Here's a lullaby to close your eyes
A/N:
Disclaimer: I own nothing of Final Fantasy
I stopped at front my door and sighed. Worming answers out of him was hard, but hopefully it would be easier now, since we were friends.
I unlocked the door and stepped warily inside. "Genesis?"
He was standing on the balcony, examining the flowers Aerith gave me. He didn't seem to have heard me.
"So fragile," he said quietly, "and yet so beautiful. The slightest touch of frost and you would die, but yet..." he touched the petals gently, "...you somehow are reborn in the spring." As I watched, he shuddered, closing his eyes. "Teach me," he breathed, "teach me the secrets of renewal, for mine is a tortured existence and I wish to start again."
"Genesis?"
He didn't reply for a moment. "Was Sephiroth injured?"
"No, Hojo was just messing with his senses and aggression levels."
Genesis laughed quietly. "Did he go to the labs before our fight? One can only speculate on what could have occurred to cause that accident."
"I wish you wouldn't just lay the blame on Seph."
He stiffened. "But it was his fault. He could have stopped the fight at anytime."
"You could have as well, Genesis. Listen. Be honest with yourself for once. Hiding behind a wall of self denial isn't going to solve your problems. And it definitely isn't going to make you feel better. Trust me, I've been through all that and the end results weren't a happy ending."
"I just..." he turned to face me, and there was a weary acceptance in his eyes. "I can't live what remains of my life blaming myself for what happened. I'm hardly coping as it is."
"You'd better come back inside."
"Why?"
I held up two fingers. "Reason number one - it's cold and you're shivering...and reason number two - you look like you're gonna collapse any second."
"I'm fine." He suddenly clutched at the railing desperately, and I rolled my eyes.
"Famous last words."
"Shut up, puppy!"
"Want some help?" I folded my arms, waiting for the insults and the objection. But when none came, I frowned. "Are you ill?"
He laughed bitterly. "What does it look like? I can hardly stand for more than ten minutes."
"That's because of your fever; I don't think you've completely gotten over that yet. I meant you haven't insulted me for asking if you needed help."
He looked at himself, then back at me. "Am I really in the position to deny your help, Zack?"
"No, it's just that..."
"You're confused because I've backed down so quickly?" I nodded, and he sighed. "As much as my pride wants me to deny it, I've come to rely on you and your annoying optimism a lot recently." His grip on the railing slipped slightly, and he staggered. "I need you, Zack..." He shuddered again, and I quickly moved forward, offering my arm so he could lean on me.
"Go on, I'm here."
"So I noticed," he said dryly, but wrapped his arm around my shoulders.
I helped him back inside and sat him down on the sofa, feeling his forehead with my hand. "You're burning up, Genesis."
"I know, I can feel it..." he shivered, and his wing slid slowly out of his back, a few black feathers drifting to the floor.
I sighed. Now wasn't the best time to bring this up, but I doubted that I would get another chance to ask him again. "Genesis...why did you try to cut off your wing?"
He froze, and I immediately saw his face go back into an expressionless mask. "I don't know what you're talking about."
"You bloody do, Genesis! And why didn't you tell me in the first place! This
could be the cause of your problem!"
He laughed mockingly. "A wound on my back was the cause of degradation? If only
it were that simple."
"I mean your fever; if the wound is infected, then that could be the cause!"
I grabbed his shoulders, forcing him to look at me. "Why did you try to cut it off? What the hell was going through your head? If Seph hadn't stopped you, then-"
"Oh, so Sephiroth's the hero once again! So what does that make me? The wanderer or the prisoner?"
"For once could you shut up about LOVELESS and listen!"
He fell silent, staring at me with a mixture of shock and hurt.
"Now tell me, why did you try to cut off your wing?"
"Because...I'm a monster."
I almost slapped him then, but stopped myself with some difficulty. "Open your eyes, Genesis! Having a wing doesn't mean you're a monster! I'd be proud have one!"
"You haven't seen the reactions you get from other people!" he snarled back. "Even the great General Sephiroth was shocked by it!"
"Well, he was hardly expecting you to drag yourself over to his apartment and reveal a wing, was he? But to try and cut it off, Genesis!"
"I just wanted to be myself again!"
I slapped him then, and he clutched his cheek in shock. "Wings symbolise freedom for those who have none," I snarled. "Stop being so damn vain and be proud of what you are! Don't try to hide from yourself, because that causes more trouble than facing up to the truth does."
He stared at me, and then suddenly tears started streaming down his face.
I swore. "Oh Gaia, Genesis, I'm so sorry," I hugged him tightly, and he wept into my shoulder. "I went too far, didn't I?"
"...I deserved it."
"No you didn't." I wanted to cry with him. How could I have slapped him? He didn't need this now...not when everything was going so well.
He coughed harshly, and I held him tighter, trying to reassure him. "What have I done?"
"You told the truth..." he said faintly, "...and that's all that matters."
"No, it's not."
"But I guess we're even now."
"Huh?"
"We've both screamed at each other." He coughed again and moaned.
"Hey, calm down, it's okay..." As soon as I said the words, I remembered that was what Aerith had said to me in the church after Angeal had died. And I remembered what she did to stop me crying.
"Zack?" Genesis moaned.
"Okay, I don't think is the best idea I've come up with, but it helped me." I hummed the tune softly, remembering what Aerith had said.
"There. Do you feel better now?"
"What was that?" I asked after I could speak.
"It's a lullaby." She gently wiped away my tears and smiled.
"Does it have any words?"
"It might have done, a long, long time ago, but no one remembers them."
"Maybe it's better without words."
"Maybe." I hugged her tightly and she returned the embrace, stroking my hair gently.
I stopped humming and saw Genesis looking at me. "What is it?"
"I wanted to cut off my wing because I felt I couldn't belong anymore," he said quietly. "I felt I was inhuman and Hollander's taunting only increased the belief that I was a failed experiment, a monster. I ran not only because I wanted revenge on Shinra, but because I was scared of what they would do to me if they found out. You know how twisted Hojo is. If I had stayed then I would have been brutally tortured."
"You don't need to explain. I'm sorry."
"There is no hate, only joy, for you are beloved by the Goddess. Hero of the dawn, healer of worlds."
"LOVELESS?"
He nodded slowly. "The gift of the Goddess shall remain a mystery for now."
"Gift of the Goddess? You're not making any sense, Genesis."
"Have I ever?"
"I suppose not," I grinned at him. "Now you have to hit me."
"What?" he pulled away and stared at me. "Why?"
"Because I hit you, it's only fair."
"I can't hit you, Zack."
"Wuss."
"Zack."
"Go on, just do it. It won't hurt."
He rolled his eyes and slapped me; I flinched and clutched my cheek. "Oww!"
"Oh, don't be such a drama queen," he purred, and I glared at him.
"Says the poet."
"Shut it, puppy!"
Beta note; Ooh, there was tension in this one! But I suppose if Zack didn't shove everything right under Gen's nose like that, he would have refused to listen. And things worked out in the end...man, I sure do feel sorry for Genesis though. He's trapped inside such a hideous mindset of believing himself to be a monster. D': Anyway, reviews are loved~!
