Kurt moved toward the edge of the bed and motioned for Blaine to join him. "You've been sleeping on a chair out a window seat for four days; do I want to know how bad your back hurts? I mean this bed probably isn't much better but..." Blaine laughed and climbed in next to him, it was a cramped fit, but neither of them minded. "How much longer do I have to stay here?"

"You can leave tomorrow after your first therapy session, unless you want to stay in the mental ward. But you'll still have to come here for therapy four times a week, and even at home you can't be left alone." Blaine stated, having memorized everything the doctor had said. Kurt snuggled into Blaine's side and laid his head on his firm shoulder. "I'm so scared. I don't think anyone can help me. And I don't want to talk to anyone about this."

"I'll be with you the whole time; you won't have to do anything alone. I'll stay with you for your appointments even if they tell me I can't, unless you don't want me there." Blaine kissed him on the forehead.

"I don't want to be here anymore. But I don't want to go home, you're pretty much the only thing holding me together, and you'll be two hours away."

"I'll talk to your dad; see if we can work something out." Blaine rested his head on top of Kurt's, Kurt attempted to sneakily scratch under his bandages but Blaine caught his hand. "How many times do I have to tell you not to scratch Kurt?"

"But it itches."

"It's healing, you're healing, and it would be bad if you scratched your scabs off." Kurt pouted adorably and tangled his legs with Blaines.

He didn't know how he felt about Blaine. He liked the physical closeness and the way Blaine was always there for him. He had wanted to be more than friends before his life spun out of control, and there was no denying he needed Blaine now. But every time he tried to feel something for him he would come close only to have it slide away out of his grasp, the only feeling he had known for months was pain and hatred. He thought he loved the older boy, but he couldn't get a grip on what love felt like. He could think he loved him all he wanted, but love was a feeling. And there was still so much distance between him and any sort of positive emotion, these days even pain had started to fade to apathy. He had had a few moments when something flashed through him, but nothing lasting, nothing that left more than a shadow. He thought he should be embarrassed to be so dependent on Blaine, but that feeling escaped him too. Somewhere in his mind was the idea he should feel guilty for clinging, trying to hold on to Blaine when he knew the gorgeous, charming, bright, outgoing, openly loving boy deserved someone so much better than him. That thought was closer to being a feeling than the rest had been. He wanted to love Blaine, he thought he did. But he was scared he wouldn't ever feel that much again, certainly not something as intense and lasting love Blaine deserved. The thought spun around his head, that he should pull away from Blaine, because he was being selfish holding on to him. That he would never have the emotional capacity to love. But the thought without any emotion behind it was empty, not enough to convince him to let go of the person who had become his lifeline. All he knew was he needed Blaine with him to get through this. But he couldn't shake one poisonous whisper in the back of his mind. Let Blaine leave you now, so it hurts him less when you really kill yourself. Because you know nothing will ever really help you. You will always be alone, and nothing will change how worthless you are. It whispered, and some part of Kurt was listening.

Burt got back to the room after eating lunch in the cafe to find Blaine crammed into Kurt's bed with him, looking around while Kurt slept. "Mr. Hummel, what drugs do they have him on? He randomly dozes off so frequently I'm starting to think he's narcoleptic."

"He's on some pretty massive doses of medications to try to balance his hormones like serotonin out, and mild painkillers for his arms, not to mention he hasn't gotten any real sleep for months."

Blaine inched off the bed and tucked the blankets around Kurt, kissing him on the cheek he went over to Burt. "I was wondering about when Kurt goes home. I wanted to know if I could stay with you guys for awhile. I mean I can sleep on a couch or on the floor, but I think me being there would be best for him."

"You've been amazing with him Blaine, but I can take care of my son at home."

"Kurt always spoke highly of you so I'm not going to call you a bad parent in general, but I don't trust you. Last time I trusted you to take care of him you left him home alone, suicidal, with a razor to his wrist. Clearly someone else needs to be there for him."

Burt couldn't believe Blaine would say that, but as much as he hated to admit it, loathed himself for it, he was right. He had done nothing to prevent Kurt's rapid downward spiral, hadn't even noticed, Blaine had almost certainly saved his sons life. "I'll talk to Carole about it."

"Thank you." Blaine's voice was tense as he crawled back into bed with Kurt.

That night the nightmares started. Kurt was sitting in a plain empty room, tearing at his arms, bleeding freely. He could hear voices whispering, you should just die, why are you still here? No one wants you, no one needs you. You should just die already no one would care, you wouldn't be missed. He was sobbing hysterically, ripping chunks of flesh and muscle from his arms. Blaine came in and sat next to him, Kurt reached towards him for help, comfort, something, drenched in blood now. Blaine laughed cruelly, "You thought I actually cared about you, I just felt bad for you, so pathetic and alone." Kurt whimpered, Karofsky showed up and wrapped his arms around Blaine, "No one wants you Kurt, why can't you just get it through your head and kill yourself properly." Blaine smacked him and he fell to the floor. He saw images of Burt, Carole, and Finn, as a family, himself forgotten, erased as if he had never been there in the first place. Blaine looked at him, disgusted, "Just do us all a favor already." Blaine sneered, throwing a razor blade towards him. Kurt jammed the blade into his mutilated arms. He didn't, or couldn't, feel anything at all.

Blaine woke up around two thirty a.m. Due to Kurt elbowing him forcefully in the ribs. He turned to look at the petite but apparently sharp elbowed brunette and immediately saw something was wrong. Tears streaked down Kurt's cheeks, he whimpered and writhed, twisting and tangling in the sheets, a quiet sob tore from his throat. Blaine shook Kurt's shoulder gently, worried, "Kurt what's wrong?" he kept his voice low trying not to wake Burt, who was snoring in the corner. Kurt didn't respond, Blaine shook him slightly harder. "Kurt please, wake up, it's just a dream." Kurt's eyes suddenly flew open, as his gaze found Blaine he jerked away, curling up on the very edge of the bed. Blaine reached toward him, he flinched away, full fledged sobs wrenching from his throat. His fingers grabbed at the bandages on his arms like he was trying to pull them off. "Kurt calm down I'm not going to hurt you." Blaine put one hand on Kurt's shoulder, pulling his fingers away from the bandages with the other. Kurt tried to move farther away but was already pressed to the side of the bed. Blaine smoothed his hair back, "Kurt it's just a dream, you're awake now you're ok." Blaine was getting frantic when Kurt finally seemed to snap back to reality. "Shh come here, it was just a bad dream." Blaine pulled Kurt into his arms, making what he hoped were comforting noises. As he nuzzled against Kurt he thought he saw a scared, mistrusting look in his eyes.