Chapter 9
A/N: I'm so, so sorry for the delay on this chapter. I have been so swamped with Uni assignments, I have everything due next week but hopefully after then I will have lots more time to write. I started a new job though so who knows! Anyway thanks to everyone who reviews! And about the last chapter I am sorry about my cliff hanger ending it wasn't really planned but I think it needed to happen in order for Brittany to admit her real feelings for Santana. Anyway enough rambling...I hope you like the chapter!
Brittany was overwhelmed by all the sweaty bodies in the room, each trying to block her path to the exit. She squirmed through the drunken teens and managed to struggle to the hallway of the dormitory. Once away from the roar of vibrating music and shouting people she was able to catch her breath. She didn't even realise she was crying until she grazed her hand against her face and noticed the falling tears. She swiped them away in frustration and angrily rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand.
She felt so stupid and mad at herself for opening up to someone so easily. Santana didn't care about her the same way Mitch did. Through all the time they had been together Mitch had never lied to her or made her feel stupid. She was starting to regret her decision of breaking up with him.
Her footing wavered and suddenly she was on the floor with her head in her hands and her back pressed up against the door to someone's room. She had no idea how long she had been sitting there. She just let the tears fall freely against her pale skin, wrapping her arms around herself and trying to gather some warmth from this awfully chilly hallway. Her head was spinning with emotions and thoughts, she had no idea what was going on with Santana and that girl who had claimed to be her ex, and all she wanted to do was run away. Get out of this mess and go back to the way things were before.
Without thinking about the consequences or the sure drama that would follow, Brittany sent a text message to her old flame. All it said was I need you. Brittany knew he would call her soon, hopefully. He always came to her in her time of need. He was his knight in shining armour. Only Brittany didn't want him to be, she wanted Santana to come save her and comfort her. She wanted Santana to carry her back to her dorm room, take off her shoes, sweep the blonde hair out of her eyes and kiss the tears away. She wanted Santana to whisper sweet words of comfort in her and tell her everything would be fine.
She found herself crying again, but this time it was more frantic. She was sobbing in big, loud breaths as her back shuddered and clenched forward in obvious pain and sadness. She had no idea how long she had been sitting there for until she felt a sudden pain in her back as someone was trying to get through the door. She tumbled forwards as a man rushed from the room she had been laying against. Without a word of apology or a second glance the stranger had flown past her, not even acknowledging her presence. She felt like crap. No one noticed her anymore, not even random strangers.
She huddled up a few feet away against the wall in a futile position, continuing to feel sorry for herself. She wanted to get out of there but she just didn't have the strength to drag herself off the cold ground so she just stayed there until eventually someone came.
Santana was furious at her so called "ex". She couldn't believe the girl would sink so low and actually ruin her relationship with Brittany. She hadn't even dated the girl, she had a one night stand with her almost a year ago and the girl continuously tried to get in contact with her again. Despite her efforts, Santana told her she wanted nothing to do with her. She was still struggling with her sexuality and she really didn't like the way the girl was practically stalking her.
When she had seen her at the party it had felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over her body. She was drenched in the past and was finding it extremely hard to shake the girl off. All she wanted to do was get back to Brittany but this girl Mel had other ideas. She stalked her all through the party trying to confess her feelings for her and then decided to twist the truth and tell Brittany they dated. What the hell is wrong with her? All Santana knew was she had to make it up to Brittany, she had to assure her Brittany was the one she wanted to be with and not that psycho Mel.
She watched as Brittany squirmed through the many people at the party, she tried to trail her with her eyes to get a read on which direction she was heading, noting that she had fortunately headed in the direction of her dorm room, before screaming at the girl who had ruined the first perfect moment she had had in weeks.
"What the hell is the matter with you?" She growled, her hands thrown up in the air dramatically.
"Santana ditch the slut and come back to my apartment" Mel said in a seductive tone. Santana was fuming internally. Her face was screaming with anger and she was doing whatever she could to hold it all in. She wasn't prepared to fight the girl in a busy party with so many students there. But she was fucking angry and right now she was prepared to give this bitch a piece of her mind.
"Just fuck off bitch, I told you I wanted nothing to do with you and don't you dare say those things about Brittany she is definitely not a slut" she argued, raising her voice to a yell. She noticed a flash of hurt on the girl's face but she didn't care. She grumbled and gave the girl her darkest look before threatening to go all Lima Heights on her if she "didn't stay the fuck away" and let her live her life without it being threatened by a "psycho slut".
She stormed off through the crowd of sloppy drunks and began her search for Brittany. Her first instinct was out the door and back to her apartment but when she saw the girl walk away she noticed she had walked into the hallway where her room was, probably unsure where the exit was. This place was kinda complicated.
She found the girl slumped against the wall a little way down the hall. She immediately rushed over and smiled when she noticed Brittany was sleeping but her smile quickly faded when she saw the amount of tears smeared down her face. Her nose was red and she had the saddest expression on her face. It made Santana cringe with guilt and her heart clenched with worry. She never wanted to be the source of Brittany's pain and discomfort; in fact she wanted to be the opposite. She wanted to be the one to stroke her hair, to hold her and cherish her with every fibre of her being because she knew that's what Brittany deserved.
She knelt beside Brittany and swept the blonde hair out of her face. She gave her a small kiss to the nose and lips which caused Brittany to groan in her sleep. Santana thought she must be in so much discomfort from the way she was sitting and she desperately wanted to move her out of this cold hallway and comfort her with kisses and cuddles.
"Britt" she whispered, trying to rouse the sleepy girl awake. She lightly rubbed her arm and grazed her fingertips against the blonde's pale cheek as an attempt to wipe away the fallen tears.
Brittany opened her eyes slightly, her mind was still in a haze. She was greeted by the sight of Santana smiling above her. Her heart fluttered and she couldn't resist the smile that was slowly creeping over her face. She then remembered the events that had occurred earlier and a sharp pain shot through her chest. Her head was pounding with the aftermath of sadness she had been feeling. All she wanted to do was get into bed and disappear.
"Britt" Santana murmured in a soft, gentle voice. She looked at the girl which so much compassion, she seriously hoped Brittany wouldn't run out on her before she had a chance to explain everything.
"Britt, that girl Mel isn't my ex. I mean yeah we hooked up one night but there's nothing more to it. She's been practically stalking me though ever since and I'm just so sorry that you had to find out about it like this."
Brittany just looked at her, her eyebrows were tightly knitted together in a deep frown and Santana could see that she was seriously considering everything Santana was saying.
"Please say something", she whispered. Brittany didn't what to say though. What was there to say? Maybe, I forgive you Santana or I messaged Mitch or what? Santana felt like a complete stranger and she had no idea how to talk to her.
She slowly pulled herself off the ground, fully aware that Santana was still waiting for her speak, desperately trying to read her inner thoughts. She found her feet and shrugged Santana off, she needed to think for herself rather than have someone whispering thoughts into her mind.
"We don't really know each other" she began dejectedly. She noticed that Santana's shoulders slumped forward a little, her face fell and she could tell she was felling that same pain in her chest as she was right now. "I gave up a part of my life for you and I realise I don't even know you."
"Britt, I-", Santana was at a complete loss as of what to say. Brittany was right, they didn't know each other. Neither girl ever really thought about any of the specifics, the finer points and the consequences. Santana knew it would come up eventually, she knew that they couldn't continue being together without fully committing to one another. She felt sadness wash over her because she knew that this was it. This was the end to her chance of happiness. A few tears finally fell out of her brilliant, brown eyes as she stared at the girl in front of her, begging for answers.
Brittany surprised her when she leant forth and reached for Santana's hand, entwining their fingers together. "I meant what I said when I want to try this but we need to start being honest with one another. I need to start talking more about what I'm feeling with you and about the break up with Mitch and you need to start talking about your feelings and past relationships. We need to start fresh." She smiled sweetly at Santana and pulled her in for a tight hug.
Santana was so overcome with relief, she clung to Brittany with all her strength. Her eyes stung with unshed tears and all she wanted to do was hold onto Brittany for as long as she could. Her relief was short lived though when Brittany pulled away almost too fast for Santana's liking.
"But I am really upset" Brittany muttered and tipped her head down low. Santana's heart fluttered with guilt and sadness. She wanted to reach out to the girl and promise her that everything would be fine but she didn't know how to.
She gently moved closer until they were barely touching. She hoped that the close proximity between the two would be enough to assure some faith in the blonde. Feeling extra bold, Santana leant forward and cupped Brittany's chin with her hand, gently grazing her pale skin. Brittany looked up at the girl with big pleading eyes and Santana knew she had to explain the whole story.
"Brittany I want to tell you what happened between me and Mel. Will you let me explain?" She wondered hesitantly. Brittany just nodded. "Luckily you stumbled into my hallway because my room is this one here."She smiled and pointed to the closed door down the hall. Brittany knew she recognised this part of the building and she felt her heart flutter a little because even though they didn't really know each other, it didn't matter because Brittany knew they were always meant to find each other.
Santana led Brittany into her dorm room and closed the door. The sound of loud music could still be heard through the dorm but she knew it would be winding down soon. These parties usually got shut down pretty early, the latest they've gone for is it until three am and it was already midnight.
Brittany sat down on Santana's bed and waited for her to join her. She looked around the room; even though she had been in Santana's room before, she had never really acknowledged the photos, posters and all the little things that made Santana, Santana. She felt really silly, both times she had been in the room she had been upset. She wondered if the pair could ever move past this hovering cloud of drama and angst, she only hoped they could.
Santana's room was covered with posters of various bands, some she knew were definitely Santana's and others she thought must have belonged to Kate. There posters of Amy Winehouse and Michael Jackson which she knew were Santana's but there were images of Coldplay, The Killers and other strange bands Brittany hadn't really listened to.
"Are these yours?" She asked Santana who was leaning against the wall, admiring the blonde as she looked around the room in awe.
"Uh well most of them belong to Kate but I listen to most of the bands. I love Coldplay, they are the bomb. What are your favourite bands?"
"Hmm, I like lots of stuff. Mostly girly music but I really like Michael Jackson."
"Oh my god same!" Santana gushed and Brittany let out a small chuckle. They both stared at each other for a moment with soft smiles glossing over their features but they were sadly interrupted by the demanding chime of Brittany's phone. Brittany looked down at the phone and saw Mitch flash before her. She internally cringed. Yes, she had been the one to message him but now she was with Santana there was no need for him. She quickly silenced the call and noticed she had three missed calls from him. Crap. She sent him a short text that just said, I'm okay now. Please stop calling me.
"Is everything okay?" Santana wondered, glancing down at the phone Brittany was holding.
"Oh yeah everything is fine" she assured her but her voice lacked authority.
"Britt, we said we would start being honest with each other".
"Ok, you're right. It w-was Mitch" she said nervously, biting down on her bottom lip, too nervous to look at Santana.
"Oh" Santana breathed.
"It's only because I didn't know what was going on with us and I needed someone but I didn't even answer" Brittany rambled.
"Shh" Santana hushed, pulling Brittany into a tight hug. Brittany seemed to calm down with the comforting touch and her breathing slowed down with every second Santana held her.
"Look, I know what it looked like downstairs between Mel and I but I assure you Brittany there is nothing going on between us." Santana looked at Brittany, trying desperately to read her expression, she knew she had to keep explaining. "We met up like a year ago at this bar. I was drunk and horny and it was the first time I was truly feeling comfortable with my sexuality and was feeling really bold so I asked her to take me home and we hooked up. I told her before we had sex that I didn't want a relationship and she agreed but then she kept calling me the next week and I thought she would eventually leave me alone but she kept calling. I had to change my number a few months ago because it was getting crazy and annoying. She isn't dangerous or anything but fuck she's a total weirdo. I had no idea she would be here, apparently one of her friends goes here and she invited Mel along. She only told you we had gone out to ruin what we have".
Brittany looked a little shocked at the recent information but eventually got out an "okay".
"Does this mean we're over?" Santana asked with uncertainty. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she was sure Brittany could hear it too. Brittany saw the anxiety in Santana's face and immediately softened. That was the last thing she wanted to happen. She really wanted to move forward with Santana, not break away.
"No Santana, of course not. I was really scared you had lied to me about your past but now I know the truth and I want to move forward."
"Really?" Santana asked with hope, "from now on I will be nothing but honest with you" she smiled and leant forward to plant a chaste kiss to Brittany's lips.
Brittany had every intention to deepen the kiss and just forget this night had ever happened, but it seemed Santana wasn't going to let her. Tonight was the first time in their relationship where they had been truly honest with one another and she really wanted them to open up to each other more.
She softly detached her lips from Brittany's and pressed their foreheads together, basking in the warmth and happiness they were both sharing.
"Britt, speaking of being honest, is it okay if I ask you how you're feeling about everything?"
Brittany stiffened a little from being under the eye of Santana but she knew this day would happen eventually. She knew she had to open herself more to the brunette, it was her idea to be honest with each other in the first place.
"Well I really do like you Santana I want to be with you. I don't care about genders, sexuality or whatever because I know that love is love, but this is really hard. I never thought it would happen this way. Mitch practically hates me and I just don't know what to do. I really want to be his friend but I don't know what that means for us." She admitted. Santana was really proud of her for opening up to her so easily.
"Britt, you know I won't mind if you stay close to you ex, he was a really big part of your life and I never wanted you to give him up for me. I think it's really great to stay close with ex lovers because not only was he your boyfriend but he was one of your best friends and I understand that you would want to keep at least that part of your relationship." She said. Brittany was taken aback by how understanding she was. Santana knew she needed to trust Brittany with her relationships and she never wanted Brittany to give up a part of her life for her. She also hoped that by reconnecting with Mitch, she would be able to move past her breakup and move into a relationship with Santana.
"I think you should do whatever you can to make it right." She offered with a sweet, reassuring smile.
"Is there anything else bothering you?" She asked just as sweetly. Brittany looked back down at her feet, a clear indication that, yes, there was something else bothering the blonde.
"Well this is kinda embarrassing but I guess I'm struggling with the whole being int-intimate with you" She said in almost a whisper, too scared to think about what Santana's reaction might be. Santana almost laughed at the way Brittany looked so cute and scared about something so silly but then she realised it wasn't silly to Brittany. Brittany isn't a lesbian, she's never done this before so she completely understood why Brittany was starting to doubt the physical side of their relationship.
"Aw Britt" she said sympathetically, "I know this is a really big step and I don't expect you to rush into anything you're not comfortable with. I'll wait as long as it takes and I promise I will help you through it as best as I can". She confirmed, gently pulling in the blonde for a soft kiss. "I know how hard it can be. For the majority of my high school experience I dated guys so I completely understand and I've never dated a girl before either so we're in the same boat."
Brittany smiled at the girl lovingly, feeling the warmth she was missing spark again. She was sure that Santana would never push her into anything she wasn't comfortable with. She wanted to be with Santana with her whole being. She didn't want to be hung up on Mitch anymore and worrying about the physical side to her relationship with Santana and now she knew she didn't have to worry. Santana was reassuring her as much as she could and she knew from here on she could finally start being with Santana they ways she wanted to before everything that had happened with Mitch. Besides she had no problem kissing Santana so she knew other stuff would come eventually.
"Thank you Santana" she breathed.
"For what?" Santana laughed.
"For understanding me better than I understand myself." She smiled. Santana drew her in for a long, slow kiss. It was like taking a breath of fresh air after having your head submerged in water for such a long time. They both sighed into the kiss and pulled away smiling like happy fools.
"So enough of the heavy stuff. Tell me something really funny and random about yourself." Brittany said excitedly, returning to the bed to bounce on it happily. Santana grinned and pondered her mind for something interesting to tell the girl.
"Um, I don't know if I told you but I was in the glee club at my high school."
"Oh my god! That's awesome. Can you sing? Well obviously yoy can sing if you're at Julliard." Brittany said and gave herself a face palm at her own silliness. Santana just giggled at the girl's excitement.
"Did you ever win any competitions?"
"Yeah we actually won Nationals in my senior year!" She said proudly.
"That is so cool. I like you even more now." Brittany smiled, pulling Santana down into her lap and kissing her neck softly. Santana squirmed and giggled and forced Brittany to stop. They lay down together on the bed, their noses pressed closely together.
"Now you have to tell me something" Santana demanded through their giggles.
"Okay, well in my junior year I had this talk show called Fondue for two" She said slightly embarrassed. Santana looked at her with a frown of confusion but as soon as Brittany explained how the show operated, she let out a loud boom of laughter.
"We're pretty dorky aren't we?"
"Yeah but that's what makes us special." Brittany murmured, pressing her face into the crook of Santana's neck. She slowly realised how tired she was getting and closed her eyes, soaking up the comfort and warmth Santana was offering her.
Santana didn't let her fall asleep though. She wanted to continue their sharing game because she really liked finding out all the quirks Brittany had to offer. It was like Brittany was offering a piece of her, almost as though she was being allowed to read Brittany's secret diary. There were so many layers to both of them and Santana was having the best time finding out as much as she could about the blonde.
After tickling her out of her slumber, Santana continued her interrogation. The couple spent the rest of the evening sharing specific memories and moments of their lives. It was the first honest conversation they had had in weeks and Santana knew she would much rather be lying next to the blonde than at some party.
Eventually they were forced into a deep sleep, cuddled up to each other on Santana's single bed. Kate didn't even try to wake them up when she came home around five in the morning. Even she was happy for her roommate and she did admit they were pretty much the cutest couple ever.
Please leave a review if you liked it. I'm having a little trouble finding inspiration and ideas for this story so if anyone has any helpful suggestions or things they really want to happen then please tell me. All your help is sincerely appreciated and then I can update sooner!
