A/N: Long time, no see, huh? I feel like I haven't updated this one in forever, but here I am:) For those of you who were wondering, camp was great, albeit exhausting. Our troop's end-of-year trip was yesterday, prom is next weekend, then AP exams, and I'm pretty much done with high school... it's gone by so incredible fast; I can't believe it!
Oh, and I still don't own anything- anything you recognize belongs to J.K. Rowling.
Anyway, thanks for your patience, and I'll do my best to stay on schedule from now on!
Severus had spent every night since Miss Granger's unexpected visit thinking of her. He could still feel her warmth as her body pressed against his. She was small- only up to his shoulder- but she somehow seemed to mold to him; they just fit together. He had committed her scent to memory: wildflowers, wood, and citrus. It was sweet, but not overwhelmingly so, and Severus found that he rather liked it; it was just so… her.
Of course, he mentally reprimanded and argued with himself each time he had these thoughts, but he couldn't help it. There was just something about her that drew him in, and he was loath to fight it. The two opposing sides of his conscience warred in his head, and it was starting to get on his nerves. One side seemed to be winning, though, so maybe he wouldn't have to put up with it for much longer.
Stop that, you lecherous old man. She's half your age!
But witches and wizards live twice as long, so the difference is really more like a quarter. Sort of.
She's your student.
Yes, but she's an adult and doesn't actually have to be here. There aren't any rules against relationships between students and teachers as long as the student is of age.
Just look at her, though! She'll never want you.
Likely as that may be, it won't stop my caring for her.
It's only going to hurt you.
She's worth it.
Is she? Can you handle being left again?
For her, I could, if it was truly what she wanted.
But it would destroy you. Surely you want to protect yourself?
As much as I hate letting my walls down, I would do it for her. I've told you, she's worth it.
How do you know, though?
I… I just do. She's important.
Maybe, but is that enough?
I think so. She's only ever been kind to me; the least I could do is give her the benefit of the doubt.
Severus Snape does not give people the 'benefit of the doubt.' Severus Snape curses first and asks questions later.
Well, maybe it's time for a change.
You've fallen hard for that girl, haven't you?
No. Would you listen? I care about her, that's all.
Sure it is…
His internal discussions with himself had become the source of frequent headaches, and they were beginning to drive him mad. Severus really didn't like knowing how torn he was about this, but he knew it made sense. He'd always had a strict moral code, believe it or not, and a relationship with a student fell outside of what he deemed acceptable. But things were different in this case; if the girl somehow lost all sense and professed her feelings for him, he wouldn't object.
No, Severus was pretty sure that he would be a very happy man if that ever occurred. However, it would never do for him to have false hopes, so he tried to force those thoughts away.
Of course, he also had to consider how uncomfortable he would be if he were placed in such a position. He wasn't used to people being friendly towards him, let alone liking him. It would definitely be strange, but Severus was sure that he would be able to adjust, even if it took some time for him to come around. While he would certainly be pleased, his insecure streak would be sure to come out with a vengeance, and he would probably cock everything up before it really started, but he could still try.
Miss Granger was unfailingly loyal, though. Her kindness and understanding were often unbelievable, even if her patience occasionally left something to be desired- not like he could talk, really.
He had never been known for any of these traits, although he could be very patient when absolutely necessary- outwardly, at least. On the inside, he would often be cursing whatever required said patience to oblivion. Severus was much better known for his quick temper and unnerving presence. He could usually put people on edge merely by walking into a room, which was pleasurable- Severus almost never failed to give a trademark sneer along with an unpleasant comment.
The girl didn't seem phased by his abrasive side, though. Even after she'd been attacked, she had barely flinched when he said something biting- which some small part of him often regretted- and it was almost as if she- well, not that she liked it, but was… comforted, perhaps. He supposed his behavior was a constant in all that had changed this year.
Severus could live with that. He could be what little stability she had left, and he would make sure he did a damned good job of it, too.
Three weeks had passed since Hermione had received the parchment from Ron, and she was proud that she hadn't panicked over it again- her visit to Professor Snape had helped considerably.
She and Neville didn't have many classes together, but they saw each other in the Great Hall. The two of them would wait for Luna after dinner and they would all go to Hermione's rooms for a couple of hours to do homework or just sit around the fire and talk.
Now that Hermione was gaining some of her confidence back, she was realizing that Harry's behavior towards her for the past few months was horribly unjustified. With that epiphany had come her change of heart: Hermione wasn't just irritated by his ignorance- she was angrier with him than she'd ever been before. At the same time, she was frustrated with herself- had she really let herself fall so far down that she believed it was okay for him to treat her that way after they'd been best friends for years?
It was with thoughts of her friends that Hermione was walking to the Great Hall this morning, and she was glad to see Neville waiting for her at their usual spot at the Gryffindor table. As Hermione made her way across the room, she waved at Luna, who flashed her a dreamy smile. There was something under that smile, though, but Hermione couldn't quite place what it was. Worry, or concern, perhaps?
When she sat down, Neville and Harry were discussing homework assignments they hadn't finished that needed to be worked on during the day. As soon as Hermione sat down, Harry stopped talking and turned to talk to Ginny, who glared at Hermione before turning away. Neville just looked at her sheepishly before asking her to read over the Charms essay he'd started writing the night before. Hermione readily agreed, having missed helping those who were appreciative of her assistance. She gave him advice on how to continue and, having nothing else to do, allowed her thoughts to wander.
After she had pulled away from Professor Snape that night, Hermione had been unable to look at him. She was embarrassed, and knew that she had overstepped the mark. It hadn't been intentional, but she was afraid he would be angry with her, and she couldn't deal with that, not after having so many emotions hit her at once. After mumbling an apology and wiping her eyes, Hermione had made to leave, only for her professor to stop her. He'd told her that she was in no state to be by herself and, as her guardian, he was responsible for seeing that she return to her rooms only when she was emotionally stable. So, they'd sat by the fire with tea as they'd done that afternoon, and she'd gone to her quarters in a relatively calm state of mind. Then, she'd written the third letter.
Professor Snape,
I know this may seem strange, but your small acts of comfort mean the world to me. I can tell that it doesn't come easy to you, but I appreciate that you're trying. To be honest, I half-expected you to turn me away once you saw that it was only a distraught teenaged girl interrupting your evening, and a Gryffindor at that. I'm grateful that you were there, though.
I'm going to be perfectly candid. After receiving the note and subsequently panicking, I didn't think twice before running to your door. I trust you, Professor- I always have, but maybe not to this extent. I mean, how many people can say that the first person they turn to is the dour Potions Master? Not many, I assume.
You aren't just the bat of the dungeons, though. Not to me, at least, and you never have been. Over the past couple of months, I've come to see you in a way that I'm sure most aren't allowed to witness. You can be snarky and unpleasant, but there's more to it. Once you let somebody see past that rough exterior of yours, there is a beautiful person underneath, and it pains me a bit to think that you don't know this. It's true, though; if you were really as bad as they say, why would you have even bothered with me that night? You wouldn't have. Why would you have agreed to become my protector? You wouldn't have. What reason would you have to save me from myself? There wouldn't be one.
Maybe you'll never understand, but I hope you're at least aware of what I see in you. Maybe nobody else in the world will ever see it, but I promise you that it's there. Maybe you've been hurt so many times that you just want to keep everybody out, but there isn't any keeping me away. We're friends now, Professor, and don't even try to argue- you proved that to me tonight, so there's no convincing me otherwise. You're stuck with me, I'm afraid.
Yours,
Hermione
That letter had joined the others in the box under the bed, and Hermione was beginning to question her feeling that they should remain hidden from her professor. Perhaps if he was as alone as she suspected, she should let him know that he wasn't; he'd done as much for her. But she somehow knew that something so lacking in subtlety wouldn't be appreciated, or at least not as much as something less bold.
Hermione was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of the post being delivered.
Even now, Hermione loved watching the owls flood into the Great Hall as they dropped envelopes and small parcels down to the students. She was watching them fly over the Gryffindor table when a letter fluttered down and landed on her toast. Hermione gave it a questioning look; she never received anything now that her parents didn't know who she was.
Opening it cautiously, Hermione recognized the handwriting immediately. Her mouth dropped open, and she quickly crammed it back into the envelope. Gathering her things, Hermione rushed out of the Hall, ignoring Neville he called her name. Walking as fast as she could without tripping over her own two feet, Hermione went out to the grounds and sat on a bench.
Pulling the letter back out- and preparing for the worst- Hermione read.
Hermione,
I don't quite know where to start, but I think I have an idea. We remember, sweetheart. Our memories came back, and we're back home in England. We've brought Seth with us; you'll absolutely love him. Please don't feel as if we replaced you, because, now that we remember you, you will always be our little girl.
Your father and I aren't angry with you, but we do have questions. I mean, surely you had a good reason for taking our memories, but we haven't the smallest idea of what it could be. Was it something to do with the war?
If you could, we would love it if you would come to the house as soon as possible. It's been so long, and we just want to see you.
We love you,
Mum and Dad
Hermione's vision went blurry as her eyes filled with tears, and she rose from her bench and strode across the grounds. She couldn't fathom how this could have happened, but her parents were back. It was so hard to believe; she'd long since given up hope that their memories could be returned to them. Without a second thought, Hermione fled the grounds and apparated home.
What on earth is the matter with her? She ran out of here as if she saw Voldemort rising from the dead… again.
Severus watched the letter fall to Miss Granger's plate. He observed her reaction to it: confusion, shock, and fear all flashed over her face before she put the letter away and made her escape. He couldn't help but wonder if it was another missive from Weasley, but- especially considering what happened last time- knew that, if that were the case, it was likely that she would have turned to him. Longbottom looked rather confused, but returned to his meal after a moment. Miss Lovegood, though, was worrying him. While she still appeared to be only half-present, there was something else. Severus wasn't sure what it was, but it was far from good.
Deciding to ask the girl about the letter when she came for tea after class, Severus went back to glaring down at the students. Those who glanced his way quickly looked in the other direction, which was lacking in its usual satisfaction; it was hard to enjoy when his mind was otherwise occupied.
The day that followed breakfast was slow, and Severus' unease only worsened when Miss Granger failed to make an appearance in class that morning.
But miss class she did. Now well and truly concerned, Severus went to the infirmary between lessons to ask Poppy if she'd seen the girl. It seemed as if Miss Granger had decided not to make any appearances today, but Severus couldn't help but wonder if it had something to do with her post. Actually, he was sure that that was it; there wasn't really any other explanation. Had he been wrong? Had it actually been from the ginger-haired menace?
If there was a time to fully admit to himself how much he cared for the girl, now probably wasn't it, but the thought just hit him and seemed to stick in his mind. Miss Granger was important to him. He wasn't really sure how it had happened, but it was true. It was more than just wanting to protect her now, and Severus was sure it had been for some time now. Not only did he want her to be safe, but he also wanted to see her happy and looked after. She needed it more than just about anybody, but she'd been without it for far too long.
Their time together every evening made the days plagued by dunderheads so much more bearable, and he found that he'd made a friend- a real friend, not just a mutual beneficiary- since Lily. He wouldn't, couldn't let that go, especially not now that he was actually acknowledging what he felt towards the girl. It wasn't love, but it was definitely more than what he felt for any other student.
He was growing more concerned for her, but Severus didn't know what had happened. He had his guesses about the letter, but other than that, he was grasping at straws. Severus was left with a feeling that he had failed her- she was in his charge, after all, and he was responsible for her. She was bright, though- she wouldn't do anything without thinking it through.
Well, not without being extremely emotional. Severus feared that this must have been the case as he recalled her face from the Great Hall.
His second lesson of the day was sixth year Ravenclaw-Hufflepuff, and he was relieved when it was over. He'd spent the last hour observing Miss Lovegood, but her signs of unease didn't seem to be going away. In fact, they seemed worse than they had been at breakfast, and Severus was becoming more uneasy. Severus seemed to be the only one who could tell that anything was amiss, or perhaps he was the only one who cared. Severus could certainly relate to that, although most people hadn't ignored him because they thought he was insane.
As the students filed out of the room, Severus was preparing himself to check Miss Granger's rooms. He didn't want to invade her privacy, but he had a sinking feeling that something was very wrong. This feeling was only added to as the only remaining student approached his desk.
"Professor?"
"Yes, Miss Lovegood?"
"Your aura has been very distraught today, sir."
He looked at her in surprise. Of all the things he could have possibly expected, that certainly wasn't one of them.
"I beg your pardon?"
"Well, sir, it's common for one's aura to show signs of distress when their soul mate is in trouble. I just thought you might like to know."
And with that, she walked out of the room as if they'd just discussed her latest homework assignment, leaving Severus open-mouthed and wide-eyed at his desk.
A/N II: Feel free to review- I really love reading your speculations and general comments:) See y'all next week!
