LM Simpson's tidbits: I faintly remember watching this film when I was younger. I thought it sucked even then.
Oh, and still expect a highly sporadic update time, folks. Sorry.
Method Nine: Invasion of the Saucer Men Saucer Men
9999
Scrappy woke on a leaf-covered shoulder off a lonely stretch of road near Coolsville Industrial Highway. Maybe it was because it was dark, but he had no idea where he was. Either way, it was notable that he was alone. Where was the rest of the gang?
Then, suddenly, there was a rustle and bustle in the bushes behind him. He hoped he would not discover, say, Fred and Daphne doing something nasty again. Their interactions after that one time he discovered them during that game show investigation proved quite awkward for the subsequent six months. Hopefully, it was just the gang looking for him.
He traveled into the forest's belly, calling all the other member's names. Scrappy noticed some cars in a nearby clearing, but none of them resembled the green and orange colored Mystery Machine. None of the cars contained occupants, either. The would-be teenage occupants, instead, were dead. Two pairs: each a boy and a girl per such. One of the boys had lipstick on his shirt collar.
What was going on?
The rustle and bustle occurred again. Perfect—now he could solve the mystery of the dead teenagers at Lovers Lane all by himself, plus get the opportunity to make use of some puppy power. There were five other figures besides him, all right, but they were not Fred, Daphne, Velma, Shaggy, and Scooby. And they were certainly not doing something nasty either.
They looked nasty, though. The green aliens possessed huge heads that rivaled Scrappy's size, huge yellow eyes that did not rival Scrappy's size, and silvery jumpsuit-spacesuits that provided more elemental protection than Scrappy's fur.
Hellbent on utilizing puppy power, the puppy socked one in the leg. Nope- nothing happened. It didn't even flinch. The punch receiver grabbed and lifted him up in the air. The other four crowded around the duo, and to Scrappy's amazement, long hypodermic needles extended from their fingers, including thumbs. These guys in masks certainly had a higher budget than usual!
That's when the needles stuck Scrappy. They jabbed repeatedly, repeatedly, redundantly. Smelling alcohol in the air, Scrappy's senses otherwise dulled. Then, he blacked out. His heart stopped when the massive alcohol poisoning took effect. The alien holding him captive dropped him, and the quintet stepped away.
They would have continued killing more horny teenagers and stubborn puppies if it had not been for Harvey and Stacey driving torwards the Lovers Lane with the Mystery Machine's lights on. As it turned out, these aliens could not tolerate carlights. They exploded into smoke upon exposure. The two society members quickly retrieved Scrappy's corpse, recited the sacred resurrection spell, and fled before he knew anything of what was going on.
And with that, the chapter parodying the lamest anti-alcoholism movie ever came to a close.
