Title: A Darker Shade of Love
Author: Jordan Herbert

Rating: M throughout the entire fic.
Genre: Angst/Slash/Drama
Pairing: Sladin in the beginning with RobinRed X in future chapters
Chapter Summary: Robin's path to recovery.

Author's Note: This is pretty much all of season two and then up to season three's episode 'Haunted.' I had to revisit a lot of the episodes to write this chapter but I wanted this to be done so I could say; MERRY CHRISTMAS, WYNJA! This chapter is dedicated to her for the wonderful picture she drew me on DA for this fic. Go to deviantart and look up Wynjas. All of her art is wonderful and often motivates me to write!


Recovering Day by Day

It all seemed like a dream; just too good to be true. He couldn't believe it, but it was true. He was home again. Robin slowly walked around his room and smiled at the familiar space as he gently ran his hand over his desk. He had missed the cozy feeling of his bedroom. It felt so nice to be in a place that he could call his own.

Robin smiled and took a deep breath, inhaling only his own smell. He was in his room; his.

He sat down at his desk and opened his laptop, turning it on after a full week of being trapped inside Slade's littler world. Seven days of hell; Robin felt like he had aged seven years just by putting up with everything Slade put him through.

As he waited for his computer to boot up, Robin looked at the open file that was on his desk. He frowned as he saw Slade's name written on top and one question written below it. Who is Slade?

Robin frowned and quickly closed the file. He forgot about his computer and went to his designated work room. The wall jumped at him with the articles and clippings all on Slade. Half of Slade's mask stared blankly at him from where Robin had hung it. He decided that he would rarely be in that room again.

He couldn't remove the collection or else his friends would all know that something had definitely gone wrong during the past week. Besides, Slade was gone, at least, for now. But he was truly gone from Robin's life.

Robin dropped off the file and left the room. Being in there meant being closer to that addiction that Slade had been for him at first, that mystery that had been Slade and drew him close to the man.

He knew who Slade was now, actually he knew what Slade was; a monster. He wasn't interested in figuring the mastermind out anymore, he only wanted to figure out how to get him in jail and was resolute in doing so.


A month came and past as months often do; four weeks, seven days a week, Tuesday after Monday and so on. Robin had spent as much time with his friends as he could. He watched movies with them, played video games, went to the mall, ate pizza, and fought villains. All villains, except for Slade, that is.

All of his friends treaded lightly on the subject of what had happened to him during his experience as an apprentice, even though he knew they were beyond curious. They asked if Slade had hurt him, if the training sessions were brutal, if Slade had allowed him food and a bed, things like that. He had told them what they needed to know and Cyborg had run tests on him to make sure he was okay. Luckily, none of those tests involved a rape-kit and none of the questions that they asked suggested any of that.

He figured that his friends never thought that would actually happen to him. He was a hero; rape didn't happen to heroes. Oh, how they were wrong to believe such a thing. But it wasn't like Robin was going to correct them.

Robin never focused on the bad anymore even though it meant that he had to cut out his old habits of being fully intent on his work, essentially a part of who he is, and he took sleeping pills at night to stop nightmares despite all of the warnings he received as a sidekick from his mentor to never rely on pills. But Robin didn't mind; he had to adjust to what had happened to him.

He accepted the support from his friends as he could, even though they weren't even aware that they were helping him heal since none of them knew he needed to be healed.

When Starfire would place a hand on his shoulder and smile at him, he hid his initial flinch and smiled back, slowly getting use to touches that weren't sexual and hurtful. He had even hugged her after she had returned with the Clock of Eternity that Warp had tried to steal. It was nice to feel her slender arms and squishy chest pressed against him; it was so different from Slade.

When he was on the couch in between Cyborg and Beast Boy while they played video games, he focused on not feeling trapped between them and ignored how their legs sometimes bumped into his own or their thighs rested against his. He only cracked jokes with them and kept pushing Cyborg's controller in a chance to help Beast Boy actually win for once.

When Raven would look at him with a sadder expression than normal on her pale face, he would turn around and avoid her for the next few hours. He had re-read over the files he had on his friends and he knew that Raven had an empathic power and would be the best one to talk to about what had happened. But he wasn't ready to talk about it; there wasn't any reason to relive it by talking.

He just didn't want to think about it anymore. In fact, Robin didn't even like thinking about any of the other villains either due to the way his thoughts drifted. All of his thoughts kept leading him to only one place. More specifically, one person.

Each robbery made him wonder if Slade was behind the gang of idiots. Did Slade manipulate them into stealing for him as he slowly rebuilt his lair? Every time Cinderblock reappeared for a random rampage, was Slade trying to get his attention again? A forest fire by the outskirts of the city made him remember the first battle he ever had with the villain.

His mind was driving him crazy. And it seemed to show by the way all of his friends, not just Raven, started looking at him worriedly. Each of them tried to approach him and subtly, or not-so-subtly in Beast Boy's case, try to get him to talk about his problems.

Really, he just wanted to be left alone. But that was what led to Slade tricking him in the first place. He couldn't stand the thought that history could repeat itself and Slade would once again be back trying to coax the lonely little Robin bird away from his team with lies once more.

Robin knew he was having a lot of problems. Especially when he started to feel a hatred for his own name. For Robin. Slade always called him Robin and it disgusted him that the man tainted that. The nickname that his mother used for him, the title of a superhero that he had created it into; it was a verbal expression of his parents' affection, of Batman's pride in him. Slade had truly ruined everything for him.

That was when Robin decided he couldn't keep on going the way he had been. Robin decided that he was going to finally get over Slade. He wasn't going to let Slade ruin everything for him.

Determined, Robin suddenly stood from the couch in the main room, causing a few eyes to turn to him as he dramatically stormed out of the room and straight into the file room. He sat down at the old computer attached there and pulled up the electronical files. Batman had taught him to always have two different copies of the same file. He had hard forms written on paper and electronical ones.

But for the report he was about to write, he knew he would only be able to write it once. Robin took a deep breath and began to type out his experience.


Days later, Robin felt like the same old person he use to be. He was back to his good old self. He pummeled Mumbo on his own, took back to patrolling the city, and was back to cataloging almost everything. Well, he was truly back to normal. Robin had learned from his past mistakes so he made sure that when he became too involved in his work he took a break and watched a movie with his friends.

Everything seemed wonderful again, even his name.

Then came the day that a giant scorpion in the outskirts of Jump City was reported to be seen; Cyborg's radar picked it out in the desert. Things changed a little bit after that. But not technically for the worst.

Not until Slade showed up again or, at least, signs of Slade.

The moment he started to beep he felt his heart-rate speed up in a very bad way. He hoped that Slade wouldn't be in the area where they located him. And even more so, he hoped that Slade wouldn't try to talk to him. It was still too soon to see Slade. He was still too hurt to be angry enough to take him down.

Then he figured out that Slade staged the entire burglary to meet up with Terra. She told them that they merely fought, that was all. Robin knew she was lying but instead of calling her out on it, he mentioned her lack of control on her powers. With metahumans, their powers were always a delicate subject.

Robin pretended to feel guilty for driving Terra away. He honestly did feel a little bad for Beast Boy; he knew that his friend had liked her. But in reality, he was glad she was gone. She obviously brought Slade's attention since Slade had signaled her out. If Slade wanted her then Robin wanted her far away from himself.

They didn't see Terra for a while then. They did have other villains to take care of and Robin's mind drifted away from Slade's sudden appearance for a while. Until his date with Killer Moth's daughter, Kitten.

He kept imagining that Slade was going to appear and kill the blonde. It was actually a pretty nice thought. Until he realized that Slade would then probably grab him and run off. Robin didn't really like that thought.

He also didn't like that the same day Terra came back, so did Slade. Her very first question, "Which team am I on?" She had asked. He wasn't too sure himself.

Then it finally happened, Slade called. "Robin, good to see you again. I hope I haven't called at a bad time." Robin was reminded of one of the earlier times Slade had called, when he had just gotten out of the shower.

He clenched his teeth together and pushed all memories aside as he challenged Slade about the worm. He thought the mission would go well. It wasn't like he was alone; Terra and Raven were with him. But then Slade got him alone in the elevator.

"Why are you attacking the Tower, Slade?" Robin growled as the elevator slowly ascended.

"What? Not even a hello; didn't you miss me, Robin? I missed you," Slade purred as the two began to circle around the tiny space in the elevator. Robin could barely see Raven and Terra as the elevator raised higher and higher. It really was just him and Slade once again.

Then the elevator came to a quick stop as Slade pressed a hidden button on the elevator. Robin stumbled forward and Slade grabbed his shoulders, using his momentum to pull him against himself. Robin froze as Slade's strong arms wrapped around him in a tight hug. He felt like the air was being pressed out of him.

"It's been too long, Robin." Slade murmured quietly.

"Not long enough if you ask me," Robin growled and struggled in the man's embrace.

Slade chuckled, "You're quite the little actor. But you can drop the act; I'm almost positive that your two little friends are too distracted with trying to save your home." Robin growled and Slade gripped his chin, forcing him to actually meet Slade's eye for the first time since his horrid apprenticeship. "If you loose your home, you can always come back and live with me."

Robin's eyes widened and he snarled as he brought his knee up and into the unprotected skin on Slade's thigh. Slade grunted and released Robin. "You little brat," he growled and punched him, sending him back against the wall. Slade smacked the hidden button and the elevator started to rise again, causing Robin to stumble and land on the floor.

He looked up just in time to see the interior of the ceiling starting to crumble away. "The Tower," Robin shouted desperately.

"Going down," Slade replied maliciously and jumped out of the elevator. Robin looked up just in time to see that the elevator was going to crash into the ceiling. He hooked shot out of the elevator and stood on one of the many construction beams as he watched Terra and Raven finally working together.

The two managed to save the home and the rest of the Titans thought Terra deserved the chance to become a team member due to her effort. Robin agreed but he was disappointed that everyone seemed to be on an agreement with Terra being on the team, even Raven now.

He still didn't like having her around. It was too suspicious that she could suddenly control her powers. She must have had training from someone but she wouldn't tell who.

And the next day, Terra and Beast Boy disappeared as an army of Slade-bots attacked the Tower from the inside.


Then he had to have the misfortune of breaking his arm while chasing down a two-bit punk named Johnny Rancid. Robin couldn't believe how badly he had messed up then, especially with the little Larry thing that had appeared out of his head.

What had made all of that experience worse was that after his arm had finally been healed and Larry got him back to his world, Slade had called.

"Hello?" Robin answered his communicator, half-asleep from the long day he had been through.

"I wasn't sure if I should send you flowers and chocolates over your little accident, Robin." Robin's eyes snapped open, wide awake from hearing Slade's voice. "You really should be more careful, my little bird."

"Shut up, Slade, you have no right to be telling me to be more careful when you've put me through more dangerous situations." Robin snapped. "In fact, you don't even have a right to be calling me."

"Robin, relax, you're too high strung for a boy your age. I just called to assure you that I forgive you for everything." Slade explained. Robin's mouth hung open as he stared at the man in disbelief. "I wasn't lying in the elevator, Robin; I miss you too much to remain upset over a lost lair and a broken promise. I want to see you again."

"Well, I don't forgive you," Robin snarled. "I don't forgive you for anything and we're through, Slade. We stopped dating a long, long time ago. So just forget this number." Robin snapped the phone shut. He glared at the electronic in his hand and debated whether or not he should throw it across the room. But if it broke, he'd have to explain why he needed a new one to Cyborg and he really didn't feel like having to go through that.

Unfortunately, the communicator started to ring again. Robin grinded his teeth together but answered it. "I just told you to forget this--"

"If you ever hang up on me again I will make you regret it." Slade snarled and Robin's eyes widened at the shock of hearing him so angry. "Now you listen to me and you listen well, Robin. I want to meet with you tomorrow night, eight o'clock sharp. Come to the old lair; we'll talk." Slade's voice was still tight with anger.

"No," Robin shook his head. "I'm not going back there and I'm not meeting up with you ever again. We're over, Slade." Robin grabbed the top of the communicator, ready to close it, but paused as Slade started yelling again.

"Don't you dare hang up on me. Robin, if you do not meet me tomorrow I promise you will regret it. Robin--" Robin slammed the communicator shut and tossed it away from him as he curled around his knees on his bed.

The communicator didn't stop ringing for an hour that night.

The next day, he had to watch as Terra and Slade's other minions slowly took out his team and eventually, even he fell. He still didn't regret meeting up with Slade though.

Robin regretted letting his guard down around her. But now everyone seemed on terms about getting back at both Terra and Slade. He knew he couldn't avoid the man anymore. They would have to fight soon. And it would be the last fight.


It was all over. Terra had saved the day with the last of her strength, sacrificing herself. And she had taken out Slade as well.

He should have been thrilled, he should have been reassured that he would never see Slade again. The man had fallen through hot magma. Slade was only human; even he couldn't have survived that.

But Robin felt cheated out of his justice.

The last fight was supposed to be him versus Slade. He was supposed to finally get through to Slade about all the pain he had caused him and take him down. He was supposed to see Slade's face and then send the man off to jail.

Instead, Terra got her justice and then died.

Honestly, Robin just felt like it wasn't fair. He also felt like it wasn't over.

That was why he felt sort of relieved to see Slade again in the woods that dark, rainy night. Even though that night grew long and very painful, he felt like he was given his final battle. And he thought he was loosing it. But he finally understood that it was just in his head, Slade wasn't really there.

Except he still seemed to be.


Robin tumbled out of bed from his nightmare. It was the same nightmare he'd been having since Slade had died; Slade's skeletal hands pushing him down into dark sheets and ripping away his bright clothes.

He was still injured from his fight against the hallucinate dust but bit back his cry of pain as he landed on his injured arm on the floor. He felt the presence of someone else in his room right away. His nightmare came back to him and he slowly, carefully, started to crawl toward the door.

He was too panicked and injured to be able to properly fight someone. He needed his teammates.

The door opened on its own accord as Robin finally reached it and Robin gasped, falling back from the door as it opened. A look of wide-eyed fear crossed his features as he realized who stood in front of him; Slade; it was really him. Then his expression compressed into grim determination.

Slade bent over, looming above Robin's grounded position as he reached for him, and Robin used his injured arm and pushed up, kicking Slade in the jaw. He flipped backwards from the kick and stood in a fighting position, ready to take Slade down once and for all.

But Slade's mask was clattering to the floor and Robin's breathe hitched in his throat as he stared at the skeletal face looking back at him. His fear made him freeze and Slade easily pushed him onto his bed.

Cyborg had told him to get some rest but Slade had told him that he would never rest and neither would Robin. But Slade wasn't real, hadn't been real. He had figured out that it was just dust and that it was just a figment of his imagination. So why was Slade pining him down to a bed again? Why was Slade even there?

"Please," Robin moaned as he felt Slade wiggle his knee between his legs and spread them widely apart. "Haven't you done enough to me already for one day?" Robin felt tears pricking at his eyes. He wished he could move to reach his lamp. If only he could turn that light on and make Slade disappear again; make his nightmare go away.

"What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger, Robin." Slade whispered into his ear and Robin shuddered. Slade's breath was cold as death.

"Then this will only make you stronger." Robin growled and kicked between Slade's legs. The man grunted and Robin broke his grip and reached for the lamp. He turned it on and light flooded the room.

Slade was still there. The man snarled and his eyes glowed red. Robin shouted until Slade smacked him upside the head.


She had seen him defeat an army of Sladebots all on his own. She had seen him conquer so many villains and lead them to victory numerous times. She had always wanted to remember his strength, his courage, and his skills. Even if it was long overdue for his healing to begin, Raven really didn't want to know that Robin's face could crumple into an expression of shame and fear.

She didn't want to see her fearless leader huddled in on himself while sitting on the floor, trying to make himself small enough to be overlooked by her and simply disappear. She walked silently over to him and placed a soft hand on his shoulder. Robin flinched and avoided eye contact with her.

She told the others to leave and after some quiet argument, they finally did leave. She had seen into his head and she would not let him hide any longer.

Raven wanted him to be a resolute warrior once more and she was determined to help him become one once more. She knew that her own problems would be starting soon and he was the only one that could help her save the world.

She simply sat next to him, her hand continuing to rest on his shoulder, as she waited three hours until he finally started to speak as the sun began to rise.

It was the dawning of a new day but after that morning, everything was as it should be again. At least for a little while.


Author's Note: Yes, I skipped over the episode 'X' but don't worry, Red X's time will come to shine! And also, yes, again, this chapter is pretty much filler. The next chapter will also be filler and, if my plan's go right, will be posted sometime next week. HOLD ME TO MY WORD AND SEND ME AN ANNOYING NOTE EACH DAY UNTIL THE NEW CHAPTER IS OUT!

So, I'll cover the rest of season three, four, and five in the next filler chapter since Slade's barely there, Red X will be introduced into the story, and people will be happy that I'm not dead. Oh, for anyone out there that thinks Robin's recovery took too long, trust me, recovering from rape is very hard to do when you never admit to it. It's much easier to tell others and let them help you through the process then try to repress it. Rape can't be repressed no matter how hard you try.