After the delicious Asian-themed lunch, Elana and Mariah met up with Jarita and Megan on their way to English.

"We didn't get the Russian dude!" Mariah gushed as the four girls ascended to the second floor. "We got this really cool Chinese guy!"

"Yeah, and he was really hot," Jarita swooned, putting her hand over his heart. "Let's see... how old do you think he was?"

"Let it go, 'Rita. You're not getting married to the guy," Elana snorted with a grin.

Megan let out an irritated gush of air. "Lucky! I got a sub for Math, but he was so weird..."

"What was he like?" Mariah questioned.

The small girl shook her head. "Some albino German guy who kept talking about how awesome he was."

The other three girls burst into laughter, earning them some strange looks from passers-by.

"I'm serious! Oh yeah, and he also had this cute little bird-thing sitting on his shoulder the whole time!"

"Was it real?" Elana asked.

"Yeah, totally! He made it fly around the classroom and stuff. And he said he hated teaching but that he was so awesome he could do anything."

"Crap, I wish we had gotten him for Math yesterday!" Elana complained. "What was his name?"

"Uh... it was really hard to pronounce. He said to just call him 'Mr. Awesomest Teacher Ever.'"

Mariah laughed. "Okay... he might be conceited, but he actually does sound pretty awesome."

Megan shrugged and grinned. "Yeah, I guess he was. Also, he didn't really make us do any work."

By this time, the girls had reached their English classroom and entered. The sight of the boy standing by the teacher's desk was almost enough to make them forget the conversation they had just been having. He certainly made them stop and stare.

It was the Asian boy Mr. Wang had been talking to in the lunchroom. Now Elana could get a better look at him. For one thing, he was short-maybe just breaking five feet, a good five inches shorter than Elana-and pretty good-looking. He had jet-black hair with long, straight bangs and tufts by his ears and was wearing a crisp white jacket with a gold collar and buttons. He also had clean white pants and shiny black boots to match. He was leaning over the teacher's desk, hands firmly grasping the edges, poring over a sheet of paper.

"Hi!" Elana called out cheerfully. The boy looked up and nodded at her curtly. "Are you a new student?"

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, then opened them. "Actuary, I am your substitute teacher."

Elana clapped her hand to her mouth, cheeks flaming with embarrassment. "Omigosh, I'm so sorry! I thought... oh, jeez, I'm sorry."

He nodded again, walking over to the whiteboard and writing something as he spoke. "Aporogy accepted. Prease, sit down."

The girls dutifully followed the order and sat down at their respective seats. The sub finished writing and went over to get a clipboard from the teacher's desk. The board now read, in small, very neat handwriting:

KIKU HONDA-SAN

"Oh! Are you Japanese, Honda-san?" Jarita asked excitedly.

Japan nodded. "Yes. Very much so. Jarita Wang?"

"Yeah, that's me."

"And you?" He pointed his pencil at Mariah.

"Mariah Paygas."

"You?"

"Megan Webbs."

"And you..."

"Elana Seidenburg," she said, still feeling embarrassed.

Japan nodded again. "Konichiwa to all of you. My name is Kiku Honda, as said in the West. As I am Japanese, you will addressing me as Honda-san."

The girls nodded in unison. Elana was dying to ask him how old he was. He had the appearance of someone not much older than she was, but his persona and attitude were that of an old man.

Right about then, G Boccaccio and Aidan S-M walked in, sharing a laugh that was probably about one of Aidan's ex-girlfriends.

"Excuse me! Boys!" Japan said sharply. Receiving no reaction, he grabbed a long, thin object from behind his desk and slammed it on the whiteboard.

"Prease stop being so roud and unrury in crassroom," the Japanese ordered. "Especiary you!" He pointed the same object at Aidan, who was a few inches taller than him. "Should not shame our country by acting out rike that."

Aidan snorted.

"Are you, like, student teaching or something?" G asked.

"No. I am your substitute. Now sit down."

G and Aidan dawdled for a while before slumping down in their seats. Japan took another deep breath.

"I suppose Western children will take some getting used to," he mumbled.

"So, you're from Japan, Honda-san?" Jarita asked. "How long have you been living here?"

"Well, actuary I do not rive in your country. I am just visiting here now."

"Visiting from where now?"

Everyone jumped at the sound of the annoying, nasal voice. They hadn't even noticed Min Min sitting near the back of the classroom.

Japan seemed flustered. "Ah. Um. Herro, I not seeing you over there..."

"I've been here since before you were here," Min Min said flatly.

"I see. Gommena-I am sorry. You are?"

"Min Min," Aidan called.

"Crarence Min?"

"Yes."

"Arigato... thank you. And I visiting from Japan, by the way."

"Um, hey, Honda-san?" Elana asked cautiously. "I have kind of a weird question for you."

"I may answer," Japan replied warily. "I may not. I arways say no."

"Uh... how old are you?"

The other kids secretly thanked her. They desperately wanted to know as well. He looked like he was only nineteen or twenty, maybe even younger, but he acted so much older. Almost timeless.

Japan regarded her with an unreadable expression. Finally, he replied cryptically: "Order than I rook."

"And how old do you look?" Aidan called out.

Japan pointedly did not respond. By now, more kids had flooded into the classroom.

The bell rang, and the kids simmered down.

"Herro to all of you," the Japanese said politely. "My name is Kiku Honda. I understand that in Engrish-"

Half the class started giggling.

"-you use prefix 'Mr.' to address an erder. However, in Japan this is not case. We add suffix '-san' to address teacher. So you will address me as Honda-san."

"That's kinda confusing," G complained.

"Okay. You may call me Mr. Honda if you rike."

The other half of the class started giggling.

"What you finding funny?" Japan asked obliviously.

"Nothing," Elana giggled. His accent... he actually said "engrish!"

"Hm. Anyway, we have a rot of work pranned for today. We be discussing..."

"C'we ask you some questions first?" G called out.

The Japanese sub seemed flustered. "I-I... I suppose so." So unrury and bold!

"Where in Japan did you live?" Jarita asked.

"All over prace. Mostry Tokyo. Is reary amazing city."

"Do you have any siblings?" Meghan asked.

Japan pondered this. "Hm. Some would craim to be my sibrings, but I beg differ."

The crass-er, class-giggled. Japan seized the lapse as an opportunity and began writing something on the board.

"For first part crass, we working on sentence constructing. Then we discuss text on... ah, Word War Two. I very knowredgable in this subject."

He stepped away from the board to reveal the sentence he had written: This is a pen.

"Okay. My friend who from Engrand tell me that this is very useful phrase in Engrish." The class cracked up again. Honda-san frowned. "I still not understanding what you raughing about. Oh well. Maybe I better off not knowing. Anyway. Who can tell me what demonstrative is in this sentence?"

None of the class knew.

"Come on, guys," Elana said good-naturedly. "Are we really saying that the guy from Japan who knows Engrish-ENGLISH as his second language speaks it better than we do?" Oh my gosh. I just literally accidentally said "engrish." ... WTF BRAIN?

The class giggled again, easing the uncomfortableness.

"Well, not exactry true. I never have been able to furry comprehend singurar first-person transitive verb. Is rike Chinese to me," the Japanese genius said apologetically.

Silence. Then Elana spoke up again.

"Wow. I have literally no idea what you just said."

"Ah! Gome-sorry. I still not very good at speak Engrish." He quickly walked over to the desk and checked the lesson plan again.

"Oh! Uh, Honda-san, that's not what I-"

"No, no, it okay. We just talk about text on Word War Two. You need read first, though."

The class silently began to read the text along with Kiku Honda-san. It was about some close-to-home topics for Elana-mostly the Holocaust, but a good part on the camps in America for Japanese Americans. She was just wondering how Honda-san would react to that when he answered the question himself.

"Huh. So strange how time heal wounds. My best friend is American. Other is German. I berieve they are here now, actuary, as substitures rike me..."

"No way! Ludwig Seitz?" Elana blurted out.

"Yes, that is correct. Ludwig-san is very good friend of mine. And my friend Arfred... very die-hard American. Deepry regrets these camps-" He tapped the paper. "I not brame him too much, though." He sighed. "Rife goes on."

"Were any of your relatives in those camps, Honda-san?" Mariah asked tentatively.

Japan stared at the ground, perhaps trying to conceal a rare show of emotion. "Yes," he said finally. "All of my reratives were in these camps."

"Oh my God!" The class said in unison. Everyone started to ask more questions, but then the substitute did something rather astonishing. He took the long, thin object that he had previously used to threaten G and Aidan and removed the covering from it, revealing it to be a traditional Japanese sword.

"Prease, do not worry. Japanese are perfectry capable of protecting ourself."

Amid the students' awed gazes, Japan sheathed the sword and carefully laid it against the wall.

"Now you do questions about article." As the students began scribbling away, he sat down at the teachers desk, casually took something that looked like a teeny computer out of his bag, and began tapping away with Japanese speed.

The questions were opinion questions-easy, but lengthy. It took the students about twenty minutes to complete it, and afterwards, they began talking amongst themselves.

Elana stared at Kiku Honda's intensely emotionless expression and blank eyes. She wondered if he was hacking into the government's secret files like Min Min had tried to do once.

"Honda-san? What are you doing on there?" Elana coughed.

Immediately, Japan slammed the computer shut and exhaled sharply. "Nothing," he replied tensely.

"Looking at hentai?" Jarita joked absentmindedly. The class burst into laughter as Jarita clapped her hands over her mouth, supremely embarrassed.

The substitute turned red as a tomato. "No," he muttered. "I was just... oh, never mind."

The bell rang, surprising everyone and relieving Japan.

"Okay. Have fun at next crass," Japan called, still seeming shaken.

Jarita sprinted to the teacher's desk to apologize, with Elana and Meghan trailing behind and Mariah waiting at the door.

"Honda-san, I am so sorry! I don't even know what I was thinking! It just slipped out... please don't tell our teacher!"

Japan stared at her. "I just wondering... how did you know?"

ZING! Hehehe... seems like Japan has a bit of a wild side, eh? Sorry for late update... y'know, school. Tell me what you thought of Honda-san!

By the way, this is the ONLY case in which I'd actually use Japanese terms in America. (I'm talking to YOU, people who call Germany "Doitsu." This is an ENGLISH story, you know, where we speak ENGLISH and Germany is called GERMANY or DEUTSCHLAND by his proper German name.) I am trying to wean myself off saying "kawaii" and will NOT use it in my story.

Yay for random ranting! Review please!