Chapter 8: In Dire Need of Trust

Namine felt almost relieved when she opened her eyes and saw Kairi still laying within sleep's embrace. Her red hair looked frizzy and fell across her face in uncompromising waves. Matted with dirt and grime, the bloody color still shined in the darkness. Her pink summer dress was falling apart also, the zippers hanging in odd direction while her white shirt had a grey tinge to it.

Namine's only hope for escape was in the hands of this broken girl. Even if Kairi was her Somebody, Namine could feel the doubt stabbing deftly in the tainted air. Their chances were slim at best, but they were desperate enough to try.

Always desperate. Always. "How am I going to do this?" Namine mumbled absently to herself. They were already short on time. Xemnas had taken much joy in explaining exactly how Namine's body would shut down. Talked a lot about how the poison inside of her would affect her brain cells and so on. She was literally a rotting corpse in the very early stages. The process was only accelerated when she used her own unique abilities.

Namine didn't know how much she had left in her, but she automatically knew that big illusions involving anyone's memory would be out of the question. And good riddance to that. I'm sick of messing with people's heads. No one should have that kind of power. No one. She sighed and scratched at her hair, glaring warily at Kairi.

There was only one way that Namine could see. A very slim, miniscule chance of having any success. Kairi would have to learn to summon her Keyblade from will. From searching within memories Namine knew that Kairi had been given the power. It was faint and dormant, locked deep within because she had never used the blade in her entire life.

But it stirred inside of her, boiling lightly in her bloodstream. The unused magic seeped out of her in minute streams, waiting to be acknowledged. Namine found herself gasping with awe as she stared longer at Kairi. She's so beautiful. It's amazing that she's not even aware off all that. Such pure, raw energy . . .

I wish I could have that much potential. I wish I could produce something that beautiful.

A Keyblade is a beautiful instrument. It has always brought people hope. I only bring despair and confusion. A tear slipped down her face and she blinked. No, I have to stop doing that. Crying won't get us anywhere and it would be worse if she sees me break. I have to be a good example. I need to be stronger so that she can surpass me.

Maybe . . . maybe I can create a scenario where she will be forced to release it. It should be easier now to create an illusion since she's sleeping.

With these encouraging thoughts, Namine opened her eyes a little wider. They were golden as she worked to find an opening, a slit in Kairi's dreams that could serve as an entrance. Kairi shuddered briefly just as Namine felt herself being pulled in.

Inside the dream Kairi was sitting on the beach, staring out at the ocean with sullen eyes. Namine walked towards her slowly, wincing lightly with each step. Just forming an illusion of herself approaching hurt, but she pushed onwards. "Kairi?"

"Are you here to scare me?" Kairi asked softly. She hadn't turned from her position in front of the water.

Namine sighed. "No. I have something else planned. It's . . . to help you escape."

"Escape?" Kairi chuckled. "From what? There's nothing dangerous here. It's the beach, I'm safe here."

It was how most of her dreams started. A body of sand, a calm ocean, radiant rays of sunlight. Namine had grown bored of the island a long time ago after countless trips through both Sora's and Roxas' memories. A bland place to her now, she almost felt cynical enough to denounce Kairi's assessment (as every nightmare she invented for her started this way), but Namine chose to play along instead. "For now you're safe, that's why we have to prepare. You need to be ready for when something bad happens."

"I don't understand. What's going to happen?" Kairi was facing her now, fear detectable on her bright features.

"Nothing. Well, nothing if you cooperate." Namine crossed her arms, trying to muster as much determination in her tone as she could in this state. "Kairi, you will learn to summon your Keyblade. You must." Namine's lips pulled up into a rough smile. "Even if it kills me."

xxXXXXxxxxXXXxx

Riku stabbed the humanoid dummy with his Keyblade, grunting slightly before pulling his blade out roughly where the target's heart had been located. He immediately spun, launching a medium firaga spell at another moving target behind him. He had reached level nine on the difficulty setting in Yen Sid's elite training simulation. Level twenty was the ultimate goal, but lately he kept getting knocked out before he reached the teens.

Even now, early in the game he was panting and clutching his chest. Various heartless holograms appeared, most shooting ice but some of them were the warrior types. Riku did a roll, dogding three of the ice blasts while a stray heartless went for his ankles. He jumped back, eyebrows twitching lightly as his Keyblade mercilessly tore the creature in half.

This went on for a while. The heartless that possessed magic and flew were the hardest to hit only because Riku wasn't, admittedly, the best jumper. He had a good aim, but every time he moved to shoot a spell his side and chest would be open to about a dozen other attacks from the ground. Taking out the bottom generally led the player to freedom.

But Riku was tired. In a combination of dignity and pride, he neglected his body's demands for rest. The few hours he had snagged took place outside the tower, back when Sora had wrestled him onto the ground. That was eight hours ago and now Riku was fighting about thirty enemies along with his own inner pleas for sleep. This bitter conundrum resulted in a strike out at level thirteen where Riku had been stabbed ten times by dual attacks from three dusks.

Pain. Virtual pain, but still enough to fool the exhausted mind. He left the room more than unsatisfied, legs dragging in a pitiful slide that made a statement. Rest. But priorities come first. Riku ignored his body for the fifth time that day, opening the special door that led to the extra room made possible only by magic. He stared at Sora's sleeping form. His friend's clothes were speckled with brown and green, testaments to the pointless race they had with each other earlier.

As Sora snored, grimy arms flopped every which way over the edge of his bed, Riku couldn't help but smile.

xxXXXXXxxxXXXXXxxx

Journal Entry 9

I open my eyes, staring at the sun. Back on the clock tower, back where the sunset always paints the sky and where I always tilt my head to look out over the edge, never afraid, though, of falling. I'm wearing the baggy Organization cloaks, same ole black. But it's comfortable, I feel comfortable. Sunset, breeze, train tracks in the distance, coat . . . what's missing here?

"Here you go," a girl says, voice soft and light. I don't even flinch as the king of all ice creams (in popsicle form) is jabbed in front of my face.

I smirk and take the bar. Routine, same. Never changing. I suck on the sweet, cool treat and let the flavor swirl in my tongue, let it take me far away. Somewhere without pain, somewhere that says I belong and isn't ashamed of it. The taste is just as poignant as I remember, that salty aftertaste after a barrage of sugar hype. God, I love it.

But Xion's smile is brighter, her eyes full of excitement and joy at seeing me eat. Her lips are stretched wide in a natural smile and her feet dangle over the edge of the tower (always sitting precariously on the edge. No fear, there's never fear). "I'm happy."

I suck loudly before pulling the treat out of my mouth, eliciting a popping sound. "Why?" I ask lightly.

Xion tilts her head, eyes softening. "Because you're happy."

It's a simple answer, but it also holds so much depth. Doing something just to see another person's smile. It's about the purest thing there is. It's a sappy thing to say out loud, but it's the truth. "Well, duh. Of course I'm happy, why wouldn't I be?" I shrug, going back to eating the ice cream to make up for the lie.

It's a noble effort, but there's still the bitter salt. There's still reality after all. It's calm and more manageable, but . . . I don't think I'm happy. But hey, this is my dream. I'm not going to ruin it with my own musing. It's a good thing I'm eating ice cream right now. Ice cream makes everything easier.

Don't believe me? Imagine it, for a sec. Yes, even if you don't like ice cream, pretend like you're sane and you're holding that picture perfect dairy treat. Appreciate the shape of it, tilt your head if you have to (and take off that silly cap if it's obstructing the view). Then slowly, and I mean slowly bring it towards your face and lick that piece of heaven from the bottom up to the top.

Ah . . . did you feel that? I think I had a mini-melt down there. That. Was. Perfection. Oh . . . . sheesh, did I just moan?

"That is disgusting."

Everything crashes down. The feeling of the sun, Xion's smile, the ice cream in my hand. Everything good in this world has come to a crashing halt. That voice. That. Voice.

I turn slowly and look up. My mouth opens on its own accord and I shudder as green, vibrant eyes stare me down. Axel tilts his head, his mouth roughly forming a smirk. His eyebrows are slightly raised and he wrinkles his nose. It's the face he makes when he's trying to cover up a different expression, usually disgust. "What?" he asks.

I don't even notice when the ice cream slips from my fingers, tumbling over the edge. "Axel . . . " I croak out before scooting backwards with my hands and bent legs. "Axel . . . "

He frowns at me. "Hey, what's wrong with you?" He reaches towards me, but I flinch away from his hand.

It's not . . . he's dead . . .

Wait, what am I doing? This . . . it's only a dream. Why is it so hard to look at him, even now? I mean, it's Axel!

"Roxas?" Now Xion looks worried. She stands, walking over to where Axel is, staring at me with questioning blue eyes. Next to the vibrant, green penetrating glare I shiver and close my eyes tightly so that I don't have to see either of them.

"No," I whisper. "This isn't right. No."

"Roxas, quit playing around. Seriously, what did I do?"

"Shut up! Stop talking!" Oh, his voice. God, that voice . . . "Go away! Just go!"

He mutters my name again and something else but I drown out most of it with a chant, speaking rapidly. My eyes are shut tightly and I'm covering my ears with my palms, shaking my head rapidly. In my head I command, I order, I call out, I beg . . .

Go away, just go away, please go away, go away, go away, get out of my head, please go away . . .

Over and over, I don't know what I'm saying but I can't hear his . . . ugh, I can't do it! "Just go away, please go away," I mumble.

When I hear nothing for five seconds, even through my hands, I open my eyes fully and Sora stares back at me, blinking. The blue in his eyes is notably duller and the hole in his chest stands out like a beacon. It's when I fully take in his glum expression that I remember what all this was for in the first place.

Crap. "Ah, sorry about that. Looks like I freaked out again." I cover the mistake with a smirk, trying to give my voice an edge. But when I blink and a single tear falls from my face I sigh and let my voice assume the deadbeat tone that it's had every since I (well, Sora technically if we're referring mainly to the body) fell asleep. "Yeah . . . "

Sora sighed and looked away. He looks both pained and frustrated. "That was the third time."

"Yep." I roughly wipe my face, erasing any evidence of moisture. "I told you the whole 'show-me-memories' thing wasn't going to work. Let's just face it, I'm destined to become an empty shell."

"Roxas . . . " His face morphs in that horrible way that lets me know he's feeling guilty.

"Shut it." I cross my arms, narrowing my eyes. "Look, you told me once that you were dying. If you're really in danger than I don't care about seeing my memories. I don't care about sustaining who I am, what my personality is. It doesn't matter."

From the angry way Sora's eyebrows point downwards I know he's regretting spilling that little insider info. "That's not true," he mutters.

"I need to move on, Sora. I. Can't. Keep. Doing. This." I sigh, and turn away from him. "Axel and Xion are dead. The faster I accept it the faster things can move on."

"You're giving up," he says.

"You damn right I am." I narrow my eyes towards him, letting my hands drop to my sides. "Sora . . . I honestly think it's time for us to switch."

"What?"

"You heard me. Take your body back. I don't want it. I'm done." I raise a single eyebrow. "Got it now? Do I have to spell it out for you? Take your freakin' life back!" I scream the last part as loud as I can.

Sora is shaking violently now, like he's about to have a seizure. "I can't."

If I could kick over a table I would. Seriously. There's a reason man invented furniture. Sure, it's nice to lay your ass on but I think there are many side functions that most people neglect . . . like the need to kick everything down for example. Since there's nothing here for me to violently assault, I'm left with a guy with a hole in his chest. I stomp over to him, jabbing him directly above the hole with my index finger. "You better take your body, Sora," I growl. "I'm not playing."

Sora blinks once, shaking but not at all disturbed by my closeness. "This is about Axel, isn't it? You're mad because I watched you lose it over and over again. You hate it when I see you cry. It makes you sick."

He had to play that card. What a low blow. It's just twisted and stupid because he's probably right. Partly (it happens when the creep can read my mind after all). Well, now he'll receive the pleasure of seeing me when I'm truly pissed. "This has nothing to do with that bastard," I say in a deadly tone.

"You miss him. It hurts you to even say his name. You can't even say it now," Sora counters.

I feel myself smile, and it isn't a pretty one. "You seriously better drop it."

"No. I won't let you hide your feelings. I won't let you dismiss something this special to you." Sora crosses his arms now. "These memories are all you have of your old life. There were many good times, Roxas. In life we need to remind ourselves of what's good, of what was right. It's about hope."

"How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care!" I grab his shoulders and start shaking him. "None of that matters! None of it!"

"Why the hell does it not?!"

I shudder and step back, using every bit of my will power so that I don't punch him in the face. "For you. This was all for you! Their deaths, Namine getting captured, your best friend's agony . . . all of that to keep you alive! What are memories in comparison to your life?" I point to myself, keeping my voice steady and strong. "I made the choice. I decided to willingly let myself disappear to make sure you still exist. Do you think I didn't know what that meant?! I was prepared to let it all go a long time ago! This isn't just about me, this is about what everyone wants! Everyone needs you to be alive, I need you to be alive! So I don't care about the memories!"

It's a miracle that I'm able to say that in almost one breath, but I have my limits. It takes a good two minutes for me to get my breathing in check, but it was worth it. Or at least, I think so until I look back up into Sora's eyes.

He blinks very slowly then his mouth pulls up into a wide, unnatural-looking smile. A slow, giggling sound builds up from his throat before he starts laughing. "My life . . . what everyone needs . . . " He snickers and wipes away at tears. "What everyone else deems is necessary. What the worlds need, right?" His eyes search my face again and I flinch.

His eyes are still blue, but his pupils are bigger, so big that they almost fill up the colored part of his eyes. Deep, obscure holes staring at me. I start to back away but Sora grabs at me, nails roughly digging into my shoulders. I don't make a sound as he leans in, not even blinking now, which allows me to see how strange his eyes are up close. They're completely bloodshot, and I watch the enlarged, swollen pupil throb in his eyes. I swallow a pit of saliva. "Sora?"

"Shut up, Roxy," he says smoothly while smirking. But that's not his voice. It's Axel's.

I think I'm going to be sick. I close my eyes. "You can't call me that," I say, but my voice barely comes out as a whisper.

"Oh, but that's the problem, Roxy." The inclination, even the way he mockingly says it is the same. "I just did."

"Well stop," I grumble.

"Why not? You like his voice, don't you?"

"No."

"But he's your best friend." His chuckles are cynical, but lively. Oh god, if I didn't open my eyes it would be just as if Axel were holding me and-

NO! "Shut up!" I open my eyes wide, letting the acid tears run down my cheeks in streams.

Sora just smiles and then he wipes away the tears. I watch as his pupils shrink somewhat, but they're still not quite normal. When he speaks it's his own voice. "Do I have your attention now?"

Hell. All I do is nod once.

"Good." He takes one hand off my shoulder and rubs his forehead and I watch his facial expression turn from mocking to exhausted. "It's sort of hard for me to pull him off. Sheesh, he's so weird."

I remain silent. He just shrugs, releasing me completely. "Look, I'm not trying to dismiss your opinion or anything. But I noticed one thing you left out of your explanation." He points to himself. "Sure, it's my life, my life the way everyone else demands it. In the state everyone else sees fit, as far as being healthy and all."

I still don't say anything so he just takes that as a cue to continue. "Roxas, look, this may seem like a foreign concept to you, but . . . well, you're my friend now. So . . . " He shrugs. "You're connected to my heart, I'll always owe you. This isn't just about memories, this isn't about how scary Axel's voice is." I flinch at that but he ignores me. "This is about your life, who you are as a person, and it's about what I want. You made your choice, and now I'm making mine."

"Which is what?" I say. I sound horrible too, like my throat's been through a shredder (putting it mildly).

Sora sighs, giving me the most serious expression I've ever seen in a long time. "I'm not letting you die, simple as that. I care about your memories, I care about how you feel about Axel and Xion, I care about your life."

"I don't have a life, Sora," I mumble.

"But you will."

"And you'll do whatever you deem necessary, even torturing yourself, to make this happen?" I ask.

"Yep." Sora shrugs. "Hey, it's the least I can do for a guy who was willing to commit suicide for me." He jabs a single finger at my chest, where my heart should be. "I'm never going to forget that, Roxas. Ever. You're going to live."

I close my eyes. "Sora . . . I'm . . . this isn't . . . " I bite hard into my bottom lip.

"No, Roxas, you are worth it. I just can't imagine living when I know someone had to purposefully plunge themselves into nothingness. You deserve this. I know you don't see it yet . . . but I do."

I close my eyes, clenching my fists slightly. I feel the air around me pull and push, making my hair flop every which way. When I open my eyes I'm back on the bed in Sora's body, arms flung mercilessly in odd directions over the edge. I blink once before sitting up, staring at my rustic knees and the green stains on my pants.

Ugh . . . I smell like nature. I wrinkle my nose before lifting my head back, staring at the ceiling. Just . . . what am I supposed to say to an outburst like that? How can you argue with a guy who says he's doing everything in his power to protect your life?

You don't.

Wha?

You don't argue I mean.

Oh. Right . . .

Did that . . . actually bother you?

What? Sora, I'm not really in the mood for questions, but if you're going to ask them you might as well be specific.

You know what I mean, though. I . . . hurt you.

Yeah, you've been doing that a lot lately. I don't know what to say this time though. I don't get you right now and I don't want to. Could you just leave me alone? Just . . . don't talk. At all.

Sorry, but I forgot to give you something.

Sora . . .

You know, the message? The thing I was trying to pass onto you earlier?

Oh that.

Yeah . . .

Well? What is it?

Ah . . . well, it's a letter. It's specifically addressed to you. Um . . . I didn't read it either if that's what you're thinking.

A letter? How in the world would you get a letter in there?

I don't know! I just got it! Ugh . . .

And . . . do you even know how to give it to me?

Yeah . . . but you won't like it. It involves the mirror-

Hell. No. We already went over this. Third time is not the charm in this scenario. You screw me once, that's your fault. You screw me twice, that's all on me.

So . . .

No.

Right. Then I don't know what to do.

You could shut up. I'd really appreciate that. Seriously. That would make me really happy right now.

Sorry to disappoint you, but until I figure this out I'm going to keep talking because I talk while I think. It's a habit I guess . . . you sort of do it to.

This is such a horrible way to wake up.

Dang . . . I guess I have no choice . . .

Horrible, horrible way to wake up. Just horrible . . .

Can't believe I'm doing this again. This is going to hurt . . .

Wait, what? Okay, I'm listening now.

That's not very nice.

It will probably cheer me up, honest.

Hearing me scream bloody murder is going to be fun for you?

Depends. If you're doing it for a stupid reason then yeah, it will.

Right . . . I'd tell you to cover your ears, but this is all in your head so you can't. I hope you enjoy it then.

I'll try.

. . .

Hmmmmm . . . I don't hear any screaming.

I'm meditating.

Meditating? You're stalling!

You would be too if you were willing going to place your hands on a stove . . . or something. You know, while it's still hot and all . . .

How in the world would anything hurt you that bad if you're just trying to hand me a letter? And why didn't you give it to me while I was up in there with you?

Cause I forgot. It happens.

You're an idiot.

Yeah . . .

And you're still stalling.

You're actually being serious right now, you really want to see me get hurt.

Does that make you upset? This is the person you're going to save, remember? Have any doubts yet?

Now you're just saying nonsense. I've never met anyone who . . . had such a great desire for their life to end.

When your life sucks it happens.

Right.

Can I get the letter now?

I'm . . . trying . . . ngh . . . ugh! It's hotter than before!

Wait . . . is the letter actually burning you? What kind of paper is it?!

I'm trying . . . to concentrate . . . could . . . you just . . . aw, dammit!

What?

Urgh . . . okay, I have it . . .

Good! Okay . . . uh . . . crap, what do I do?

I DON'T KNOW!

OW! Dang . . . that killed an eardrum . . . oh . . .

Could you just stand in front of the freakin' mirror?!

NO! A million times no!

Oh . . . I hate you so much right now . . . uhn . . .

Sora . . . ah man, my arms are getting hotter! Gah! What are you doing?!

It's not me, it's the letter!

Crap! My skin is melting off! Holy sh-

What, did you think I was lying or something?! Of course it's freakin' melting! IT'S BURNING!

Okay, okay, I get it! Sheesh . . . I'm going to the mirror.

Thank the heavens! Could you move any faster?!

Shut up!

Roxas, this is hurting . . . like really bad!

I get it, it's hurting me too now! Now stop talking! I can barely walk with you screaming in my head you know!

Oh . . .

Dude, you're a guy! Stop crying!

I'm not, you're crying!

Am not!

Uuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhh!

I'm here! I'm in front of the mirror! Now give it!

Okay! Just stand there and don't move! At all! Not an inch! Not a single little twitch of movement!

Quit commanding and give me the damn thing! We're burning while you waste time doing that, you know?! Give it!

SHUT UP!

Quit stealing my lines!

Quit saying such predictable stuff!

You're just so . . . you're just so . . .

Roxas, I know, okay?! I know . . . I'm horrible. I'm selfish and . . . horrible.

Sora . . .

Take it.

I blink once as he pushes the letter towards me from inside the mirror. His eyes are shut tightly, tears falling freely while his hands shake. From the tips of his fingers to his elbows is charred flesh, sizzling with red welts and pink skin. I then close my eyes and grab the piece of paper as fast as I can.

Surprisingly, it doesn't hurt. I gasp and stare closely at the parchment, unfolding it so that I can read it. The paper is warm in my hands and even before I see the words I feel my lips pull up into a smile. My eyes skim over the letter . . . and then I tilt my head, rereading it. I frown.

I reread it five times, face frozen in a look of incredulity. I feel Sora scuffling around in my head, impatient energy channeling down from him to me, which makes me anxious.

Sora, knock it off!

Well? Are you going to share what it says?

Hmmm . . . I don't get it. Who sent this to you?

I don't know, it just appeared.

All it says . . . it says You Exist. What the heck?

You . . . exist . . .

Yeah . . . the handwriting . . . I feel like I know this person . . .

You exist.

Yep. Weird . . .

Roxas . . . it's a sign! This means that I was right!

What?!

You exist! Your life is special, it is important! That person agrees with me, they want you to keep existing!

Should have known you would twist it to fit your perspective. This doesn't change anything. I still think you should just let me go. It . . . it would be so much easier.

Giving up is always easier.

Right . . .

I'm sorry. I'm just . . . I don't know how long I can do this. It's wrong.

Since when did you start feeling guilty about this? Yen Sid isn't going to tell anyone.

It's going to come out. I'm not . . . I'm not you, Sora.

Right . . . and that's the whole point.

I close my eyes and let that sink in. Then I push myself out of the bed and head towards the bathroom. It feels like I'm on autopilot, I watch my hands work over the bathtub, squirting various soaps into the water as it rises and expands. When the foam nearly starts to overflow the tub I slowly strip, watching apathetically as my dirty pants fall of my legs in a sluggish lump. I peel my shirt off then slowly enter the bathtub, sitting back and letting my head touch the wall.

Sheesh, could you actually work to move your body a little?

I don't feel like it. What, got a problem with that? If I have to stay here at least give me the right to be lazy when I want to.

Being lazy can get you killed, you know.

Your concern is nothing short of amazing. Thanks.

Hmmm . . . you're more . . . passive than I imagined.

Huh? What do you mean?

Nothing. Nothing at all . . .

Sora . . . your voice sounds a little different . . .

Seriously? I never noticed. Well, I'm a lot less whiny than that turd. It's a waste of energy making your voice sound higher anyway.

. . . you're not Sora, are you?

Ah, you caught it. Well, that was faster than I expected. Nice.

Ahem, no I'm not. Feel free to call me that though. Not much of a difference between us really.

I see. What did you do with the real Sora?

Wow, you know how to make a guy feel special. Heh . . . I don't know where your little friend is. You guys seemed to be having a tense moment there. I heard you wanted to meet me face to face . . . well, we can't actually cause you're not in front of the mirror, so this will have to do.

I already saw what you look like.

Yeah, but I was locked up then. Not the best first impression, right? Ha ha!

Sheesh, where are my manners. Hello, Roxas. My name is Anti-Sora and it is very nice to meet you.

Anti-Sora? Heh, nice name.

Yeah, I didn't pick it. But, you know, nothing really left for you to choose when you started out as nothing in the beginning. You know what I mean?

Am I supposed to say yes here?

No, you don't. I can tell when you're lying though so it really doesn't matter.

Right.

Well, I'd say it's a pleasure meeting you but I honestly don't care.

Of course you don't. You're ready to jump ship and run, eh? Well, this is the moment you've been dying for. Go ahead and sleep. I'll take control of the body and you'll instantly start to disappear once you go back up into the Mental Spot, as I like to call it.

You're serious?

Yeah.

Tempting, but I don't trust you.

Naturally. Seriously though, do you think anyone here trusts . . . anyone? I mean, Sora obviously doesn't trust you. He knew about the stupid letter, he just didn't want you to make yourself disappear. That whole burning scenario earlier didn't have to happen. He's the one who pushed you out early.

I figured.

See? That's why you're the smart one.

You do know that you're not winning any points here, right?

Just saying. Don't flatter yourself, this isn't meant to feed your precious ego. I'm just showing you that I'm trustworthy. Has anything I said been wrong so far?

Trustworthy? That made me laugh.

Ahem, on a random note I'd appreciate it if you stopped washing my . . . Sora's body.

What? You were the one who said you wanted to be lazy. If you're not going to use your own limbs then I'm going to do something. I don't like the smell of nature, thank you very much.

I can wash myself.

You mean you can wash Sora, right? Wow, this is confusing. How in the world are you supposed to say anything up here? I mean, I'm in the brain . . . ergh conscious . . . wherever I am that allows you to hear me in your head . . . no his head . . .

Ugh, this is giving me a headache!

This is Sora's body, you're in his head, I'm the conscious and the main one in control of the voluntary parts of the body . . . um . . .

That didn't make any sense.

Hey, you're the one who has a problem with it.

Hehn . . . sheesh, you really are gloomy today. I sort of thought you would cuss me out or something.

Okay, that's insulting. I'll admit I lost it a little earlier, but my temper isn't that bad!

I don't care, I just want to see you angry. Furious people excite me . . . call it a fix if you will. I like seeing what happens after all that unfocused energy escapes. Pure, raw reactions . . . there's nothing like it.

You're a talkative one, huh?

My name is Anti-SORA. What did you expect? I'm Sora without the whining.

Not to mention a darker sense of humor.

Hmmm, I don't consider myself humorous. I don't like telling jokes.

Try me.

Seriously?

Why not? If you're not going to leave you might as well do something useful.

Man . . . depression is hitting you hard. You sound like a cynical forty-year old.

. . . that wasn't funny.

That wasn't the joke. Ugh . . . alright, hold on a moment.

Right.

Do you mind if this involves kids?

I don't know.

Okay, well once there was this guy who had a lobotomy. The procedure should have killed him, but it didn't, and then a kid showed up with an ax-

Okay, I've heard enough.

Hah . . . you don't follow things through. I see, I see.

Pfft, as if you knew . . .

Well, you didn't follow through with disappearing, and now you're about 75% decided on not existing for Sora and whoever sent you that letter. Yeah, you have a history of not sticking to stuff. Don't be ashamed, just accept that part of yourself.

First of all, Sora was the one who kept me from disappearing the first time. I was forced into this so if I choose not to do something it's not like I'm backing out on anything.

Right. Defensive much?

Yeah, maybe a little. Also, if you think that this has distracted me at all in concerns to letting you take full control you have another thing coming.

Wow, you're not even warming up to me a little?

No. And if you lay a finger on Sora I will find a way to get up there and kick your ass. Got that? Are we done here?

Yeah, I just want to say one more thing.

Right. Go ahead.

Ha ha, I like you. Seriously, this . . . actually may hurt me a little, telling you this.

I'm an impatient person. Please, do not start stalling. I'm really not in the mood.

That anger is crawling back, eh? Instinctive habits and subtle impulses . . . you really are something. I'm not trying to stall. I want to take this moment and memorize everything.

Your facial expression, how wide your eyes are open, the way the hair is standing up on your back . . . all breathtakingly beautiful reactions . . .

You're making half of that stuff up.

Am I? Feel for yourself.

No. Now hurry up and say what you need to say.

Sure.

Okay.

Ahem . . .

Roxas?

Yeah?

Xion misses you.

End of Journal Entry 9


Everything just gets longer and longer. My recent update for Don't Be a Gentleman was over 6K, now this is over 6K. Sheesh . . .

Well, that just means more content for you guys! I hope you all enjoyed this. Thanks as always for the support and reading up to this point! Until next time!

Justice T.