Day 20
1/11/2016 - Monday
Woah, long time since I wrote something in here. It's just not much happening for now. Bakura is avoiding me like hell, so all I do is work and sleep.
At least, I feel like home finally. The bed on the last floor is my bed now, I know how it smells and how the sheets feel under my fingertips. The hoodies Bakura gave me don't feel borrowed any more. I don't feel like an intruder any longer when I check the kitchen for scraps.
It is Monday today and Ishizu and I will meet! One of her college courses is cancelled for today and the other one she will skip. I couldn't resist and scolded her playfully; I could almost hear her eyes rolling at the other end of the telephone line.
We agreed to meet at noon and have brunch together in one of the various cafes on the 'rich boulevard' as I call it. It's behind the train station and near the park; a long, wide street with shops and cafes on both sides, in the middle a line of small trees. I can only imagine how those trees will look in ten or twenty five years when they are full grown.
It is cold as hell today. Er, no, wait, hell isn't cold, is it. I wait in the train station, watching the people passing by. 12 pm, and the station is already full of tailored suits and slow tourist, big families and lonesome hobos, searching around in trashcans. It amazes me to watch every one of them.
There, Ishizu's train arrived, the one I used to catch for my city excursions. Weird, I still feel like I could hop in and go home and everything would be as it was. People come out, some get in. I spot my sister quickly. Her red coat caught my eye. I grin and wave at her, chuckling. She sees me and waves back.
I walk towards her, faster the closer I get. "Ishizu!" I yell. I don't know why I yell, I'm just happy to see her, that's why.
"Hey," she manages to say, before I fling my arms around her neck. "Missed you too," she whispers, putting her arms around me.
We stand there for a bit like this, my face buried in her neck, her hand patting my head. I did miss her, I didn't even know before this moment. Her smell, her voice. She's my family and I felt so lonely those past days.
"How are you?" I ask, as I let go of her.
"I'm good, how are you, Marik?" She smiles at me, but there is pity in it. "You're cold - hey, don't you have a better jacket than this?" She pinches the fabric and pulls.
"Ah. No, I don't." I shake my head. "But it's fine, really!"
"It's seventeen degrees." Her motherly instincts show again. Her lips press together into a thin line and her eyes glare at me.
I shrug, then pout. "I just don't have anything better!"
She stares at me for another second, then moves as we start walking. She sighs. "Ah, I should have bought you a coat," she says, sounding as if she wanted to add more. 'I should have bought you a coat and not...'
"Ishizu, you already gave me a gift," I say.
"For your birthday, yes. But not for Christmas."
We stop, because the surprise bomb has gone off and she has to give me the present now. She searches in her bag and hands me a parcel, bigger than the last one. And heavier. Wrapped in green paper with cute little Santas on it. I feel bad, because I didn't got her anything. Didn't even think of getting her something.
She notices and nudges me. "It's fine, Marik. I know you don't have any money."
I look up. We continue walking and I carry the parcel in my hand. I never thought of getting her a gift because for me, Christmas did not happen yet. It is the eleventh of January and it's 2016, but my mind didn't realize that yet. As long as I didn't wake up at eight along with Ishizu, Rishid and Dad to eat pancakes and drink eggnog in our pajamas, eagerly waiting for Dad to finally sigh and nod, letting us run into the living room to open our presents, Christmas didn't happen.
Besides, I really don't have any money. But I could have cooked her something or I don't know. The sheer act of forgetting about getting her something makes me sad. Makes me want to go back home.
We arrive at the boulevard and Ishizu points to some cafe that seems relatively empty and I nod. We're lucky, says the waitress after looking us up and down, there is one table left for two. We pass reserved tables and elder women with big purses.
We sit down and undress. "We're lucky they let us touch our butts with their fancy chairs," Ishizu says under her breath, after the waitress walks away.
"See, that's why I call it 'the rich boulevard'."
Ishizu grabs the menu. "The prices are top-notch as well. Two fifty for water? Eugh."
"We can go somewhere else if you want," I mutter. Another weird thing here. Ishizu was never the one to complain about prices. We're not rich, but going to the restaurant or the cafe every day is something we could easily afford. If we were allowed to go out, that is. But it never stopped Ishizu from sneaking out now and then, and meeting with her friends, while Rishid and I covered up.
"No, it's fine," she mumbles, giving me the menu. Her eyes remain fixed on the table as I study the card.
"Shizu."
"Just order what you want, Marik, it's fine."
"No. I mean yes, thank you," I grin shortly, then drop it. "What are you thinking about?"
"Ah!" she makes, waving in dismissal. "Just Seto. We're kind of... fighting a bit at the moment."
"Oh, I'm sorry. Why?"
"It's stupid." She heaves a sigh and moves her head to the side to look at the flowers on our table. "We're still not done moving in, because he wants to buy ton of things we don't need. He wants to buy a couch for five thousand. From Italy."
"Five thousand?"
"And that would be only one couch, without the armchair that goes with it. And without the carpet under it that would go so well."
"Isn't it your apartment?" I ask slowly.
She perks up. "Yes! Exactly! Thanks! He bought it for us both originally, but then he said he doesn't really need another one, so I said I will have it, then he offered me to loan me money for it and I took it. But I will pay him back once I find work! He agreed that it is all mine, that he only loans me the money but now he wants to arrange things in it as well. And he's not even there most of the times!"
"He's not?"
The waitress from before comes back, asking us if we want to order. I ask if they have an AYCE and she frowns as if she didn't know what it meant. "No all-you-can-eat buffet, no?" I try again. She shakes her head. "Okay, then I take the brunch special with eggs and bacon, thank you."
Ishizu orders a coffee and a bagel. She's not very hungry yet, she says.
"So what is Seto doing exactly?" I ask.
Ishizu looks up at me, surprised.
"What?" Did I say something wrong?
"Nothing," she mutters, shaking her head. "Seto is the CEO of 'ToysRu', so he's a really busy man."
ToysRu?! I am taken aback. I am not sure what CEO stands for but I immediately picture an older man sitting at an incredible big desk with lots of toys scattered around the room and a row of other older men standing besides the desk, waiting for instructions. Kind of like Mr. Burns from the Simpsons, but better looking.
Ishizu grins. "You never heard of him?"
I shake my head. Why would I know of him? I do know ToysRu, just as I know other brand names. But does anyone really know who the top heads behind those names are? Who's the CEO of StarBucks, or McDonald's? They are not the Royal Family, or the Kardashians, you can read so much about in every paper.
"How did you meet him?" I ask.
And then Ishizu tells me the story. She was in the city between two classes with some of her study mates, when a man in a business suit and a mustache approached them and gave them his card, no, the card of some rich guy of course and asked the girls if they would want to come to a special vip party. The whole thing sounded sketchy so they refused at first, but one of the girls said she needed the money and she didn't want to go alone, so Ishizu went with her.
"She does not really need money, she was hoping to see some stars," Ishizu says.
And they did. Ishizu's friend got someone who was younger than her, but she was excited nonetheless. Ishizu got some boring older man. She does not want to tell me their names and I pout at that. They had to stick with their guys the whole evening, they even got a selection of dresses in their size beforehand.
"It was just a plain, boring party actually," Ishizu says, "if it wasn't for all the known faces. And the champagne."
"Yeah, I remember you sneaking out lately like three or four months ago." She nods. "And those stars couldn't find any escort service or something like that?" I ask.
Ishizu shrugs. "It was the idea of J- Sasha's guy." She clears her throat, closing her eyes. Too late, Sis, I caught the first letter of that mysterious guys name! J... Who could that be? "He said he had enough of those boring models and wanted some 'real women'."
I look her straight in the eye. "Was it Justin Bieber?"
"No. After some while I caught the attention of Seto. Of course I didn't know who he was, but I noticed him looking at me," she grins, eyes moving away from mine and into her memory. "Eventually he approached me and we started talking."
"How old is he?" I ask.
"Twenty-five."
"Oh!"
"You thought he was older, didn't you?"
"Yeah. I mean, he's CEO with twenty-five years? Wow, that's -"
"His father died recently, that's why he became CEO."
Our food and drinks come. I ask her more about Seto and how college is going, how the apartment looks and so on. Ishizu does not see Seto often, and when, he pays her plane tickets so she can see him in the hotel he currently resides. Sometimes, if she has the time, she stays with him for a couple of days. "But for now I am busy with college," she says.
Afterwards it's her turn to ask me things. We finish eating and Ishizu pays, leaving the waitress a small tip. We stroll around on the boulevard, laughing at the prices in the display windows and talk about Bakura. Okay, I talk about Bakura. I can't help it! I haven't seen him today yet and it's not like I see him often, but I miss him. He is busy these days, I tell Ishizu. I see him reading a lot of books for school and being at home a lot.
Ishizu grins at me and I feel my cheeks heat up. Gah, yeah, I have a very obvious crush on him, haven't I? So what. I tell Ishizu how he cooks rice for me, even leaves fruits on the counter now, telling me he got too many and they will get bad before he eats them anyways. Also, I found his secret stash of food. One cupboard is filled with empty metal boxes and Tupperware, but sometimes, behind those boxes, there's a bag of apples. Or a pound of rice.
"But he's still mean to me," I add. "Calling me 'shorty' or 'brat'. He's just two inches taller!"
"I think he likes you as well," Ishizu says.
"Why is he insulting me all the time, then?"
"I don't know. It sounds like a self-defense mechanism to me." Yeah, that's what I also think. I nod. There's a bit of silence then. Ishizu frowns and opens her mouth, but she closes it again.
"Yes? What do you want to say?"
"Maybe he's... just not gay." It's the first time she mentions that word. I look away. We never talked about my obvious sexuality. I don't have the feeling that Ishizu thinks that there's something wrong with it. Quite the contrary, she teases me with being in love with Bakura since I mentioned him, as if it was the most normal thing.
But now the situation is different. She is using the word, asking me if I am indeed gay, needing a confirmation.
So I give it to her. "Oh, he is gay!" I chuckle nervously. "Nobody ever stops telling me that he is also gay, the girls all figured out that I'm in love with Bakura and annoy me daily!" I rant. "Only Mahad and the other cooks and Mai never mention him."
Ishizu looks ahead of her, nodding.
I feel embarrassed, but why. "Oh, I learned something from Mahad the other day!" I say. "He lives just the street across from the club. I heard him asking Akefia if he could move into the apartment above the club, since it's empty. I don't understand why he would want to move all his belongings like thirty feet from one place to another. Weird, heh?"
"Maybe it's cheaper," Ishizu replies.
We head for the park, it is nearby. Rishid finally told Dad that he and Ishizu know where I am and that I am fine. He was angry of course and demanded to know my whereabouts, but Rishid could not tell him because he honestly doesn't know. It's good Ishizu did not tell Rishid. He could have babbled it out. He's not good under pressure. Always the first one to tell.
Ishizu's voice sounds different when she tells me this. I am not sure why, but I know it is because of Dad. He must have said something or done something. She doesn't tell me what. I push and push her and eventually she tells me a half-truth; that Dad doesn't want to see me ever again.
I thought he already told me that. That if I leave, I cannot come back. So the words aren't shocking me. It's Ishizu's voice which I cannot forget. The syllables muttered slowly and hesitant. 'He doesn't want to see you ever again.'
I know there's more behind this, but I have annoyed my sister enough. We change the topic to something more cheerful. Then the time is up and Ishizu says she has to return to her college. "Cannot miss that history class," she says.
I bring her back to the train station. We say our goodbyes and hug. Long. I don't want to let her go. She will be busy for the next month, there are tests and exams coming, but we can meet after that, she says.
I walk back home. Guess who I see jumping out of a car in the backyard? Right, Bakura. "See you tomorrow!" Zork yells, already pulling back. I barely manage not to get knocked over and follow Bakura up the fire escape. Has he seen me?
He actually stops and looks back, presumably he has heard my steps. He glares at me upon recognition and picks up his pace. "Hey!" I yell.
"Where the fuck do you come from," he mutters.
"I was meeting my sister."
"Rhetorical question, moron. Like I would care."
He opens up his window and climbs inside, closing it before me when I show signs of trying to get in too. "Piss off!" His voice is damped.
Wasn't expecting anything else. So I go up into my own room. I take off my coat and shoes, throw the gift on my bed and head downstairs again, this time taking the other stairs.
His room is open, I hear him rummaging in the kitchen. "What? Hungry?" he asks.
"Nope, already ate." I open the door to the kitchen, seeing him putting something into the fridge. It makes a sound, the sound six bottles being crammed into a small space make.
He glances behind himself to the counter. "There's still- There are still some apples left," he mutters.
"Yes, I know. Thanks."
"Stop thanking me." He passes me, taking his long coat off. "Won't have time to get more food this week, just so you know."
"Alright." I follow him into his room.
He undresses. There's text on his sweater. I move my head so I can read it. 'Fuck the system' it says. Awesome. But wait a minute, I don't know this one. Thought I knew all of his hoodies. Is it new?
"Something you want?" He glares at me, sitting down at his desk.
"Nah, just visiting." I shrug.
"Geez, I have a thousand things to do, would you just leave me alone?" He begins to collect the garbage on his desk, stuffing as much possible into the pencil holder. The rest he throws casually on his bed, then uses his palm to swipe the wood clean. Lovely.
I sigh and pick the used napkins and wrappers from his bed and throw them in the trashcan in the kitchen. When I come back I get my pay: An angry snort and a glare. Speaking of snorting, Bakura grabs his tissues and blows his nose clean. He always does it in the first ten minutes when he comes into his room and I wonder why. Must be dust allergy. Easily fixable with a duster and a hoover. But who would dare to destroy the beautiful mess in this room with such outrageous acts!
I sit down on his bed after shoving some clothes aside and watch him unpack his backpack, getting out books. He searches for something to write on his desk, making me wonder if he doesn't write something down when he's at school. He's not yelling for me to go, maybe because I am silent. I lay down on his bed and watch him out of the corner of my eye.
I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I see is Bakura being near me. Am I dreaming? But no, it's just him putting books on the bed, next to me. "Dontcha have to work or something," he murmurs.
"It's Monday," I mumble back.
He groans as response and sits back on his desk. He retrieves a notebook from under it, from one of the drawers. I've seen this notebook before. He turns the pages up till the middle of it, then begins writing. I take a look at the books besides me: Spanish, Maths, History, plus various notebooks and a big binder.
I take the math book and peek inside. Huh wait, this looks like ...Algebra? I had all of this stuff last year. I assumed that Bakura was a junior like me. Didn't he say he is sixteen? I check the cover of the book again. Right, it even says 'for sophomores' on it. "You're in the second year?" I say and look up.
Bakura freezes, then sighs and turns his head to me. "So what? Shut the fuck up."
"I was just wondering. You're sixteen, aren't you?"
Another sigh. "Yes!"
"Oh, maybe your birthday is on the edge of-"
"No! Now shut up or I kick you out!" He's in rage by now, so I drop the subject.
I browse his other books, but most of the stuff I already know. Save for Spanish though. I try to understand it, but it's already the advanced book. I turn on my back and browse through it. I'm quickly bored. "That one waitress is Spanish, isn't she," I say.
Bakura doesn't reply for a long time, just continues scribbling. I turn on my stomach again and contemplate leaving. It's not like he's gonna talk to me anyways. And I'm afraid that I might annoy him so much that I lose the privilege to be in his room.
Suddenly I remember Ishizu's gift still laying on my bed. I sit up.
Bakura closes his notebook and puts it back in the drawer. "No, she's from Greece."
"Huh?"
He turns around on his chair, putting his legs around the backrest and his head on his arm. "The waitress you were talking about. Voula? She's from Greece."
"I don't know her name. Dark hair, speaks loudly-"
"Yeah, that's her. Voula. Or maybe the other one? Dotty?"
"No, I know Dotty."
"Or Jessyka?"
"Jessika? That's the one with the red lipstick, right?"
"Yes." Bakura closes his eyes and sighs. "How long are you here now? And you still don't know their names."
I push my hands into the mattress. "Hey, it's not even a month! I have to remember so many things! There are also hundreds of the stripper girls, how am I sup-"
"Hundreds?" Bakura laughs. "More like twenty."
I glare at him. Again, he's laughing at me. There are only twenty? Uh, I guess I'm bad at remembering faces and names then. "As if you know all of them!"
"I don't need to, I don't work there," he says quickly and gets up. He pats his jeans. I know what he's looking for.
"Have you considered to give up that habit?" I ask, crossing my arms before my chest.
He frowns at me, then understands. "For you, baby, anytime!" he says, raising his eyebrows and sticking his tongue out. Dammit, stop making fun of me! He finds the pack and turns around to search for a lighter, I suppose. He turns back to me. "Is there a matchbox somewhere on the bed?" He points to the pile of stuff next to me.
"Not for smoking," I mumble, but look anyways. I find it and throw it to him.
He puts one cigarette in his mouth, then lights it.
I start coughing as a protest. "Don't do that in here!"
"It's my fucking room," he says, but proceeds to open the window and leans outside, making his behind stick out. There's no way you wouldn't stare on it, even if you weren't gay. The elegant valley between his shoulder blades going all the way down, his shirt not tucked in completely into the pants, the folds of his jeans leading to the middle of his ass.
Ah, stop thinking about his ass! What was it I wanted to do a minute ago? Right, I wanted to get the present and open it. What's inside? Not a coat, she said. That wouldn't fit anyway. Maybe a book? I let myself fall on the bed. The shape could be deceiving though, it could be something smaller in a box. Oh my god, maybe it's a mobile! I want to know. But if I go now, Bakura might close the door and not let me in again. I check my watch. It's five pm. Nah, I can still open it later, there's no hurry. It's just my curiosity nagging.
Bakura finishes his smoke and closes his window. He coughs, then sneezes. "Your body hates what you do to it," I comment.
"Shut up." The room smells of his cigarette. I stay on his bed and watch him leave the room. I sit up. Maybe now I could quickly...?
Yep, it seems like a good chance. He goes to the kitchen. I hear the electric kettle starting. I jump up and open the window, then climb through. Ugh, going on those steps in socks only wasn't a good idea. The fire escape isn't wet, but still cold and the metal has sharp edges. I tiptoe upstairs and climb inside my room, snatch the gift and climb back outside. I tiptoe back, finding Bakura sitting on the bed.
He has his laptop on his lap. "You know, you do have your own room."
"But it's empty," I reply silently, not expecting him to hear me.
He jerks his head to me. "I'm never gonna fuck you, so stop it!"
I press my jaws together. "Who said anything about fucking," I mumble between my teeth.
"You! You don't say it with words, but I'm not blind, okay?" He glances at me, then uses the touch-pad and clicks on it. I bite my lip. "You're gay, I am gay, you watch every fucking move I make, you want to spend as much time as possible with me, come here after showering half-naked- shall I go on?" He looks at me. the electric kettle finishes its work with a loud 'click'.
I move to his desk and sit on the chair, the present in my lap. I'm at a loss for words. I feel my cheeks flushing. He has seen through me completely. I don't dare to look directly at him and just stare ahead of me.
He's clicking and typing, then gets up and leaves his laptop on the bed. I hear him pouring water into something. I lean over the chair to take a look on the display, but he's already back. "Great, now I've got to make a password for my computer," he mutters.
"What?" I blink. "Because of me?"
"Yeah, because of you," he sighs, sipping from a cup. Tea? He puts the cup on the floor and lays down on the bed with his laptop in his lap.
I want some tea too. If I leave now, would he close the door behind me? Oh well, I'll make him open it up again! I get up and go to the kitchen, look in the cupboard where I found coffee once, but there is no tea. Hmm. "Bakura?" No answer. I step closer to the door. "Bakura, where-"
"In the cupboard above the sink."
"Thanks!"
"Shutup."
That's his catchphrase. Shut up. Could make a drinking game out of it. If I drank. I open the mentioned cupboard and choose peppermint tea, put the bag in a cup and pour water over it. I put too much water in it and cautiously scurry over the hall to Bakura's room.
In that moment the apartment door opens. Akefia. I freeze, unsure whether to go into the room or stay outside. Akefia must not see that I'm passing my time with Bakura. I don't want Bakura to get beat up because of me. Before I can react, Bakura is near me and grabs my arm, pulling me inside. "Moron," he mutters. He closes the door in the same second Akefia steps inside.
I pray he hasn't seen me. I don't move, neither does Bakura. "What were you waiting for," he groans under his breath, still holding my arm in a firm grip.
"I wasn't sure if I-"
"Shh."
We wait. We hear Kefia take off his shoes and throw them on the shoe cupboard. Then he gets off his coat and goes to the kitchen. A few seconds later he closes the fridges door and goes to his room, closing the door behind himself.
We breathe out. "You're lucky he didn't see you," Bakura says, releasing my arm.
"You mean, you're lucky," I say, blowing on my tea.
"Eh, I get a beating, but afterwards he would keep his eye on you and checking on you." He plops on his bed and pulls the laptop to his lap.
"I don't want you to get beaten up because of me." I take a seat on the chair.
He glances at me. "Sure. Doesn't even matter, because he would beat me up for some other reason."
"It does matter." I frown. Sounds like my Dad. He too always finds a reason to ground me. Which is silly, actually, it's not like I was allowed to go outside either way. "And what do you mean by 'sure'? I mean it, I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Or because of anything else."
Bakura makes a sound between a sigh and a growl. "That's just your hormones talking."
I frown more. My hormones? Yeah, I'm full of them. So what? My feelings are still real.
We don't talk much then. Bakura watches some series and watch along, as good as I can from my spot at the desk. It's Sherlock Holmes, well, a different one. Kind of. I'm confused because it partially takes place in our time. Also it doesn't seem to be the first part, but- part ten? Hm, I wished I had my laptop with me.
The gift! I remember it again and look around for it on the desk, but it's gone.
"Looking for this?" Bakura lifts his arm up, holding it.
"Hey! When did you...?"
He grins his irresistible smirk at me and I pout. "Now, what could I ask in return for it...?" he ponders loudly, making a thoughtful expression. He moves the wrapped box in slow motions through the air, then stops. "Oh yeah, you could stop visiting me for a week."
"What? A week?" He nods. "And what if the heater dies?"
He drops his grin. "Oh yeah, I'm sure the heater would 'die' in that particular week, wouldn't it."
Dammit. One whole week, meaning seven days and nights without seeing or speaking to Bakura? "Heck, no." I shake my head. "Forget it."
He snorts a laugh. "Really?" He lets his arm drop and sits up. "You cannot make a week without me?" We stare at each other. His grins and laughs have vanished from his face. His serious expression is back. "You don't know me," he mutters.
"You're right, I don't know much. That's why I want to get to know you," I reply, pulling my lower lip between my teeth. My heart beats faster. It's embarrassing to speak about my feeling for someone, especially if that someone is sitting right there in front of me! But I get better at it, I think. I have to be confident about it.
"Which proves, that you're superficial. You're only interested in my looks." He peers at me, waiting for a reply.
I frown. "Well, yeah, sure I'm interested in your looks! How else would it work? First, you fall in love with someone because of their looks and then you get to know them and can see if you like their personality as well! If you don't like their personality but stay because of their looks, now that is superficial, alright, but it's not if you're not even at that point yet!"
He glares at me now, then looks away. Hah, I'm right, you know I'm right! "Okay," he says slowly. "That's not new, every child knows that." Oh yeah, sure, now that I have explained it to you! "But you do know my personality a bit, don't you? I yell at you and fight and you're still interested. How's that not superficial?"
"Wait wait wait, who says I don't like your personality? Okay, yeah, you yell at me but-"
"Aw come on, don't pretend you-"
"Shut up and let me talk!" I'm on my knees by now, holding onto the backrest. He puts the laptop off his legs and crosses his arms. Uh, okay, just a sec. "Alright, yes, you're defensive, but as I proved a while ago, you care for me, so you're not a bad guy." He rolls his eyes. "You're aggressive because you're afraid to let anyone near you, you're afraid you might get hurt-"
"Hold it there," he cuts in. "I am not afraid. I'm just being realistic. In the long run, there's no such thing as love or friendship. People just get together because their bodies tell them so. After a while those wonderful feelings fade and they are left cold and alone. Just the way they always were, they just never realized it."
"What? So nobody has ever truly loved?" I blink several times and am physically taken aback a bit.
"They think they have." He shrugs and looks away. "Okay, in a way they have felt those things. What is reality, but literally what your brain experiences. Your mind makes it real indeed." He looks back at me. "But most people mistake some crush feeling for real love and think they're special. The truth is: No one is special. We're all the same. Life is not special, nothing is."
"Okay, we're all the same, I agree there," I say slowly. "And yeah, everybody thinks their relationship is special, because for them, it is! What's wrong about that?"
He looks away again. "They fool themselves that life can get better. That some day they will be famous or special and have a lot of money. That their real life hasn't begun yet." His voice gets quieter. "But it will never begin. They will stumble from school to some terrible job and waste their life at it, just to survive. There's nothing special at that."
We remain silent for a bit. Bakura's worldview makes me sad. He might be right with some things, but- "Life is what you make of it," I say. "It's special if you think that it is."
"No. It's special when it's different and exciting."
"Then! Then you have to make it different and exciting!"
"That's bullshit." He looks at me and his voice increases. "That's the old 'you can get everything if you really want' shit! But it's not true! Some people are born lucky and others are born in shit! A few of them make it and crawl out of their shit, but most of them don't! And if you think otherwise you're a delusional little idiot!" He grabs his laptop forcefully and folds it open. He proceeds to watch some YouTube clips.
I put my arms around the backrest and my head on them. I wished I knew what to say to him. I have only made him angrier with my words. But I do believe them. Life can be special. It's the only thing and the longest thing you'll ever do. Of course it can be tough at times, but you shouldn't be discouraged because of that. I perk up and repeat the last thought loudly.
Bakura shakes his head and sighs. "Marik, it's enough," he mutters.
"Alright," I reply and put my head back on my arms. Yeah, it's no use. I cannot cheer him up with my words.
I observe him watching YouTube, but I don't see what's going on on the screen because he has turned the laptop away from me. So I just listen to the sounds and the music and sip my tea.
After a while his laptop makes a bleeping noise and he looks around on his floor. "Marik, can you-" he starts, but I have already found the charging cable and hand it to him. "Thanks."
"Your tea," I say. He hasn't sipped it yet.
"Yeah, thanks." He sounds more content now. Weird. But good. Speaking his mind has seemed to helped him. Maybe I'm good for something after all.
But I am still unsure if I should stay any longer. He doesn't say that he wants me out any more, but that's surely because he is tired of saying it. I drink my cup empty and get up. He hands me his cup and I put both of them into the sink. No, I wash them now, Akefia shouldn't get suspicious because of some tea cups. I return to Bakura, who hasn't closed the door after me, who's still on the bed. He doesn't say anything.
"I'll go eat some rice," I say. "Want some too?" He has made it with vegetables and onions this time and I need to try it.
He sits up and looks at me. "Yeah. Yeah, just bring the whole pot." He closes the laptop and falls back on his back, sighing.
I'm smiling. I heat up the rice and bring it along with Bakura's chopsticks and a fork for me. We're gonna eat together! ~
He's talking to someone on his mobile when I get in, but makes room for me on the bed, so I sit down next to him. I hand him the chopsticks. "Uh, I don't know," he says to the person at the other end of the line. "I have only looked at chapter five and six." He grabs a big clump of rice and puts it in his mouth before I can say:
"Ahh, it's still hot!"
"Mm!" He clasps his hand before his mouth and widens his eyes. "Whay 'i'n't yoh tell mey!" he says with his full mouth.
"I just did," I chuckle and blow on my fork-full.
He chews and gulps. "Fuck you! No, not you, Duke. Look, I have no idea either, okay?" He scratches his head. "Last year she only made us learn chapter five and six so I don't know why- Yeah, sure could be different this time, but you know Mrs. Cha- Oh, you don't? Okay, see, I tell you, she always does the same stuff, whatdyou think I don't fail her class?"
It's interesting to hear him talking to other people. Besides Akefia, because that doesn't count, since it's only fighting and not talking. He's confident and chuckling and rolling his eyes. Cute. Hot. His voice gets this weird pitch sometimes, but he corrects it by clearing his throat. Which is also hot. His Adam's apple vibrates then.
He eventually says bye and hangs up, sighing. "Ugh, that Duke is talking too much. Reminds me of you," he mutters. He pinches a new cluster of rice and blows on it.
I chuckle, smiling. He's mentioning me. "You're having a test?" I ask.
"Yeah." He shrugs. "But it's no big deal."
"Yes, I saw you learning a lot!" I smile at him.
He looks up, frowning. "Stop that," he murmurs.
I frown. I wanted to cheer you up. "What test? Maths?"
"Spanish."
"Hm. I had German."
"German?" He looks at me. "Now why German?"
I shrug. "Kinda thought it would come in handy. I do want to visit Europe some day. Maybe get a scholarship or have an exchange year."
"Yeah, so much for that," he chuckles.
"Why?"
"You're here now, aren't you?"
"I can still go back to school after the year here!"
"Sure."
I glare at him, but he doesn't look at me. Okay, fine, whatever. The present is laying near me and I grab it. He sees me doing that, but doesn't say anything, just continues chewing his food. "I got it," I say, playfully tilting my head, but he doesn't jump on that.
"Whatever." He grabs the pot and puts it on his lap. I pout and put the box aside, leaning closer to him to grab the pot, but he puts the chopsticks in it and holds it up, away from my reach. "Hah, and I got the food!"
"Ah, you ass!" I say, putting one hand on his knee and trying to touch the pot with the other. "You'll need to put it down anyways if you want to eat it!"
"Hah, maybe I'm full?" he grins, making me aware how close his face is too mine.
I'm blushing, I am sure I am blushing. He makes faces at me and I grin. I put my other hand on his leg as well, leaning close to him. "You're not full."
"Maybe I am," he says, his voice getting lower. I breathe faster and glance at his lips. I want to kiss him. He must sense that, too. And in the next moment his face relaxes and his lips part away half an inch. I lean closer, unsure if I have interpreted the signs right. You're supposed to tilt your head, right? I do that and open my mouth a bit.
Then he presses his lips together and starts chuckling. I lean back and my eye open wide. "You moron!" he laughs, or no, guffaws at me, looking me straight in the eyes. "You little stupid moron!"
He lowers the pot and I snatch it out of his hands. "It's not that funny," I grumble and shove a big clump of rice into my mouth. I feel my cheeks becoming red once more this evening, as his snorts and laughs continue. His whole body shakes.
"You really thought I would kiss you!"
"Yeah, yeah. Ha. Ha."
"You even moved your head like in some cheesy movie and- bpfhahahahahahaha - !"
"Ughh!"
"Stupid Marik...!"
"Uhh."
I put more and more rice in my mouth, until I have trouble chewing it. I don't look up, cannot look in his eyes and hope he'll stop laughing soon. As his laugh is only a gurgle, he takes a big breath and touches my knee. I look up.
"Okay, sorry, that was mean, huh?" He's still grinning tho.
I nod and chew.
"Hey, don't eat it all up!" he says and grabs the pot from me. "Okay, I'm not doing this again, okay, I promise. It was just... that look you got in your face! Adorable!" He starts laughing again but this time I look at him. Adorable? I'm still chewing and cannot talk yet.
"Here." He grabs the gift and throws it in my lap. "Open this up already."
I put the fork down, gulp down and grab the box. "I may open it? Wow. Thought, I'll have to be banished a week from your room first."
"Aw, cut it," he says. "I said I'm sorry, didn't I?"
"Yeah, since when do you have manners," I mumble.
He shrugs, then puts the pot away. "Opeeen!"
"Yeah, yeah." I focus my attention to the present in front of me. Ishizu wraps her gifts in such a skilled manner, that I feel bad for opening them every single time. I push my fingernail under one corner of the paper and tear it off, as Bakura watches. It's a box. At first it looks like a cell phone, but shortly I realize it's a tablet.
I open the box and pull it out along with the Styrofoam and some cables. "Oh wow, that's cool," I mumble, grinning. It's not a mobile, but a tablet! Maybe I can make calls with it as well...? I check the description on the box. "Damn, I cannot phone with it."
"So what, it's still cool." Bakura doesn't look too impressed though. "Your sister gave you this?"
"Yes, as a Christmas present."
He looks at me for a moment. "Did you give her something?"
"Ugh, no. I have no money, also I didn't think she would give me som-"
"Right. You can always use that excuse now."
I frown. "But I love Ishizu."
"I thought you ran away from your family."
"From my Dad. But I love my siblings. I-I love my Dad as well, it's just-"
"Siblings? How many do you have?"
"Two. A sister and a brother."
He nods, not looking particularly interested.
"Do you have siblings?"
He shakes his head. "Nope!" he says, making a expression - widening his eyes and pressing his lips together - and falls backwards on his bed. I grab the pot before it falls to its side from Bakura's impact and see that it's empty.
"Oh man, I'm still hungry!" I whine.
"Grab a beer," Bakura offers. "I'm not gonna finish them all anyways."
"I don't like beer. And you're not supposed to drink it either, you're only sixteen!"
"Bla, bla."
Not long, and he sits on the floor in front of the TV, playing games and sipping beer. He opened a bottle for me as well and I tried it, but it was disgusting. That is beer? It tastes like root beer in some way but without sugar and more - something else, oat or what is it made of. "Pussy," he calls me when I give him the bottle back.
I chill on his bed. This could become my favorite spot. Laying on Bakura's bed, breathing in his scent and listening to his mumbles. I start the tablet and play around with it, but there aren't many apps installed yet. I check out the options menu and adjust stuff like brightness and colors.
But even that gets boring after a while. "Why is your hair white?"
"Cause I fell into bleach when I was a kid."
"Okay, and now the truth, please."
"I am actually a twin and my brother passed away in my mommy's tummy and I saw its ghost and my hair turned white from the shock."
"Creative, but no."
"Um, I'm actually a bewitched bunny?"
"Aw! I like this one," I say and sit up, grabbing his hair from behind. "Yeah, I can see that, I see the bunny in you!"
I should have known that this was a mistake. In an instant, he turns around and slaps my hands away. "Don't," he groans. The TV's light behind him make it hard for me to see his facial expression. But his eyes are glaring at me, the dark pupils clearly visible on the whiteness of his eyeballs. Suddenly he's a threat again, a wild animal, impossible to be tamed.
"O-kay, sorry," I say, lifting my hands up.
"Get out," he says, his voice calmer, but still dangerous.
"Bakura, I didn't-"
"Get. Out." There's no doubt between those two words. He means it. I quickly get up and grab my tablet and its accessories. With a last look a confirm that he hasn't changed his mind. I stumble to the door and close it behind me.
How the fuck did that suddenly happen. I hear Kefia in his room talking to someone and take a look at my watch. Seven pm. Way too early for bed. I head upstairs and charge my tablet. What's the Wi-Fi password here? I will ask Bakura. Tomorrow, maybe. I am not sure if he will still be angry at me tomorrow.
Just for touching his hair. Ah, was that really that bad? I guess I forgot to whom I was talking to and was too touchy and too needy. But I cannot fake and pretend I am as cold as he is. I like to talk to people, I like to get personal. And of most things, I like him very, very much. And not only for his body, okay!
He was so much nicer today, up to this point. Yeah, we had fun actually! He let me stay in his room for the whole day! We ate together and he shared some of his deeper thoughts. He is opening up to me, isn't he? Or am I just seeing things? Pff, life is not pointless. You just need to have a goal. You'll see, I will make life worthwhile for you. You laughed so much today, didn't you? Just wait, just wait and let me get closer. I have to make small steps, but hey, I already spend the whole day with you.
It will get better. You will open up and I will get closer.
Just wait.
A/N: 'ToysRu' = 'ToysRUs'. That's obvious, right? I didn't want to use the real company, because replacing the real CEO with Kaiba - whoever that is - doesn't feel right. Small progress with Bakura again, but that's exactly the thing with him. I hope it's not too frustrating.
