Chapter 9: Sagittarius

"Come on, Bones, we're going to be late for lunch." Booth pleaded.

"Booth, we're going to the diner. They will not start our food until we order it, which means that we have to be there. Therefore, by definition, we cannot be late." Regardless, she took off her lab coat and reached for her jacket. "However, before we go, we need to stop by Angela's office."

"Why?"

Bones shrugged into the jacket. "She wouldn't say, just that it was important I see her before we left."

Booth held the door for her. "Fine, but let's make it quick. I'm starving."

Bones shook her head. "That is ridiculous. You are a very well-nourished male, and I am quite certain you had breakfast this morning. You would have to go without food for several days before you reached the definition of 'starvation.'" She paused at Angela's door. "That's odd. It's dark inside."

"Maybe she left without you."

"She wouldn't do that." Bones opened the door. "Ange?"

The lights flipped on, revealing Angela, Hodgins, Sweets, and Cam. "Surprise!"

Bones pinned Angela with a glare. "Angela, I specifically told you I wanted no observation of my birthday this year."

Angela smiled. "Who says this is for your birthday? Happy Sagittal Suture Day!"

Bones frowned. "I am... not familiar with that. In fact, I am fairly certain that there is no designated day for the sagittal suture, let alone any other anatomical feature."

"That's why we're starting one. And this one is for you."

"I don't know what that means. It makes no sense whatsoever."

Angela put her arm around Bones. "Come on, sweetie. Tell me about the sagittal suture."

Bones was slightly more confident. "It's the joint that fuses the parietal bones at the top of the skull."

Booth, grinning broadly, chimed in. "And what is its significance, speaking from the forensic pathology perspective?"

Bones answered almost by rote. "It's open for the first few decades of life. At around age 29, it begins to close, and takes about six years to fully close over. It's an indicator of the age of a skull."

"Exactly, Bones. Today, as you turn 35, we celebrate the closure of your sagittal suture."

"That is ridiculous. There has never been a culture that has designated that event as having any kind of social significance, requiring any kind of observation or rite. In fact, it would be absurd, as the only way it could be observed would almost certainly require the death of the celebrant."

"So we're starting a new tradition." Booth produced a party hat which was decorated with a top view of a skull, and strapped it to Bones' head. "Happy Sagittal Suture Day! Now open your presents!"

Bones sighed and resigned herself to the insanity. She sat down in Angie's chair. "Fine, let's get this ove with."

"That's the spirit, Bones. First up, here's one from Cam." Bones opened up the small, rectangular box and pulled out a tube of toothpaste.

"Dr. Saroyan, while I appreciate your concern for my dental hygiene, but I must tell you that this is not my preferred brand."

Cam just smiled. "Don't complain, Dr. Brennan. Just appreciate your Sagittal Crest."

While Bones looked puzzled, the rest of the room groaned. Then, suddenly, Bones giggled. "Oh, it's a pun! Because the brand of the toothpaste is named 'Crest,' and there is an anatomic feature called a 'sagittal crest.' That's very clever!"

Booth shook his head. "Only you, Bones, would laugh at that kind of a joke."

"It's really quite clever, Booth. Not everyone would make such a connection."

"Don't be so certain. Next up, Sweets."

This box was even smaller. Unwrapped, it revealed a tiny travel sewing kit. "This also strikes me as odd as the toothpaste. I have a much more elaborate sewing kit at home, and already have one for my travels. What am I supposed to do with this one?"

Lance smiled bashfully. "Do whatever you like with it, Dr. Brennan. Just 'suture self.'"

More groans emerged, and Bones laughed loudly again. "Very witty, Dr. Sweets! You're exploiting how the common phrase 'suit yourself' sounds very much like 'suture self,' which ties together both the sagittal suture and the sewing."

Booth leaned over to Bones. "Uh, it kind of kills the joke when you explain it."

"But it's an excellent bit of wordplay, Booth. As a best-selling author, I am probably the best qualified here to appreciate such linguistic sleight of hand."

"You might be the best writer, but believe me, puns like that shouldn't be appreciated." He handed her a envelope. "This one's from Hodgins."

Bones opened it and pulled out a McDonald's gift card. "Once again, I am confused by this gift. I have not eaten at a McDonald's in years, and their menu is decidedly unappealing to me. I presume there is some hidden meaning, as with the other two?"

Hodgins smiled bashfully. "What better gift on your Sagittal Suture day than a gift card for the Golden Sagittal Arches?"

Once again everyone groaned, except Bones. Booth couldn't believe that she actually seemed to love these incredibly lame puns. "OK, now it's Angie's turn." He handed her another envelope.

"Another gift card, this one for The Gap? Again, not the sort of business I normally frequent, so it must tie into the theme."

Angie started to speak, but Bones interrupted her. "No, I think I get this one. Another term for 'gap' is 'space' or 'cavity,' so this must refer to the sagittal sinuses!" The now-familiar groans told her she was right. She smiled triumphantly.

Booth handed her one final box. "And this last one is from me." It was quite heavier than the rest. Bones opened the lid and removed a woodworking tool. It was heavy and generally rectangular. On the bottom was an exposed blade running side to side, and on the top there was a knob at one end. A second look showed that the knob was actually a miniature skull.

"I have to confess, Booth, I have no idea what this is."

Booth smiled in triumph. "It's your sagittal plane. And the knob is a custom shifter knob from the auto parts store."

Bones smiled happily. "It's perfect. I have no idea when I might need to smooth out a large piece of wood, but if I ever do, it is the ideal tool." She looked around at her friends. "I know I said I didn't want any kind of observation of my birthday, but thank you. This was delightful."

They all laughed, and Booth spoke for all of them. "You're welcome, Bones. But next year, can we just have a normal party, and not go hunting for some lame anthropological excuse?"