Chapter 9: Confusion
Kurt woke up in the morning, completely disoriented. His back ached and he wasn't in his bed. He opened his eyes and grimaced at the drool that hung from his mouth.
He had fallen asleep at his desk, the computer still open to his research. He stretched and could feel his back crack, and slowly got up, going to the washroom.
He looked a mess too. His hair was in complete disarray and his clothes were rumpled. He had slept sitting up, still in his clothes. That was one thing that had never happened to him before.
He looked around and decided he might as well clean up some but then he heard his Dad call him.
"Kurt! Blaine's here!" Burt called.
"Okay!" Kurt called back.
Wait… Blaine's here? What time was it? Kurt glanced at the clock and noticed it was after ten. This was ridiculous, he never slept in this late and he never let himself get into such a mess. But if Blaine was there, that meant he would see him like this, which, truthfully, Blaine had seen him in the morning, but when he had done his moisturizing routine and was wearing nice pajamas and his hair wasn't this bad.
The next thing he knew, Blaine was standing in his doorway, a blinding smile gracing his face. He started nibbling his lip and Kurt blinked back in response.
"I brought all the supplies….we can break the bond now, and then we can be together."
Kurt froze. Oh god, Blaine. Blaine looked him over, looking a little confused. Kurt felt gross. He didn't even have time to shower.
"Are you… okay?"
"I had a really long night," Kurt offered.
"I can see that," Blaine said cautiously, coming inside the room and putting the stuff down on Kurt's bed. "What happened?"
"So much…" Kurt started, his head still a mess.
"Kurt, are you okay?" Blaine asked.
"I barely slept… I fell asleep at my computer. I know, I look disgusting. I haven't showered, just give me some time and I'll get ready."
"Kurt, Kurt. It's okay, really. You look fine. Just tell me, what's going on?" Blaine said, moving over to Kurt.
"We can't break the bond."
Kurt froze. He didn't mean to spit that out. Blaine recoiled as he said it and stared.
"Why?" Blaine asked, his voice tiny.
"Blaine, a lot of things happened at the dinner last night. Sebastian told me why he did this."
"He told you?" Blaine asked.
"Yeah," Kurt responded.
"And?"
"He's sick. Dying. Something. If we break it, he'll die."
"Something? You don't even know?" Blaine asked, incredulous.
"He didn't say with what… just that he is," Kurt said.
"Oh and you believed him?"
"Blaine! You didn't see his parents… or mine. They all… they all believe him. And the Warblers. He went to the doctor, Blaine," Kurt said.
"This could be some elaborate ruse! He wants you! He gave you all that stuff last week!" Blaine exclaimed.
"Excuse me? He never wanted me! He wanted you! And he gave you that stuff too! I don't know why you think he'd be lying about this!"
"Because he's Sebastian! He's horrible!" Blaine exclaimed.
"You didn't think he was so horrible when you first met," Kurt scoffed.
"Oh please, are we going back to that?" Blaine asked.
Kurt threw his hands up in the air. He was tired and cranky and taking it out on Blaine. "What do you want from me, Blaine? I'm telling you what he told me. He just needs time for the bond to heal whatever he has and then we'll break it. It's not forever, he just needs more time."
"Great. You're on his side. What if it is forever? You know Soul Bonds aren't a cure," Blaine said.
That was what worried Kurt the most. That it wouldn't cure Sebastian and he'd either die or Kurt would be stuck with him forever. Or it would be like what happened with his Mom.
"I know, Blaine! I do! I spent all night researching them!"
"You spent all night? Why now? I thought you did all that before we were going to bond?" Blaine exclaimed.
"I… I meant to. I did research a bit… but I was too excited to read everything," Kurt said softly.
"Kurt," Blaine said and backed away. "You don't know much about this bond, do you? You're bonded to Sebastian and you're going in almost blind."
"I know things about it, Blaine. I'm not a moron."
"I didn't say you were."
They stared at each other. Kurt couldn't believe how mad Blaine was. This wasn't his fault. This was Sebastian's fault. And Blaine was blaming it on him.
"Kurt, who cares, let's break it anyway," Blaine said.
"Blaine! Are you not listening to me? Sebastian will die if we break it."
"So? You don't like him anyway."
"I'm not going to sentence him to death! I won't have his death on my hands. Why do you not care?"
"Because I need you, Kurt. And he's taking you away from me," Blaine said.
"How can you be… so selfish? Blaine, I can't believe you."
Kurt backed away from Blaine. He was sleep deprived and confused and he needed to think.
"He lied to his parents, told them this was all consensual, that I did this to save him, because we were such good friends," Kurt said, brokenly, after a minute. "And now there's nothing I can do, because I can't kill him, Blaine. I can't do that."
"Right," Blaine said softly.
"You don't believe me," Kurt said.
"Kurt, I want to. I really do. But it doesn't sound right. Why couldn't he find some other way? Force someone else into a bond… not us?"
"It was convenient," Kurt said softly.
Blaine stared. "He used you. He used us… he would have… it could have been me."
"Yes."
"Oh my god," Blaine said.
They both didn't know what to do.
"So we're not breaking the bond," Blaine said softly after a moment.
"No, we're not. At least not now. And you can't tell people that Sebastian's sick. He doesn't want them to know."
"I don't care what he wants," Blaine scoffed. "I get that you don't want him to die, but that doesn't mean we have to be happy about this, or be nice to him."
"Right," Kurt said.
Blaine sat down on the bed, letting out a puff of air.
"So now what?"
"Now, I'm going to take a shower, then maybe we can get some food. I haven't eaten anything yet."
"Yeah, okay," Blaine said.
Kurt gave him a brief smile then leaned in to kiss him, ignoring the burn.
"It'll be okay, we'll figure it out. Don't give up," Kurt said.
"Glad you're so optimistic," Blaine said.
"I'll be right back," Kurt replied, taking some clothes with him and going to the bathroom to shower.
He closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. This was tiring. Fighting with Sebastian and Blaine was tiring.
And Kurt hated that he pitied Sebastian. He did. Even with all the crap he put them through, no matter how pissed Kurt was, he couldn't kill him. And breaking the bond would be killing him. No matter how much he wanted to be with Blaine. He had to believe that it would work out.
Kurt wished he could go back in time and fix all this. Or find someone Sebastian could have bonded to.
Kurt wondered what would have happened if Sebastian asked him about it first. He probably would have said no. And where would that have left Sebastian?
Kurt knew that since they were bonded, they were going to have to spend time together. And he wanted to keep their relationship how it was. They could talk minimally. That was enough. But he felt bad. If this didn't work, Sebastian could be dead soon. And Kurt didn't want him to have to spend his last days miserable, even if Kurt was.
Kurt had time. Sebastian possibly didn't.
Kurt really needed more information from Sebastian.
Kurt spent the weekend with Blaine. It was awkward and tense and Blaine seemed distracted the whole time. Every time Kurt brought it up Blaine would bring up Sebastian's name and scowl.
So Kurt stopped bringing it up.
He was surprised that he felt okay over the weekend. He didn't have any incredible urges to be around Sebastian and he didn't know why.
He talked to his Dad about all of this. Burt tried to apologize for keeping it from Kurt too but Kurt didn't want to hear it. He didn't care anymore about that. He just cared about what they could do in the future.
And then Burt explained that they probably felt better, and able to spend more time apart, because they were accepting the bond more. Kurt wasn't fighting against it so strongly anymore.
It was taking their acceptance and giving them more time without contact. It made sense in a way. The bond was meant to join two people together. If you fought against it, it would force you. If you didn't… you were fine.
Kurt didn't hear much from Sebastian over the rest of the weekend, and that's why, when Monday came around, Kurt was nervous.
How should he act around Sebastian? Sebastian told him not to act any differently. Just because he almost died before, didn't mean he would now. But now that Kurt knew, he couldn't get the idea out of his head.
He wanted desperately to forget everything he knew. At least when he didn't know, he could be mad at Sebastian and that was it. Now these other feelings were sneaking up on him.
But enough was enough. He was sick and tired of being angry, and he knew he had to grow up. He wasn't getting out of this bond anytime soon, and he was going to have to live with it. He could either try to fight it, or he could go along with it, make it easier for himself, until it was over. Talking to Sebastian minimally could work, or he could try to find an arrangement that actually made sense. So that's what he was going to try to do, no matter how much he hated it.
Kurt walked into school and felt the immediate relief of being near Sebastian again. While the bond had given them more space, he still felt more relaxed around him.
Kurt went to his locker and put his stuff away. He didn't see Sebastian until their first class together. And even there, he was acting like he did the past week while he was there.
Well, there were no more gifts on Kurt's desk.
"Hey," Kurt said.
Sebastian looked over and said, "Hi."
Then the class started.
There wasn't much more Kurt could do or say and that's how the rest of his classes went.
Kurt was surprised none of the other Glee members asked him what was going on. But then he remembered, he didn't really mention to them he was breaking the bond specifically on Saturday. Some of them did come up to him and asked how he was doing but he waved them off.
Kurt finally got to speak to Sebastian at lunch time, although they were surrounded by the rest of Glee club and the entire student body. So he couldn't really talk about what he wanted to talk about.
"Are you okay?" Kurt asked.
"Yeah, fine," Sebastian said, digging into his food.
Kurt glanced over at Blaine but he was looking the other way. Kurt felt very alone. Blaine was still upset with him and Sebastian didn't seem to want to talk.
Kurt went back to eating. He started a conversation with Rachel about their latest Glee assignment. Puck was talking to Sam about something or another and then Kurt heard Sebastian laugh.
Kurt rolled his eyes and went back to his conversation with Rachel but then Sebastian's laugh turned into a cough.
The words Kurt was going to say to Rachel died in his throat and he stared at Sebastian. This caused Rachel to look at Sebastian too.
Sebastian stopped coughing and looked up. "What?"
Kurt continued to stare.
"It's just a cough. I'm fine. Everyone coughs," Sebastian said.
"Right," Kurt said softly before Rachel pulled him back into their conversation.
Kurt didn't know if it was just a cough. He didn't know what was wrong with Sebastian. Everything could be a symptom.
Kurt was nervous about it the whole day. And because of that he did something he didn't expect to do.
"Sebastian!" Kurt called after him, as they were both leaving the school.
Sebastian turned around. "Yes?"
"Do you… I have homework to do," Kurt said.
"Yeah. I do too. Seems to happen when you go to school," Sebastian said with an eye roll.
"You want to come over… work on it together?"
"You're inviting me over? This isn't some pity thing, is it?"
"What? No," Kurt said. "It'll make this bond thing easier, right?"
Probably not. They'd seen each other all day. And they felt fine on the weekend.
"Whatever you want," Sebastian said.
"Okay," Kurt replied.
He had no idea why he did that. He still hated Sebastian. He really did. It was that stupid cough. Kurt needed to know what it meant. And he had no idea why Sebastian so readily agreed. But maybe Kurt would be able to get the information he wanted.
They went to Kurt's house and sat down, getting their homework out, and positioning themselves like the last time they did homework there.
Except this time, Kurt couldn't concentrate on his homework at all. He had so many questions for Sebastian, and he wanted them answered.
He only lasted ten minutes before he pushed his homework away.
"What are you sick with?" Kurt asked.
"What?" Sebastian asked.
"You heard me," Kurt responded.
"What does it matter?"
"It matters because I want to know."
"You don't need to know. The bond will fix it," Sebastian said.
And Kurt understood then. Sebastian truly believed the bond would fix it. He put his faith wholeheartedly into this. And Kurt hoped it did as well. It was one thing to hate someone for what they did, but another to want them dead.
"Why won't you tell me? Have you told everyone else?"
"No. I haven't told anyone else this…" Sebastian trailed off.
Oh, Kurt could have sworn Sebastian told his Dad and Carole at least.
"My parents are the only ones that know. Everyone else knows I'm sick…but that's it. Kurt, look. I'll tell you if something happens, but for now, I'm assuming I'm fine."
"Fine. What about the cough?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Kurt. That was nothing. It was a cough. Don't freak yourself out."
Kurt glared, but he could tell. Sebastian didn't even want to think about it at all.
Kurt was mad at himself now, for not asking about it when Sebastian was blurting out information the other night. He was mad at himself for not being as mad at Sebastian as he should be. And he was mad at himself for wanting to know more about Sebastian.
Truthfully, all he knew before was that he went to Dalton, he sang, moved from France, and he wanted Blaine. He didn't know much. But now that they were bonded, if they were going to find a way for this to work, at least until they broke it, it would probably be easier to be amicable.
And that thought almost broke Kurt. Because he didn't want to be at all. He didn't want to be nice to Sebastian or want to talk to him or have to hang out with him. It was like his Dad said before. Cut Sebastian some slack. Give him a chance. And Kurt knew that Blaine would not approve of this at all. But Kurt couldn't see any other way right now.
And he knew what he thought about that morning was true. He had to grow up. He had to stop whining and complaining and find a way to live with this until it was fixed.
Kurt wondered what would have happened if their positions were switched. If Sebastian had the option of breaking the bond and Kurt would die, would he do it? Kurt shuddered at the possible answer.
"You're going to have to explain this more though, I'm not just going to accept it," Kurt said.
"Wow, you're demanding. Why don't you get your homework done first."
"What happened to you trying to make this good for me. Stop being difficult!"
"I can make this good for you," Sebastian said and winked.
"Oh my god," Kurt cringed.
Sebastian backtracked. "Sorry. But I thought we decided you didn't like me acting nice."
"I don't like you acting like who you're not."
"I'll be nice when the situation deems it."
Kurt was getting fed up with him already. Sebastian seemed so different from how he was on Friday, when he broke down. Now, he seemed back to his cocky self. Like he got out everything he had held inside him, and could relax more.
Kurt had no idea why he thought inviting Sebastian over and talking to him would be a good idea. He was really going to have to re-evaluate his decisions.
"Let's just do our homework," Kurt grumbled.
Sebastian nodded.
Kurt would have other opportunities to talk to Sebastian. Other opportunities to grow up. Now wasn't the time.
The next few days got even more interesting for Kurt. He spent his time watching Sebastian, trying to figure him out. Trying to figure out what to do.
He wanted to know more about Sebastian and see if it gave him any clues because he really didn't know much about him. He was so focused on hating Sebastian when he was going after Blaine that he didn't take the time to learn much more than he was a snarky meerkat.
But now? Now he was seeing a different side to Sebastian. How he actually acted during the day, when he wasn't trying to sabotage something.
It was the little things that Kurt was noticing. Things that made Sebastian seem more human, less like he was actually out to ruin lives.
Like during class, how Sebastian would always set his bag down on the right side of his desk, then pull his notebook out first, before opening it on his desk and then meticulously setting out his pencils.
Or how when he was anxious, he'd chew on the end of his pencil.
Or how he'd squint at the board for a few seconds before he'd start writing notes down.
It had amazed Kurt how many little details he'd picked up just by watching Sebastian during classes.
Lunch times were quieter. Sebastian wouldn't talk much, mostly because no one would talk to him. Kurt tried to say a few things to him but Sebastian always told him not to bother. He knew Kurt didn't actually want to talk to him.
So Kurt talked to the others instead, but always had an eye on Sebastian.
The bullying continued occasionally. Not much change from before but Kurt was looking out for Sebastian more and vice versa. It helped when they could feel when each other was hurt or distressed. Kurt knew that if anything bad actually happened, he wouldn't be left alone to deal with it. And that was comforting. Although, he had hoped it would be Blaine with him in this situation.
Kurt and Sebastian had started to hang out after school and during their spare class in the library to do homework. Probably more often than they needed to.
It started out when they hung out, as them not talking to each other much at all, or if they did they ended up fighting. But then, it changed. And Kurt couldn't pinpoint the exact moment. But their fighting turned to bickering, which turned to a more amicable silence.
It was different now, and it hadn't even been that long.
Kurt hated himself for it too. By some strange turn of events, he found himself starting to care about Sebastian, and whether he lived or died. And that was something for him, because even Blaine didn't seem to care. Blaine just wanted this over with. Kurt told Blaine when he started hanging out with Sebastian more. He explained why, but Blaine didn't seem too supportive. Kurt just wanted to give Sebastian his time, and so far, Sebastian hadn't been too bad.
Blaine was acting stranger and stranger every day. For a while, Kurt couldn't figure out why and then he got it. Blaine was jealous. Blaine kept saying things, like he thought he was losing Kurt. And no matter how much Kurt reassured him, Blaine was adamant.
And then Blaine started showing up whenever Kurt met with Sebastian. They'd be studying at Kurt's place, and then Blaine would show up with coffee for himself and Kurt. Or they'd go to the Lima Bean and Blaine would show up and join, grasping Kurt's arm. It was becoming strangely reminiscent of when Sebastian first showed up.
And Kurt was starting to get annoyed. He knew that Blaine felt left out, or like he was being left behind, but whenever Kurt tried to spend time with Blaine, Blaine would pull away. He was distant, and didn't smile as much, and he avoided conversation. And he didn't want to make out, or do anything sexual, for fear of hurting Kurt. And that was getting on Kurt's nerves as well. He was so horny.
So one day, when Kurt was doing some homework across the table from Sebastian at the Lima Bean, Blaine showed up again.
"Oh hey, Kurt, Sebastian. Didn't expect to see you two here."
"Oh, hello, Blaine," Sebastian said looking up.
"Blaine," Kurt said with a soft smile. No matter how many times Blaine crashed, Kurt was still excited to see his boyfriend. He was excited that maybe this time, Blaine would pay more attention to him in general, instead of trying to keep him away from Sebastian.
"What are you two up to?" Blaine asked.
"Homework," Sebastian answered with a smirk.
"Don't try to pull one over me," Blaine said.
"Why, what does it look like we're doing?" Sebastian asked.
"Boys, enough. Blaine, we're just doing homework. I promise. Spending time together to make the bond happy," Kurt responded.
"You spend all day at school together, you don't need now. I barely see you anymore," Blaine responded.
"Well, that's because when I see you now, you're either ranting about how unfair this is or you're pouting in the corner."
"Well, maybe I don't care about him! What happened to you, Kurt! I thought you didn't either! We were going to fix this!" Blaine exclaimed.
"Excuse us." Kurt pulled Blaine off to the side. "What are you doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"You keep showing up every time Sebastian and I are together now."
"I want to make sure he isn't making a move on my boyfriend."
"Blaine, he's not. We're doing our homework. Spending some time together," Kurt said.
"Ever since you found out he was dying, you've been too friendly with him. You're together all the time. You can spend time together at school," Blaine said petulantly.
"Blaine. It's just homework. We barely even talk to each other."
"Whatever. Like you actually have that much homework. It's McKinley, not Dalton."
"You know, you showing up like this all the time, is sort of like what Sebastian did before. To us. When we were at the Lima Bean. You know how annoying that was," Kurt started.
"That's because we were dating, Kurt! He kept interrupting our dates! This isn't a date!"
Kurt was silent. No. It wasn't a date. It was different. But, there was something about it Kurt couldn't put his finger on. He wasn't really talking to Sebastian. They were just spending time together. And so far, Sebastian had either been relatively silent, or he'd offer short answers. But he didn't speak too much.
"Kurt. I feel like I'm losing you. I don't want to lose you," Blaine said.
"You're not losing me. Despite how I've been spending time with him, I really do feel the same as I did before I found out all this. I don't want to be with him. I want to get out of this as soon as it's safe to. But for now, I have to stay in it, and I'm trying to make the most of it. I'm trying to push away how horrible it is in my mind and ignore that, because if I stop and think for a second about how nice I've been to him lately, or how often we've hung out, I don't think I'll make it. Blaine, this is horrible for me, not just you."
Blaine stared at him, his eyes teary.
"Excuse me, you guys?" Sebastian interrupted.
"What?" Blaine asked.
"Not to interrupt, but I can hear what you're talking about. Blaine, no need to be jealous. This is just about the bond, we have to keep in contact. And you know what? I've got a plan, for the two of you. For how you can be together. I don't know if it'll work, but we can try," Sebastian said, sounding resigned.
Kurt blinked at Sebastian. "You have a plan? For what?"
"I don't know if it'll work, like I said. But… maybe… Saturday, your place? All of us there. I think I know a way for you two to stay a couple. For you two to be intimate."
"Why would you do this for us?" Blaine asked, eyes narrowed.
"Look. I can hear you two arguing. And I know, despite knowing why I did this now, you two are still miserable. So as thanks for saving my life, this is what I offer. Take it or leave it."
Kurt raised an eyebrow and looked at Blaine.
"Fine. One more chance. That's all you get Sebastian," Blaine said, but Kurt could see he was looking at him too.
What did that mean. One more chance? For what? For their relationship. A sinking feeling set in Kurt's stomach. Was he losing Blaine? He couldn't lose Blaine. He needed Blaine.
It was okay before. Before Kurt knew why. Maybe Kurt shouldn't care. Maybe he should try to stay away from Sebastian as much as he could instead of what he had been doing. But he felt so bad, that Sebastian could be dying. And he felt so relaxed, spending time with Sebastian. As much as he denied it, he did pity Sebastian. And it was messing up his mind. He had been so focused on hating Sebastian and then he did a total 180 and now he felt like he didn't know who he was anymore.
His whole life used to revolve around himself and Blaine. And now, it was slowly being taken over by Sebastian.
"I think this could work. I really do."
"Okay," Kurt said softly. He'd have to trust Sebastian on this one.
He looked to his side. Blaine didn't look too happy, sitting there, staring at the table. Sebastian went back to doing his homework.
Kurt did too. After a moment, he heard a soft chuckle and looked back at Sebastian. Sebastian was completely focused on his homework and the look on his face was peaceful, calm. It was something Kurt hadn't seen before.
Kurt just hoped that whatever Sebastian had planned could save his and Blaine's relationship. His relationship was somehow now in Sebastian's hands.
Hi everyone! So glad most of you didn't get mad at me for the last chapter.
And… this chapter… sigh, it gave me a lot of trouble and that's why it's out later than normal. I'm still not fully satisfied with how it turned out. Kurt's a mess…kind of all over the place, and very back and forth. But I hope you still like it. I'm excited for the next one...
And some confusion… Yes… this will be Kurtbastian...
Anyway, let me know what you think! And thanks for the reviews!
imadeafriendtoday
