The morning after …this is an important chapter. Just roll with it.
Please read the note at the bottom.
Summary: "Bella, I'll be honest with you. I'm not the marrying kind, and if you're looking for happily ever after you won't find it with me. Now if it's a good time you want—I'm your man."
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended. The plot belongs to the author.
Not the Marrying Kind
Chapter 9
Edward collapsed on top of her, crying out in protest and absolute, utter ecstasy. Words he'd never spoken before almost slipped past his tightly held guard. He pressed his head into the pillow by her shoulder until his mind cleared, and then he rolled off her, his breath ragged and harsh.
He had the insane urge to pull her into his arms, and never let her go again. As soon as the thought fluttered through his brain, it was like someone threw a bucket of ice cold water on him.
He pulled his knee up and scrubbed his hands down his face.
"Why didn't you tell me?" he said at last, his voice flat and noticeably cold, belying the panic just under the surface.
Bella sat up, and the happiness she felt was clouded by guilt, "I tried…"
A bobby pin fell from her hair and landed on her chest. Bella reached up to smooth her knotted hair and pulled the rest of the pins loose, letting her hair cascade down her back. She turned to put the pins on the nightstand next to the empty condom wrapper.
"Does it really matter?" she asked quietly.
He pulled himself up into a sitting position and rested his arms across his knees. "Does it matter?" he repeated furiously. "What the hell, Bella? Of course it matters." He viciously pressed his thumb and finger into his eye sockets.
Bella could feel the anger vibrating through him and suddenly felt very naked. She pulled her pillow around from behind her and hugged it to her middle.
"Why?" she asked quietly.
Edward flung himself off the bed and stalked into the bathroom. He threw away the condom and stood braced with one hand against wall, his jaw clenching rhythmically. He took a deep breath to try and clear the mess in head. Not allowing the scarier, softer emotions a chance, he wrongly embraced the safer anger and pushed out of the bathroom.
Bella was sitting on the edge of the bed, her face in her hands, her shoulders bowed. Edward snatched his pants off the floor between her legs and pulled them on. He stood over her for a moment thinking she was crying and started to reach for her.
"Bella?"
"Why does it matter?" She looked up at him. Her face was drawn, but her eyes were dry.
It mattered a great deal to Edward. He sat down in a chair in the corner with a tremendous sigh.
"It matters because I don't sleep with virgins. I sleep with women who understand that I'm not interested in anything more than the short-term pleasure we both can gain."
Feeling incredulous and more hurt than she ever imagined, Bella let her emotions get the best of her. "Well, that's great. My pleasure as well as yours, obviously, was short-term."
She stood up, and his eyes followed her naked form to the closet where she viciously grabbed a robe off a hanger and pulled it on. She tied the belt around her with a brutal pull. Her cheeks were stained red, but no longer from embarrassment.
"I hope you didn't think I was going to suddenly change and become husband material because I was your first," Edward said, his voice cold. Bella looked at him in shock, her mouth open and eyes wide at his audacity. "I'm honored, Bella, but it doesn't change how I feel. You want love and commitment, and I don't have that to offer," he said harshly.
Bella closed her eyes and turned away, her hands clasping the front of the robe together like she needed to keep her heart from bursting out between the folds. "Are you sure?" she said quietly, hating the words as soon as she heard them. She flung her hand out. "No. Don't answer that. I already know."
His stomach dropped when he realized this was all wrong. The last thing he wanted in the world was to hurt her. The urge to fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness and declare his love was so strong it scared him shitless. He opened his mouth and started to reach for her, but she stopped him.
"No, please. Don't. You told me how you felt the first time we went out." She lowered her voice in a mock representation of his, 'I'm not the marrying kind, and if you're looking for happily ever after you won't find it with me. If you want a good time—I'm your man.' I got it. I got it then, and I get it now. No need to repeat it. I wasn't expecting anything more from you than the good time you offered."
Bella was breathing hard. She ran her hands through her hair and tossed it behind her, throwing her hands in the air. "And seriously! What makes you think I'd even want you for a husband, Edward? That's awfully arrogant of you, isn't it?"
"To be fair, Bella, you turned me down from the start because I didn't want commitment."
"You be fair! I thought this was what you wanted," she gestured to the bed. "and I'm allowed to change my mind, aren't I?"
Edward picked up his shirt and shrugged it on. "Yeah, it was, but did you? Did you change your mind, or did you think if you gave me your sweet little body I'd fall to my knees and tell you I was in love with you?"
The pain of his words almost made Bella buckle. Is that what she'd done? Had she expected declarations and happily ever after?
The knot in her throat tripled, and she could barely get her words out past it. Bella sputtered, "I… I… didn't expect anything of the sort. I made a choice. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I'm sorry I didn't make it clear before, but I'm making it clear now. I expect nothing more from you. Nothing."
Seeing the hurt in her cooled his anger, but it was too late for a do over. He ran his fingers viciously through his hair. He couldn't take back his words. "Bella..."
"My sexual history or lack of one is none of your business. It wasn't then, and it isn't now."
"If I had known I would have at least made it better. I've wanted you for so long and that pathetic showing isn't what I'm used to."
Bella stood up to her full height. She was furious. She grabbed his jacket, shoes, and the rest of his clothes and shoved them into his arms.
"Well, then there's no need for a return engagement. Thank you for the lovely introduction to sex. Now get out."
Bella stepped aside.
Edward realized horrifically that she thought he meant that she wasn't good. "That's not what I meant, Bella. I should have treated you more gently. Taken my time." He set his bundle down on the desk and reached for her. "Let me…"
Bella put up her hands to stop him. The light excitement and then anger had placed in her eyes was gone, replaced by a cold emptiness that made his stomach twist.
"Just go. Please."
"Baby, I'm sorry. That's not what…"
"Just. Go!"
Bella opened the door and held it open, waiting for him to leave.
"We need to talk about this more. We both need to cool down. Please, Bella," he was willing to beg. "I don't want to leave things like this. I want…"
What did he want?
He reached for her again, but she jumped out the way, causing the heavy door to hit her in the shoulder. Edward winced and held the door to keep it from hitting her again. "I want to see you, Bella."
Her fake, cheerful voice cut him like a hot knife.
"Why that's a wonderful idea! Why don't you give me a call sometime?" Despite her sarcasm, Bella was seconds away from completely losing it.
"I will. I will call you." Her face was stone as he backed out of the door watching it close in his face.
Bella's composure lasted only as long as it took for the door to click shut and then she slid down the wall; her legs no longer strong enough to hold her up. Hot, wet tears flowed from her tightly squeezed eyes.
How did it go so wrong?
She should have made it clear she was a virgin, but she was so sick of fighting to keep it. Bella wanted to experience a physical connection with him because she loved him. No, she thought she loved him.
Had she unconsciously hoped a physical relationship would manifest into more? Bella cried even harder when she realized she'd been willing to give up all her hopes and dreams of a real relationship just to be with him.
Realizing the risk she'd taken had backfired, Bella gave into her tears there on the floor until she was numb.
When her tears dried up, she picked herself up and felt the soreness all over her body, between her legs, her nipples, her lips, and stood in the shower until every place he touched had been cleansed. Then she got out and packed her bags, needing nothing more than to get as far away from the scene of her humiliation and Edward as she could get.
Edward stalked down the hallway, barefoot, his shirt unbuttoned and loose, with his clothes in a bundle in his arms. He opened his door and pushed furiously into his room, throwing his clothes on the floor.
"Fuck!" he yelled.
He'd never been so furious in his life. Edward sat on the edge of the bed, clenching both his jaw and fists as he tried to calm the storm in his mind.
The moment he realized Bella was a virgin was singlehandedly the most wonderful and horrific feeling he'd ever felt. But even worse was the urge he had to tell her he loved her—the all-encompassing desire to scream it out so the world could hear.
Never tell a woman you love her.
He heard his mother's words clearly in his head like she was sitting next to him. Edward punched the wall, gaining no reprieve from his anger, only bloody knuckles. He didn't want to feel so affected by her.
Edward went to the mini bar and took all the miniature bottles of alcohol out, needing something to wash away her face, the alternating vision of her with her head thrown back in pleasure and the pain he saw when she shut him out, from his mind. He sat in the dark and each time he had the urge to go to her, he drank another shot until he was drunk enough that he passed out in the chair.
The next morning, Edward woke up feeling as if he'd gone ten rounds with a prizefighter. His neck was stiff, and his head was throbbing. He stumbled into the bathroom and made himself throw up before getting in the shower.
He leaned against the wall, letting the hot water cascade down his back, and cursed himself for handling Bella the way he had. He'd gotten spooked and screwed everything up. Calm and sober he was able to realize that he wanted her now more than he had before and not just sexually. He wanted it all with her. He wanted to take a chance.
Edward heard the voice of his mother again in his mind, but he shook it away. He was man enough to make a decision and stick to it all these years. He could damn well make the decision to commit himself to one woman and be faithful to her forever.
Never, ever use the word forever, Edward. Cullen men don't do forever. Save a woman the heartache that comes with finding out you don't love her anymore. It will be easier for you in the long run to be honest with them and yourself.
Running his hands through his hair, Edward gave in to his need to go to Bella. He never should have left her. She deserved an apology, and the awareness that he fucked this whole thing up so royally was crushing his lungs. He stood outside of her door and couldn't breathe.
He leaned his hand against the wall and tapped on the door lightly with his knuckles. Edward waited and then knocked again louder.
"Bella, let me in. I need to talk to you." He knocked again, but she didn't answer. "Answer the door, Bella," he said a little louder.
Frustrated that she wouldn't answer the door, he pulled out his phone and called her, hoping she'd at least answer the phone, but it just rang and rang until he got her voicemail. Edward hung up without leaving a message and knocked again, his frustration and anxiety growing by the minute.
The door across the hall opened and a housekeeper hooked her vacuum back up on her cart and grabbed her clipboard.
"Excuse me, sir, but those guests have checked out."
Edward turned to look at the lady and refused to believe Bella had left. He put his hand out for the clipboard, and it was right there on the list of rooms to be cleaned. He made a fist and cringed, the pain keeping him from punching another wall.
He stalked away from the woman without a word, cursing his stupidity again.
The highway was mostly empty except for a few trucks making an overnight haul. Bella felt so alone driving home. Her tears had long ago dried up, but she couldn't seem to muster the anger she wanted to feel.
It was her fault things ended the way they did. She should have foreseen he would be angry, but she had somehow convinced herself it wouldn't matter. She should have been upfront and honest with Edward the whole time.
She should have been honest with herself.
Having sex with Edward had been amazing. Well, before the actual sex was awesome. Rosalie had warned her it might hurt, but she wasn't prepared for how much, and she'd ruined the moment.
Edward had made her feel things she had never felt before, not just the passion and physical excitement, but an all-encompassing feeling of being loved and cherished.
She neared the exit for the city, and Emmett and Rosalie's apartment, and made a quick decision go the additional distance to Hunt's Point. It was one o'clock in the morning, and the inevitable clouds were starting to cover up the rarely seen stars. Bella figured it would soon start raining. The perfect ending to her night, but the rain held off until right before she entered the code for the gate and pulled around the big house into her little driveway.
It felt so comforting to be in her own house. Bella stripped off her clothes and put on a pajama shirt then slipped between the cool sheets, falling asleep almost instantly.
The first ping on her phone came at eight o'clock; it was from Garrett asking how it was. Typical Garrett to ask for such private information over text message. She texted him that she'd call him later.
The second was from Rosalie telling her that she and Emmett were taking off shortly for their first flight to Paris via New York. Bella felt bad that she hadn't been there to see them off, but it seemed that Rosalie was fine with it. Bella sent back a text telling her to have a good flight and that she loved her.
Tears choked her throat as she realized her sister was gone for six weeks. She could have really used some of Rosalie's no nonsense advice. Then she realized that Edward was Rosalie's brother now and bringing this to her attention would only cause a riff between them. Bella refused to put her sister in that position.
As soon as she set her phone down, it rang. Edward. Bella stared at the phone but couldn't bring herself to answer it. Her heart was pounding when she set it down and buried her head under her pillow. She put her phone on silent and went back to sleep.
It was noon before she made herself get out of bed. Bella figured her mother would be showing up soon. She needed to pull herself together to avoid getting the first degree. Talking to Renee about this was something Bella couldn't do.
Getting dressed and drinking a cup of coffee helped pull her out of her head, and she decided to throw herself into work to get her mind off of Edward until she could figure out how to deal with it.
The big house was hot when she walked in to check to see what had been accomplished since she was last there on Thursday. The clouds hung heavy, but it wasn't raining at the moment, so Bella threw open the patio doors to circulate some air. The scent of paint hung heavily on the first floor.
Bella climbed the stairs, admiring the new banister that had been installed. The wooden rail was covered in paper to protect it, but the black iron spindles changed the look of the house so much. It gave it the more comfortable, modern look that Emmett and Rosalie favored.
The master bathroom was starting to take shape. They had taken the sixth bedroom and were making it into a larger bathroom with another closet. The wall that would separate the shower from the rest of the bathroom was up. Bella walked behind it and couldn't wait to see it finished. She loved the design and was excited to see how it looked when they added the tile she'd helped Rosalie choose.
The plumbing was in, and Bella could imagine how great it would be to stand under the waterfall heads that would be installed. She was imagining how it would all look and double-checking the plan on her iPad when her phone vibrated in her pocket. She pulled it out: Edward.
Bella sighed, knowing she should answer it, but hit ignore. She just didn't know what to say to him. Her emotions were too raw, and as it was, the guilt was eating at her.
She walked out of the bathroom and saw that she had a voicemail, but couldn't even bring herself to listen to it. After seeing that the house was shaping up, Bella decided to go to the studio and sketch some things.
Checking her email, before she started sketching, Bella found an email from the foreman requesting a meeting on Monday morning regarding the start of construction of the studio offices, which was perfect. She returned the email, pulled out her sketchpad, and allowed the visions in her head to flow onto the paper.
Her phone pinged again, and she picked it up to read the text message from Edward.
*Please answer the phone. I need to talk to you-E
Taking a deep breath, Bella set the phone down and buried her face in her hands. Bella picked the phone up, but she couldn't bring herself to press the call button.
*I'm sorry. I can't. I don't know what to say to you-B
She'd barely set the phone down when it pinged again.
*Where are you?-E
The thought of seeing him in person was worse than talking to him.
*It may seem immature and selfish, but I can't deal with this right now. I'm so sorry. Please accept my apology.
Edward slammed down his phone. Why did she have to take the blame? He was the one in the wrong; he was the one who should have handled it differently. He had spent the morning reevaluating their past interactions and now understood why she reacted to him the way she had. He felt like the biggest cad for not realizing how inexperienced she was. He never would have expected her to still be a virgin at twenty-two. Who would have? Especially knowing she'd been in a relationship before.
His feelings were still all over the map, but the thing he regretted most was the way he had handled things at the end. There was no reason for him to react the way he did—to say the things he did, but the shock of it all was still weighing heavily on him. He needed to talk to Bella to figure out where she was emotionally. The thought of her being alone and hurting because of his actions was killing him.
Edward had slipped away from the hotel without talking to anyone. He'd received a message from Emmett, but fortunately he'd given no indication that he knew what had happened between him and Bella.
Having to have a discussion with his brother about what happened would have been too much. Edward picked up his phone again.
*I need to see you. Where are you?-E
Bella closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her heart breaking as she typed each word.
*I think we need to take a break-B
Edward typed back immediately.
*I'm calling you. Answer.
The phone rang, and Bella picked it up not knowing what she was going to say.
"I need to see you, Bella." Edward's voice sounded strained.
Bella sighed. "I can't. I can't change what happened, and I don't know how to make things better."
"Just let me see you. I'll come to you."
"And what Edward? What can we say to each other that we haven't already said?"
Edward ran his hands through his hair. No one had ever frustrated him more than Bella did.
"I handled this all wrong, Bella. I never wanted to hurt you."
Bella blew out a breath. "I'm not hurt. This thing between us has always been too much for me to deal with and that hasn't changed. I thought I was sophisticated enough to handle my choice—to handle whatever our relationship became, but I think I was wrong. I have no clue how to deal with what I'm feeling right now.
"Please, please know that I never meant to put you in a bad situation. I never imagined you'd be so upset, and I never expected a relationship from you. I don't expect anything from you."
If anything, her words made Edward feel even more like shit, but before he could respond Bella continued, "Edward, I just heard a car pull up. It's probably my mom. I need to let you go."
"I want to see you, Bella."
She paused and then responded quietly, "Call me in a couple days."
"I will."
"Okay. I'll talk to you then."
Edward hung up the phone after Bella did and was left alone with his thoughts. The urge to ignore her plea and go to her was so hard to resist. He rolled his head on his shoulders to ease the tense muscles in his neck and decided to go to the gym to work the tension out before he made things worse with her.
It was there as he worked out the stress he was feeling that he realized what bothered him the most was that he missed her. Not even twenty-four hours out of her company and he missed her.
Edward slammed the weight down on the stand and scowled into the mirror.
xoxoxo- Don't kill me?
And don't get mad at Edward. Remember this line:
The moment he realized Bella was a virgin was singlehandedly the most wonderful and horrific feeling he'd ever felt. But even worse was the urge he had to tell her he loved her—the all-encompassing desire to scream it out so the world could hear.
He's scared and soon you will know more about why he feels the way he does.
Some of you may say that Bella shouldn't forgive him, and I, personally, would tell her to tell him to Fuck off, but that wouldn't make for a very good story.
Just take my advice and keep your hand and legs inside the moving vehicle and enjoy the ride!
Now for the really important part—THANK YOU so much for all the reviews, favorites, and follows! I got over 100 reviews for the last chapter. I was blown away! Thanks for the recommendations to your friends and The Lemonade Stand for featuring this story.
And thanks for playing with me on Facebook. I like it there. We have pretty pictures of Rob! Find me if you want- Bestscentever Writes
And last but not least THANKS to Jessypt for making this sparkle. XOXO
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