Loading:

[A picture in full color of a bearded Muslim, in this case the vaunted and feared Madhi of the last chapter's fame, scrapping away the face of God on the Sistine Chapel, as the false Prophet bade them make no art and tolerate no art, especially religious art. And make no mistake, when the Muslims outnumber the native Italians in their homeland, they will do this in our world. Demographics is destiny.

Fade out…

[A faded card of Walt the Vaultec Boy in on a horse with a white tunic with a red Cross emblazoned on it, on the right saying Crusader: You have become a brutal and zealous defender of civilization The penalty for killing Muslim children is waived, the bonus in Karma for killing Muslims, Mutants and Raiders is doubled, but the penalty for doing other nefarious deeds is quadrupled.

Get ready….

Charlotte the Pocho

Part I

First let me say I hate Ashley J. Williams. I hate him so much for making me use that title. See technically it is Ash's turn, but I'm the one who needs to do the telling, so he offered to switch. In return, he got to pick the title. Insufferable man. Oh well.

I had lain in bed the night before (that is, November 2, 2163 into the morning of November 3. It was a Thursday, three weeks from Thanksgiving) thinking of what all this meant. I thought of it again but I knew I was deep in the horse shit when I heard Cyrus say "You're from Dearborn ay?!" Take a picture!" He summoned my brother, over saying "Merriweather, come over here! You're gonna love this! This asshole says he's from 'Dearborn, Michigan' Ha!"

I was lying on the ground and Jessica looked up from applying the bandages to my wounds, "He's from Michigan? That's a long way…" And then it hit her "Charlie, is he talking about the big Dearborn, Michigan?"

I wearily nodded my head, feeling exhausted after getting shot and then avoiding a pack of Deathclaws. I noisily exhaled.

Jessica "I thought they changed the name to Vijayanagar Center after the Final Crusade."

"They did," I groaned

"So he's lying?" she asked

"I doubt it." Jessica cocked an eyebrow

We heard a laugh coming from my brother and a 'That's rich!'

"Who is this guy? He obviously tried to kill you and yet I saw you save him at least twice. What the Hell?"

"I don't think I can," I breathed out.

Jessica looked a little crestfallen "Charlotte, you didn't fall in love with the guy did you…" I started to protest, "I mean that's exactly what a moron wetback chicka would do, and we all know you're one of the rare smart wetbacks."

"I am not a wetback."

"Spic-io Americano?"

"Try again."

"Mexican-not-quite-American?"

"That's not funny, Jess. I'm not a spic."

Jessica rolled her eyes at me as she had so many times before "Yes…and my ancestors came over on the first cruise ships, and when they got here they were so happy they decided to wear the souvenir iron bracelets for the rest of their lives, and pass them down to their children. Why do you people want to be Bonobos anyway?"

I was about to respond when I heard shouting. It was my brother. I struggled to get up, and Jessica had to help me. "You're lying to me asshole. You keep lying and I'll hook your nads to the car battery over there than zap you until your sperm are doing the electric slide, you get me?"

"I'm telling you the truth!" Ash blurted out.

I looked past Jessica and looked at my brother rolling his hand through his hair, and he looked over at me and jumped back a bit to see I was up. "Good God," he said, "I can't believe you're up."

I laughed a little "Well, I am tougher than the average gal."

"Yeah", said Jessica "Tougher than a Deathclaw and twice as mean. And that was before," and she turned around and knocked on my chest. I groaned in pain but did little else, "…the armor implants. Christus Invictus, what is this world coming too?"

"Radioactive slag…" murmured Ash.

"Ha!" exclaimed Cyrus and my brother. "Good call!" said my brother slapping Ash on the back. Ash just looked confused, and unlike in the movies did the smart thing and said nothing at all. "Now where are you really from buddy? And why did you shoot my bitchy sister?"

"I told you, I just got here. I don't know nothing. I'm from Dearborn Michigan."

"There ain't no Dearborn Michigan, Mr. Williams" Cyrus informed him, "There's only Vijayanagar Center. If you were from Michigan, you'd know that."

"Now," said Ash, "I'm a little slow on the uptake but why in the hell would they change the name of Dearborn?"

"Cause of Jason Vijayanagar, you ignoramus!" shouted my brother, "You know, the greatest man to come out of Michigan since Henry Ford?"

"Christopher Merriweather, you ignorant Spic!" and thus Jessica Bradford, who is supposed to be my friend, mortified me in front of my childhood hero. "Have you met anyone out here who knows who Jason Vijayanagar is?"

"Jess…you'd better quiet down or I'm going drag you into the wood shed and make me some mulattos." He looked at her disapproving looks. Hell, the way she cocked her head I could see them while looking at the back of her head "Or Zambos, whatever make you happy." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Chico, you couldn't handle this," and Jessica used her hands to out line her body. She then shook her head to make her hair shake out.

"Bitch I'd rather fuck Sin, with the yapping dogs threatening to tear off my cock. Better that that make love to a talking monkey."

"Coming from a New World primate, I'll take that as a compliment. You cut off your tails to say you're Bonobos, but you ain't fooling no one." As if the Wasteland disapproved of the conversation, a cold blast came in and reminded us all, it was indeed November. The cold always makes me wonder how I survived that first December out of the Vault. It was so cold. So cold. But that's a story for another day.

Ash quite justifiably looked confused and looked at my brother, his some of his misshapen beard swayed in the wind. "What the Hell are you talking about? What's a Zambo?! What in the Hell is a Bonobo? And could someone get us outta here before we freeze to death!" And then he sniffed the air, "Oh God! The Deathclaws are beginning to stink!" I looked over across the cracked pavement of the street to see two of the Deathclaws strewn all over. Ash was right

"Offal; when creatures die they release their bowels," I muttered.

"Hey honey, I didn't hear you," Ash put his good hand to his ear.

"I said when you kill something, they shit themselves. Didn't you know that?"

"Why no sugar lips, I didn't" Ash cocked his head to the side, "Any other tidbits you'd like to share?"

"Yeah, I should mention that Bonobo is the white equivalent of nigger. At least it was before the war…Because a Bonobo is a…weak chimpanzee; they have to hide from the more aggressive chimps in order to escape rape and extermination by more…shall we say virile specimens of the species."

Ash blinked at me "Oh really, well, God bless America, at least race relations are the same as when I left."

"Ha!" was the first reaction out of my mouth, "Listen fellas," I walked over to Ash, and put my hand around his shoulders. This here is Ashley J. Williams!" Everyone looked at me.

Christopher in particular lowered his sun glasses and cocked his eyebrow "Yeah we get that. Who the fuck is Ashley J. Williams?"

"You know, Evil Dead? 'All right you primitive screwheads, listen up,' 'Yo, she bitch, let's go!' That Ash and I can prove it"

Christopher looked at me funny and took a step back "Yeah, that Ash. Charlotte, that Ash ain't real, and even if he were, he'd be dead by now, long dead."

"You didn't see the original ending did you?!" I blurted out "OK, OK, I'm not crazy, if you guys can see him I'm not crazy. Remember 'Last Action Hero?'"

Cyrus gave me a horrified look. Good, I thought, he got it.

"Or, or, the 'Purple Rose of Cairo?'" Jessica loosed at me funny. Good, Tandi probably wouldn't understand, and Stone was too stupid, but Christopher on the other hand still needed to understand what I was getting at. I breathed in a sighed "Or 'Magical Porn Theater?'"

At this Christopher took off his sunglasses entirely with one hand, "Which Magical Porn Theater?"

"Does it matter?!" I asked.

"They're all classics," and he gave me a toothy grin.

"Which is one with the neo-Nazis?"

"Magical Porn Theater III."

"Magical Porn Theater III then."

Christopher gave me a look. It was one of…let's say discovery. Or stupidity coming to light. "You mean" and he pointed at Ash "this asshole, came out of a movie screen?

"Who are you calling an asshole, mud pie?" Ash retorted. "Yeah you, mudpie… "Hey, hey, hey!" I said, "Yes, out of a movie screen, Chris."

He looked at me for a second "Why do you get Ash? I want Rambimbo! I want the women of Mantis Squad to teach me to love women of all different colors."

"Christopher!"

"If you're not bullshitting, this is still bullshit. I want Rambimbo. Rambimbo! Rambimbo!"

Hey, shut up kid," came Ash's tart reply. "I'm not your damn entertainment, so shove it. You're apparently a border jumper so make yourself useful and, ah, I dunno, make me a burrito? Just be thankful you're not a goddamn Puerto Rican or I'd kick your ass on principle." He smiled and held up his right gauntlet in a haymaker, "And I have the upper hand."

Christopher said nothing. Frankly he should have been used to this shit, but he belted Ash across the face anyway, Ash hit the deck, reeling from the bitchslap "Hey, Holmes" he said, in a slightly Mexicano accent, "You think I give a fuck what you think? Heh?" Then he said some stuff in Spanish I didn't understand but didn't sound nice.

"Christopher, don't tell me you went Vato on me?!" I spat in displeasure

He looked at me and said "Lottie-da, he expects a wetback, well, I'll give him…" and was blind sided by Ash who tackled him to the ground and began punching wildly, with the metal hand. Jessica and I threw Ash off Christopher and Ash was held by Cyrus, who grasped Ash's arms behind his body and held him tight as Ash screamed to be let go of.

"Hey, hey! The Plebiscite War is over!" and she looked over at my brother, "And you lost."

Naturally I had to set the record straight in front of Ash "Jessica, for the last time, my ancestors were loyal. No Latino from Arkansas was ever disloyal to the Union."

"They kicked us out anyway, made us dance with the blue devil, and still treat us like garbage!" Christopher muttered.

Ignoring him, I went over to Jessica's med pack and found some chloroform. I got some cotton and applied it thoroughly. "And I am putting all of you on notice: I am NEVER going back to this shit, do you hear me? Look," I pulled down my left sleeve and showed my too muscled forearm (well technically ANY muscle on a woman's arm is too much), "Look, Tandi, Ash, this is my ID barcode. It tells everything about me," This barcode is on the underarm and was burned on my skin at birth. "And this," I pointed to the diadem on the bottom of my wrist, "Is my racial marker. Look at it all of you ignorant motherfuckers, especially you Chris" it was of course, the Celtic Cross, "I am 100 FDA approved white meat and you motherfuckers better listen up. My family assimilated. They became white, and frankly I don't have to impress you Ash. Yes America is for white people, like Kenya is for Negroes and China is for Orientals. Belongs to them exclusively. But we came, we saw, we gave up everything we were like good immigrants."

"Do we hold it against Stone that his ancestors were thieving, ignorant, boozing Irish? Or against Cyrus that 150 years ago his ancestors were Muslims? Muslims; enemies of all humanity! God smite them all or I will!"

"Deus Vult!" came a slightly unexpected reply from Stone, Christopher and Jessica.

"I swear before you that out here there is not a difference between the blanched and the pureblood, pedigree means nothing. If nothing else I have EARNED the right to be called white and I will NEVER be treated like a Colored woman again. EVER! Do we understand each other now?"

"Yeah," said Jessica, "except aren't you a Colored woman? I mean yes your MOM is white…" And I nearly had an aneurism,

"And so is my dad. My Mom wouldn't have married him otherwise. I come from a white mother AND a white father."

"I mean where exactly do you live again?"

"Level 6 Priority B Housing" I said through gritted teeth.

"And what do people actually call it Charlie?" said the-bitch-who-is-my-best-friend-and-whom-I-have-to-kill-now.

I sighed, almost in pain, "The Barrio."

"Ah ha ha!" Jessica jumped and nearly did a jig.

""Hey Jess," Christopher summoned her over with a finger, "I've seen real Negroes on the documentaries, from Africa. Shut, up, shut up. Dark as sin and twice as ugly. Now for a delicious looking mocha goddess WITHOUT nappy hair means you have enough white ancestors to qualify for the Waffen SS." Jessica was appalled and we all, Ash and Cyrus included, burst into laughter, "So I wouldn't be talking to anyone about racial purity, sister."

And when Stone swiveled over towards Jess and said, "You just got reamed by a blancharo," we all lost it. Now I don't want to give the impression this conversation was entirely friendly, but you learn to deal with these things.

I went over to Ash, finally, the chloroform in my hand dry now, so I reapplied it. "Are you going to kill me chicka?" was his not so even reply.

"I'm just going to put you under till we get the monastery. I don't want anymore…accidents. I'm willing to let bygones be bygones, but you did try and kill me."

"Please," he said, "Don't me under. I can help, I'll do anything you like," he began to shake in Cyrus' arms, "Just don't let me sleep. The Deadites will be back, I know it. I have to be awake, or they'll…eat me."

"OK, Ash, let me ask you, in our time together have I given you any indication that's I'm…

"A beaner?" he finished

I winced "I'm descended from beaners; there's a fucking difference."

He breathed through his nose and said, "No."

"Then I'd appreciate you not treat me as such."

"Alright, so you guys are Nazis?"

I thought about this for a second, "No, think of us as Zionists, just on a larger scale. Kicking out and/or assimilating the invaders of our God-given territory. I personally don't want to kill anyone except the Muslims and the Chinese and both of them tried to exterminate us. Muslims, in case you haven't guessed, started that war that killed 2.6 billion." Without thinking my right fist went into my open left palm, dodging the bottle of course. "I don't expect you to understand, you'll have to see it, and read it and feel it for yourself. They will not hesitate to kill, torture and enslave again. That is why I killed everyone in Inglewood. To keep them from enslaving the Christians of Little Antioch ever again. The monks might be able to explain it better. Now breathe deep…"

"Please…" said Ash after struggling against Cyrus.

"I'll think about it, but first I gotta know something…"

"What is it? Anything!"

"What's your beef with Puerto Ricans? I got some Puerto Rican ancestors…"

"I wouldn't advertise that publicly," he said with great disdain. The look on his face got really nasty for a second, "Because, no bullshit, and seeing as how you're not really a beaner, the lazy Ricans are on welfare and the enterprising ones are stealing cars."

"Oh come on Ash. That can't be true!"

"Oh yes it is. Know how I know? Cause it was MY car. Yup, stolen in Toledo, Ohio. They found the bastard sleeping in it." We both started laughing, and so did Cyrus. "Wait, how…are you white when you're, ahem, 'descended from beaners?'"

"Genetic reconstruction. We can't do it in the Vault cause the machinery is too cranky, but it's called dancing with the Blue Devil. I hook you up and inject you with the right kind of shit, in 18 months you could be a Negro woman darker than Jessica over there. The Vats of Fort Mariposa are simply ultra fast versions of that."

Ash did something I never saw him do before, ever. He turned green, "Oh God, I think I'm going to be sick!"

"I told you, you couldn't handle the truth. That's what a snip is. A genetic transsexual, down to the chromosomes; we got rid of the fags and got the snips. Pity the children. In more libertine households before the war it was something of a right of passage to spend part of one's youth as the opposite sex to figure out which one was best for you. It's pretty sad. But what's sadder is what you just saw here, don't you think Cyrus?"

He held Ash tight but grunted out "There's a lot of hatred in the Vault."

"An inevitable by-product of a multi-racial society."

"I don't agree. There's not enough love between us."

"You'd say that wouldn't you?" I asked, "But chew on this Ash: in your time they say the German people did not know of the Holocaust. Is this true? Not really, the scholarship is quite clear that they knew something was happening but chose not to investigate. Yet the saying persists, and it persists because it is political truth designed to keep the Jews and the Germans away from each other's throats. It comfortable lie. For a Fascist, for an American of the 22nd century, there is no comfortable lies, no political truths, only objective reality and I will tell you more when I think you can handle it."

"Oh shit, no you bitch…" he said as I put the cloth over his mouth. He was out like a light in seconds. Thought I'd let him go didn't you? Nope, I ain't that dumb.

I started to take Ash back to the truck when Cyrus, being the gentleman he is, offered to do it for me. Now, Vault Dwellers are significantly stronger than normal humans, thanks to genetic manipulation; Stone can jog 20 miles with 350lbs of equipment strapped to his back, so picking up a man alone isn't difficult for any of us.

"Are you finally going to begin explaining things. You know, for real this time?" Ask Christopher, "I have to tell Dad something."

"In a second, I promise"

Jessica was still there, still stunned so I went over to her. Now was the time to be magnanimous. See that's how you keep a friendship going through arguments. She finally looked at me, aghast, "Did you hear what he said to me?"

I nodded, "And you deserved it. Come'on, wherever we stop, I'll pay for desert." Her eyes lit up a bit.

"Well, now that people are prepared to be reasonable, let's do it! Hey give me your gun." Still jammed, I handed Jessica Adolf and with remarkable precision, she twisted and pulled and with a tiny ping, the bullet cam out and the gun was ready to fire again. I hated her for that skill. "Oh and I noticed your blade is missing."

"Yeah," mine's stuck in a Deathclaw somewhere out here."

"Here's mine," she handed me a knife made from the wastes.

"Thanks"

"No problem. Besides, what is a Mexican without a knife?"

Apparently I sound a lot like Charlie Brown when I scream in frustration.

Author's Note: July 20, 2007, it's been way too long. I should explain the last chapter. I did that basically to see what I could get away with. I can complete this story. Yah! Now before you ask, no I don't like Muslims. It's best to leave it at that. Muslims are an ideological enemy for me, much like Nazis or Communists, but the whole Race thing I touched upon here I simply find a sad facet of the Human Condition. And Yes, Charlotte has always been of Latino descent and I planned to spring it on you guys like this since at least chapter 2.

If you don't like my work, by all means tell me so. If you do like it, tell me. I'm always looking to improve my feeble writing skills. In Charlotte the Pocho part II there will be a massive gun battle and deadites. Honest Injun. So stay tuned.