A/n: It hasn't even been ten chapters, and this story's already soared past 100 reviews.
I feel like crying. Crying tears of joy. How do I repay you all? HOW?!
You guys want to tinychat? I'll draw pictures and type up the next chapter live. Hell, if we do it on Saturday, we can discuss the new episode!
Speaking of which, episode #11 of YJI this weekend: feelings, feelings EVERYWHERE.
E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E.
(Supermartian please come back to meeee. Nightwing? The guy SERIOUSLY deserves a badass fight sequence that's all his and not chopped up into 10 seconds only. Foh rizzle. Do any of you guys read his comics? Foh. rizzle.)
Wordplay
Nine - Trolling is Hereditary (Part III of III)
This was bad. This was so very, very bad.
This was the mantra that repeated itself over and over again in Artemis' head as a seven-year-old Robin dressed in his little Robin suit dragged her down the hall. She was completely filthy—she was hit with a lot of different things. Among the big ones were glow-in-the-dark, fluorescent paintball paint; various breakfast items; tar; soap-water; and nacho-cheese. She was bound by the wrists and ankles and rolled onto the sled that was tied to the goat. The very goat that dragged her down the hall to the monitor room. The same goat that Robin was riding on. The very same goat that he'd made Batman come up with from somewhere, which then Batman made Superboy milk it, which Superboy then had to use said milk to make lukewarm chocolate milk for Robin.
Apparently, Robin liked goat's milk a lot.
"Robin!" She squirmed in an attempt to get away, but it was no use. She hated to admit it, but the little bird caught her good. She felt like she was letting her friends down. For the remainder of the morning and early afternoon hours, Batman and Robin caught them all one by one. The blonde archer was their last hope, and she let them down. "Robin, c'mon, it doesn't have to be this way."
"I's kay, A'tmissy." The child said with his heavy accent and broken English. It just contributed to his cute factor, much to the strong girl's chagrin. "I's all part of plan."
Artemis' heart sunk. "Plan? What plan?" Robin didn't respond. He was too enthralled with his goat ride, cooing the animal to trot faster and hugging it's neck. They shortly reached the monitor room, where Artemis saw the others. All lined up against the was were, in the following order, Kaldur, Wally, and M'gann. Batman was walking in with Roy, pushing him to sit down next to the distressed Martian girl. Robin dropped off Artemis next to the other archer, gently rolling her off and sitting her up against the wall.
"Dadd—Batman! I found A'tmissy!" The little boy announced, grinning and giggling delightfully when his teenaged father pet his hair affectionately to commemorate his handiwork.
"Good work. Can you handle getting Superboy?"
"Da!"
"Then bring him here." The Bat asked. young Robin did a back-flip and skipped to his goat. He flew onto it's back, crying out like a cowboy, and rode away down a different hallway. Batman turned his attention to his captives. Since declaring war on their bodyguards this morning, the teen had changed from regular civilian clothes to his Bat-suit. Now, he was changed again. It was what a covert-ops spy would wear, but crossed between a militarized fashion and stylized to the Batman persona. Since he wasn't wearing the Bat-cowl, he had the domino mask on.
The teen smirked, his head tilting ever so slightly to the side and stray strands of his hair falling over his face. "Don't move." He requested. Immediately after, a video call from the Watchtower started ringing on the computers. "Right on time."
Batman went to pick up the call, standing very-self assured as he crossed his arms over his chest. He allowed the...scenery...behind him to completely sink in to his fellow heroes-in-arms before talking to them.
"What on EARTH is going on down there?!" Black Canary demanded on screen before her azure eyes went wide with horror. "Oh my..." Behind her, Wonder Woman walked into the picture. Her shock was just as great.
"Hera help us..." She breathed, stunned speechless.
"What's happening? Did you reach them?" Flash ran up to the screen. "Wally! What did you do to them?!"
"Uncle Barry, help!" The speedster shouted back. Batman didn't look back, he just growled. Wally promptly shut up.
"Bats, what's going on? Has the cave been attacked? Are you all alright?" Superman asked. The amount of Leaguers up at the Watchtower trying to get a look at the situation were more and more by the second. Martian Manhunter, Green Arrow, Captain Arrow, Captain Marvel, the list went on. "Where's Red Tornado?"
"He's...asleep." The vigilante answered cryptically.
"Batman, what the hell is going on down there? What did you do to the kids?"
"I call it a pop quiz: how to handle an emergency situation, such as if any of their teammates or members or the League were to fall under the control or a villain or become compromised." He answered smoothly. "They all failed, by the way. If anything, they only person who I'd give a D+ to would be Artemis. She lasted the longest."
"Batman, let them go right now." Diana narrowed her eyes at the man.
Batman stuck out his tongue at the Amazonian princess, earning more than a few strange looks from more than a handful of Leaguers and all of the Young Justice team. "You think I'm going to follow orders from you just because I like—." The dark knight stopped himself quickly, quipping, "Never mind that! No, I will not. Not until you grant me access to the tower's computer systems."
"You have got to me kidding me, Bru—."
"Use my real name, and someone here suffers the consequence." Batman hissed before Green Lantern could finish his sentence, glaring coldly at the man he wasn't too friendly with. The dark knight hit a key on the keyboard, bringing up a live audio feed from another room in the cave. "Hear that?" He asked. There was a repetitive dull thud in a constant rhythm, with groans of pain. There were also a few sporadic giggles. "That's Superboy." The teen explained. "And Robin is with him, armed with a fragment of Kryptonite and the consumption of nine bottles of chocolate milk. I don't believe I need to remind you of all the times you babysat Robin as a child, but in case you do, just remember how difficult it is to keep a leash on him."
"Conner! Robin would never hurt him; let him go!" M'gann shouted, on the verge of tears. She and the others were outraged, struggling against their binds.
"Batman, this is your only warning. You and Robin stand down immediately or else—."
"I am not going to listen to any orders you try to give me, so save your breath." The teen retorted, clicking on a few more keys. "If you're going to try and do that, then come down here and tell it to my face." With those final daring words, Batman shut off the video call, snickering to himself. He shook his head, typing a few more things on the computer. "Idiots."
Aqualad narrowed his eyes, raising an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"
Much to the Young Justice team's surprise, Batman turned around with a much more relaxed composure and pulled out a bat-a-rang to cut them loose. He undid the lock on the special cuffs M'gann and Kaldur wore as well. "If they were smart enough they would've realized that during that video conference I was recording all the background and white noise and a high-definition-frequency audio file. That allowed me to single out the key-sounds they typed and hit on their computer, which in turn I matched the pitches to the keys here and crossed-referenced it with the ones on file to identify the access code to reprogram the Zeta-beam platforms allowing Robin and I to leave the cave."
"...You did all that in a two-minute video call?"
"Don't be preposterous. Did you honestly think I spent the entire day yesterday trying to break into the watchtower mainframe? The laser canon made me younger, not dumber." Batman rolled his eyes behind the mask. He motioned for the teens to follow him. "The League believes that keeping Robin and I from pursuing the Brain is the right course of action, but they couldn't be more wrong. Brain managed to steal from Lex Luthor. That in itself is a daunting task to do. Judging by Luthor's behavior on the night of the incident, he has no qualms in destroying that canon if worse comes to worse. I will not allow for such a thing to happen." He ground out.
"So...you're—?" Wally began asking uncertainly.
"Going after them, yes. And you are coming with us." The Bat said, leaving no room for argument even though Roy was about to try. "You guys are my bodyguards until I'm cured. It will be a mission within a mission."
"Hold up. Are you telling us that all this," Roy gestured to the apocalyptic sight that was the cave, "Was a very long-winded and thought-out plan to break out of the cave from the beginning?" They took Batman's smirk as a yes.
"Mr. Batman, I got a question for ya. You taught Robin about loopholes, didn't you?" The speedster couldn't help but snort to himself.
"I didn't even have to; Robin's a fast learner." The teens reached the training room, following Batman inside. There, they found a completely unharmed Superboy with little Robin at the mats. Superboy would crouch down and toss Robin so high into the air the child could touch the ceiling. The little boy was smiling wide from ear to ear, and Conner himself was grinning. Once caught, Robin hugged the Kryptonian's neck and begged to go again. "Robin, Superboy, let's go."
"Conner, you're alright!" M'gann gushed in relief, flying over to the built teen.
"You've been here this entire time?!" Roy snarled in disbelief. Conner shrugged, not giving a damn.
"Well, I was going to go tell you guys the truth, but the kid asked nicely that I help." The black-haired boy-of-steel replied, sitting Robin up on his shoulders. Robin hugged his head from above, placing a kiss on the messy locks before flashing a gleeful and innocent smile at Roy. "Before you judge, you should listen to their deal. It's hard to pass up on. Really hard."
"If you all don't mind," Batman interrupted, "We've got somewhere to be and we're wasting time. We need supplies before we go."
"Supplies? We have plenty of weapons and arsenal here in the cave, down in the weapons room."
"Not those weapons. Something a little more...high-tech."
The Bat-cave was jaw-dropping.
Roy and Wally weren't as impressed, because to the shock of Aqualad, Superboy, Miss Martian, and Artemis, the redheaded duo had already been to the Bat-cave. It felt like a betrayal to the four teens, but then they remembered that Roy and Wally were the second and third teens to become sidekicks to their mentors, meaning that they met each other earlier and thus had more history together.
"Woy, Woy, Woy, Woy!" Robin shouted from his perch on Conner's shoulders as they walked down the platform walkway from the Zeta-tube to the central command. He pointed across the way to a scale-model, realistically painted Tyrannosaurus Rex sculpture. "'Member the talking Leo-purr-o-don?" Roy nodded. Robin pointed off in another direction. "'And the gr-avity boo-sters?" Roy nodded again, chuckling when the boy laughed. There seemed to be a hidden meaning—a story—behind it all. "And Neverland?" Robin gasped. "Ba'man, can we go to Neverland?! Conner, you can fly in Neverland!" Batman didn't answer, his mind was working a mile a minute. So the teens turned to Roy for some sort of reply.
"I babysat Robin a lot back in the day," The red-headed adult explained. "Him and this idiot," He nodded at Kid Flash, smacking him lightly upside the head.
"Sounds like a lot happened." Aqualad pointed out, making Wally burst out laughing.
Red Arrow sighed heavily. "You have no idea."
"You mind filling us in on a story or two?" Artemis chuckled herself at seeing her fellow archer's expression.
"Maybe some other time."
Despite the Bat-cave being literally a bat cave, the hideout was decked out to the nines. Different walkways sprawled out and spiraled up or down to different platforms at different levels, each hosting some form of aid or weaponry to the shadow vigilante of Gotham and his night bird. It reached out as far as their eyes could see in the dark. Up in the crevices of the stalagmites were hundreds of thousands of bats.
Batman led the young heroes to a massive computer hub mounted on the wall of the cave it had three enormous screens, surrounding them in a way that made them feel like they were almost boxed in. Three large consoles—keyboards and more buttons than they could probably count in a day—lay out beneath the screens. In the middle of the computer platform was a large glass table. Thanks to it's magnetic foot, it hovered off the ground.
"Team, gather 'round." The dark knight said as he approached the computer. They stood by the floating glass table as the three monitors sprung to life, displaying numerous amounts and detailed information about the happenings in Gotham city and the world. "Computer, list the last thirty known hits made by the Brain." The man commanded. Shortly after getting what he desired, he skimmed over the information, pulling out what he seemed to spot a connection in. "Access Watchtower files, most recent encounter. Cross-reference to coinciding activities with Lex Luthor, trace out all similarities."
"You computer can do all that by itself?" Miss Martian blinked in stupor. "Impressive."
"It's running slow; needs an upgrade." Batman commented dismissively. The teens all made one comment or another how that was utterly pointless to say, since this was still the most impressive computer they've ever seen operate.
"Why don't we have one of these back at the cave?" Conner asked. Robin itched to be set down on the floating table which was very unsettling to the Kryptonian boy. Skeptically, he stood the little boy on the glass, but he didn't actually let go until he knew for certain the table wouldn't sink or tip. "Does the Watchtower have one?"
"No need. The work that this computer does is the equivalent to the work of the resources found in both the cave and the tower."
"Yeah, but, this would make it easier." Artemis argued, watching slightly disturbed at the strange yoga poses Robin was doing on the table. Should a seven-year-old be able to bend that way?
"Yes, and having super-human abilities would make fighting crime easier as well, yet we still manage quite well, do we not, Artemis?" The bat retorted with ease, tutting once when he found what he was looking for. He left the computer and joined the team at the table. "Computer, real-time holo-map of Bordeaux, Aquitaine district, France." On the glass table Robin was on, a 3-D map of a city popped up around the little boy. Robin gasped in surprise, but quickly smiled and stood up tall. He let our a roar, stomping around with his arms out in front of him and his hands like claws, stomping on miniature holographic cars and trees. The team started in fascination, poking the holograms in question. Their fingers went through the projections. It was awesome.
"The Brain and his men have escaped to France with the laser canon. Thanks to international law the setback it's providing Luthor to reach him is barely enough time for us to get out there and locate the canon ourselves. The goal is—Robin, stop pretending you're Godzilla, you're distracting everyone." The black-haired teen reprimanded, pulling his son off the table and carrying him in his arms. Robin idly traced the edges of the domino mask on his father's face. "The goal is simple. Tonight, we fly out to France to turn Robin and I back to normal. Our only concern is getting in and out of their base safely. Once Robin and I are returned to normal, we destroy the canon and come home."
The six teens nodded determinedly. "What's the plan?" Wally asked, speaking for all of them. Batman pointed behind them, to a few pristine glass cases with various versions (old, new, and element-specific) of the Bat-suit.
"As I recall, you wanted to be a bat back when you were a little younger."
Wally couldn't help but shout in excitement, jumping in place. Roy and Artemis simultaneously smacked him to stand still. "Are you serious?! All the cool, awesome suits and tech you and Rob use, we get to use it?!"
"Some of it, yes."
"Aww, yeah!"
'Guys, this is like, the ultimate form of trolling. There are seven Batmans. We are seven Batmans!' Kid Flash said over the mind link, looking at a fuzzy reflection of his in a dirty window. He was in a costume that was similar to his speedster attire since those adaptions were required, lest he wanted to be running around nude. However, it was all black and gray, it's silhouette obviously mirroring the Batman's costume. He didn't have a cape or cowl; the mask he was was a cross-adaptation between Robin's domino mask and Batman's cowl, with the little bat ears sticking up. 'We're confusing the hell out of these guys right now! Look at them! They're all over the place' He shouted, running through the warehouse and planting bat-boomers.
'There's only one Batman, KF. Don't forget that he can hear you over the psychic link.' Miss Martian said.
'You know what I mean, beautiful. Hey, where is the dynamic duo anyway? Shouldn't they be in here?'
'Taking care of security outside with Aqualad.' Superboy chimed in, letting out an angry growl and he swung a thug around and threw him into a group of others. A huge explosion went off outside that made the ground shake. They heard Batman give Robin's signature cackle, and Robin's adorable little laughs in a more evil tone. 'Should he really have given a seven-year-old explosives?'
'I've learned it's best not to question Batman's parenting, Supey.'
'Is there something wrong with my parenting, Wallace?'
'N-no, nothing, sir! Damnit, psychic link!'
'I didn't think it was possible, but Batman makes arrows that are...better than Green's.' Red arrow said, impression clear in his tone as he fired a consecutive trio of arrows at a handful of goons hot on their tail. He too was in a stealth, stylized costume to look like a bat. He opted to keep his domino mask instead of using the ones with the bat ears. Wally pointed out earlier how he kind of looked like Hawkeye from the Avengers movie, and Artemis (sporting a similar outfit, but with a bat-ear mask) looked like an archer version of Black Widow.
'Don't tell him that. He just might cry.' Artemis snorted from her watch point, shooting an arrow straight up in the air to send out a blinding flare. Thanks to one of the dozens of settings in the bat-masks, an automatic filter turned their lenses into sun-glass lenses, so they weren't fazed by the light. Flying above the crates and teens, Miss Martian, in her own bat-suit (easily the 'girliest'), Telekinetically blasted most of the villains away.
'He's a baby, he can suck it up.' Roy mentally rolled his eyes.
'Team on point, Brain and his immediate henchman have exited the back of the warehouse you've raided. Circle around and trap him in. They have the canon; be cautious.' Aqualad ordered. The team ran outside, diving into the fray of villains and fighting valiantly against them. Left and right, they were a blur of blacks and grays. Except for Robin. He was dancing around their attacks, never too far from one of his teammates who were adamant to protect their little baby bird, frustrating the Frenchmen to no end.
"S'arrêter!" One of them spat, curling his fist as he snarled. (("Stand still!")) Much to his shock, Robin actually stopped moving. He understood what he said.
"Pourquoi?" The child blinked, letting his head tilt to the side. (("Why?")) He grinned, "Voulez-vous jouer à un jeu?" (("Would you like to play a game?")) He jumped up, doing two front-flips, and kicking the man's head down on the second flip. The man fell to the ground unconscious. "Désolé, je suis occupé." (("Sorry, I'm occupied.")) Just as another man was about to hit Robin from behind, KF swooped past the two and picked up his best friend.
"Dude, you speak French too? How many languages do you know?" Robin hummed in thought, counting on his fingers.
"This many!"
'Kid Flash, do you have Robin?'
'Holding him right now.'
'Bring him to the shipping docks, we've found the canon.' Batman said. 'Double-time, we need back-up.'
'You got it, Bats. Speedy is my middle name! Well, actually, it's Roy's.'
'No it's not!' Red Arrow snapped at him.
The pair of best friends ran to join the others at the docking bay where there was a line of trucks parked. He spotted one with the back open and the team protecting it. He sped there, finding Batman inside. "Go help the team, we've got this covered." Batman said, working away on the canon. Kid Flash gently dropped off his best friend and went back to kicking butt alongside his teammates. Robin scampered up to stand beside Batman, watching with big eyes behind a mask that was a little too big for his cherub face. The little boy was suddenly pulled into his father's arms, and the two ducked behind the canon to avoid gunfire. He curled into a ball, his little hands holding onto his father's cape in fists.
"Robin, you have to finish reprogramming the canon yourself." Batman told the child, who shook his head no. "If I don't hold these men off, they could end up damaging the canon. We can't afford that risk." Robin was stubborn, he hugged the stoic teen more tightly.
"No!" He cried. "Stay!"
"Pasare," Batman said, lifting Robin's face so he could look the boy in the eye. He'd taken off his cowl. Batman never took off his cowl on the field. Bruce Wayne gazed down at the boy with a look that transmitted all his confidence to the child. "I promise to you that nothing bad will happen, OK? I made a mistake the other night and because of it you were put in danger. I have to fix that." The teen admitted, brushing his son's bangs out of his eyes. "But I'll need your help. Can you do that?" Robin nodded, and Bruce smiled softly at the child, making the little boy feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Bruce rarely smiled, so when he did smile—and smiled because of him—Robin felt like he could soar. "Here's the formula settings I've developed based on the canon's blueprints, the League's findings, and what I could hack off Luthor and Brain. I've input the data up to here; plug in the rest."
Robin nodded, watching his father don the cowl again. "Ok. Careful, daddy." With a whoosh Batman jumped up over the gunfire, charging out at the assailants. Robin immediately went to work, his little fingers nimbly flying across the keys. He finished quickly, pushing the button that made the canon start to hum. It was charging up for a single blast. "Batman!" Robin shouted, looking around, but he couldn't spot his father. His heart clenched. They only had this one shot. "BAT—!" Batman dropped down, lifting his son into his arms, and jumped in front of the canon as it went off. Both boys braced for impact.
Outside, the Young Justice team was facing off against the Brain and Monsieur Mallah. They were winded, and it was starting to show. One by one, the teens fell, scrambling to regroup. "Pity," The Brain's monotone, robotic voice said in dry humor. "Such perfect fighting specimens so poorly wasted in your terrible excuse of a quest for peace." He sighed. "Monsieur Mallah, would you do the honor of finishing off these young heroes?"
"It would be my pleasure, monsieur." The giant gorilla chuckled darkly, picking up Superboy by the back of his shirt. He raised his fist, ready to punch him. "Bonne nuit, Superboy."
"Hahahahha...!" A cackle rang. Robin dropped down from the sky, nailing a kick in the gorilla's face and making him fall back with a loud thud. He flipped back, landing beside Superboy, and standing tall. "The only one who's getting a good night's sleep tonight is you, monkey breath." He turned around to glance at his teammates over his shoulders. "Hey guys, miss me?"
"Robin!" They shouted, ecstatic.
The boy wonder smirked, holding a finger up. "One second. Hey, Brain!" He shouted. "You like riddles, don't you? I'm a guy that appreciates wordplay, you're an super-intelligent piece of muscle meat, I'm sure you'll get a punch out of this one." The hacker said. "What's black, rock-hard, and red all over?
Brain didn't get the chance to answer. Over their heads, a dark shadow in the shape of a bat swooped down, landing with bone-crushing force on the super-villain and crushing the metal of it's container beneath his feet. Batman's fist hurtled through the reinforced glass of Brain's shield, squashing him inside. He then released the electric charge his suit could give off, effectively putting the Brain in a coma.
"My fist."
It wasn't fair. After everything that happened, Robin had to help clean up the cave! Ok, sure, some of it was his fault...alright, a LOT of it was his fault. But that wasn't the point. How come he was stuck with the team cleaning up the place, and Batman got off scot-free? Even Roy had to help clean up!
'The cave is your headquarters with the team. It is your responsibility to care for it, not mine.'
Oh yeah, loopholes. Stupid loopholes. Sometimes Robin forgot Batman knew about those.
The team asked him a lot of questions, all of which he either didn't answer or gave some sort of smart comment that didn't really answer their question. It'd been a week since he was turned into a child and back to normal again, and only today did it look like they would finally be done with cleaning the place.
Recognized: Batman, 0-2.
The teams heads snapped up to attention at the dark knight that stepped through. As far as they knew, they didn't have any missions for today. The man stood there, a silent call for the young heroes to gather. When they did, he passed out a flash drive to each of them. They inspected it curiously. Even Robin seemed oblivious.
"What is this for?" M'gann inquired.
"A thank you gift, for all your hard work last week." The man's deep bass voice said earnestly, which caught them all by surprise. "I reviewed the surveillance footage from last week. You all suffered through quite a bit at the hands and mind of my younger self. Robin as well." He turned to head back up to the Watchtower at the Zeta-beam platform.
Superboy narrowed his eyes, unimpressed. "So what, you think that giving us this little thing is good enough? Why didn't you get one of your millions of gadgets and fix the cave for us?!" Robin swiped the flash-drive from his hot-headed teammate's hand, plugging it into his gauntlet computer.
"Not my protocol." The vigilante answered, disappearing in the light of the Zeta-beam.
"What is it anyway?" M'gann asked. Robin started laughing in genuine amusement, covering his mouth to not laugh louder. They all huddled around Robin, peering at the little screen. One by one, they all started laughing. "Is that?"
"Oh, man," Wally cackled, kissing his own flash drive. "If that video's got Superman doing some pretty embarrassing things, I can only imagine what sort of dirt your dad got on my uncle." He kissed the flash drive again, giving Robin a noogie. Batman had given them blackmail on every single one of their mentors.
"Do I have the greatest mentor or what?" The boy grinned. Before zipping off to see the footage of his uncle doing heaven-knows-what, Wally nudged his best friend lightly and handed him a photo. "What's—?"
Robin smiled. If Batman knew of this photo's existence, he'd kill Wally for it. Then again, he was the world's greatest detective. Knowing him, he might already have a copy of his own. Still, Robin cherished it. It was a picture of him and Batman on the couch, de-aged, his seven-year-old self sleeping contently on his fifteen-year-old father's lap. Bruce had his head resting on his own as he slept, and hugged Dick securely even in sleep.
"Got this the other night while Bats was putting you to sleep. Souvenir."
A/n: This concludes the trilogy of teen Batman and kid Robin. Hope you all enjoyed it!
Don't be sad, next chapter we'll have the patiently awaited debut of Robin in Gotham city. Which means more daddybats and baby Robin galore! There'll be Commissioner Gordon, a few classic Batman bad guys, and who knows, I might even throw in Catwoman for shits and giggles!
As always, thank you kindly for reading, and please review!
(btw...I was serious about the tinychat thing I mentioned up top. idk how to thank you all! -melts into weeping puddle of happiness-)
(Also, if any of you speak French and I messed up the French, could you tell me? It's my fourth-ish language...I'm dabbling in it and Italian, I can't decide which to start first. Thanks!)
