Two Weeks in a Mini-Van by Charismatic Enigma
Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo, Toyota, Super Smash Brothers: Melee, or anything else I forgot.
A/N: Someone is going to finally get voted out! But since it's been a while, let me remind you Pikachu holds immunity.
- Night 9 -
Master Hand: Did you all miss me?
Samus: No, not really.
Mario: Nope.
Luigi: Nah.
Pikachu: I wasn't even in the van when you were here, but I doubt it.
Young Link: No.
Luigi: Hey, didn't you die?
Young Link: Well you see, the best I could explain it is quote Einstein and say –
Luigi: Forget it, I don't want to know.
Master Hand: Anyway, tomorrow morning another one of you will be leaving the van. So enjoy your time together tonight. I'll be taking a bath now.
With those words, Master Hand disappeared.
There was silence for a few moments.
Pikachu: So does…Master Hand bathe in like laundry detergent or some shit like that?
- Day 10 -
Master Hand: Rise and shine!
All: Uggggggggggnnnnnhhhhhh…
Master Hand: GET THE HELL UP!
All: AHHHHH!
Pikachu: I didn't sleep with that young trainer, I swear!
Master Hand: …
Samus: Can I please vote for Pikachu?
Master Hand: Unfortunately, no. Now, remember that Pikachu has immunity, so don't vote for him. Let's begin.
Pikachu: I vote for Young Link for bringing me here.
Samus: I vote for Young Link for bringing Pikachu here.
Luigi: I vote for Mario because, although I am now better than him, I still hate him.
Everyone starts snickering at Luigi's Frog Suit.
Mario: I vote for Luigi because…because…HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Young Link: I also vote for Luigi. You look like a fag, man.
Luigi: It was Halloween!
Master Hand: Okay, okay, shut up. No matter how stupid he looks in that thing, let's just try to…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Luigi: Screw you guys.
Master Hand: Ohh…Hahaha…Anyway, we have a tie between Young Link and Luigi. To decide who will be leaving, I will flip a giant coin.
A giant coin appears from nowhere into Master Hand's…hand.
Master Hand: Call it in the air!
Master Hand flips the coin.
Young Link: Tails.
The coin comes down, everyone staring in anticipation, except for Pikachu who was taking this chance to look at Samus' cleavage.
Samus fire a missile in Pikachu's face.
Master Hand: It's…Yoshi?
Luigi: This is a Yoshi Coin from Super Mario World, idiot!
Master Hand: Err, well…That's Yoshi's head…So…Luigi wins!
Luigi: HAH! I AM THE BEST!
Samus fires a missile in Luigi's face.
Master Hand: Anyway, off to the Void with you Young Link.
Young Link: NO! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!
Master Hand then proceeded to take Young Link to the Void. And he was alive.
In the Void…
Ness: I say old bean, it's Young Link!
Kirby: Huzzah!
Young Link: Oh dear.
Back in the van…
Master Hand: Ok well, incase you didn't know, we are drawing close to the end.
Samus: Praise Jesus!
Mario: Amen.
Pikachu: Preach on.
Luigi: Do I really look that bad in this?
Master Hand: What this is means is we sort of need to pick up the pace. So we are going to have an Immunity Challenge tonight, and tomorrow night another Smasher will be voted out of the van. For now, we're going to take another break because I'm going to go eat a sub now.
With those words, Master Hand left.
There was silence for a few moments.
Pikachu: So does…Master Hand have a mouth?
Outside the van…
Pikachu & Mr. Game & Watch were leaning against the side of the Smash Mansion.
Pikachu: How the hell are you not dead?
Game & Watch shrugs.
Pikachu: Well man now that we're back, let's go cruising for chicks.
Game & Watch points at the van.
Pikachu: Damn, I forgot about that…Oh well, I guess after the game I'll just steal the van, sell it, and it a better ride. Then chicks will be all over us like stupid on Roy. Bong.
Game & Watch nods.
Pikachu: So is…your wang 2D too?
In the meantime, in the Smash Mansion…
Mario and Luigi were sitting on the couch in the living room with Marth and Jigglypuff, watching the TV, when Roy caught their attention from the top of the stairs. He was holding a hose and a flow of water was going down the long stairs.
Roy: Hey guys, check it out! I made a waterslide!
Roy the jumped on, and proceeded to tumble all the way down the stairs, and during his decent probably broke a few things. All the Smashers on the couch share a long and loud laugh.
Luigi: That was so funny! What a dumbass!
Mario: Who?
Luigi: Uhh, Roy, remember?
Marth: I don't know about everyone else but I was laughing at that gay Frog Suit Luigi is wearing.
Jigglypuff: Me too.
Mario: And me.
Luigi: Oh screw you guys.
Back outside, Pikachu and Game & Watch were still leaning on the wall and talking. Pikachu then showed him his red hat similar to Ash's but without the symbol on it. Just then, Peach walked by.
Pikachu: Here GW, let me show you why I call this my lucky hat.
Pikachu then threw his hat a bit towards Peach.
Pikachu: Oh hey Peach, I dropped my hat. Would you mind picking it up?
Peach: Why sure Pikachu!
Peach flashed a big smile, and bent down to pick up the hat, giving Pikachu and Game & Watch a nice view of her…"Trunk" I believe is the urban term. And there was indeed a bit of junk inside of it. Peach gave the hat back to Pikachu and walked of somewhere else.
Pikachu: Heh heh.
Game & Watch nodded.
Meanwhile, in the Commissary…
Samus had just walked in to see why it was taking Master Hand so long to eat his sub. She approached him, and saw a monster sub.
Samus: Holy shit, that's big! It looks pretty ferocious, do you need a hand?
Studio Audience: Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! The humor being in that Master Hand himself is a hand! Ha, ha, ha!
Master Hand was fending off the monster sub with ketchup.
Master Hand: Sure! He's a tough one!
Studio Audience: Ha, ha, ha! The humor being in that the original thought is 'monster' simply being a metaphor for a particularly large sub, but in fact actually being a monster! Ha, ha, ha!
Samus: I thought that studio audience moved away?
Monster Sub: Yeah, me too.
Back outside…
Pikachu: God, I'm bored, man! This blows! Ahhhh!
Game & Watch walks away, and shortly returns with a boom box. He sets it down, and hits a button. Heavy metal music begins blaring, and Pikachu starts rocking out and jumping around dancing.
Pikachu: MY VAINS FEEL LIKE WORMS DRYING IN THE SUN THIS TAKES TOO LONG STRIPPING SKIN FROM ALL MY BONES PAIN TOO STRONG MY SENSES THEY GO NUMB!
Random passersby started staring wide eyed and grasping their crosses.
Boy: I like that music daddy!
Man: No! That's devil music son! It's a sin to listen to this. You're going to your room when we get home!
Boy: But you heard it too daddy!
Man: ARE YOU QUESTIONING THE LORD'S WORD?
Inside the Smash Mansion…
Luigi was talking into his room to try and find a new wardrobe, and he managed to find a shirt with a fake tuxedo on it. He quickly changed and made his way to the kitchen for a snack. To his dismay, he discovered there was no turkey. Angered, he let out a scream of primal rage, finally letting loose all of the feelings of loneliness, failure, and embarrassment. Most ignored it, figuring it was just part of Pikachu and Game & Watch's music.
Master Hand: All right miscreants, drop whatever you're doing and return to the van.
Luigi dropped the fine china he was about to eat on.
Master Hand: …Ugh. Just go into the van.
To Be Continued…
