20 minutes later Chris left her office dazed.
That was probably not the best way to start the day thought Rachel. It did feel good to pour all of her emotions out, while she was talking to him Rachel had felt secure, like a caterpillar in a cocoon, it was an unusual sensation for her and she had like it at the time. Chris had been very understanding, he was prepared to wait for her to sort herself out, Rachel knew that being with her involved a lot of excess baggage that she would never be able to get rid of entirely. Yes, at the time it was safe and it felt lovely, but now Rachel felt vulnerable and exposed. This was the reason she never let her emotions leave her, this was why they were buried deep down inside her. this feeling of defencelessness and fragility scared her, as Max had said, playing the victim didn't suit her, being weak just wasn't Rachel Mason.
Rachel walked to her window and watched the few late arrivals running towards the front door, desperate to get to their lessons before they were missed. Rachel watched their bags swinging next to them, she remembered those days, turning up late with Melissa in tow, satchel swaying with her every movement, arriving early, anything to get out of the house and away from home. Childhood had not been her happiest time.
Paperwork beckoned. The already vast pile was building the longer she left it, it was already the size of Mount Everest. At that moment Joyce entered the room and placed another file on to the top of the pile, she smiled apologetically at Rachel as she closed the door behind her as she left the room. Rachel grabbed her biro and picked up the colossal file that Joyce had bought her and began. If she started now she may get it done within the next decade.
Rachel worked continuously with no distraction for 3 hours. No distractions meant no major problems, which meant a successful first day back. So far anyway. It also meant her teachers were coping, another good sign. Rachel finished working on the file she had reached and glanced at the clock wistfully. 12:30, Rachel hadn't even heard the bell go for lunch. She wondered how she could have missed both that and the sound of the children outside, arguing, playing and shouting. Rachel leant back in her chair and listened. The peace and harmony of her slumber interrupted by her stomach. She smiled and stood. One thought in her head, Food.
The canteen was full, as usual. Teachers on the 'teachers table' and children avoiding sitting at it, even though at least 2/3rds of it were not being used and the canteen was struggling for space. Absentmindedly Rachel grabbed a tray and got a plateful of a tomatoey pasta with some sort of herb on the top. Smiling at Rose and making polite comments to the children that surrounded her Rachel moved towards the 'teachers table'. She placed her tray down and sat down next to Ruby. Steph, Grantly, Jo and Ruby were in deep conversation but all smiled at Rachel as she sat down. This immediately put Rachel on edge. She had expected Ruby and Steph to turn their noses up at her and Grantly to be uninterested or make some snide comment. The only friendly face she expected was Jo's. She smiled back, cautiously and took a mouthful of pasta before joining their conversation.
'So anyway, I saw him the other day and he seemed fine, but there was something about him. You know when something's wrong, when you can feel it?' Steph was saying.
'Probably left her' Grantly replied a disinterested look glued to his face, cheese hanging casually out of the side of his mouth, 'He left his last wife and then got her pregnant'
Jo squirmed in her seat, taking small sharp looks at Rachel every two seconds, something was bugging her. She didn't want to be here. Rachel felt a sinking feeling in her stomach and her eyes widened as she put two and two together and realised what they were talking about. There was still a chance though, it might not be. Maybe putting two and two together had given her five? Surely they wouldn't talk about this in front of her.
'I still think that's awful' remarked Ruby, twisting her spaghetti elegantly around her fork 'How could she do that to her? No wonder she has seemed so strange, especially after...'
'Who are we talking about?'
Rachel demanded firmly but the curiosity and horror in her voice were evident, these descriptions reminded her terribly of a certain somebody that she didn't want to remember.
All eyes then refused to make contact with hers and her suspicions were confirmed by the guilty expressions on every face.
