Koutai: Hi all…this chapter represents my day me being Nick and my dad being the father. Needless to say, my day sucked.
I HAVE NEVER, DO NOT AND WILL NEVER OWN JONAS OR THE SONGS!!!!
No words were said as he continued to hit me. I wanted to fight back, to stop his blows and to put him through the exact amount of pain he forced onto me, but I know I couldn't. I may be faster, but he was too strong and too experienced. I would never be able to land one hit or to take more than three steps before he stopped me. I managed to ignore the pain from most of the blows but then he shoved me roughly against the wall and grabbed my neck, squeezing tightly.
I broke, showing fear and tears as I desperately tried to take a breath, but found I could not. Lightheadedness came quickly as my lungs started screaming for air, but none came. I starred into the hateful eyes of my jailer and I saw his laughter, his joy, his cruelty. He loved this. But would he go all the way?
The edge of my vision started going black and I my hands around his wrists involuntary relaxed. He held on for a second longer and just before everything faded, he let me go and I crashed to the floor, taking deep inhales and coughing, unable to stop. Why was I fighting for this breath?What was I fighting to live for?
NICK'S POV
The dark ceiling swirled in the shadows that accurately mimicked my heart. My cold as ice hand was soothing my throbbing neck, but that did nothing to help the internal pain he put me through. Thoroughly he has broken me and left me locked in my room, alone; to pick up the millions of pieces he left me in. To him, my heart was like a puzzle he would never attempt to put together. Instead, he made it a point to disfigure the picture upon it, until who I am was lost in his hold.
I sat up and looked out the large window to my right, wishing I could just open it and leave without setting off the security system, and in turn, without suffering the pain I knew was to come. I saw three shadow shrouded figures of girls run up to my door, giggle, and place what looked like a teddy bear on my door step. But I knew this was as close as I would ever get to the bear and to those fans. I watched them run off and I wished I was among them, running home to a life I actually liked and wanted to live. But no, I was more captured and helpless than a fish caught in a net or a prisoner in jail. I was a flightless bird, forever rounded in the endless fire of Hell on earth.
KEVIN'S POV-minutes previously.
"So Demi, what do you think of Nick?" I asked her as we walked her over to her limo, unaware of the chaos that was going on inside.
She shrugged. "He is cute and all, but I can't see us getting any closer." She looked back to the door. "He seems…I don't know, odd. Closed off and yet…"
Joe nodded. "We know."
"Didn't you have a brother named Nick?" She suddenly asked and Joe and I nodded.
"Yeah we did. But he is not him." I told her and she nodded but Joe did not meet my gaze, something lurked in his face and his eyes darkened.
We said our goodbyes and left and had a normal evening. We were about to go to bed when I heard Joe whisper "He could be."
I did not need to ask what he meant and as he turned off the lights, I was unable to turn off my mind. Nick Grey….Nick Lucas….was it possible? Could he really be our brother? The Nick I remembered was kind and quiet, always finding an excuse to sing and he looked up to us. At the time I found that annoying but now I wanted it more than anything. He never said any bad words and was always there to help, whether it involved him or not.
Nick Grey was different but the same. He, of course, looked different than seven year old Nick, but he also kind of looked like Joe. He was mean and short tempered, but that could have came with the years of living with his father and not because he was born that way. Music was his life and he was quiet and alone. He did help that little girl, according to Joe, but mostly he did not care. He could be…but it was unlikely….
NICK'S POV
"I won't." I told my 'father' evenly and I watched him turn red from anger and his eyes grow wide with unjust furry, which of course is something I am quite used to.
"You will do as I say!" He yelled at me.
Fat chance. "No, I am not comfortable with that."
"I don't F-ing care if you are comfortable with it, you will do it!" He screamed and I sighed, knowing where this would end up but I still fought for what I knew I couldn't do.
"No, I won't. Now I have to go to school so if you'll excuse me…"
But I never took a step. His hand grabbed the back of my neck and yanked on my hair, bringing tears to my eyes, but I did not cry out, I would never let him see the pain he knew he was causing me.
"You will."
I shook my head in his grip. "I won't use her like that. She is a person and not a toy."
I threw off his grip but he grabbed my ankle and yanked up, causing me to lose balance and fell onto my head. "And you are my slave, not a free boy."
I was free enough to feel, to hate, to kill.
JOE'S POV
We walked in school and found Macy running up to us, out of breath, which meant she was running a lot before.
"Guys…Just got back…from track meet…saw Nick…bruises around…neck." She panted and anger flared in my heart. That…evil man! I was unable to find the right words so I stuck with the most vague and simplest ones.
"Where is he?" I asked Macy, unable to keep the anger and urgency from my voice and she pointed to the stairs and I saw him sitting and talking to the girl that flirted with him before. I watched her stand up and walk away, head held high and Nick rolled his eyes and stood.
I ran over to him and stopped, sliding in front of his uncaring gaze and my eyes instantly found the top of his discolored skin around his neck and I winced, holding back multiple insults. He avoided my gaze and started walking passed me but I grabbed his arm and instantly let go as he froze from the sudden contact and I cursed myself for forgetting.
"Nick…did…"
"No. Leave me alone." He said coldly and walked away without another glance and I winced from his harsh tone and Kevin walked by my side.
"Let him go Joe. He won't let you help, he doesn't want it." He told me but I was stubborn.
"In five days he leaves for six months to tour the world. In five days I will let him go." I vowed and Kevin sighed and nodded.
"Just…don't get your hopes up Joe."
Why would Kevin say that? Did he hear me last night? Oh I hope not. That was wishful thinking with no logic, only gut. But maybe there was logic backing my thoughts. In some ways, Nick Grey did remind me of my little lost brother. He loved music just as much and he did have that soft and quiet side I've only seen once when he helped Amanda. He looked older…obviously, but he was the right age, the same name and if I could recall more than maybe I would have enough evidence.
"I won't Kevin. I promise." My hopes were too high to go any higher.
NICK'S POV
It was my choice to wear this shirt that showed my bruise, so I would deal with it and take it like I did with everything else in my life. But if my plans went well, this would be my last day on this earth and I wasn't going to live it in fear. I was going to live it like my last day should be lived, without a care, without a fear, like I've always wanted to live.
Did I feel bad about talking like that to Joe? No. To Lacy who kept trying to flirt with me? Nope. She deserves more than the mess that was Nick…Jonas. No longer would I be forced to carry the name of my hated adopter and now longer would I call that ass hole my father. I am questioning myself why I called him that for so long, even in my thoughts.
I walked into class a minute before the bell, nodded to Ms. Morrison and sat back in my seat, looking to the ceiling, thinking of what bastards face would look like when he found my body, not a single drop of blood spilt, and yet, I would be dead. I smirked at his face and at the scene. I wanted it, more than anything. Dying was the only way to escape for eternity.
"Nick, not cool." Joe told me and I smirked.
"Suck it." I told him, not wanting to be nice on my last day. This was who I partly was and right now, it was better if Joe hated me instead of losing precious thoughts over me, as I would be gone by tomorrow anyway. In fact, I never wanted him as a friends; I never really wanted a friend in the first place. Joe will be so better off without me, this much I know for sure.
He tensed and turned away from me and Kevin turned to glare and the bell rang so he couldn't say anything and Ms. Morrison took role and let us talk and read the play. I pulled out my notebook, having read the play three times, and started writing, but this time, it wasn't a song, but a note. A note only one would read and that would be clutched in my cold and unmoving hand when my body was finally found.
"Dude, what is your problem?" Kevin angrily asked me in a low voice and I did not meet his gaze and I continued writing.
"I have none. You do." I told him as I wrote my first sentence down, feeling happy that this was actually going to happen after school today, while my father was out meeting with Demi's manager.
"Look, I know for a fact you have the most problems out of anyone in this school so shut up about Joe and me!" He told me, his voice a cold whisper and I just shrugged, not really caring how much anger I caused.
After that, I completely ignored everything around me, like the glares from the two brothers in front of me and the squeals of my loyal fans. Only they would be truly hurt by what I was going to do, but they would find some one else to idolize, a better role model than me.
After class and around lunch, Joe and Kevin approached me again and I rolled my eyes. How many times did I have to shoot them down before they got the message they weren't wanted?
"We need to talk." Joe started and I turned to look at him, my gaze light and uncaring.
"What, no hello?" I asked, my voice joking and Joe's eyes narrowed.
"What is wrong with you today?" He asked me and I shrugged and added a smirk.
"Nothing is wrong with me." I implied and Joe turned beat red from anger and Kevin took over. This was too easy.
"Listen, we are trying to help you!" He told me, poking my shoulder roughly.
I pushed away his finger, ignoring the discomfort the contact o human skin still brought me. "I don't want your help. I am perfectly fine on my own. Now get out of my face." I ordered him, very coldly and I glared at him, holding nothing back and they both flinched a bit and opened their mouths but I never gave them the chance to speak. "Oh just go and do something else, like each other."
They both got so angry and shocked that they did not notice me walking away, laughing lightly, but feeling guilty at the same time. But whatever, in four hours I would have no care, no pain, and no heartbeat.
…………..
School passed quickly and as I was walking home, my cell buzzed and I pulled it out.
"Hello?" I asked.
"Hey Nick, its Diane."
"Oh, hey Diane, what's up?"
She sounded stressed but happy, so I was happy for her. "Oh, I wanted to thank you for everything, helping Amanda and me. Thanks to you, he is in jail for life and I am free and Amanda is finally happy. Thank you."
I stopped the tears that I felt from her words. "Your welcome. Listen, I have to go, my father is calling me. Talk to you later, ok?"
"Ok, call me when you get the chance. We have to meet somewhere."
"Ok, I will," I lied to her and hung up after saying a quick goodbye. I ran home and went up to my room, and sat on my bed, my mind spitting out song lyrics and in five minutes, I had a new song written down and I wrote above it; dedicated to Amanda and Diane. The song was called Stay.
They were better off without me…so better off. This world doesn't need me and I don't need to live. I pulled out my book bag and ripped out my suicide note and folded it carefully before clutching it in my right hand. I wanted this…I needed this…but why was this so hard?
I took the lethal poison I found in the father's locked medicine cabinet and I remembered picking the lock and feeling the fear when I picked it up and my name was on the bottle and I found out then, when I was thirteen years old, that he wanted me dead. I picked up the small bottle and ignored the tears that started to flow and I was too caught up in what I was about to do to notice them and to hear the soft knock on my door.
I took out a needle and filled the vial attached with a little more than necessary, making sure this would do the job and fear mounted in my heart, causing my hand to shake and thoughts of why I was doing this to run through my brain.
I looked over to my vibrating phone and found a text from Joe…How did he get my number? But I did not bother to read it because it would delay my task at hand and each second lost was another second of suffering added. I took a deep breath and readied the needle, knowing exactly how to give myself a shot, thanks to my insulin shots.
I closed my eyes and pricked my arm, feeling the deadening burning and I heard my door open and a woman screamed, but it was too late.
Koutai: It's been awhile since I've written a good cliffhanger. I missed it. Until Next Update!
