The rest of the day seemed like a parade of depression had been arranged just for me. I found out later that my grade in English had dropped because the teacher lost my five page paper on Obesity in America. Then later, somehow Heather had successfully spread rumors that I believed in rituals of protecting myself from the dead and sacrificed stray cats to the god of death. But that wasn't all that had happened, no. I wasn't quite finished with the bad of all bad days.
When I got home, I found my mother toppled over the arm of the couch practically leaning into the phone on the side table, crying. Her face was sullen red and her nose was buried within the tissue that she was holding.
"Okay, by Dad. I love you too." She said hanging up and blowing her nose. When she looked at me, she quickly wiped her eyes and patted the seat next to her. "Oh honey please come sit down, something has happened."
I reluctantly walked over and sat next to my crying mother who was quick to putting her arm around my shoulders and pulling me closer to her. Something she only did when she knew that I would get upset over some news that she had.
"What is it mom?" I asked curiously. She sniffled into her tissue for a minute.
"Oh sweetheart," She let out a quick sob "Your Grandmother had a heart attack this morning and is in intensive Care. They don't think that she's going to make it." She started sobbing again. I could feel the tears building on the rim of my eyes and my heart was making a thousand leaps and it felt like I had been stabbed in the gut again and again.
"What?" was all I could say. And I kept saying it. "What?" Then I felt a tear fall, then another, and then they just flowed. My mother pulled me into a hug and held me tight as we both shared our anger and sadness.
The next day, nothing else happened that had made me upset. I was still worried sick about my grandmother but I wished for her to pull through. My grandmother was a fighter. She always told me to never lose myself. When I would stay at my grandmothers beach house with her as a young child, she would take me clamming and find the most perfect clams known to man and would make the best clam chowder mine taste buds have ever tasted. I would stand at the counter with her as she mixed the soup on the stove.
"The best trick to clam chowder is… wait for it," She spoke as she sprinkled something into the palm of her hand getting ready to enter it into the pot "Dried basil!" she poured all the chopped dry leaves into the pan and mix them thoroughly. I hadn't known what basil was at the time but now I know that my grandma had put it into everything that we ate at her house. But I never forgot that time she shared her secret ingredient with me. I was so thankful.
Winter break started tomorrow and I was excited for it. It helped get my mind off grandma and Josh. I cleaned up my room and helped my mom and Miguel decorate for Christmas. The inside was wonderful as the tree hung high, only giving us enough room to fit the angel on top and the bright silver garland strung around every branch working it's way down and all the lovingly bright ornaments of different shapes and sizes glistened as the lights gave them their shine. Christmas was a bright and exuberant time to celebrate with the family. And I never let anything else get in the way letting me celebrate that. My mom was letting up on the news about my grandma. She wasn't in ICU anymore. She had her own room and was slowly recovering. She had been sleeping for two days and hadn't opened her eyes once. That was all that worried her. But as long as she had a chance of living, my mom's worry level was much calmer.
Josh had tried to call me several times, I always skipped his calls. Of course he left me messages and I was so weak that I let myself hear them, to hear his voice. They were mostly apologetic but he stuck to the date. He said he didn't want to let me go that easily and that paparazzi was hard but we could get through it. He said he would never do anything to let others think that I was just a fling but I couldn't bring myself to let him bring to that. I did like Josh, more than I wanted. I just couldn't handle the pressure. I was also worried I wouldn't be everything that he wanted but I didn't want to tell him that in case he told me that I was everything he wanted.
Of course that sounded as if he loved me but I knew that that wasn't the case. I just didn't want to worry him in thinking that I blew him off or wasn't interested. If I had lead him to believe such a thought, I had to fix it, and quick. I had looked at the dress several times and hadn't thought once that I should give it back. It was the most beautiful dress that I'd ever kept in my closet and I wanted to wear it, to feel beautiful and keep trying hairstyles to see which one would look best with the dress. I didn't know how Josh knew that purple looked good on me but somehow he did.
On the first day of my break, I sat on the couch all day till my shift at work started. Nick needed me today and I was willing to work for a little extra money. My room had depressed me because it reminded me so much of Josh. He had helped me build the wonderful getaway, now it just felt like jail.
I took a shower and threw on a white long sleeved shirt and black distressed jeans. I put on my winter coat and drove down to the pawn shop. I found Nick at the counter filling out some papers and looking busy. When he heard the bell ding, he looked over and saw me and a smile stretched wide across his face.
"There you are!" He said enthusiastically. "Go ahead and sign in." He said pointing to a clipboard holding multiple pieces of paper. I found one with my name written sloppily across the top. I put the date and what time it was and stood next to Nick. He told me that he had to be somewhere so he left me some instructions on what my duties were. He also explained that there weren't many customers until about two days before Christmas but I always had my instructions to refer to.
When Nick left, I'd discovered that the place was in fact, deserted. I read over my instructions a few times. I had seen the trophies, mirrors and picture frames, toys, jewelry, and my personal favorite, glass figurines. Nick had set up a place of figurines just for me and I loved to look at them. They were so beautiful. One figurine was of an angel, one wing was broken, I think on purpose, and her halo hung above her head as her hands rested at her sides and her mouth open in the shape of an "o" letting me know that she was singing. Her dress flowed to her feet and she was resting on a cloud made of a smoky white glass. She was so beautiful. I heard a ding and ran to the counter right quick. Connor had walked in. I swallowed hard thinking that his brother told him everything.
"Hey there, I remember you." He said gesturing to me.
"Yeah, I remember you too." I said nervously
"Yeah you're the girl that my brother hangs out with, well when he's here anyway."
"Yeah, that's me. Say, why aren't you and your parents with him anyway?" I asked
"Oh he wanted to go alone. So we arranged for his agent to bunk with him and watch over him like a hawk." He said making gestures from his eyes as if he were watching Josh right this minute. "What are you doing here?"
"I work here."
"Oh that's interesting. Josh applied here a while ago, about a year ago. He loved it here. He cherished everything in here. He was practically heart broken when one of the figurines over there broke." He said
"Which one?"
"Oh this one at the house, he keeps it under his bed because he's afraid it'll break more. I've never seen anything so sad before."
"What? The figurine breaking?"
"No, My brother flipping out over a broken figurine." He said. That story rang in my head all day. I'd never known Josh to be so passionate about a glass figurine before. I'd wished that I could see it.
When I got home later, I found my mother sitting on the couch watching TV as a pair of headphones rested on her stomach. I didn't think she was pregnant enough for that but I ignored it. I walked into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich and ate it quickly. I hadn't eaten much today and felt famished. I watched TV with my mom for a while and then I went upstairs to bed. I couldn't sleep for a while. I just lay there. The past three days were the hardest days that I've been through since we moved to Kentucky. I hadn't faced problems this effective before and realized that I couldn't handle them.
I was weak.
I couldn't take that realization and thought to myself that I would stay strong and push through all these things that life is trying to throw at me, no matter how hard. I didn't know how my mom could do it. She was so suddenly okay. That's how she's always been though. My mother was strong and could handle everything. I hadn't known if this was true but everything that I've seen go wrong for her, were no problem. At the end of the day all it was to my mom was a hot shower and hot cup of coffee. I envied her for that. But then again, I was her daughter, I could be just as strong as she was, right?
