In his ninth life, he is a father.
He is a father that almost murders his son in cold blood.
But before he knows that he is a WindClan leader fighting the Kin.
Onestar will remember so little of that fight.
He will remember the feeling of rage and horror as he watched himself score into Darktail like a mad dog.
He will remember the blood gushing against the tips of his claws and the limp way Darktail laid there and took every swipe.
He will remember Darktail flipping him over like it was nothing, pushing him down, and leaning close until the blood on his cheeks slid down Onestar's ear.
"Careful now. I'm not sure StarClan lets in cats with the blood of their sons on their paws," he whispers, in that voice so dark and bitter and calm.
He pulls away and for the first time, Onestar really looks at him.
He will remember.
He will remember those eyes, like river-water and cloudless-sky and sweet-berries, as clear as pools of water.
He will remember his son.
He will not remember crying out for retreat or the look on Darktail's face as he did so. He will not remember Harespring yowling beside him that they needed to stay and fight or the long race back to camp.
He will remember nothing but those eyes, burning blue.
His mother's eyes.
In his ninth life, he begs.
He begs to be forgiven for his atrocities, begs to walk among his ancestors, begs they overlook the dark parts of his heart and welcome him into the light.
He begs to be forgiven and he forgives.
He forgives his Clanmates and his friends and his enemies and cats who have not walked the earth as the living in moons.
For the first time in his lives, he forgives, not because must or because he should.
He forgives because he wants to.
Besides, that is what fathers do, isn't it?
Forgive?
He doesn't know. He never had one.
In his ninth life, he is a father.
In this life, his very last life, he is a father.
In this life, he dies with his claws inside his son's throat. In this life, his son dies tearing out his father's heart with his teeth.
In this death, they are together as they never were in life.
In this series of lives, the last thing Onestar knows is how it feels to die, surrounded by water, beside his own kin, and yet completely alone.
In this life, he is not a father.
And he never was.
A son once, warrior maybe, mentor almost, fool certainly, friend sometimes, deputy barely, coward obviously, enemy always.
But a father...
The last thing he sees is the burning rage within the eyes of a stranger yet it sends a familiar pang through him.
He has his mother's eyes.
And everything else vanishes like smoke.
Fine.
I really can't tell you how much fun I had writing this. I've always loved Onestar's complexity and I feel like fully writing out my thoughts about him made me appreciate him even more. Please, please let me know your thoughts on the completed work. I want to thank each and every one of you that read this story, that reviewed this story, everyone who asked questions and left such wonderful thoughts and words.3
DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction using characters and world created by Erin Hunter. All rights are reserved and I do not claim any ownership. This story is for entertainment purposes only. I do not profit from the creation or publication of this story. I give my deepest gratitude and respect to the Hunters.
