A/N: Aww, I seriously love you guys so much. I was reading your reviews – especially ones from F113n and duhjaja – and they just made me smile. (Reframe: I saw another one from Luvsurstory, and I actually laughed out loud because I hate the summary on this story, too.) I actually changed the summary, if you didn't notice! I think it's much better, but tell me what you think. It makes me want to headdesk when I can't PM them, though, since it seems like the people that leave the nicest reviews never have accounts :C There's a lot of references to stuff that's happened irl, so my friends should watch for them. Oh, and I decided to NOT put Jonah in the story. It was a last-minute thing, and I think he's too difficult to write, so I'm putting another friend of mine in, instead. Maddie and Shelby probably already know, and now that she's in it, she'll have to read it, muahaha! Anyway, I probably shouldn't be rewarding you guys with such a long chapter, since there was such a lack of reviews, but I figured Halloween's coming so I need to get this chapter out. (Reframe: LOL Halloween was like, WAAAAAYYY before I updated!) Anyways, enjoy! xx (I've started doing the "kiss kiss" thing, so if you're bombarded by Xs, that would be why.)
"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"
"Shelby, breathe."
"I can't!"
"It's not that big of a deal, now breathe! I still hold the title of Drama Queen and you're not taking that away from me."
She giggled. "Fine."
"See? Now I'd appreciate your coherent thoughts, thank you."
"Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh!"
"Fuck you."
She just laughed at that, but her expression became serious after a moment. "Okay so you made out-"
"Kissed on the cheek."
"After you died and came back to life-"
"Passed out."
"And you realized you're in love with him-"
"That I li-" I stopped abruptly, making my trademark expression that could only be described as "the-face-Jamie-makes-when-she-just-said-or-did-something-embarrassing-or-kind-of-awkward-but-can-also-be-placed-as-a-face-she-makes-for-comedic-relief."
She raised an eyebrow.
"Whatever, I don't need your harassment," I waved a hand dismissively,
"Yes you do. And if you don't accept it, my ADHD is going to unleash all kinds of crazy."
I smiled.
"So what's the deal, bro?" She asked, mockingly throwing her hand up in the air like a "gangsta."
"There's no deal."
She made a noise between a scoff and a snort. "Bitch, please. You move way too fast most of the time, for a kiss on the cheek to be nothing."
"I don't move that fast."
She made that noise again. "I'm prettysure the last time you kissed a guy on the cheek was because you missed his mouth."
"I'm not a slut! Maddie holds that title," I smirked.
"Thank you," said girl replied.
"You know what I mean. Usually you just get bored and move on from one cute guy to the next. Maddie does the same, but you just give them blue balls so bad, I'm surprised you haven't been raped yet," she smiled wryly.
"See? This is exactly what I was talking about!" Maddie interjected. She hadn't supplied much to the conversation, which was unusual.
"Whatever."
There was an audible silence.
"So, had any more dreams?" Maddie leered.
My eyes darted off to the side as I recalled last night, and an all too familiar smile that couldn't be described as anything but devious spread over my face.
That was probably answer enough, but I continued. "Yeah. Shower scene. It was hot," I nodded appreciatively, as if congratulating my twisted thoughts. I'd gotten over my disgust at thinking such things by now; I'd always had a sick mind, so I should've expected as much.
"Too bad you haven't actually hooked up in there. Can't believe you're waiting until you're married to do all that shit, J. You're missing out, big time."
"I'm not even surprised you've been there, but I have to ask how many times."
She paused to think about it. "27, as of last night."
"Oh you lucky skank!" Shelby shouted, causing us to break out into laughter.
"Hey, you lost your V-Card yet, Crazy?" I eyed Shelby.
She blushed, "Percy is rather persuasive. Not that I'm very opposed or anything…"
"Oh, so like yesterday?" Maddie crossed her arms.
"Exactly like yesterday."
"Oh so while you're off eating babies or whatever else, I'm near death?" I asked, mock drama in my voice.
"Eating babi-Oh!" Maddie's confused expression turned to a knowing one in seconds. "Nice."
I made the universal "eating babies" motion, much to our own amusement.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"Hey, so what's the plan for today? Order the school to become our slaves and have them dance for our amusement while giving us piggy-back rides as form of transportation?" My voice changed to a whisper. "I could probably get them to do it."
Alex gave me an odd look. "No. I was thinking we could, I don't know…just do something normal."
"Boring, but reasonable."
We seemed to be skirting around the subject that was screaming like a crazy person lit on fire. It hadn't been a big deal – not really, anyway – so I felt no need to broach it. We seemed to be doing fine by just acting like it never happened.
He gave me a sarcastic smile and was about to walk the other direction when I linked my arm with his.
"Hey, we have…how many classes together?"
"All of them."
"Right. All of our classes together, so we should just walk together."
"And be ostracized by the public? Of course," he replied flatly, slipping his arm out of mine.
"Learn to love the spotlight, Alex. It loves company."
"So does misery."
My eyes narrowed, and I stood on my tiptoes so that my lips were right by his ear. "Alex, if you piss me off I will not hesitate to rip your balls off."
He said nothing, and I wondered if he was considering the likelihood that I would follow through. Then he re-linked our arms. "So, how has your morning been?"
I smiled. "Pretty good. There's a dance this Friday; you should come with."
He opened and closed his mouth a couple times, as if he couldn't find the right words to say. "Sure."
"You seem reluctant."
"Well…aren't there…people…there?"
I laughed. "Of course. It's a dance."
He gave me a pointed look.
"Don't worry, I'll protect you," I cooed mockingly.
"Pfft. You're half everyone's size."
"Bite me. You saw me take care of those guys when you were getting your ass handed to you the other day; I'm a badass at this school."
He laughed, causing my smile to widen.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
Alex and I had parted ways momentarily – he'd briefly mentioned needing something from his locker – so I was alone for the time being, much to my distress. I'd always had a slight fear of being alone, since it made you an easy target. Of course, I had nothing to worry about now, but I still couldn't shake something so well imprinted into my mind. Obviously I had my moments where I completely reveled in the alone time, but now was not one of those times. A horde soon gathered, however, so my anxiety was put to rest.
A girl was walking down the hall, opposite my direction. She had her face hidden behind a schedule – that was odd, it was late enough in the school year for everyone to already know their classes – so I didn't pay her much attention.
Until she ran into me.
"What the-?"
"Oh my goodness! I am so sorry! Are you okay? I didn't like, hurt you or anything, did I?"
"Pfft, spaz!" A random girl giggled.
"Hey, suck it, it wasn't on purpose," I reprimanded.
"Thanks," the girl said meekly, embarrassment shining in her blue eyes.
"Don't worry, the majority of the people here are borderline retarded," I whispered. "So are you new?"
"Yeah. I actually have no idea where I'm going."
"No one does. Oh, you meant at school. Well, I can show you around."
"Really?"
"Of course."
"Thank you so much!"
"No problem. You know, we've had half a conversation and I still don't know your name."
"Oh! I'm Emily," she replied, the initial shyness beginning to leave her voice.
"Jamie," I smiled. Now that I looked at her, I noticed the Aéropostale I loathed so much. But I liked her already, so I didn't care. Plus, it's not like she was some fat chick trying to pull it off. She was tall and slender, with shoulder-length blonde hair and sea-green eyes. Wait, weren't they just blue?
"Your eyes are so pretty," I complimented. That sounds kind of creepy. Oh well, just play it off as usual.
"Oh, thank you. They're weird, they're like…blue and green. They change color."
"Mine, too! They're brown, but they have very distinct hazel qualities. Sometimes if you look close enough you can see that about half of them is green, but that's mostly hidden as an undertone, but they'll look really green if I stand outside when it's cloudy for some reason – at least that's what people say. And in the sun they turn legit gold. They're weird." Only I would find a way to ramble about my eye color.
"Yeah, they look green right now."
"Oh. Strange, we're not outside or anything…"
"Clearly," a wry smile appeared on her face. "They are really pretty, though."
"Thanks. Okay so right now we're in a hallway, if you couldn't see that, and if you continue going down this way," I pointed the direction I'd been going, "You'll find the cafeteria. I figure you've already visited the Office?"
She nodded.
"Good. So you know where that is. Hmm…why don't we wait until after Lunch before we stress over where your next period is?"
"…Okay." She seemed a bit reluctant to put everything off.
"Here, let me see your schedule."
She handed it to me.
"Oh! We have our next period together. And the next one. And all the ones before that. Yay, another smart person!" I squealed. "Oh, you have Trig. I'm in Pre-Calc, but I think that's the only difference. Well, now you don't have to freak, 'cause you can just follow me." I laughed. "Simple."
"Simple." She repeated. "So, Lunch right now?"
"Yes. Contrary to popular belief, not all teenage girls are anorexic." I smirked, beginning to walk down the hall.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
I was starting to wonder where Alex was, since it shouldn't take anyone – not even me – that long to get something from your locker.
"Jamie!" Shelby called out, Maddie in tow.
"Hm?"
"Okay, so with the whole kiss thing-"
I clamped my hand over her mouth. "We are not talking about this right now."
"What's going on?" Emily asked out of curiosity. She seemed to be strictly polite, and wouldn't ask about certain matters she knew didn't involve her.
"Nothing." My response was instant, and I couldn't even help the word slipping out. I wanted to facepalm. My natural acting abilities were useless when I couldn't control what was coming out of my mouth.
"Bitch, please," all of them – except for Emily – said in unison, though Shelby's was a bit muffled by my hand. It would have made me laugh if the situation at hand wasn't forcing me to become so stoic.
My natural gossip was rattling its cage, however, and it was going to break out pretty soon. Actually, I could currently feel it bending the bars, demolishing them…
"Well there's this guy I like – even though it goes against all laws of the high school hierarchy – and yesterday I fell in the lake – oh, I forgot to mention we were hanging out yesterday – and he saved me and I kissed him on the cheek." It all came out in a rushed whisper. Damn you, word vomit.
"Aww. Oh, wait, is this bad?" Emily asked.
"Kind of."
"How?"
"Well…he…I…I don't know how to explain it."
"That's fine. You don't have to tell me, we barely even know each other, anyway," she offered kindly.
God, I wished I could be as nice as her.
"No, it's fine. Ah…well, it's just that…Okay, now I'm going to have to give a backstory. Everyone here knows – and you'll probably find out soon-"
"Jamie's the HBIC at this school, she's hot, smart, and all the guys want a piece of that, but she might as well have a purity ring on that finger," Maddie explained.
"…Well…in a nutshell, I suppose. So, if I don't worry about exaggerating, I guess I could basically have any guy I want, but-"
"But there's this one guy who won't fall?" Emily guessed.
"Not exactly. I mean, he's…stubborn. Like…he doesn't understand why I even want to be around him. It's difficult enough convincing him I – yes, me, Jamie Miller – want to be just friends. Let alone trying to bring forth the absolute Hell that is high school dating." I sighed. "It's hopeless."
"J's also the school DQ," Shelby smirked.
"As in the fast food place?" Emily looked confused.
"Drama Queen," I explained. "Shelby actually got one of those little paper crowns for my birthday last year and wrote 'Drama Queen' on it. She forced me to wear it all day," I laughed at the memory. Shelby was crazy, that's why I loved her.
"So with this guy…you're like…worried…to take the next step?"
"Sort of. We're both kind of…damaged goods, I guess you could say. Insert another backstory here."
Her expression was so sympathetic, it made me smile. "That's rough. But you know what?" Her voice changed, becoming bright and cheery. "If you feel like crap, just let it go, because it's just going to drag you down. So, live in the moment, and-"
"Carpe Diem?"
"…Yeah. Pretty much," she laughed.
"But I'm a worrier. So I'm going to stress over it. I don't know…I guess I just want to be able to tell him he's so much better than he thinks he is, and have him believe me, and smile, and – insert inspirational music here – give me one of those cliché kisses and everything will be perfect." I sighed dreamily. "Sorry, side effect of being a Drama Queen is that I think of my life as a movie. Like legit, I can think of the perfect music, and I sometimes stare into the distance with a sad expression."
We all burst into a fit of giggles.
"Well, I have a feeling it'll work out," Emily said.
"It better. Everyone knows I get what I want-"
Shelby interrupted, "And she throws a diva fit when it doesn't happen like-"
"That!" Maddie snapped her fingers.
"It's…kind of true. Very true, actually," I smiled. "But, I don't know. I'm scared to say anything, because I don't want him to…reject me…I guess."
"Well, it's got to be hard to understand if you – this is from what you've told me – if you're generally…disliked…and…someone suddenly is like 'Hey, wanna go out?'" She said the last bit in a voice mocking of stereotypical teenage girls.
"Well that, and the fact that I kinda got hit by the Ugly Truck as a child."
"Oh my God!" Maddie and Shelby groaned.
"What?"
"Don't even start with the 'I'm so ugly' bullshit. You're perfectly aware that every guy in this damn school is so fucking into you that it's not even funny," Maddie ground out.
My lip curved down at her words. I knew it was probably irritating for her, since the fact that the majority of the male population in this school would cut off their arm to date me should compel me to think of myself as attractive.
But I couldn't. It was something I couldn't control.
But, was that supposed to sound so…abrasive?
Then I realized I hadn't talked to her that much lately. I mean, yes we'd talked, but we hadn't talked. I looked at her, and there was something I'd never seen in her eyes before.
Jealousy.
"You're right," I replied flatly. "I should go." With that, I turned on my heel, walking quickly away before anyone could say anything.
Only to run into a brick wall.
Oh, it wasn't a wall. It was a person. A person much taller than I was, but that could be anyone. I instantly recognized the red of a Letterman and the electric blue eyes.
Chad.
"Couldn't wait to have our bodies touching?" He whispered into my ear.
"Fuck off, Chad."
"I would, but it'd be so much nicer to have you."
"Ugh." I didn't even bother responding, instead pushing past him and walking away.
I'd had enough of school for one day, and I knew it was only Lunch, but I just couldn't find a fuck to give.
I slipped silently into the Unisex bathroom, because no one ever went in there. I wanted to splash some cold water on my face – something – but I knew I'd regret messing up my makeup. So I just stared at my reflection. I didn't look like myself. My hair seemed so dull, while my eyes held no light. My nose was looking especially large, and just-
So many imperfections.
How could I be beautiful when I look like this?
I wanted to shatter the mirror, and rid myself of the haunting image of my face, but I knew I'd regret it deeply later. My next bet was to cry, but I couldn't turn on the waterworks, even if I'd wanted to. So I just stood there, dejected at my odd, stoic reflection. I was an emotional train wreck, covered by an Ice Queen, covered by a perfect girl.
So many layers of myself I never let anyone see…
I jumped straight out of my skin when a stall door creaked open. I wasn't sure if I should find the sight in front of me comforting or terrifying.
Since Alex happened to be that sight.
Oh God, not now.
My plea was reasonable, since I was vulnerable at the moment, and I was the type of person to shove everything behind a wall for as long as I could keep it there. And if it went my way, that would be forever. I didn't even want to show emotions to my own self half the time, let alone anyone else, no matter who that person was.
We both froze in place, eyes locked on each other. It seemed like time was standing still, and I wanted to throw myself into his arms and just cry until my eyes burned, but I also wanted to run out the door a foot away.
He shifted, tucking an arm behind his back. My eyes flicked to the motion immediately, and I noticed a color that didn't belong.
"You promised me you wouldn't." My voice didn't sound familiar. It was too detached.
He said nothing, just angled his head slightly away from me.
I hesitated, before taking the 2 small steps to his tall frame. I studied the thin cuts decorating his wrist, glancing into the stall he'd exited. Razor blade.
"I'd…say something that makes me sound like a counselor, but I guess I can't. Because that would be hypocritical."
He didn't respond.
"What happened?"
Silence.
"Alex-"
"It's nothing," he said, voice like ice. It felt painfully obvious he wouldn't look at me as he walked out, leaving me to my thoughts.
I left after that, bleakly walking back towards the school.
I had an image to keep up, so that's what I did.
*Three days later*
"Woo! Party!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.
I was stoked. Halloween dances were always the dirtiest, and no one knew why. I thought it had something to do with the fact that everyone's in costume, so it makes you more adventurous if you can do basically anything with the pro of anonymity.
Maddie was off grinding – with Chad, of course – already, but Shelby and Emily were still by my side – oh, wait, no, Shelby was grinding with Percy – along with a few – okay a lot – of others. I hadn't seen Alex yet, which was bringing my mood down a bit, but I was still hopeful.
I wasn't entirely sure he'd come. He hadn't talked to me after that one day, and I was worried about what could have happened.
No! Lower your expectations; you'll be happier.
I tried. And failed.
"This is disturbing," Emily's nose wrinkled.
"Don't worry, this is the worst they get. And grinding's pretty fun, actually."
"No, it's…gross. And you can get in trouble for doing that."
"Not if you stand in the middle. No one can see you grinding if you stay here." I smiled mischeviously. "And it's fun to do it with your friends; guys go crazy for girl on girl action."
"That's horrible!"
"Yep. But it's how this stuff works so I figure, roll with it. Ooh, that guy is checkin' you out, Em! Go dance with him."
"No, I…think it's a guy's job to do that," Emily said, slightly embarrassed.
"I find your old-fashioned views endearing," I cooed. "Now he just has to rent you out a beach, kiss you at sunset and present you with a ring on the stem of a de-thorned rose."
She laughed. "I'm not that bad!"
I raised an eyebrow. "Of course not. But seriously. He's hot, and I think he wants your cute little flapper ass all up on him," I drawled, gesturing to her flapper costume.
"Ew," she said, though she was giggling, "I'm not grinding!"
"Actually, flappers were well-known for promiscuity…"
"Ugh."
"Hey, you signed yourself for sluttin' it up with that outfit!"
"Fine. But I'm only dancing, I'm not grinding!"
"Whatever you say, Em."
"Hey, would you…want to dance?" It was the guy! Now that he was closer, I could see he really was cute. Auburn hair slightly mussed, and eyes that matched hers. He was wearing a mobster costume, much to my delight. Oh, this is too perfect…
"Oh, um…"
I nudged her.
"Yes. Yes, I would."
He smiled, setting off her own shy grin, and whisked her away.
"So much adorable," I said to myself.
"Hey, wanna dance?" A random guy asked, having to shout over the roar of the music.
I turned. He was pretty cute. "Sure."
We danced pretty PG rated, but I couldn't help but wish his light brown hair and eyes would be replaced with black and grey.
Get over it, J. Obviously he doesn't care enough to bother showing up.
I frowned, determination clouding my eyes.
I smiled mischievously up at the unnamed boy, tilting my head up and giving him a perfected "come hither" look with my eyes as my lips slowly parted.
And that was all it took for the Grindfest to start.
I was going around, "dancing" with any cute guy I found. It was wrong. I was probably rivaling Maddie right now, but I didn't care. I just wanted to forget.
Right as I thought that, my eyes landed on a dark figure in the doorway of the Gym. I recognized him instantly, and the way he looked right now sent a craving through my body.
He met my eyes for a moment, then turned to walk right back out.
My eyes widened, and I went after him, not even mumbling a word to my current dance partner.
"Alex!"
He didn't turn.
"Alex!" We were in the parking lot, and it seemed all the colder and desolate, though cars were parked everywhere.
"Alex! Dammit, just look at me!"
"What?" He turned then, looking at me with cold indifference.
I think I would have preferred he be angry.
"Just…that…back there. It was nothing."
"I don't care about what you do."
I flinched back from his words.
"Just please come back?" I looked up at him with pleading eyes. I would force out tears if he didn't comply, but I might not have to force them if he said no.
"…Whatever."
I smiled weakly.
We walked back into the Gym like that, and I was sporting a relieved grin, while he held no expression.
"So what are you anyway?"
He looked at me, one side of his mouth curling up into a wry smile. "Vampire."
"Funny, you don't look any different."
His smile grew, revealing a pair of rather realistic fangs. "Well what are you? Something with the word 'sexy' in the title, I'm assuming?"
I blushed at his words, knowing full well he was poking fun at my slutty costume, and not that he was complimenting me. That still didn't stop the erratic beating of my heart.
"You're right, actually," I smiled. "Sexy Kitten." Yeah, I was real original, I know, but I'd thrown it together last-minute.
He smirked triumphantly.
"Ooh, people are looking; dance with me!"
He rolled his eyes, but complied.
We did the whole PG Rated thing, much to my disinterest, but I threw in a few provocative moves when the vision of a group was directed toward us.
Pretty soon, I was out of breath – probably due to the fact that there were way too many teenagers stuffed into the Gym, dancing – which he seemed to pick up on.
"Want me to get you a drink?"
I laughed. "No. Always assume the punch is spiked. I think I have some water in my car, I'll be right back." I'd gotten my car back from him after he'd borrowed it.
"I'll go with you." I could tell from his expression he just didn't want to be left alone in here.
"No. You go socialize," I gave him a soft push towards a group of my friends and disappeared before he could gather himself enough to register my absence.
It was freezing outside, and I wrapped my arms around myself as I walked, stumbling once on a pebble in my Stilettos. There were some guys dressed in Letterman's against the wall a ways away from my car. They sounded really drunk, and I couldn't help but feel a bit worried. Oh, please, nothing bad's going to happen. Don't be so dramatic.
I shrugged to myself, continuing on to my car. They let out a few whistles at me, which I beamed at, before remembering how degrading that was.
"Hey, why don't you come over here and show us a good time?" One asked, slurring his words a bit.
Yep, definitely drunk.
"No thank you," I replied, ever polite. Maybe I don't need that water after all…
"Nah, it'll be fun, I promise."
"I'm flattered, but I don't believe that's a good idea. I have some people waiting for me and-"
"Oh, you're Jamie Miller. Damn, you can fill out that suit good," he complimented, eyeing the tight leather I was slowly regretting wearing.
"Thank you, now I should be going-"
"Nah, don't be like that," another one said and I realized they'd been getting closer.
"Sorry, but I have to-"
"C'mon, just play with us a little," the third one said.
My throat was closing up in fear, and I couldn't respond, so I just began walking back to the school as quickly as possible.
But they were in tennis shoes, and taller than me, so they were faster, even if intoxicated.
"Hey, where you going?"
"Yeah, where you going?"
One of them approached me, taking my chin gently in his hand. "Huh, I always knew you was pretty, but damn."
For once, I was not enjoying the compliment.
"I wonder what those lips taste like."
I slapped his hand away at that. "Don't touch me."
"Ooh, kitty has claws," he said, causing the others to laugh obnoxiously. "C'mon, don't be like that, baby."
"Don't touch me," I repeated.
"But you're so pretty; I always wanted to know what's under those tiny little skirts you wear."
"Well, you're not going to know," I spat, my anger suddenly flaring up.
"Oh!" the other two shouted from somewhere off to the side.
"Oh yeah?"
"Ye-"
My response was cut short by the heavy contact of his mouth on mine. I tried to hit him, but he'd grasped my hands together in one of his. My next attempt was to knee him, or at least kick his shin, but he'd caught on to my movements, and backed me up against a wall, pressing himself against me so I couldn't move.
I was trying to move enough to break free of his grasp, but my efforts were in vain; he was so much stronger than I was.
He was beginning to kiss me more forcefully, and I couldn't get away from it. I attempted to scream, but he probably took that for a moan, and starting groping me.
I probably would have cried, but I couldn't do anything. I felt powerless, and that feeling seemed to be taking control of everything in my body.
The next thing I registered was the absence of the crushing feel the jock had imposed on my small form.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"
Alex! I wanted to cry out in relief, but I couldn't get my voice to work.
"I asked you a question." His voice was terrifying, and I could feel the pure rage emanating from him. His tone was far too deadly to be taken lightly.
"Nothing."
Alex took that moment to slam his fist into the jock's face with what I knew was his full amount of force.
The idiot stumbled back, not having time to regain himself before Alex was beating every part of his body he could reach.
I watched with some sort of sick satisfaction, pleased by the pain clearly being inflicted onto my attacker. I was best friends with Karma, so I knew she could be a total bitch.
The jock was attempting some retaliations of his own, but Alex was sober, and had a very lithe – but still very muscular – frame.
Alex offered him one last kick to the side before facing his friends. "Go take this son-of-a-bitch home before I do the same to you."
They nodded quickly, yanking him up and dragging him away.
Then Alex turned to face me.
"Are you okay?"
"Ye-"
"No, that was a stupid question, of course you're not."
"Uh, Alex-"
"Don't tell me you're fine, you're clearly not."
I said nothing, since I knew he tended to get like this if anything bad happened to me. Wow, a lot of bad stuff's been happening to me lately, huh?
He sighed. "Let me take you home."
I said nothing, just followed him to my car. I knew he'd say something about how I couldn't drive right now, so I just slipped into the passenger's seat quietly. Wouldn't that be the cherry on top if we crashed or something?
The ride home was silent, and it made me uncomfortable. But I couldn't think of anything to say.
"You haven't said much."
"What do you want me to say?" My voice was a monotone, and I knew he would take that as a bad sign. Which it probably was.
"Point taken."
He pulled up in front of my house, and I got out. The sudden stop of the engine alerted that he was following me. Good.
I took my keys from his hand, unlocking the door and stepping inside. He followed me this time, which made me happy, though it didn't show. I slunk up the stairs to my bedroom, with him following silently behind me. I flicked a light on, illuminating the room in golden light that didn't reflect how I felt at all.
I stood there for a second before realizing I needed to be in my bathroom instead. I walked into said room, assessing my appearance.
My lips were swollen, and the small amount of lipstick I'd applied was half-gone, though not very smudged. There was a faint red mark on my right cheek, and my eye makeup was smeared near my temple on one eye.
The jock's words replayed in my mind, as if on a broken record, causing my stomach to churn. The scene unfolded behind my eyes as if I were experiencing it all over again, and the uneasy feeling became greater.
I quickly got to work removing all traces of makeup, only to frown at my reflection afterwards. It always took me a long time to take my makeup off at night, because I didn't want to lose how much better I looked with it on. I slipped into a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top, before heading back to my room.
To find Alex perched on top of my bed.
I was shocked to say the least. I'd assumed he would leave once he saw I was all safe in my room, but here he was.
"What are you doing here?" My voice came out sharper than I'd intended.
"I dunno. I was…worried I guess."
"Well, thank you for the thought, but I'm perfectly safe as you can see." I secretly wanted him to stay, but I also didn't want to let my true emotions show through.
He frowned, as if considering my words. "Okay. Then…goodnight…I guess." He stood up, walking past me and out of my bedroom.
It felt so empty without him, and I realized just then how much I needed him right now. "…Alex?" I called out timidly.
"Yeah?" He poked his head around the corner.
"…Stay with me…please?" My voice was so tiny and fragile, it was embarrassing, but I couldn't care less when he walked back in.
"Okay, I'll make a makeshift bed or something," he smirked. "Got a spare pillow?"
"No, just…sleep with me," I offered, suddenly embarrassed by my words.
"I can't."
"No, it's fine, really."
"No, that's just wrong-"
"Please?" My eyes teared up as I spoke, which seemed to be convincing him. "I'm just…"
"Jamie," he whispered, before pulling me into a hug.
Why is my face wet? Oh…
It felt so nice in his arms, and I never wanted to move.
I spoke after a minute or two, "Here, take off your shoes and jeans-"
"Trying to get me naked already?" He asked, attempting to lighten the atmosphere.
It worked. "Maybe. So just take them off – and whatever else is uncomfortable to sleep in. I'll turn off the light."
"Right," he murmured, kicking his Converse off and pulling his shirt over his head.
For all I know, my mouth was watering.
I was watching every move he made with more than polite interest. Every little pull as he tugged his jeans off rippled through his biceps, and his abs were just right there.
I blinked, flipping the light off, and carefully making my way over to my bed. I climbed under the warm retreat of the covers, and noticed Alex wasn't there.
Oh, he was there, but he was on top of them.
"What are you doing?"
"What?"
"What are you doing?"
"Not being a scumbag?"
"That's ridiculous. It's freaking cold, and you know it."
"So?"
"So you don't have to be a gentleman," I sneered the word, "since I know you're not going to try to cop a feel under here or anything." Jeez, I was crass.
He sighed, and I heard the rustle of the comforter as he slid underneath it.
Somehow, I still found myself frowning.
Oh. It was because this one of my fantasies wasn't complete.
"Um…Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Are you…?"
"Am I what?"
"Are you much…of a…cuddler?" Way to be subtle, Jamie.
Silence.
"No, I'd say not."
Well, fuck.
"Would you mind?" I asked innocently.
"I'm not sure…"
"I'm warning you, I'll take that as a no."
"Whatever." I could hear the smile in his voice.
I scooted closer towards him, tentatively aligning my body with his. I found it difficult to relax, since I was basically in bed with a hot, half-naked boy I'd had a crush on for a while now, but at the same time, I felt so safe. I could feel the touch of that jock all over my body, and I wanted to rid myself of the awful impression his frigid hands had left with his too-tight grip.
I turned so that my face was towards his chest, and his arm wrapped around me. He was so warm.
I stayed completely still for about a minute before I – with the utmost caution – reached a probing hand out to stroke the abs I'd been dying to touch. I froze as I felt them constrict under my fingers.
"Sorry," I whispered.
"It's cool."
My eyes had adjusted to the darkness by now, so I looked up to meet his eyes. The light from a lamppost outside was illuminating them to an almost silver shade that rivaled the moon.
"Hey, Alex?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you. For saving me for – what? – the 100th time. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shown up…" I sounded like a complete damsel, but right now, I just didn't care.
"Not quite the 100th," he smiled. "And you're welcome."
At that moment, I realized we were in the exact same situation we'd been in not too long ago. Well, not exactly the same, but it was pretty close. This realization – and my own desires – seemed to propel me to do what happened next.
I kissed him.
It was shy, and it was one of those barely-there kisses, but I felt the most amazing feeling when our lips brushed for that one instant. So I did it again.
This time I was a tiny bit braver, pressing our lips a little closer together for a little longer. There was an electricity I'd never felt while I was kissing anyone else before, and it left me wanting more.
Our lips met again, the distance closed mutually. This time my hands reached up to tangle my fingers into his hair, and I drew myself closer. I felt the flexing of his muscles as his arms encircled my waist more tightly, and I was drawn into his warmth.
I pressed my lips more eagerly against his, and he responded equally. It felt like all of my pent-up desires I'd held for him were rushing to the surface at this one moment, and it was amazing. I turned with well-practiced precision so that I was on top of him, and he took that moment to press his lips to the spot of my throat, right under my chin.
"Alex," I breathed out.
He took that as I sign to trail his lips slowly along the length of my neck, pressing warm kisses everywhere, as if to find that one spot everyone had hidden somewhere. I thought he'd found it when I released a soft purr of pleasure, but he soon touched on a softer, more sensitive area.
I couldn't hold back the gasp as he started doing all sorts of things to the delicate spot.
I never wanted him to stop.
I brought my hands down behind him, gliding the pads of my fingers over the hard planes of his back.
He moaned, much to my satisfaction.
I was beginning to feel him responding to my touch, and I didn't want anything but to be nearer to him. I stroked my hands over his abs, relishing the feel of them.
I meshed our lips back together, my tongue poking out tentatively. He welcomed the intrusion, creating a complicated interaction between the muscles. I wasn't expecting it when he turned us, so that he hovered over me. I pulled him down, tighter against me, and I could feel every line of our bodies connecting.
I'd lost all train of thought ages ago, and my body was moving on its own accord, pressing itself closer against him. We both groaned at the contact, and that pushed me farther, so that I began rolling my hips up into him.
"Ah!" I breathed when he returned the movement. I couldn't recall ever having such perfect body chemistry with any of my boy toys, and that made it all the better. He was better.
One of his hands had tangled into my hair, probing my sensitive scalp perfectly. I let out a tiny mewl at his touch.
"You're so soft," he whispered.
I knew then and there that we were going to end up going too far if we didn't stop. The problem was, I didn't care. I wanted nothing more than to get myself even closer to him, if that was even possible, and meld our bodies together, feel every inch of his body, responding to mine…
I heard the front door open.
My mom! How am I going to explain this?
I quickly disentangled myself from his body.
My mother hadn't bothered to check on me, for which I was grateful, and I was secretly relieved her presence had stopped me from doing something I'd sworn off until much later.
"Um…I'm…sorry," I whispered, not daring to meet his eyes.
"Me, too. That was crossing the line, and…I'm sorry."
A heavy silence hung over the air, suffocating me.
"Well, this is awkward," I mumbled after a minute, mostly to myself.
"This whole situation is awkward," he replied just as quietly. "…I should go."
Though I wanted him to stay, another part of me was rejoicing, because now I didn't have to deal with the whole situation, and I knew this was probably the smartest decision to make right now.
So I kept silent, just watching as he quickly yanked his clothes back on, and slipped silently out of the room.
My head seemed much clearer now that I wasn't distracted by the amazing things Alex had been doing. How could you have done that? What is wrong with you, Jamie, you can't just kiss him like that! Well, you can, but that doesn't mean you should.
Even though it's what I've dreamed of doing for what? Like, almost 2 years. And he's a really good kisser… I touched my lips, smiling at the ghost of his touch.
No! Knock it off! This is bad-
Wait. Why is this bad? It's not like we're in some Shakespearean play! No misfortune will come from a relationship between us!
Except for your popularity.
Fuck that! My status is too high for that to happen. The only thing that would happen is make his go up.
Okay, you're right, but you know he's…difficult. Think of what you and Emily were talking about the other day! If you wanted to make him your boyfriend, it wouldn't be easy.
I know. But guys legit consider me a sex kitten, and I'm a virgin. So whatever.
Right. You'll try and get all awkward.
Probably. But then I'll be cool. I'd only be awkward because I like him, so-
If you're awkward at all, the whole thing will be ruined!
No it won't! Because I won't be awkward. But I won't act like some sort of mistress either, because he'll notice. But everyone knows I get what I want, so if I want this to happen, it'll happen.
I continued plotting, for the better part of a couple hours, until the time caught up with me.
So I drifted off to sleep like that, perfectly content.
But at the same time, not at all.
A/N: AAAAHHHH MAJOR, MAJOR, MAJOR THINGS HAPPENING! The dance! The rescue! The kiss! The make out! ALLOFTHESETHINGSAREHAPPENING! Anyways, I was kind of getting myself hot and bothered as I was writing the end, so hopefully it does the same to you (; If you were wondering about Jamie's rather odd train of thought, it's based on mine, since my thoughts usually work in a dual-tone – one positive, and one negative. You can usually tell the difference by the content of the thought, or the fact that positive is in First-person, and negative is in Second. As if they're talking to each other. And Maddie was being rather bitchy in this chapter O: Don't worry, it's not because of anything, it's entirely story-related, Little Bear! You'll find out soon. And Emily finally appeared! :D Yay. Anyways, gives me lots of feedback and reviews because otherwise I WILL NEVER UPDATE AGAIN! MUAHAHA!
