When Jess woke up she found herself lying on her bed. She slowly got up and looked over at the clock that was sitting on her nightstand.
'10:00 pm'
She swung her legs over her comfy bed and realized she was still in her pants and long sleeve. Not bothering to close the curtains to her window, she shimmied her way out of her pants and took off her shirt, With nothing but her seamless black boy shorts and her favourite black bra she sat at the edge of her bed and looked toward the mirror that face her bed. Closing her eyes for a moment, she pulled her hairband out and let her long black hair cascade down her back. Her choppy bangs were a little messed up so she she got up and walked toward her large vanity mirror and grabbed a brush.
'Man, I'm so hungry right now'
Quickly brushing her hair, she set the brush down and unsnapped her bra. She threw it behind her, not bothering to see where it landed. Suddenly, she heard a loud crash outside of her window following with several dogs barking. When she went over to her window, she peered out and looked around outside, trying to find out what caused that noise. All she could see was the dark outline of the large oak tree that covered most of her window. Shrugging it off, she went over to her dresser and put on a simple black tank top. Taking one last look at herself in the mirror, she walked out of her room.
Trotting down the hallway and making her way down the spiralling stairs, she made her way to another long hallway and entered the kitchen. Everything was perfectly quiet, and the rain was pouring down hard against the wide glass windows. she found the remote to the stereo and pressed play. While she was cooking pasta, she put the song How Can you Swallow So Much Sleep by The Bombay Bicycle Club.
As the music played she strained the pot of noodles and let the warm heat of fog up her black framed glasses. she got out a plate and a big jar of tomato sauce. With the rain pouring outside and the air getting thick with warmth, she felt a bit sleepy and her body felt relaxed, making her movements calmer.
Just as she finished making her meal, she turned around only to find a blurry figure standing there.
"Hey"
Jess screamed as she threw her plate at the figure. With the fog still covering her glasses she couldn't see a thing. Almost instantly the thing dodged the plate that crashed somewhere in the background.
"Woah! Hey stop!" it yelled out.
She frantically grabbed for something close to her and threw it.
"Jess-would you-AHHH!"
She grabbed another object.
"Wowyouhaveaverystrongarm-AHHH, STOP!"
Suddenly, the figure was standing right in front of her, grabbing the hand that had a wooden spoon.
Frightened to the core and still blind she tried to wrench her hand from the strong grip that was holding her.
"Jess, it's me!" a deep familiar voice said.
She stopped struggling and looked up, trying to squint through the fog that was slowly fading away.
"W-Wade?" she stuttered out.
"Yup" he chirped. Still smiling, his voice got a little calmer. "You know it's not a very good idea to play housewife in the kitchen while you're completely blind." She watched as his eyes traveled around her body. "But I do like the lack of clothes you chose not to wear. You gonna stay like this for the rest of the night?" he purred. "Kidding!" he chuckled while coughing something that sounded like "sort of"
Trying to collect herself and not faint, she gently pushed herself away from him and swerved around him, immediately going to pick up her black sweatpants that were on a chair and quickly put them on. Next she started cleaning up the mess that she made.
"Aw, c'mon Jess, what's the matter?" he pouted.
"N-Nothing. It's just- not to sound rude or anything, but why are you here?"
Wade grabbed the chair that was in front of the drawers and sat on it backwards, his arms resting on the top of supporting back. "Umm, because you agreed to let me stay?"
"When did I agree to that?" she asked while she took out her broom and started sweeping the shattered pieces on the ground.
"Like, a few chapters ago...chapter 8 to be precise"
"Wait, what?"
"Nothing." He smirked from under his mask.
"Seriously, stop joking around. I can't remember when I ever said yes to this" she continued, her eyes still glued onto whatever could avoid facing his intimidating but playful stare.
"You really don't remember? It was when Willow was driving us here"
With her eyebrows furrowed, she scrunched her eyes tight and lightly tapped the tip of the broomstick against her head, trying her hardest to remember. Then something clicked in her head that made her remember those last few words Willow said.
"Ohhhh, riight!" she said quietly. "But what bad timing Willow has. Didn't she realize that I was already half asleep?" she said to herself. Wade didn't say anything. Instead, he watched as she silently placed the dustpan between her feet and swept the rest of the broken pieces into it. Next, she picked up the dustpan and with quiet taping of her small feet, she walked past him and dropped the pieces into the garbage. He didn't bother to turn around and steal another glance at her voluptuous round behind. Rather than turn, he couldn't help but be forced to smell that icky disgustingly sweet scent that he liked.
She smells good. Not overly sweet like that fake cotton candy shit most girls wear but-
(sort of like a warm woodsy smell?)
I would say cilantro
(mmm, cilantro)
Smells almost as good as gunpowder or blood and guts.
Already making up her mind to swallow her fear and just act normal, she walked around him and stopped at the doorway.
"Well, since you're going to be staying here, allow me to show you my humble crib" she said with charm. Wade grinned and followed her out of the kitchen. Though he was half listening to her prattle on about where the bathrooms, spare rooms, and any other rooms he didn't care about, he noticed that she was blushing a bright red whenever he got close to her.
She totally wants me
(Tots. The blushing, the bedroom eyes! You think she's the type to let us motorboat her on the first date?)
[Maybe. You know the old saying: it's usually the shy types that are wild cats in bed]
(Humnahumnahumna!)
Okay, just play it cool. You're Deadpool for fuck's sakes, the merc with the mouth, the gangster of love, the guy that'll be on GQ's cover (someday), the prince of crimes-
...no wait, that's Joker's nickname.
(Shut up and pay attention!)
You shut up, you don't own me!...or do you?
(Just say something cool!)
"How tall are you?" he suddenly asked.
(Woooow. After taking a week off to memorize the top 10 best pickup lines! If there was a shame meter for this story right now, it would be full)
I'm pretty sure I deserve the cone of shame right now
"Umm, I think I'm about 5'5 " she said. They were walking down the hallway on the 2nd floor. "Why? How tall are you?"
"6'2 "
"Wow" she said, her voice naturally dripping in a soft sing song voice.
"Heh, do I look taller than that?" he suddenly stood a little taller, a proud smile appearing on his face.
"You look...6'4? Or maybe 5? Something like that" she said softly.
Silence fell. For some reason, Deadpool didn't say anything more. No smart flirty remarks, no jokes, no nothing. Her quiet demeanor calmed him, and the voices in his head seemed to disappear (well at least a little). He didn't even realize that he was following her into the living room.
"Sooo if you don't mind, I'm going to stay up for another hour or so. You can join me if you want but if you wanna hit the hay a little early, you can pick any of the spare rooms I have. If you get hungry you're more than welcome to rummage through my fridge. Annd, yeah," she smiled. "Just make yourself at home."
Whaaa? She's just gonna leave us hangin' like this?
Jess hopped over the big couch and started crawling on the ground to get her movies that were stashed in a big drawer under her TV. Going through her movies, she tried to find one that caught her eye.
(This is going nowhere. You better think of something fast before we have to pull out plan S.B.S)
"S.B.S?"
(Surprise Butt Sex)
[You do realize that if you try to force sex on her you probably won't be getting your payment not to mention she'll sue you for rape. Remember you're still on the job. You can't mix business with pleasure]
Where the hell have you been?
[The author forget that I was still here]
So I can't even suck face with her. I mean you do have to accept the fact that she wants this. I mean it's only natural for-
(Just shut up and join her...maybe if she initiates it first, we won't get the blame for it. I mean it isn't really our fault)
Not knowing what else to do, Wade walked over to the couch and looked over.
"What the hell?"
(...Did she fall asleep while she was in the middle of doing something?)
"I think so" he said.
Sighing, Wade walked around the couch and took a closer look at her.
"Yup. She's knocked the fuck out. For someone so tiny you would think she would have as much energy as a kid." Wrapping one arm under her head and the other under her legs, he easily lifted her up and turned around to face the couch. Without thinking, he walked over to the couch and seated himself with her still in his arms. With a little adjustment, he was comfortable and he placed her head under his arm and rested it over the armchair.
His pain, his thoughts his life as a mercenary, his cancer, his inability to be normal, his inability to die; Oddly enough, in the silence that surrounded them he didn't think of those things. He decided to busy himself with watching the girl sleep.
"You know, in most famous scenes like this, I would consider waking her up...but you know what? Fuck it, we'll just skip past that"
(You should probably skip the quote you're going to repeat that was in issue #2)
Yeah. Don't think it's very polite to be thinkin bout Siryn when I have this little lady in my hands.
[What the hell are you guys talking about? That quote wouldn't even fit into this story. She isn't part of the X-geek team and she doesn't have any super powers. God, you guys are so stupid]
Very gently, his hand uncurled itself from under the back of her leg and traced along the top of her thigh. Then across to the hip that wasn't pressed against him.
His hand lightly cupped her hip and proceeded to move to her-
[Freeze!]
"Ugh, god, what?"
[No free squeezes]
(C'mon, she's a heavy sleeper. What she doesn't know won't hurt her! Unless the squeeze is a little too hard)
"She's not wearing a bra"
[Exactly so she'll definitely feel it. Now drop that hand, and step away from the tits]
(...You're such a buzzkill)
[Hey I'm the one who has to keep you in check. I'm the semi logical side of you]
He closed his hand into a fist except his index finger and the middle. Like two mini hand legs, he tiptoed up to her breasts and climbed on top of one breast.
"Boing, boing, boing!" he said as his hand started jumping on it.
(Hahahaha!)
[Hey, stop! She'll wake up]
"Woopsie" he said as the leg fingers turned into an open palm that formed around her right breast. He gave one light squeeze.
Mother of god, that's frickin soft.
(Squishy! Soft! Like a marshmallow!)
"No way man, it's like softer than that. It's like-"
He squeezed again.
"-Like cotton candy."
Without saying anything else, his hands quickly went up to her face. She had brown skin and full brown lips. Her bangs that usually covered her forehead were now clipped back and her very long straight black hair went down past her breasts and ended at her stomach. Her eyelashes fluttered every once in a while. He gently took off her glasses that were beginning to slide down her nose and slipped into the pocket on her right breast. Pulling off his mask and taking off his glove with his teeth, his bare hand cupped her cheek, feeling the soft flesh and rubbing his thumb over her cheekbone.
Wade yawned and his hand slowly went down to her neck. Under his rough, deteriorated skin, her neck was deliciously smooth and soft. With every touch, stroke and soothing brush, he began to nod off.
[Hey don't fall asleep!]
(Gotta agree with him on this one. If she wakes up in your arms and sees you without your mask on you'll be in so much shit)
"S'her fault. She's the one that fell asleep..." He yawned as he lazily pulled on his mask about half way down. "There. Now both of you shut up and take a few zz's"
[Fine. But keep your snoring down. God, sometimes you sound like you're snorking up snot and choking on it]
"Probably am"
(Okay, okay. Just shut up and sleep)
After a long silence of nothing, Wade rested his head back and closed his eyes. Each breath he took became calm and slow.
(...Love you guys)
[Sh]
