Keeping the whole cheating thing a secret wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. My time with Matt was starting to dwindle and of course that meant my time with John was increasing. But now with him it just wasn't sex. We talked and sometimes we just hung out. It was weird, he wasn't Peter anymore. He as actually starting to become a respectable man in my eyes and that freaked me out.
Currently it was Tuesday and I was walking, not more like limping because of my match the previous day with Beth, around the arena looking for someone to bother because Matt of course was in a match. This was one of the odd times when I wasn't looking for John. Today for some reason my guilt about the whole cheating thing was hitting me hard so I was trying to avoid John. As I continued limping, I saw Melina. It had been a while since I talked to her because I knew what I was doing was horrible and I couldn't talk to her knowing I was with John. I'll be the first to admit that it was wrong but I couldn't just stop. If I could, I have a long time ago but John is a master at the art of seduction. I don't know what she was talking about when she said he wasn't good in bed. I tried hurrying and limping the other way but she had already saw me.
"Mickie!!!" There was the screech again.
"Melina!" I yelled with fake enthusiasm.
"It's been forever since I've talked to you. You and Matt act like little hermit crabs." I gave a fake laugh and smiled.
"What are you doing here though? I didn't hear anything about you being on the card." I said as I leaned against the wall.
"That's because I'm not on the card. I'm here with Dave. I did tell you we're together now right?"
"Yeah silly me how could I forget." It didn't come as much of a shock when she told me. Everyone had their suspicions and when Dave's book came out, it just sealed the deal.
"Yeah well I gotta go and meet him now. But we have to get together an hang out sometime." She said as she began walking away.
"Yeah sure just call and let me know when." I did miss all of the divas. Maybe it was time I cut down on the time I spent traveling to SmackDown. I began walking again but this time to Matt's locker room. I think my leg had taken all it could for right now because the pain was starting to get worse.
When I got back to the locker room, John was in there slouched on the couch staring into space. He snapped out of it when I plopped down on the bench.
"Why so far over there?" I tried my hardest to repress the shiver that wanted to run thought my body at his tone of voice. It was silky and sexy and he knew what he could do by using it. I didn't reply though. I just acted like something interesting was on the blank wall. "You're ignoring me?" Still, no reply. The wall was extremely interesting. "What the hell did I do now?" Now he sat straight up on the couch and though his sunglasses covered his eyes I knew they were mixed with anger and confusion.
"You haven't done anything." I yelled at him. I think part of me wanted to start a fight with him. Not because of the sex that usually followed, which was amazing, but because of the fact that I needed someone to take all the bad feelings I had out on. He just happened to be easy to upset which made him an easy target for me.
"Then what the hell is all the attitude for?"
"I can't do this any more John"
"Here we go with this again." He said as he plopped back against the couch.
"This time I'm serious. I can't keep doing this to him. I mean I swear he knows. I can't continue to hurt him like this. I mean you saw how he went after he found out about Amy and Adam. I don't want him to have to feel like that again." It did seem like he knew though. Whenever he and John were in the same room, he would send him death glares. He could hardly stand to hear his name. He never questioned where I went sometimes or why I still went to SmackDown when he wasn't there or why people would see John go in my locker room at Raw.
"Are you serious? They were together for six years. Maybe if this is the second time then the problem is him."
"Don't say that. There is nothing wrong with him."
"Then why the hell do you always come to me? If there was nothing wrong with him you would have never agreed to anything with me."
"I don't want to have this conversation here." I said as I leaned back against the lockers behind me.
"No because if we don't do it here then we never will."
"Maybe that's a good thing."
"No because you bring it up so damn much. Almost every day it's always 'John I can't do this anymore'. No one's forced you to cheat."
"Ha so true."
"You're trying to say I forced this onto you?" I could hear in his voice that his anger was rising.
"Basically."
"No. You could have pushed me away that day. You could have done a lot of things. You've done it in the past so what made that day any different? You wanted it. You wanted a reason to break up with Matt. You still do. You're just hoping that one day he'll walk in and catch us so he can break up with you because you can't break up with him. You think that if you break up on a bad note then he'll be angry at you and then you won't feel so bad because he'll be too angry to be sad over the break up.
And I get that Mickie I get why you would rather he be mad at you then sad because of you but guess what. It doesn't matter. Either way he's still going to be sad. He loves you. You know it and so do I but it really doesn't matter how you guys break up because he already knows what we do."
I was in shock. I couldn't believe him. I wanted to pretend that it was all untrue. I wanted to yell at him and kick his ass but I couldn't. All of the things John said were true. I had been trying to deny it. I tried so hard that I actually started to believe that it wasn't true. Matt was a sweetheart but I was a bitch. I knew I would probably feel nothing romantic for him but I still dragged him on. I was terrified of how it was going to end. The smart thing to do would have been to break it off early but he was my Chris repellant. I was using him to keep Chris away because what Chris felt scared me. I just clung harder to Matt not realizing that his feelings were the same as Chris's.
It was stupid and selfish of me but I didn't care. Now I couldn't break up with him. That was one of the major reasons I stayed away form relationships. I'd had bad break up experiences in the past and they forever change me. I couldn't believe that John had read into me so much in so little time. I knew I couldn't deny all he said but I could still latch onto something and still be angry at him.
"You told him about us?"
"I seriously hope that's not all you've heard after all I've said. But no I didn't tell him. He's not stupid. He knew like a week after we began."
"He's known that long?" He hasn't treated me any different.
"Yeah. He came up to me one day and told me he knew. I couldn't deny it."
"If he's known so long why hasn't he said anything?"
"That's the same thing I asked him."
"Then what the hell was his answer." His whole nonchalant act was starting to irritate me. This was a big issue and he went on as if we were discussing the weather.
"He said because he loved you and you guys had never said anything about being monogamous." Now that I though about it, it was true. We had never even discussed being a couple. People always called us one but we never said we were one. This whole time it had just been like we were dating.
I never felt so relieved in my life. He couldn't get mad at the whole John thing because we weren't a couple. There would be no break up because we were never a couple. Suddenly being with John didn't seem so bad anymore until I realized one thing.
"Wait. You knew he knew this whole time yet you continued to be with me?"
"Yeah." He said it like it was okay.
"You know he's in love with me yet you continued to be with me with him knowing?"
"Uhh yeah."
"Why? Don't you feel guilty?"
"Yeah."
"Then why the hell didn't you stop?"
"Because the more we hung out. I mean just talked and stuff, the more I began to like you." I almost fainted. Was he serious? He had to be kidding. "Yes I am serious, but I mean in a strictly friends with benefits way. None of that love shit. I'm afraid I have no heart to love with. But that is for another heart to heart on another day."
"I guess it's time for me to go find Matt."
"I would think so but before you go I have to tell you something."
"What?"
"No one is to ever know about this conversation we just had. I have a certain reputation to keep with the ladies." I just laughed and walked out of the room. I had to find Matt before I chickened out. I was glad that I ran into John though. That conversation really helped me. Maybe he's not so bad after all . . . please who am I kidding he'll always be Peter to me.
