Olivia looked up as Jordan walked briskly into the squad room. She looked down fast as their eyes briefly meet. She had been avoiding Jordan or the last three weeks while she had been on medical leave. Even when Jordan had come to her apartment and stood knocking on the door for twenty minutes she pretended not to be home, even though they both knew that wasn't true. Olivia just couldn't face her. That would mean she would have to face her feelings for Jordan, and that she couldn't even begin to think about. Now though, looking at the strong, almost arrogant detective Olivia couldn't help but be captivated by her all over again.
Jordan ignored Olivia as she made her way to Captain Cragen's office. Knocking once she made her way inside and addressed her superior.
"Good morning Captain, you wanted to see me." Jordan said, politely nodding at him. Cragen smiled, motioning with him hand for Jordan to take a seat.
"Nice job with the Henze guy. I don't know if anyone has told you but his DNA and fingerprints came back a match to the two crimes. By the way, how's the arm?"
"It's good. I've been officially cleared for duty starting today." Jordan said with a smile. She needed to get back to word. Sitting in her apartment was starting to drive her crazy, that and the fact that Olivia hadn't even spoken to her since she ran out of the hospital that day. Jordan was hurt yes, but more than anything she was confused. Olivia gave no reason or warning, she just shut Jordan out of her life.
"Alright Jordan, good to have you back. Olivia can fill you in on the latest case." Cragen said. Standing up he nodded at Jordan as she made her way out of the small office and back into the squad room. The girl was tough, that was for sure. Not many people who get shot are trying to come back to work the next day. If the leave wasn't mandatory he knew Jordan would have never taken the time off.
Jordan made her way to her desk, saying hello to the other detectives as she past them.
"Looking good Aurora." Elliot called out. Jordan just smiled and nodded her thanks to him. Sitting down at her desk she carefully avoided Olivia face when she spoke.
"So what have we got?" Olivia just handed her the file she had been trying in vain to read. Jordan looked over the report quickly, noting the most important parts and storing them in her memory. The case didn't interest her, it should, but it didn't. She couldn't help but feel like she was choking. Olivia was sitting right in from of her and near had really even spoken.
Finally, after an hour of awkward silence Jordan had had enough. Standing quickly enough to get Olivia's attention, but not enough for everyone in the room to really pay her any mind she whispered harshly to Olivia
"I need to talk to you now, follow me." Jordan turned and speed out the doors of the squad room without another word, leaving Olivia to either follow or stay behind.
Olivia sighed and grabbed her coat, slipping it on as she followed Jordan our of the precinct and into the busy streets of New York City.
"You want to tell me what the fuck is going on." Jordan asked, a harsh, almost hurt tone to her voice.
"You won't talk to me, you have been ignoring my calls, and don't even try to deny it. Plus the other day, I know you were home. What the fuck Olivia?"
This Olivia was not expecting. She knew Jordan would be made but she didn't think she would be this hurt. She could tell just by her voice that she was hurting and it broke Olivia's heart to think she was the cause of that pain.
"Jordan, we can't do this. We are partners. We can't. I can't. I'm sorry." Olivia stammered.
"That's bullshit and you know it. What if I transferred out then, would that make everything ok then?" Jordan spat. At Olivia's growing silence she added
"I didn't think so. What are you so afraid of?" Jordan asked. She knew that's what it was. Olivia was afraid, and Jordan wanted to know of what.
"You" Olivia said. The words can so quietly and so suddenly that Olivia wasn't sure if she had just thought the word or if she had actually said it. Jordan stopped dead in her tracks, letting Olivia know that she had indeed said that out loud.
Turning to face Olivia, Jordan locked glances with her, completely unmindful of the people trying to get around them. Her eyes were the lightest color grey Olivia had ever seen, reminding her of snow falling on a cloudy day. Saddened though, Olivia noticed the lack of the blue that always sparkled it Jordan's eyes when she looked at her.
"Why, why do I scare you?" Jordan asked. Finally annoyed with the people trying to push their way threw them, Jordan moved her and Olivia back against a small nook in the side of the large office building next to them.
Olivia shook from head to toe, trying hard to keep the walls she had spent the last three weeks building to stay in place. It was a useless fight. All Jordan had to do was look at her and she broke all of them. Her eyes were so soft upon Olivia's body it felt like a caress. Only after a few seconds did Olivia realize that Jordan was caressing her, rubbing her hands slowly up and down Olivia shaking arms.
"Tell me." Jordan whispered.
"You, you make me feel things that I never thought I would feel Jordan. When I'm with you, everything just seems…right." Olivia confessed.
"So what's so wrong with feeling that way?" Jordan asked. She couldn't believe the words Olivia was saying to her. Jordan had been so nervous, thinking she was the only one of them feeling that there was something real growing between them.
"Everything." Olivia spat, the words coming out much harsher then Olivia intended. She tried to soften her next words, but she could see Jordan temper start to flare up just beneath her skin.
"Jordan, I told you, we are partners. We have to work together and so we can't have a personal relationship. I should have never let things get as far as they have. I'm sorry but I, we just can't."
"Fine, run away. It's not like it's the first time I've had someone run out on me, I'll just add your name to the list." Jordan said, almost yelling the words. She couldn't take it. It was always the same, the lies, the half truths that everyone told her to try and protect her. She didn't need protecting, not from any one, especially Olivia Benson.
"I'll see you tomorrow Detective Benson." she spat, the words coming out like venom from a snake. Turning, Jordan walked off into the crowd and quickly disappeared into the late day rush, leaving Olivia standing after her.
What have I just done? Holding her head in her hands, Olivia felt the tears that threatened to break the surface. Quickly replacing her pain for anger, Olivia straightened herself and stormed off in the direction of her apartment.
Fuck it, why do I even care!
XxXxX
Jordan wrapped lightly on closed door, hoping that the Captain was still in. It was past five but she had to try. To her great relief she heard the man behind the door say "Come in." Turning the door knob she walked into the seemingly cozy office of the Homicide Captain's office. It was set up much like Cragen's office with the exception that the desk seemed to be hidden under piles and piles of case files, thrown all across the top of the old wooden desktop.
Captain Malcolm Williams looked steadily at Jordan, wondering what she was doing in his office, and so late in the day at that.
"Captain I was just wondering if that offer was still available sir." Jordan asked. The whole way over here she had been thinking of their conversation they had just a week after her shooting.
Jordan made her way threw to the doors of the SVU squad room and into the hall. She was pissed. They were making her take another two weeks medical leave. She felt fine, she didn't need two more weeks off.
"Excuse me, Detective Aurora?" Jordan turned to see a tall, middle aged man in a nicely tailored grey suit. His hair was a short, rich black with just the first hints of grey spreading over, and his eyes were a crystal clear blue. A tall, lean build helped convey that he was older, but certainly not out of shape. Jordan had never seen this man before and hoped to god with was not some shrink her to try to get her to "talk about her feeling" about the shooting.
"Yes" She responded, locking eyes with the man in front of her.
"I'm Captain Malcolm Williams of Homicide. I heard about your last case, or should I say your first, congratulations."
Jordan nodded her thanks and waited for him to continue. She knew a Captain wouldn't go to all the trouble of finding her just to say congrads on getting the bad guy, there was more, there was always more.
As if on cue, Captain Williams got right down to the point of the conversation.
"You're a good Detective Jordan. Plus I took a look at your record, amazing. We could use someone like you down in Homicide. There is an opening if you are interested in it."
"Thank you for the offer sir but at this time I must decline, I am very happy with Special Victims at the moment." Jordan said.
"ok, well if you change your mind you know where to find me."
"Yes sir." Jordan said, shaking the Homicide Captain's hand.
"Of course it is." Captain Williams said with a huge smile on his face.
"Let me get the paper work in order and we should have everything finalized by late Wednesday."
Jordan nodded, wishing it could be done sooner. She couldn't stay in SVU, she couldn't stay around Olivia. She had let her in, let her get close, something she hadn't done in, well, almost fourteen years. Jordan cursed herself for letting things get so far so fast. She knew better. But when it came to Olivia, she just always seemed to lose her head.
After shaking hands with the man who was going to be her new Captain Jordan made her way to her desk to pick up the few personal things she had left.
Making her way in the now near dark room Jordan heard a faint noise come from behind her. Hand on her weapon, breathing even and calm, Jordan turned slowly, all the while running threw every possible scenario of what might come next. In a deserted alley in New York, In the ruins of a city in Kuwait, or even in her own squad room instinct always told Jordan to few anything that had the possibility for danger as if that danger were going to happen.
Jordan smiled as she saw Captain Cragen walk out of his office and lock the door. He didn't really looked that surprised to see her and Jordan figured he had seen her and Olivia working late on countless nights before the shooting. Smiling slightly she walked up to him.
"Hello Captain, I didn't think you worked this late?" Jordan commented calmly, no sarcasm in her voice.
"I was just finishing up a report for the brass. I got an interesting fax from Captain Williams over in Homicide though, know anything about that?" Captain Cragen asked, one eyebrow slightly raised.
"Yes sir, I do. I just finished speaking with him. Two weeks ago he offered me a position over in Homicide. I told him I needed to think about it. I have just recently came to my decision, I was hoping I would be about to tell you first personally. I'm sorry you had to hear it this way." Jordan stated.
"Well Jordan if that's what you wan to do I wish you the best of luck. It was a pleasure working with you."
"Thank you Sir."
Jordan watched the Captain walk down the hall and to the elevator. She turned, taking one last look at the squad room and, at Olivia's desk. She was making the right decision, the only decision. If Olivia wasn't ready, if she couldn't handle it then Jordan couldn't push. But she also couldn't be around Olivia and just be her coworker.
Jordan sighed, then picked up her bag and walked out of the room.
XxXxX
Olivia walked into the squad room and was surprised to see Elliot sitting at his old desk, Jordan's desk. Making her way over she sat down in her chair and regarded the man sitting in from of her.
"What's up?" She asked.
"Nothing, I guess Jordan wanted to join the boys over in Homicide, she transferred out last night." Elliot said matter-of-factly. Then he looked at Olivia and lowered his voice so no one would hear
"Did something happen with you two, I know you were kind of dating."
"No Elliot, we weren't." Olivia snapped. "Just drop it ok." She broke his gaze and looked at her desk, willing the words not to be true. Jordan had really transferred out. Yeah, she said something about it yesterday when they were fighting, but Olivia thought it was just something said in the heat of an argument.
Guess I was wrong
"You know Liv, if you want to talk I'm here for you." Elliot said, ignoring Olivia's wish for him to drop it. Olivia sighed. She was in no mood to fight with Elliot, and the thought of finding some words to her problems seemed like a good idea. After a few more minutes of silence Olivia finally spoke
"How about we grab a drink after work, I know I could use one."
"Deal" Elliot replied.
Meanwhile over in the Homicide Squad room
Jordan made her way threw the narrow walkway filled with desks, chairs and boxes all thrown haphazardly around the rather large room. Finally, after almost falling a few times Jordan made it to Captain William's door. She knocked once then entered when she heard him call to her.
"Good morning Jordan, have a seat." Captain Williams said. Jordan sat and looked up at her new Captain.
After Captain Williams finished his welcome speech and laid out all the ground rules he lead Jordan out into the main room and introduced her to the other Detectives she would be working with. Three were men, Michael Straton, Thomas Collins, Straton's partner, and Toby Jennings. Two were women, Alice Marks, Jennings's partner and Joel Santiago. Jordan followed the Captain over to Joel's desk.
"Jordan Aurora I'd like you to meet Joel Santiago, your new partner."
Jordan shook hands with the clean cut, boyish detective, all the while wishing she could see Olivia.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, now I don't even have an excuse to see her.
I miss her. both Jordan, sitting at her new desk in Homicide and Olivia, sitting at her desk in SVU thought together.
