans want."

"I couldn't help but notice a difference in the novels you wrote before you met Shuichi and the novels you've written since then."

"What do you mean?" He asked suspiciously.

"Well, the novels you've written after you met Shuichi. They seem more…sensual, and the characters are much more passionate with each other. But the biggest difference is the love expressed between the main characters. It has become much more… genuine."

Yuki sighed in exasperation. "I hope Dr. Kinjo won't be as obsessed with my love life as you are!"

"I'm sure he won't. He's much more professional than I am, but he's also much more perceptive as well." I'm surprised Eiri! You didn't vehemently deny that you're in love with Shuichi. Perhaps you've finally decided to accept your feelings…

September 21 – Shuichi Shindou's apartment

Reluctantly, I emerged from my dream. Lying with my eyes still closed, I willed the images to remain. It was wonderful! Yuki was holding me and kissing me passionately. Tears rolled down my cheeks as reality crashed down upon me. Yuki left me and he's never coming back. Once again I cursed my stubborn heart for refusing to let Yuki go.

I looked over at Kaemon sleeping next to me. If it weren't for this loving, selfless person, I don't know what would have become of me. Even asleep he was absolutely breathtaking. His soft, waist length, chocolate brown hair was fanned exquisitely around his beautifully tanned body. Carefully, I brushed his hair aside and rolled toward him. As I gazed into his face, I thought about his reaction the first time he read "Look Around," the song I'd written about Yuki.

Although Kaemon supported my decision to write it, I knew it was difficult for him. The raw emotions I used to describe my feelings for Yuki were much more passionate than I have ever felt for him. It's not that I didn't love Kaemon. I just wasn't capable of loving him as much as I love…Stop it! I've got to forget about Yuki and move on!

Dark brown eyes fluttered open, "you're up awfully early on your day off!"

"A dream woke me up." I replied sadly. Tears began rolling down my cheeks again. "I'm sorry." I started to get up. I didn't like to do this in front of him.

"Don't leave," he said pulling me gently into an embrace. "You know, as long as I'm here, you will never have to suffer alone." He held me as I cried. Stroking my hair and kissing me softly, he conveyed without words his love for me. Kissing him ardently, I wordlessly returned his love…


"Here's your tea." Kaemon sat on the sofa next to me. "So, what do you want to do today?"

"I just want to relax. It's been so hectic lately." I yawned deeply as I thought about the last couple of weeks. Things have really gone into overdrive ever since I wrote "Look Around." Everyone, including Ryuichi informed me that it is my finest work yet. Suguru really tuned in to the sentiments of my lyrics and created a superb musical arrangement. Although it had only been released a couple of days ago, "Look Around" had been quickly climbing the charts. I sighed wearily, "If our latest single does as well as Sakano is predicting, Bad Luck will be plenty busy for a long time."

"I know 'Look Around' will surpass everyone's expectations." Kaemon reassured me. He was trying hard to hide his pain. I felt a familiar twinge of guilt. "The emotional way you sing 'Look Around' really draws the listener into your pain. I doubt that there's anyone who could listen to your song and not be affected by it."

"I know someone who wouldn't give a damn about my emotions." I replied bitterly.

"Try not to think of such unpleasant things." He said as he gently wrapped his arms around me. I cuddled close to him and sighed contentedly. It was so warm and comfortable in Kaemon's arms. Closing my eyes, I drifted off to sleep completely oblivious of the warm tears quietly falling into my hair.