A/N: To those of you annoyed at Darren for hurting Chris, please keep in mind that he is extremely confused by his feelings and hurting nearly as much. He may have gotten into this being oblivious to Chris, but now he is in just as deep and now he ends up screwing up again trying to find his way out. Let's hope he figures it out soon.

A/N: BTW has everybody seen the tumblr pictures of Chris on the Struck By Lightning set? Foly Huck, our young man is all grown up! Check out: chris colfer news .com (without the spaces) and scroll down, down, down and down.


Chapter 9Tour

Their first stop on the tour was in Vegas. They were at the Madalay Bay Hotel. It was a freaking mind-blowing place to stay, with every legal luxury known to man, and quite a few illegal ones too, available to those who could pay… and he could. The hookers weren't obvious, but they were there. They were mostly beautiful women, but a few were impossibly gorgeous guys, for the rich `cougars' and for the guys who were into them. Who knew hookers watched TV? They were fans too and several offered their services for free to their favourite cast members. A certain member of the cast, (with a Mohawk) even took them up on their offers and went on and on about the amazing lady he had spent some time with.

A tall debonair brunet, who looked like he should be cast as the lead in a Bond movie, got into the elevator with him and moved up close. "Hey, Chris Colfer. I'm Ethan and I am such a big fan of yours". He stood beside Chris with his hand on his arm and smiled into Chris' eyes as he murmured. '"If you're here alone tonight I would love to keep you company. It would make me very happy to make you very happy".

Chris closed his eyes and tried to picture taking Ethan back to his room and letting him give him a little peace from the memories that haunted him nightly. But when he imagined someone in his bed, the smile and the body was always Darren's. He stepped away from Ethan and thanked him politely for his offer but said he needed to get some rest.

He did need his rest. Rehearsing for the show was hard work. They had to recreate the choreography for each number and work out the positioning, the lights and the music production. They would be singing most of the numbers live while they danced. That was incredibly hard work, walking a fine line between dancing and singing without losing your breath. RIB wanted to give the fans what they wanted to thank them for the enormous success they were experiencing.

Everything was going smoothly except for one small mishap during rehearsal for the skit he did with Heather and Darren. He was sitting on the stage and slipped backward. His arm was supporting his weight and as he went over backward he could feel the deltoid muscle in the back of his shoulder pulling, and then it popped with a sharp searing pain. He rolled to his side holding his shoulder with his other hand, waiting for the pain to fade. It didn't, so the medic that travelled with them was called.

He lifted, lowered and bent his arm and felt along the muscle till he found the spot that felt as if a knife was stuck in it. He diagnosed a pulled or torn muscle and told him to ice it and take some Ibuprofen to help with the swelling. Oh, and he should rest the arm. Chris looked at him incredulously. The show must go on, he knew, so he worked around it. He wore a sling on his arm when he wasn't rehearsing or performing to rest it and had to hold the mic in his left hand. He just dealt with the pain during the choreography for Born this Way and Single Ladies, where he was front and centre and all eyes were on him. It meant that it would take much longer for his arm to recover, but with lots of Ibuprofen he got by.

One of the biggest fan favourites was the Single Ladies number. It somehow seemed raunchier than it did last year. Maybe it was the way the fans made him feel so sexy when he saw the obvious appreciation in the audience's faces. Performing in a studio, you didn't get the feedback from the fans and he had long ago stopped checking the internet to find out what the fans thought. It was freaking creepy what some of them thought; there were no end of perv's out there and there were still lots of people hating on him for who and what he was.

He, Darren, Cory and Lea in particular had a lot of numbers to get through and they were exhausted every night. There were over fifty shows they would do in three countries and he hoped they would all get through the next six weeks without dropping from exhaustion. When he was overtired he tended to sleep-walk and that was scary. God knew where he might end up, so he'd brought a bottle of prescription sleeping pills and took them every night. Getting to sleep wasn't the problem since he did that every time he stopped moving. It was staying asleep that was the problem. He tended to wake up after three or four hours and then lie awake for hours. On the positive side that was when he did his best writing.

Friday night arrived and the show went off without any major hitches. The fans did a lot of screaming, particularly with the Single Ladies number. He got into it and gave 'em what they wanted, shakin' his booty, and the pain from his arm faded away when the endorphins flooded his body. He was starting to understand a little of what the Beatles and other big bands went through and was pretty sure it didn't matter what he sounded like, they would have screamed any way.

The Klaine skit Heather, Darren and he did to let the fans know that Darren would probably be joining the McKinley Glee club was so ridiculously campy it wasn't hard at all to disassociate from himself and Darren and simply have Kurt talk to Blaine instead. Darren watched him with his warm amber eyes and a smile on his face; he was happy to see Chris relax a little and have fun again.

Finally the last number died away, they did their line bow and left the stage area. Brad and Ryan were there to supervise the first show and check that everything went well. They were throwing an after party to celebrate the nearly flawless performance they had given. They were all punch-drunk from the adulation the fans had given them. He was flying high with adrenalin too and he needed to run a few miles or fight somebody or fuck somebody…or maybe dance. Not a good mix with alcohol, but that's how he ended up half tanked, dancing his ass off with anybody who would dance with him, his only reasonable option.

Everybody else had the same rush and there were lots of the crew and cast dancing and singing along to the pounding music. Chris was watching Darren as he danced with Heather out of the corner of his eye, which was kind of funny since she was about four inches taller than him in her heels. Heather could dance for hours with the `hardbody' she kept in top condition. Good thing too, cause everybody wanted to dance with her.

Darren thought Heather should be cast in bronze as a tribute to beautiful women everywhere. She was the best distraction he could find so he had asked her to dance with him. When she asked him why he had been so quiet for the last few days, he told her he wasn't sleeping very well and was still overtired from working on his production and she nodded sympathetically.

Adam Lambert's 'Sleepwalker' was playing and Darren thought his words explained his recent change in demeanour far better. 'It's like I can't even feel after the way you touched me. I'm not asleep but I'm not awake after the way you loved me'. The man knew of what he spoke! He shook his head, wondering if he would ever get back to normal again. He got another drink to help him relax and enjoy the party instead of mooning over something that wasn't good for anybody. The first few drinks hadn't kicked in yet, though he noticed his coordination seemed to be deteriorating.

Chris was dancing with Ashley, who could sense the tension in him, and tried her best to keep up. She got tired eventually and said she needed a break. He nodded to her and danced over to Amber and asked her to dance. Just then a slow dance came on and he held her in his arms and they swayed together, both alone in their heads. She was missing the guy she had recently started to date and wasn't nearly the fun she used to be to hang around with, but then, neither was he. At the end of their dance she shook her head 'no', she didn't want a drink, so he left her and went over to the table stocked with a variety of alcohol and mix.

The bartender gave him a double rum and Diet Coke and he took it with him, dancing over to Ryan. Ryan laughed at him, as Chris tried to krunk to the music, realizing he was half in the bag. He asked Ryan if he would dance with him but his laughing response was that he would take a pass. "Live it up, man", Chris said bumping his hip against Ryan's to the music. "Come on and play with the kids." Ryan shrugged and relented. They went on to the floor and danced to the 'Ke dollar sign ha' number, TikTok. Haha! Chris decided to tip up his drink and down it so he would stop slopping it all over the floor and then set the glass in a handy palm tree. He hardly felt his arm twinge at all.

Ryan caught sight of Brad nearby, recalled something he wanted to ask him about and looked for somebody to pass Chris off to. Darren was walking by with a fresh drink and he looked like he was three sheets to the wind too. Ryan thought Chris and he deserved to keep each other company. He stepped back three steps, snagged Darren's sleeve and hauled him over to Chris. "Here, dance with him," he said and made his escape.

Chris and Darren met each other's eyes and nodded hesitantly. They danced three feet away from each other for a couple songs and then eventually relaxed in each other's company for the first time in a month. The music slowed and Darren followed his impulse to move closer and put his arms around Chris. Chris was wary of being that close to Darren but he survived the slow dance pretty well and his confidence grew; he could do this.

At 1:00 am the lights went down low. The staff started collecting glasses that people had left in palm trees and on every other surface. Most of the cast weren't ready yet to stop partying so they went to Ryan's suite. He wasn't ready to go there yet but he said they could use the big reception room of his suite to party in, as long as they didn't trash it. The music was now the Glee music on the IPod system Ryan travelled with. The sound quality was amazing for such a little thing.

Kevin, Mark, Harry, Cory and Chord and all the girls except for Jenna were there too; she'd said she had a headache and had gone to bed. Some of the booze went with them too, and everyone danced 'cause they knew if they stopped, they would drop. Then the music got quieter and so did the crowd. The Warbler guys had decided earlier to go to their own rooms, where they could relax. They weren't comfortable hanging out with the management for too long and some of them didn't drink at all.

Darren and Chris were still wrapped around each other, holding each other up as they swayed to the music in an alcoholic fog. All Chris could think of was that it felt so good to be in Darren's arms again and he sighed with contentment. Darren looked into his eyes and Chris met his gaze with eyes full of desire. Darren leaned toward him and their lips met. They kissed and Darren started nuzzling his neck, kissing the crease below the scar on his neck in that spot that he knew made Chris crazy. Chris softly moaned and his hands tightened on Darren's shoulders, pulling him closer to kiss him again. When Darren's hips met his he hissed into Chris' mouth.

Heather glanced over while she danced with Cory and then snapped her gaze back to Chris and Darren. Holy shit, were they making out? They were! She leaned over and nudged Kevin and Diana with a nod toward the two in the corner, so obviously into each other. She whispered ``When did that happen?" Kevin poked Mark and Naya who pointed them out to Chord and Amber. Ashley had noticed their stares as she spoke to Harry and couldn't believe her eyes! They all were watching closely but trying not to be obvious about it. They were used to Darren and Chris being together as Blaine and Kurt, but this was a new development. Kurt and Blaine didn't try to stick their tongues down each other's throats or hump each other… as far as they knew.

Ashley watched Chris' face as Darren kissed his neck and saw the desire written there. Holy Hell…It was Darren he had had that weekend hook-up with! She was sure of it. Darren knew exactly how to work Chris and they were quickly getting past PG and into an R rating, with their hips grinding and their hands pulling at their clothes. Crap, it looked like Darren was getting ready to strip Chris' shirt off him right here. She knew how Chris would feel about this in the morning and took it upon herself to stop them before more shit happened they all regretted.

She went over to the two wrapped obliviously around each other and tapped Darren on the shoulder. He didn't even notice her. She tried poking Chris' arm then, forgetting it was his sore one. He jerked away as he opened his eyes and tried to focus on Ashley's face a couple feet from his. She said "Do you really want to be doing this right here, right now? You're still performing for an audience".Chris looked over at his friends and saw them trying not to look… but still looking. When he looked back to Darren, his eyes were still unfocused and dark with desire. Reality landed with a thud.

"Fuck, Darren!" he said, his face still showing the need he was trying to conquer when he turned and ran out of the room. Darren grasped through his fog of confusion that Chris had left and that he had been mauling him in a room full of people. Jesus, what an ass he was. He looked over at the crowd of friends who were still watching him. "Sorry guys" he mumbled and left too. Ashley shook her head and said "I'm done here. I'm gonna go to bed".

When she headed for the elevator she found Chris and Darren arguing, with Chris repeatedly punching the elevator button as he spoke. He was trying to ignore the searing pain from his arm. "You can't just play me like a fucking game whenever you get horny, Darren! You need to make up your mind about what we are 'cause I can't handle you sayin you don't want me and then you do that." He motioned back to the room they just left, tears running down his face.

"God, I'm sorry Babe. It's not like I planned for that to happen. Shit, do you think I would have done that in a roomful of people if I had been making thought-out decisions? I was pissed up and I'm sorry; I do care about you".

The elevator finally opened and Ryan stood there, eyes wide and mouth open, as he saw two of his lead actors in a battle. What the fuck was going on?

"Don't...call…me…Babe! You don't have that right!… I love you, remember? I would be happy to fuck you senseless for the rest of your life but you're the guy who wanted a test drive and then didn't want to buy the car. You need to stay the hell away till you make up your mind what the fuck you want from me!"

Ryan looked from Chris to Darren. Oh shit, this sounded serious. But first, we get it out of the hallway. Ashley just shrugged when he looked at her and he nodded to the elevator. She left.

"Come with me. We're gonna talk about this." He said as he grabbed both of them by the sleeves and dragged them back to his suite. When he got there he found most of the rest of his cast standing and talking. There was dead silence when he came in hauling Chris and Darren behind him, so he was pretty sure that was who the conversation had been about. He parked Chris in one of the chairs around the small table at the window and Darren in the other. He turned to the crowd and said, "Thank you, the party is over...Good night".

They looked at each other and then filed out quietly. Amber walked close to Chris and touched his shoulder. He didn't meet her eyes and sat stiffly, looking like he wanted to cry. Darren was sitting bent over, holding his head in his hands with his elbows on the table, occasionally running his fingers through his hair. The door clicked closed after the last person left.

"Ok, now talk to me. Chris, you first. What the hell is going on here?"

Chris shook his head in frustration and banged his fist on the table. That was such a dumb move; the pain shot up his arm and his shoulder throbbed. He grabbed his shoulder and rocked in his pain and misery.

"Did that help? You still have to tell me what has you so worked up".

Chris nodded and tried to focus most of his attention on the lipstick smudge on a half empty glass on the table in front of him. "Darren and I…we spent a weekend together …He wanted to know what it's like being gay. I shouldn't have done it 'cause I already was…way past the crush stage with him, but after that I…Oh god, do I have to say it?"

"I think you already did. You're in love with him?"

"Yes, I… love him".

"Darren?"

"It's like he said. I wanted to know more about being gay. I thought it would help me with portraying Blaine. And yes, I guess I was curious about sex with a guy. Chris and I have always gotten along well and I thought…well, I thought he was hot. If I did it with anybody, I wanted to do it with him".

Chris looked at Darren as if he had just been slapped. Ryan looked at Darren, considering his words carefully.

"When I found out that Chris was… in love with me… I thought we should try to cool it. I knew I wasn't the guy who could be his everything so we decided to try to go back to being friends".

"And that's where you left it? When did this happen?"

"About a month ago"

"So what set you off tonight, Chris?"

"We were dancing together...Bad move. I can't think straight when he…touches me. Then a slow dance came on and he pulled me up close. We kissed and we…started making out. Right here, in front of them all. If Ashley hadn't stopped us I don't know what …

"So, that might have been me that inspired all this when I paired you up to dance together? Shit. Darren, is that what you remember?"

"I guess. I really don't remember all the details. I do know that the night we spent together in Chris' bed has been…on my mind… a lot. When we were close like that I just…wanted him again. And the booze kind of inactivated my filter".

"So, Darren if I have this right, you propositioned him to have sex with you, and he was too blind with ardour to say 'no'. Then when you found out he cared for you, you turned tail and left him sitting high and dry. Then when you got horny, you jumped him again. Is that about right?"

Darren cringed at Ryan's bitter summary but he nodded yes and slumped lower in his chair. "Yes...I am such a dick. I'm so sorry, Chris". He knew he had hurt Chris again…when that was the last thing he wanted to do.

Chris said, "Wait, I don't think he meant…we agreed it probably wasn't...and we both were pissed up… I guess I could have walked away any time". Chris found himself defending Darren.

"Yeah, I guess you could have… Do you think it was the booze that got you both in trouble tonight?"

Darren looked at Chris, who glanced quickly toward him and then away. They both looked back to Ryan and nodded yes.

"What do you think would be a good solution for while we are on this tour and the whole team has to depend on you two?"

"We don't get drunk", they said together, both feeling like they were misbehaving kids being sent up to the principal's office.

"Damn right, you don't", Ryan growled at them. "Next, I want you to talk to your team mates and do some damage control. Are you going to tell them you got it on at your place one night Chris and it was a mistake or just tell them you got drunk and horny tonight? I think you still have a choice at this point, although Ashley heard you say you loved him…and more. If you get to her in time I think you can contain this, if you still want to".

Darren looked to Chris to find out how he felt, but he wouldn't look back at him.

"And Darren, I think you need to address your…feelings for Chris. Do you or don't you care about him? It sounds a lot to me like you do and you're in denial about it. Are you sure you can't be his guy? Or are you just afraid to take that leap off the security of being straight? And then it's complicated by the Glee thing. If you do end up a couple, you will have one hell of a lot of 'splainin' to do to the press. And there are always those paranoids who are going to say we turned you gay! What a fucking fiasco! God damn it! I so did not need this".

Pissed off as he was, his heart still ached for Chris whom he loved like the son he would never have. He was so much like he had been when he was a kid. He had once even been in love with a straight guy himself and knew his pain, except the man he loved had never let him make love with him like Darren had with Chris, thank God. He really wished this hadn't happened, but he was aware of the risk of them getting involved when he had hired Darren to play opposite Chris. He had finally started relaxing recently after they had worked together for so long with no apparent problems. Too soon, it appeared.

"Chris, text Ashley and ask her to keep her mouth shut". He got out his phone and did it.

"Ok, go to bed now and sober up. I want you two to decide what you will say and talk to the rest of them by noon tomorrow or sooner. We leave at 1:00 pm so they will be all contained in the lounge by noon. That's your last opportunity".

The music still played in the background. Once again Chris thought, why does my life have a music score?

MISERY

Chris to Darren .com/watch?v=zViTMsJn3vI

Oh Yeah, So scared of breakin' it that you won't let it bend

And I wrote two hundred letters that I will never send

Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper than they seem

You'd rather cover up and I'd rather let them be

So let me be and I'll set you free

I am in misery, there ain't nobody who can comfort me

Oh yeah Why won't you answer me?

The silence is slowly killin' me

Oh yeah Girl you really got me bad, you really got me back

Now I'm gonna get you back I'm gonna get you back

Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine

The way it feels to be completely intertwined

Not that I didn't care it's that I didn't know

It's not what I didn't feel; it's what I didn't show

So let me be and I'll set you free

I am in misery; there ain't nobody who can comfort me

Oh yeah, Why won't you answer me

The silence is slowly killin' me

Oh yeah, Girl you really got me bad, you really got me bad

Now I'm gonna get you back, I'm gonna get you back

You say your faith is shaken

And you may be mistaken

You keep me wide awake and waitin' for the sun

I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you

I'm getting there, I don't care where I have to go

Why do you do what you do to me?

Why won't you answer me?

Why do you do what you do to me?

Why won't you answer me?

I am in misery there ain't nobody who can comfort me

Oh yeah Why won't you answer me

The silence is slowly killin' me

Why do you do what you do to me?

Why won't you answer me?