Chapter nine
Severus used a drying charm on them both then took Harry's hand and led him to his bed, where they got under the covers, but Severus ended up kicking the covers down to the end of the bed. He took a tube of lube from the drawer, then slowly coated Harry's full and hard length.
'Fuck me,' Severus said softly and seductively. He moved onto his hands and knees to wait for Harry.
Harry smiled then knelt up behind Severus, but ran his hand down Severus's cheeks and his finger over his hole. Harry bent over and kissed each of the white cheeks before he used his tongue, thrusting it into Severus. When he heard Severus groan, it made Harry smile again. Then he moved over him, positioned himself and slowly pushed with his hips. At first he just had the head of his member inside Severus, then pushed a bit more. He moved back again then all the way in, then he kept up the rhythm, all the way in, almost all the way out. Harry could feel himself building, the desire coursing through his whole body, he thrusts were getting faster and harder and he heard Severus groan loudly as he moved to meet Harry's thrusts then they both felt it as they finally found their release. Severus lowered himself down onto his stomach and Harry followed lying over his back and he was still inside Severus.
'Wow,' Harry panted heavily then moved Severus's long hair from his neck kissing it softly.
'Wow is right, it has been a few years for me and I must say you certainly learn fast my young Mr. Potter.'
Harry grinned then slowly moved out and lay on his side, 'It might have been my first time doing that, but I just went with what I was feeling and I wanted to make you feel good as well.'
Snape rolled on his side, 'You achieved that, but are you ready to take me. You felt my fingers, this is a bit different.'
'I want you,' Harry said softly as he gazed into Severus' eyes, 'I want you to fuck me.'
'Then on your knees Harry, try not to clench too much,' Severus smiled as Harry got himself onto his knees then coated himself, but he did kiss Harry's cheeks and lick his hole first, doing what Harry did and thrust his tongue inside. When he felt Harry relax, he knelt up and positioned himself, but saw Harry tense slightly, 'Relax, this will feel so good,' Snape bent over and started to kiss Harry's back and neck, the moment he felt Harry's body relax he pushed with his hips until he was filling Harry.
'Oh blimey,' Harry groaned in both pleasure and pain, 'It hurts but it feels too good to stop.'
'That's good to hear because I am not going to stop,' Severus kept his movements slow and easy until he knew Harry was getting used to this new intrusion. When he heard Harry's groans getting louder, Severus started to move a little faster until they were both groaning ready for their sweet release which came to loud grunts and groans from both of them.
After a minute, Severus pulled out and lay down, pulling Harry into his arms and they lay together staring into each other's eyes.
'How do you feel?'
'Sated,' Harry said softly, 'great, fabulous, well fucked.'
Severus chuckled, 'As long as you enjoyed it as much as I did.'
'Oh yeah and I want to keep doing this, I would also love to sleep in here with you.'
'People might see you leaving Harry. Even though it's not the fact we're seeing each other, we're both adults, if we did get seen, talk would start, you don't need that.'
Harry looked back up, 'I'm used to the talk and the stares, but they could start on you and I don't want anyone saying anything about you. From the moment I felt your arms around me, I felt it, felt good and felt I could finally have a life, a good life. This is what I want Severus, I want us together even if we keep it hidden or let everyone know.'
'For now, let's keep it between us. I like holding you in bed though,' Severus furrowed his brow, feeling slightly confused as to why he liked holding Harry while they shared his bed. He thought he would just have some great times with Harry, now he was looking forward to holding Harry to him while they slept.
'So do I and I could use my cloak sometimes, sneak in here and sleep with you, if you want me to that is.'
'Sounds like a good idea, but not every night in case you get missed. You know it's close to dinner, you're friends are probably wondering where you are and you do need to do your assignment.'
'Pulling the teacher out on me are you,' Harry chuckled, 'I'll get to it after dinner, before I come back here,' Harry tightened his hold on Severus, 'This feels so good, who would have thought I was gay.'
'What you said before, it was true, your life would have made it difficult to concentrate on anything let alone your sexuality. You had a bit more important things on your mind. But now talk to me for a few minutes before we head down to dinner.'
'About what?' Harry tensed slightly at the question.
'You know what,' Severus ran his fingers over Harry's scars.
Harry sighed, then nodded, 'At first I was fine, I was still at the Burrow with the Weasley's. Ginny had asked about getting back together, then Mrs. Weasley started, she wanted us to as well. I explained to both of them I didn't want to, I wanted time alone, time to myself. So most days I would do that, sit by myself staring out over the orchard, then one day it just hit me, what had been inside, I ended up throwing up. From then on, that was on my mind. I never cut myself though at first, I just kept getting sick, a lot and noticed that I'd lost weight, which made the memories return again. I started shaking badly and out of nowhere I just got angry, I haven't been angry since it was destroy. My fists clenched, I was still shaking then I squeezed the glass so hard that it broke. When I saw the blood running down my hand and over my fingers, it seemed to mesmerise me, I couldn't stop watching it. I sat on the ground and just let the blood drip. There was a piece of broken mirror on the ground near me, I picked it up and saw a smattering of my blood on it. I stared at it for ages, then ran the sharp edge across my arm. As I watched the blood dripping, again I seemed to get lost, but I did realise I felt better. I figured I'd found a way to get through everything and I thought I would just need a bit more time. At first it was just once every day, some days I didn't cut myself. I felt it building on the train coming here, the need to feel the pain, the need to see my blood. Every memory hit the moment I saw the castle. As we made our way inside, I snuck away from the others and into the classroom near the great hall. I tried to get the thought of cutting myself out of my head, but I could hardly breathe with panic, and I was panting heavily. Finally I dug out my knife and cut my arm, it worked instantly. I've been doing it about four times a day since I've been back.'
'The feeling of seeing your own blood and the need for it is strong when your upset, you are traumatised by what you went through, so you're need is stronger during those times. When you're upset or angry you need to speak with me, if you still want to talk to me about this.'
'I do, you understand. I want normal Severus, I really want a normal life, but this need gets so strong that I can't seem to focus on anything except the thoughts of seeing my blood, feeling the pain. Do you think because I've had pain through my whole life that is why I want it, why I tolerate it, why I need it so badly?'
'Yes, I was the same. My father would beat the shit out of me, cutting myself made me feel good. The pain I gave myself was for my need, the pain he gave me was a way for him to cope with the fact I was a wizard and his wife was a witch, so he took that pain out on me. But doing it yourself, giving yourself pain gives you control over that pain, control over what you're feeling and what you need. We have had similar backgrounds Harry, not in the sense that you had no parents, but you were hit as a child, you were treated badly by the people that were supposed to care for you. You were tortured and frightened by Voldemort, he did the same to me, to all his death eaters. I can help you through this just like your mother helped me through it.'
Harry listened to everything Severus said and realised he was right. He gave himself pain and that was his choice, his decision and that also is because so much of his decisions and choices had been taken out of his hand while he was young.
